Eve9 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Actions are louder than any word that can be uttered. I don't think there can be any hard and fast answer to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Well, initially, I do believe they are first and foremost sorry they got caught. They are still in the affair fog of hormones and just want it all to settle down fast and easy so they can resume with their AP cuz they need their fix. Exposure of the affair seems to really take the shine off as they now have to deal with the consequences of their actions and the people they hurt. Hard to feel sexy when everyone you know is either crying or mad at you or judging you. And this is the make or break part of the process: Either they become truly remorseful and you can tell by their actions, or they feel even more arrogant and scared and they run away. Often, they run back to the AP because that IS the only person on the planet who will be receptive to them. If they grow truly remorseful they stop justifying their affair, AP; stop blameshifting; apologize, apologize, apologize, end all contact with AP; got to IC and MC and change for the better in all aspects of their lives. You can just tell over time. Link to post Share on other sites
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I agree with Sparks on this one. I truly only felt that he was sorry he got caught..for quite a few months after. It really does take time for them to really get it! I only now really know how sorry and remorseful he is for everything he put us through. It kind of makes me sick at times at how bad he feels and tries to make everything "better" although he has in many many ways..it just puts me off that he did it to begin with. But thats a whole other thread on its own! Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I absolutely think that my GF was only sorry because she was caught in her (latest of a series) EA- it wasn't until she saw how hurt I was and she understood how serious I was about leaving that she seemed to actually show some genuine remorse for her actions. I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? By their actions showing perception of, understanding and empathy for the feelings that you've expressed during that process of discovery. In order to love and be loved, you have to be willing to take a risk. Hopefully, one day, you'll be ready for that. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
dont-be-naive Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? I guess either way I don't care. Sorry or not, I don't want someone that has just burdened me with triggers and flashbacks of what they did. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? If they are truly sorry they would have ended the affair and admitted it to you. Since they are only remorseful after getting caught that is an act worthy of an Oscar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eve9 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 If they are truly sorry they would have ended the affair and admitted it to you. Since they are only remorseful after getting caught that is an act worthy of an Oscar. But what if you caught him/her screwing with someone else and it was his/her 1st time having an affair? They could have regretted it afterwards and confessed it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 But what if you caught him/her screwing with someone else and it was his/her 1st time having an affair? They could have regretted it afterwards and confessed it to you. Did this person confess it to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eve9 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Did this person confess it to you? Huh? I never even had a boyfriend. It's just a question. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 OP, do you have friends you trust not to betray you? Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 are you a psych student doing research? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? Truth is they're not really sorry or remorseful at all for their actions. They don't care about anyone but the sex and attention they're getting from someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 But what if you caught him/her screwing with someone else and it was his/her 1st time having an affair? They could have regretted it afterwards and confessed it to you. *If* you want to believe that train of thought. But for me I would NEVER cheat because I know it is wrong, socially frowned upon, and potentially very damaging to so many people who trust and love me. So IMHO to say I am "truly remorseful" after-the-fact is frankly highly improbable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eve9 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 OP, do you have friends you trust not to betray you? Yes, but that's different. To me, my friends are just my pals, they're fun to talk to and hang out with. A boyfriend is the person I give my whole heart to, the love of my life, the person I could marry, share unconditional love and have kids with. So if one of my friends betray me, my heart wouldn't be as broken. are you a psych student doing research? No, just an artist. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Quote: OP, do you have friends you trust not to betray you? Yes, but that's different. To me, my friends are just my pals, they're fun to talk to and hang out with. As of yet, close friendships have apparently not developed for you. As a young person, that's normal. You'll find, over time, that such friendships can become marriages of a sort, non-sexual ones, and you will get very invested in them. How would you feel if your best female friend, with full knowledge, started dating a guy you had your eye on romantically? Would you feel betrayed? Or would it not matter? Why? Stuff to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Eve, you're confusing me. Why are you asking this question if it doesn't relate to your personal life? Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Getting caught changes everything in the emotions of an A, because seeing another's pain covers any joy you might feel. The rest is down to speculation and the particular dynamics of the M, the A, the families, the power held, the love existing, the bravery, the commitment and a whole myriad of things. (In the M and the A) Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 This is very true. Cheaters only care that exposure will ruin the lie. Link to post Share on other sites
wheelwright Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 This is very true. Cheaters only care that exposure will ruin the lie. What do people who judge care about? Other than their own righteousness? Or other's wrong doing? Maybe there is a life beyond? Who cares about cheating, if not those people wrapped up in an already possesive way of thinking? Does forgiveness figure in? Do you care about feelings? Just wondered. Link to post Share on other sites
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 What do people who judge care about? Other than their own righteousness? Or other's wrong doing? Maybe there is a life beyond? Who cares about cheating, if not those people wrapped up in an already possesive way of thinking? Does forgiveness figure in? Do you care about feelings? Just wondered. Why don't you answer these stupid questions through the eyes of your kids! I guess you answered the thread..your only sorry you got caught! Plain and simple! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I care about innocent people being wronged. If you don't want a monogamous relationship then just find somebody who feels the same way you do and be honest about it. There is no need to betray and lie to somebody who trusts you. Link to post Share on other sites
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I care about innocent people being wronged. If you don't want a monogamous relationship then just find somebody who feels the same way you do and be honest about it. There is no need to betray and lie to somebody who trusts you. Exactly. Why get married to begin with if you can ask such self indulged questions? Link to post Share on other sites
whammy Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Truth is they're not really sorry or remorseful at all for their actions. They don't care about anyone but the sex and attention they're getting from someone else. I totally agree...especially when it comes to women. I think after a certain number of years, woman care more about the rush, the spark, the butterflies, etc... of chasing new men and having secret interactions with them than they do about the years of connection, love, memories, commitment, etc... with their current partner. I know every one thinks its men who are the ones that are the players and cant commit (or stay committed) and all that but from my experiences, and studies/books that I have read, its woman who are MUCH worse in this aspect. Not only are they worse but they will crush everything in their path to get it...especially their poor sap husbands. Link to post Share on other sites
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