Wife actually gave me COPY of Separation Agreement to review WITH her...

[rj2010]

My wife said it was against the attorney and others, but she wanted me to have a draft so we can agree together...I pasted the CHild Support part below....can you give me feedback? Is this fair? How often does the other spouse get this opportunity?:

 

 

ARTICLE 4

CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION

A. The parties shall have joint legal custody of their child, XXXXXXXXXXX, born on August 31, 200X, and the Wife shall have residential custody of the child.

B. The Husband shall be entitled to the following visitation with the child:

(a) every other weekend beginning on Friday at 5:00 p.m. and ending on Sunday at 8:00 p.m.

 

(b) two (2) additional non-consecutive days each week, with the days and times to be agreed by the parties.

 

© All Jewish religious holidays.

 

(d) Each Halloween.

 

(e) In odd numbered years beginning in 2011, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and July 4th.

 

(f) In even numbered years, commencing in 2012, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving.

 

(f) every Father’s Day.

 

(g) the Husband’s birthday each year.

 

C. The Wife shall be entitled to the following holiday visitation with the children:

 

(a) every Christmas and Christmas Eve.

 

(b) In even numbered years commencing in 2012, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and July 4th.

 

© In odd numbered years commencing 2013, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving,

 

(d) every Mother’s Day.

 

(d) the Wife’s birthday each year.

 

D. In odd numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is otherwise with on that day. In odd numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. In even numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is not otherwise with on that day. In even numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. The child will have a birthday party on a date other than his actual birthday, and that event will be celebrated by both parties together.

E. All visitation shall begin and end at the Wife’s residence, and the Husband shall be responsible for transporting the children to and from the Wife’s residence.

F. The Wife shall not relocate the residence of the child more than 20 highway miles from their current residence without either the consent of the Husband or an order from a Court of competent jurisdiction.

G. The Wife shall at all times provide the father with unrestricted reasonable telephone access to the child, and shall give to the Husband the telephone number of each residence occupied by the child and shall promptly advise him of any changes in that telephone number.

H. Husband shall have access to all medical and educational records, reports, and other material pertaining to the child, and shall have independent, direct, and unhampered access to this information at all times.

I. The parties will use their best efforts to be flexible and cooperative with each other, to reasonably accommodate each others needs regarding visitation with the child, and to avoid undue unpleasantness in the presence of the child. The parties recognize that the welfare of the child is of paramount importance and each agrees to foster and encourage feelings of affection and respect between the child and the other parent.

J. Neither party shall do or say anything to hamper the development of love and affection of the child for the other parent, or to disturb the emotional well being of the child nor shall either parent subject the children to any examination with respect to the conduct of the other parent, nor shall either parent attempt to infuse and instill in the minds of the child any animosity, hostility, or other such feelings with regard to the other parent.

K. In the event of a medical emergency in which the child is confined to a health care facility or to their residence, both parents shall have the right to visit with the ailing child at the place of confinement.

L. The Wife shall not at any time or for any reason cause the child to be known as or identified by any surname other than "XXXXXXXXXXXXX." Neither party shall permit the child to use the designation "mother" and/or "father" or any equivalent terms to refer to any person other than the Wife and the Husband, respectively.

M. The parties shall provide each other not less than 90 days advance written notice of any plans to take XXXXX outside of the State of New York. Such notice shall include a full travel itinerary, and a working contact telephone number at which the child can be telephoned.

N. Each party shall execute and deliver to the other all forms, authorizations, documents, and consents required by any governmental authority in order to permit the child to travel with the other parent outside of the United States.

O. Husband may arrange for the child to spend one Friday or Saturday night each month with his parents, and such visit shall coincide with a night on which he would otherwise have the child.

 

 

Thanks !!

[Soxfaninfl]

Get your own lawyer. I have my son every other week. One week on and one week off. Monday to Monday. She gets him on her birthday, and Mothers day always, and I get him on my birthday and fathers day. Our son's birthday we alternate years. We take turns with the holidays every other year except Christmas day we split. We alternate years with Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving.

[starting2wakeup]

I would agree with Soxfaninfl, if you don't already have one, get your own lawyer. I have my girls every other week. They are with me until Monday morning when I drop them off at school. My W then picks them up Monday afternoon when school lets outs and keeps them until the following Monday when the cycle starts over. So far it has worked very well. The great thing about this is there is no trade off. I don't have to meet my W somewhere to pick up the girls. As far as the holidays and birthdays, a good lawyer will have an idea of how a fair agreement on said days should be laid out. Mine did.

[blizzard]

The agreement doesn't sound all that bad. I am unclear of how old your children are. And who the primary care giver is...meaning the one they depend the most on...taking them to appts, school, outside extracurr activities, and home care, etc.

 

I am not a believer of the you take the kids one week and I take them the other. The weekend rotation is great...then toss in a couple of days during the week. If your kids are young, you can't keep a parent away at weekly distance. Just my opinion.

 

Holidays are tough. Will you be living close by? Same city? It might be that you can half the days. Remember, your kids are going to want to see their mom and dad on their birthday. If you can somehow work it to where you share the day that would be wonderful for them. I don't like the idea of alternating years and birthdays if it can be helped. I am a product of divorce. As a kid, my parents halved the holidays and birthdays and it worked out fine. I was with mom until 5 or so...then I went and spent the evening/night with dad.

 

In my situation, I am the primary care giver in my home. Meaning I do absolutely everything with the exception of a bath now and then. The kids really look up to me as taking care them and having their needs met. I am in the wraps of a seperation now, impending divorce. My husband wants to alternate the kids weekly...they are very very young...and I don't see this happening. We argue over this. And what I find amazing, is the things he can't do now for the kids...he can seemingly do when we divorce. And I am not referring to laundry or housework. I am referring to time.

 

Just remember it is what is best for your kids. Kids are creatures of routine and structure. Try to not disrupt their routine so much and they will do much better in the divorce. The divorce alone is going to be hard enough on them.

Edited January 20, 2011 by blizzard

[Soxfaninfl]

The agreement doesn't sound all that bad. I am unclear of how old your children are. And who the primary care giver is...meaning the one they depend the most on...taking them to appts, school, outside extracurr activities, and home care, etc.

 

I am not a believer of the you take the kids one week and I take them the other. The weekend rotation is great...then toss in a couple of days during the week. If your kids are young, you can't keep a parent away at weekly distance. Just my opinion.

 

Holidays are tough. Will you be living close by? Same city? It might be that you can half the days. Remember, your kids are going to want to see their mom and dad on their birthday. If you can somehow work it to where you share the day that would be wonderful for them. I don't like the idea of alternating years and birthdays if it can be helped. I am a product of divorce. As a kid, my parents halved the holidays and birthdays and it worked out fine. I was with mom until 5 or so...then I went and spent the evening/night with dad.

 

In my situation, I am the primary care giver in my home. Meaning I do absolutely everything with the exception of a bath now and then. The kids really look up to me as taking care them and having their needs met. I am in the wraps of a seperation now, impending divorce. My husband wants to alternate the kids weekly...they are very very young...and I don't see this happening. We argue over this. And what I find amazing, is the things he can't do now for the kids...he can seemingly do when we divorce. And I am not referring to laundry or housework. I am referring to time.

 

Just remember it is what is best for your kids. Kids are creatures of routine and structure. Try to not disrupt their routine so much and they will do much better in the divorce. The divorce alone is going to be hard enough on them.

 

I'm sorry, but one parent should not have more time with the the children than the other parent. What your saying then is the other parent has more rights. The children need their parents equally in their life. If both parents are willing, able and can provide all the needs that the children need and a good home then they should get equal time. I hate parents that try to screw the other out of time with their children. Those people are selfish and are thinking of their own happiness(don't give me this crap about whats best for the children) not the children's happiness. What is best for the children is that they get equal time with each parent.The children are the the ones that suffer. Plus that is disruptive that a child is with one parent one day and then the next day that are with the other parent and then back to the other parent on the third day? I mean come on! You don't think that is disruptive? My son is 7 and this schedule works great, and I keep him on the same routine that he is when he is with his mother. Plus, you aren't bouncing your children from two different households during the middle of the school week. Sorry but times have changed. rj2010 if you want your kids half the time then you should fight for it. You have the same rights to those children as your stbx, and you should be able to be in their lives half the time help raise them.

Edited January 20, 2011 by Soxfaninfl

[seibert253]

If you haven't done so, you need to retain an attorney.

Then let him review this document.

 

DO NOT AGREE OR SIGN ANYTHING, without his OK.

[hopesndreams]

My wife said it was against the attorney and others, but she wanted me to have a draft so we can agree together...I pasted the CHild Support part below....can you give me feedback? Is this fair? How often does the other spouse get this opportunity?:

 

 

ARTICLE 4

CHILD CUSTODY AND VISITATION

A. The parties shall have joint legal custody of their child, XXXXXXXXXXX, born on August 31, 200X, and the Wife shall have residential custody of the child.

B. The Husband shall be entitled to the following visitation with the child:

(a) every other weekend beginning on Friday at 5:00 p.m. and ending on Sunday at 8:00 p.m.

 

(b) two (2) additional non-consecutive days each week, with the days and times to be agreed by the parties.

 

© All Jewish religious holidays.

 

(d) Each Halloween.

 

(e) In odd numbered years beginning in 2011, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and July 4th.

 

(f) In even numbered years, commencing in 2012, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving.

 

(f) every Father’s Day.

 

(g) the Husband’s birthday each year.

 

C. The Wife shall be entitled to the following holiday visitation with the children:

 

(a) every Christmas and Christmas Eve.

 

(b) In even numbered years commencing in 2012, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and July 4th.

 

© In odd numbered years commencing 2013, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving,

 

(d) every Mother’s Day.

 

(d) the Wife’s birthday each year.

 

D. In odd numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is otherwise with on that day. In odd numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. In even numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is not otherwise with on that day. In even numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. The child will have a birthday party on a date other than his actual birthday, and that event will be celebrated by both parties together.

E. All visitation shall begin and end at the Wife’s residence, and the Husband shall be responsible for transporting the children to and from the Wife’s residence.

F. The Wife shall not relocate the residence of the child more than 20 highway miles from their current residence without either the consent of the Husband or an order from a Court of competent jurisdiction.

G. The Wife shall at all times provide the father with unrestricted reasonable telephone access to the child, and shall give to the Husband the telephone number of each residence occupied by the child and shall promptly advise him of any changes in that telephone number.

H. Husband shall have access to all medical and educational records, reports, and other material pertaining to the child, and shall have independent, direct, and unhampered access to this information at all times.

I. The parties will use their best efforts to be flexible and cooperative with each other, to reasonably accommodate each others needs regarding visitation with the child, and to avoid undue unpleasantness in the presence of the child. The parties recognize that the welfare of the child is of paramount importance and each agrees to foster and encourage feelings of affection and respect between the child and the other parent.

J. Neither party shall do or say anything to hamper the development of love and affection of the child for the other parent, or to disturb the emotional well being of the child nor shall either parent subject the children to any examination with respect to the conduct of the other parent, nor shall either parent attempt to infuse and instill in the minds of the child any animosity, hostility, or other such feelings with regard to the other parent.

K. In the event of a medical emergency in which the child is confined to a health care facility or to their residence, both parents shall have the right to visit with the ailing child at the place of confinement.

L. The Wife shall not at any time or for any reason cause the child to be known as or identified by any surname other than "XXXXXXXXXXXXX." Neither party shall permit the child to use the designation "mother" and/or "father" or any equivalent terms to refer to any person other than the Wife and the Husband, respectively.

M. The parties shall provide each other not less than 90 days advance written notice of any plans to take XXXXX outside of the State of New York. Such notice shall include a full travel itinerary, and a working contact telephone number at which the child can be telephoned.

N. Each party shall execute and deliver to the other all forms, authorizations, documents, and consents required by any governmental authority in order to permit the child to travel with the other parent outside of the United States.

O. Husband may arrange for the child to spend one Friday or Saturday night each month with his parents, and such visit shall coincide with a night on which he would otherwise have the child.

 

 

Thanks !!

 

It's a bit complicated. Too many rules and shuffling of days, etc, for my liking.

 

Remove what you don't like, keep in what you do like and add a few things yourself that you would like to see happen. Do not sign unless you are 100% OK with it.

 

Do fight for equal time with your kids. If you want them every weekend and a night through the week, now is the time to speak up.

 

(e) In odd numbered years beginning in 2011, Memorial Day, Labor Day, and July 4th.

 

(f) In even numbered years, commencing in 2012, New Year’s Eve, and Thanksgiving.

 

D. In odd numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is otherwise with on that day. In odd numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. In even numbered years, the child will spend the daylight hours of his birthday (August 31) with the parent with whom he is not otherwise with on that day. In even numbered years, the evening hours of his birthday will be spent with the other parent. The child will have a birthday party on a date other than his actual birthday, and that event will be celebrated by both parties together.

 

the Husband shall be responsible for transporting the children to and from the Wife’s residence.

 

Husband may arrange for the child to spend one Friday or Saturday night each month with his parents, and such visit shall coincide with a night on which he would otherwise have the child.

[blizzard]

I'm sorry, but one parent should not have more time with the the children than the other parent. What your saying then is the other parent has more rights. The children need their parents equally in their life. If both parents are willing, able and can provide all the needs that the children need and a good home then they should get equal time. I hate parents that try to screw the other out of time with their children. Those people are selfish and are thinking of their own happiness(don't give me this crap about whats best for the children) not the children's happiness. What is best for the children is that they get equal time with each parent.The children are the the ones that suffer. Plus that is disruptive that a child is with one parent one day and then the next day that are with the other parent and then back to the other parent on the third day? I mean come on! You don't think that is disruptive? My son is 7 and this schedule works great, and I keep him on the same routine that he is when he is with his mother. Plus, you aren't bouncing your children from two different households during the middle of the school week. Sorry but times have changed. rj2010 if you want your kids half the time then you should fight for it. You have the same rights to those children as your stbx, and you should be able to be in their lives half the time help raise them.

 

I don't recall giving one parent more rights than the other...and I didn't say anything about bouncing a child around in the middle of the week. There are several other options that work to avoid this. Keeping a kid away from a parent 7days a week is an option I would not prefer nor would their father. Neither of us would go an entire week without seeing them.

 

I hate parents that try to screw the other out of time with their children. Those people are selfish and are thinking of their own happiness(don't give me this crap about whats best for the children) not the children's happiness

Your opinion based on your assumptions.