Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 So I would have been better off staying with an alcoholic? With other family member or foster care. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 With other family member or foster care. No other family members lived nearby. And do you really think foster care is preferable to staying with a parent the child loves? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No other family members lived nearby. And do you really think foster care is preferable to staying with a parent the child loves? Yup. They obviously didn't love them enough to hurt their family like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Wandaland Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 As an example.... My father cheated and later married the OW (been together 30 years now). My brother and I had a choice of who to stay with and we actually both chose to stay with my father This was because he planned to stay in the same area so we could stay in the same school, keep friends etc whereas my mother wanted to move hundreds of miles away. In addition my mother's drink problem was escalating - and just to add, this problem started long before he had the affair. Neither my brother or I were up to dealing with her problem and our lives would have been hell if we had lived with her. So there you go - children better off staying with the cheating parent. How is your mother doing now? Is she okay? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yup. They obviously didn't love them enough to get their stuff together. D78 I have since read some of your story and I can totally understand why you feel so strongly. I hope in time you heal and realise that life is not so black and white, that you are not always right and that "cheaters" can actually care, love and be truly remorseful. I have far more certainty in my father's love for me than my mother's. She disappeared from my life - her choice - over 20 years ago. I have tried to trace her but with no luck - I have no idea of whether she is even still alive. But I know my father will always be there for me and will always do whatever he can to help me. Throughout all my life he has shown me love, support and also healthy discipline. He has also shown remorse for the pain he caused me and I forgave him what seems a lifetime ago. I know my truth. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 How is your mother doing now? Is she okay? Just posted above but to add further. After my parents split, I would go and spend holidays with her but it became increasingly difficult as she drank more and more. In time, she moved away and never gave me her address. Years later I heard she had remarried and I tried to trace her but with no luck. IF she is still alive, she could track me down - my father lives in the same house with the same telephone number as he did when I still lived with him and was in regular contact with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 D78 I have since read some of your story and I can totally understand why you feel so strongly. I hope in time you heal and realise that life is not so black and white, that you are not always right and that "cheaters" can actually care, love and be truly remorseful. I have far more certainty in my father's love for me than my mother's. She disappeared from my life - her choice - over 20 years ago. I have tried to trace her but with no luck - I have no idea of whether she is even still alive. But I know my father will always be there for me and will always do whatever he can to help me. Throughout all my life he has shown me love, support and also healthy discipline. He has also shown remorse for the pain he caused me and I forgave him what seems a lifetime ago. I know my truth. This has nothing to do with me and cheaters are unremorseful forever. Everyone's responsible for their own choices, not outside factors. That's something I'll always disagree with you on. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Regardless, children are the innocent victims of their parent(s) actions. They need to be supported financially and emotionally by BOTH parents no matter what occurs in the marriage. YES........YES and YES! Distant......my eyes bugged out and I almost fell out of my chair when I read what you've posted regarding support of children. :eek: Do you have children distant? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 This has nothing to do with me and cheaters are unremorseful forever. Everyone's responsible for their own choices, not outside factors. That's something I'll always disagree with you on. Well actually you are wrong. We do agree on something. I was totally responsible for my decision to cheat and that is something I will always have to live with. But I AM remorseful. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 This has nothing to do with me and cheaters are unremorseful forever. Everyone's responsible for their own choices, not outside factors. That's something I'll always disagree with you on. My gosh.......how can anyone make such a blanket statement about everyone???? NEWSFLASH....Anne never said anything at all about NOT being responsible for choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 YES........YES and YES! Distant......my eyes bugged out and I almost fell out of my chair when I read what you've posted regarding support of children. :eek: Do you have children distant? I know right? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well actually you are wrong. We do agree on something. I was totally responsible for my decision to cheat and that is something I will always have to live with. But I AM remorseful. No actually I'm not wrong and we don't agree on anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 My gosh.......how can anyone make such a blanket statement about everyone???? NEWSFLASH....Anne never said anything at all about NOT being responsible for choices. My gosh how can anyone ever make such blanket statements about BSs? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No actually I'm not wrong and we don't agree on anything. But how can you be so sure? We have never met plus you are jumping to conclusions. Are you right 100% of the time about everything in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 But how can you be so sure? We have never met plus you are jumping to conclusions. Are you right 100% of the time about everything in your life? He seems to think he is. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 But how can you be so sure? We have never met plus you are jumping to conclusions. Are you right 100% of the time about everything in your life? No I'm not jumping to conclusions. I don't need to specifically know someone personally to know they're trouble and did I say I'm right about everything? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 No I'm not jumping to conclusions. I don't need to specifically know someone personally to know they're trouble and did I say I'm right about everything? Are you saying I am trouble? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 He seems to think he is. ;) :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 If you caught your significant other cheating on you, how do you know if he/she is truly sorry, or just sorry for getting caught? If you read my story on another thread, you can see that I confessed, but sometimes I wonder how my H would have reacted if he had caught me a few weeks ago or a month ago. Personally, I would still feel the same. I would NOT feel sorry I got caught. I would feel sorry I hurt my H. I'm just so glad I confessed when I did. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Honestly I hate to say this but I do see this mentality more with women than with men. Female cheaters have this evilness where they feel no remorse whatsoever. Men cheat just as much but this pleasure in hurting their spouse who has done nothing wrong tends to be a mostly female thing. My ex was smug and defiant the entire time until she realized that the divorce would not be in her favor and then she quickly turned on the tears. I think that depends on what you see. You were cheated on by your wife..so you see women doing these things more, you pay closer attention. I was cheated on by my husband and I see men doing these things more(especially when I am in the gym and they are talking about who they did and want to do) because I notice men. Mr. Messy was every bit as smug and defiant. His arrogance knew no bounds because you see his years of cheating were all my fault. I think most of us feel the same way about cheaters but who is worse isn't worth the time it takes to type. They all destroy lives. Link to post Share on other sites
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