getting married and will be living with Mother-in-law

[swtbonita]

I was wondering what experiences people have had with living with mother-in-laws after getting married. Either positive or negative experiences.

 

I am wonder because I may have to live with my mother-in-law after marriage since my bf believes it is his reponsibility to take care of her since he is the last child. He has an older sister and brother who can also live with her.

 

I have told my bf that I think that living with MIL would put alot of restraints and pressure on our relationship after we get married.

 

Does anyone have any comments, suggestions, anything?

[redhead30]

I think it depends a lot on the mother in law. I had an unfortunate experience with mine because she very openly disliked me, but you may have a great mother in law who loves you to pieces. The one thing a new marriage needs for sure, though is room to grow and experience change. If at all possible, move into your own place or move out of your mom in law's as soon as possible so you can truly be yourselves and nurture the new bond you and your husband create.

[swtbonita]

my bf is living with his sister's family and mother.. but he thinks when he buys a house for us for when we get married that his mother should live with us because he is the youngest.. and my soon to be MIL is a very nice lady, she likes me, actually when i have an argument with my bf she is always on my side.. but i just think she might put stress on the relationship

[Thinkalot]

Speaking only from my own experiences, I'd say it WILL put strain on the relationship and create a new dynamic. Some couples work it out and do just fine and find a balance, but lots don't. I have in the past lived with an ex bf's family and felt like I couldn't breathe. I have also had the experience of my mum living with my current partner and I for a few months. They clashed during that time, and it got ugly for quite a while, and I got quite depressed. NOW they are good friends though, and we would consider staying with my mum for a little while, if we need to, before we go for longterm travels and quit our jobs. I think now, we would all be quite happy together. But that is only for a limited amount of time. And we have all worked out the balance and the boundaries now anyway. That was difficult, and caused Mum and I, and my partner, quite a bit of pain.

 

So be careful treading in this area. It could work out just fine, but it will most certainly create changes, and new things to consider. You won't for example , be able to walk in and have passionate sex on the kitchen bench if you suddenly feel like it, because your MIL lives in the home too, and so on. There will be habits she has, habits you have and so on. Living together is a big thing. Just think through all the possible implications and sort out boundaries at that start.

[Fedup&givingup]

I already sense trouble. The trouble is that YOU don't want to have to live there, and understandably so. You will need your own life together. I would be concerned about the level of attachment (for lack of a better word) that your boyfriend has to his mother like this. While it's noble for him to want to take care of her, you (his wife) should come first, no matter what.

 

I could rattle on and on about my thoughts and feelings about in laws. I will make it short and sweet...in laws can be a very MAJOR problem, and they can be meddling and intrusive. It looks like your boyfriend is making his mother his priority. That's not a good sign.

[reasontosigh]

I am wonder because I may have to live with my mother-in-law after marriage since my bf believes it is his reponsibility to take care of her since he is the last child...

 

I've seen it in quite a few families of friends of mine - that sort of pressure is thrust upon the youngest sibling.

 

my bf is living with his sister's family and mother

 

Perhaps he/you could get around that this way - if his mother stays with his sister, it wouldn't upset the status quo.

[Thinkalot]

I'm an only child, and I can relate to feeling like you need to look after/help a parent out. I have often felt a sense of obligation. But when you marry, I do think the spouse needs to come first...things simply need to change a little. That doesnt mean it isn't a difficult one to sort through though. And it is nice that your man cares for his mum. There are however, a lot of things to consider.

[swtbonita]

Me and my bf have talked alot about it. And we realize we are both in difficult situations. His mother is great, i'm not worried about getting into arguements with her that won't happen.

 

But I am concerned amount not being able to do certain things that married should do, wherever they want to, we won't be able to have sex just anywhere. I wonder just how much this will affect a relationship.

 

I personally don't foresee any problems with my MIL specifically because she has always put me before her when it comes to her son. She would never come between me and my bf But the whole idea of privacy and not being able to be alone is the only thing that I think may interfere.

[Thinkalot]

And it WILL make a difference.