Porn and Sexual Fantasies

[Gravaay]

One topic that seems to come up quite a bit here is the issue of porn in a marriage. While everyone's relationship is unique, I think that if you have a spouse who is looking at porn and it bothers you, then perhaps the following would be helpful:

 

According to Scientific American, 60% of young women and 90% of young men view porn at least occassionally (source: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=sex-in-bits-and-bytes). I work on the Internet, and this statistic jives with my experience in seeing the raw data I've seen (no, I don't work in the porn industry, but I am privvy to a lot of data on usage).

 

So, the majority of Internet porn consumption is definitely male, but women engage in it as well. And female consumption is not an insignificant minority either. I will also add that the anecdotal data I've seen indicates that female consumption of porn is increasing, although I doubt it will ever be on par with men's.

 

It is understandable that women in committed relationships would feel threatened by porn. After all, much of women's power is sexual in nature, and the fact that there is this "alternative" over here might seem like it undermines that power. It would also seem natural that a few years (and maybe a few babies) into a marriage a woman would be more insecure about her looks, and the fact that her husband is looking at pretty girls online makes her feel sexually irrelevant.

 

On the other hand, over 50% of women use vibrators (source: http://www.livescience.com/health/090629-vibrator-use.html). Some men feel sexually threatened by vibrators, and so the comparison is reasonable.

 

To make matters more complicated, we have some interesting facts about how people's sexual fantasies play out. Firstly, nearly everyone has sexual fantasies. Secondly, both women and men tend to fantasize about sex with people other than their spouse by a margin of 5:1 and 7:1 respectively (source: http://www.science20.com/news/turns_out_we_all_dream_about_sex).

 

So, I've rattled off some statistics, and as anyone knows statistics are a great way to lose an audience. But assuming you're still with me, I promise that I'm getting to my point...

 

For both men and women, there is a great deal of sexual fantasy going on. Men tend to use visual stimulation (Internet porn, typically), whereas women are far more likely to use physical stimulation (vibrators and sex toys). But, regardless of how we stimulate ourselves, there are a few universal truths: Nearly everyone has sexual fantasies, those fantasies are overwhelmingly not involving the person's spouse, and the majority of all people use some sort of stimulation to make the fantasy more exquisite.

 

Women often report that masturbating with a sex toy isn't the same as the "real" thing. Similarly, most men say the same thing about porn. So, the fantasy isn't the same thing as the reality.

 

The point: fantasy isn't real, and they are done for different reasons.

 

Often times, people fantasize about doing sexual things they would never do in real life. That's the purpose of it being a fantasy. And so, just because your spouse is using an "aid" of some sort, doesn't mean he or she is preparing to have an affair or is emotionally checking out of the relationship.

 

If you have a spouse who uses Internet Porn (or a vibrator), and it bothers you, then I think it would be appropriate to examine your own feelings on the matter before you attempt to force a change in his or her behavior. Think about whether you are trying to control your mate, or is it about your own insecurities?

 

Do you think you have the ability to control your spouse's sexual fantasies (hint: no, you can't)? Is it your domain to say that your spouse can't masturbate (hint: only if you live in Saudi Arabia)? Or does it just become your business if he looks at porn while he has the fantasy and masturbates?

 

In either case, the fantasy is there. The tool is just a tool.

 

People can't control their sexual fantasies, so making your mate feel guilty about having them lowers the trust and intimacy in your relationship. It forces your mate to seek ways to "sneak". But, keep in mind there is a difference between "sneaking" and "seeking privacy".

 

I think that for many people, the answer is to give your spouse space to fantasize; and also to potentially engage with the fantasy. Make it a part of your intimacy. Encourage him or her to share the fantasy and use it as a way to play with each other.

 

But be careful not to impose on it. If your mate doesn't want to share, then that just means he or she is embarrassed or it's just too personal (or, more of a problem: he or she doesn't trust you with the information). So give it time.

 

For some couples, that means watching porn together. For others, it might mean "catching" her using her toy. Or even just talking about it on the phone with dirty phone sex.

 

I think it is a mistake to "forbid" your mate from engaging in a fantasy activity which does not involve having an intimate relationship outside the marriage. It seems to me that this is more a form of sexual control than it is enforcing reasonable rules in a relationship. There are ways to make it less threatening to you, and when you can increase the intimacy of the relationship then there may be less need for the external fantasy in the first place.

[Duckduckgoose]

Someone told me once:

 

"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home".

 

Porn wasn't my problem, as I knew men had a tendency to look at porn. My problem was that he would look at porn instead of being intimate.

 

So he had his appetite, but he wasn't eating at home... he was eating out with dirty pictures.

 

I wasn't opposed to trying a few new things but he wasn't interested in me... I even got some fuzzy handcuffs but that was a flop.

[luvstarved]

Yeah I never liked the thought of my husband masturbating thinking of others but realized it was normal human behavior so always tried to ignore it. It was only when it took over as the sexual release of choice that it created a problem.

 

Strangely, my fantasies do not generally involve specific other people,more "situations" and generic people...but my H does seem to fantasize about specific people so I feel weird being around those people or thinking of him being around them in the course of the day. I try NOT to think about it but when I am excluded from such thoughts, it is hurtful.

 

I have gotten resentful and bitter over time because of his behavior and now when I observe him checking out other people, or overhear him masturbating it is a "trigger" and I get moody and distant.

 

It doesn't help anything but is a vicious cycle. Now, despite leaving me completely sexless for YEARS and now seeming to engage only infrequently and grudgingly while continuing to masturbate frequently, he is trotting out the position that I am calling masturbation generally "perverse" behavior, and expecting him to "never" think about other people.

 

I DO think masturbation and fantasy are normal, but I do not think that that means they should be freely indulged. The problem with porn is that it FACILITATES this, when SOME effort should be made to sustain mutual sexual satisfaction WITHIN the context of the relationship. It's like anything: OK in moderation.

 

So pointing out statistical realities is interesting and could even be helpful in some cases but I would hate to see this information used as an argument for expecting someone to accept a sexless marriage.

[Negative Nancy]

those fantasies are overwhelmingly not involving the person's spouse

 

Repeating something over and over doesnt make it any more true.

 

I do NOT fantasize about anyone else but my partner. Why would I be in a relationship with him if I needed to picture other people in order to get off?

 

In fact, the minute I start fantasizing about other people is the minute I've distanced myself emotionally and have checked out of the relationship. So for me, fantasizing about other people means that the relationship is in the gutter.

[xxoo]

To make matters more complicated, we have some interesting facts about how people's sexual fantasies play out. Firstly, nearly everyone has sexual fantasies. Secondly, both women and men tend to fantasize about sex with people other than their spouse by a margin of 5:1 and 7:1 respectively (source: http://www.science20.com/news/turns_out_we_all_dream_about_sex).

.

 

Your link here refers to sexual dreams (as in: sleeping dreams), not sexual fantasies. For me personally, at least, they aren't even close to the same thing.

 

It is true that most of my sexual dreams about about people other than my spouse (and very often people I would never, ever fantasize about! ). Most of my sexual fantasies, however, are about my spouse.

[Billy_Boy]

why is interracial porn, black men/white women porn so popular??

 

Its not. I say this with full confidence because I worked in a porno shop when I was 19, and interracial porn was the least rented/purchased items. Oddly enough gay porn was the biggest seller. Demanding something like a 3rd of our retail space considering that gay men make up maybe 5-9% of the population. There even used to be what I thought were heterosexual males getting gay porn... I assumed they were heterosexual because they had wives or children with them often. (no not in the porno section, it was a huge store with multiple types of media, but our porno section which I ran was the biggest in the area, this was before sex shops were really huge like V.I.P etc.

 

and about 90% of the people renting porn were males. (this is also before broadband internet and the online porn explosion.)

 

The only time I saw women rent porn, they were typically with thier boyfriend or husband.

Edited January 22, 2011 by Billy_Boy

[Seamless74]

do NOT fantasize about anyone else but my partner. Why would I be in a relationship with him if I needed to picture other people in order to get off?

 

In fact, the minute I start fantasizing about other people is the minute I've distanced myself emotionally and have checked out of the relationship. So for me, fantasizing about other people means that the relationship is in the gutter

.

 

 

okay okay... You know so many women say this I personally well.. I mean if they say its true well then i guess its true.. But isnt this by definition not a fantasy... I mean is this some twisted form of chick logic?? I mean a fantasy is well a fantasy i.e. meaning not based in your current reality. So if while your playing with your dildo or fingers in your family domecile "thinking" of your current spouse or boyfriend doing the same **** you already do every day isnt that by definition not a fantasy,, I mean basically your just thinking of someone.. I mean maybe if you were thinking of your current SO banging you on a pile of 100 million dollars or on a spaceship or something thats a fantasy but just thinking of your current man while your getting off is not fantasizing.. So if thats the case that means you dont fantasize which I think is total bull****... I mean isnt that part of the human condition for both males and females.. Or is this selective memory akin to like not counting the random guy at the club you had sex with simply because he was the random guy at the club so by definition he doesnt count lol... weird little worlds you females inhabit god love ya,,

 

 

"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home".

 

Porn wasn't my problem, as I knew men had a tendency to look at porn. My problem was that he would look at porn instead of being intimate.

 

So he had his appetite, but he wasn't eating at home... he was eating out with dirty pictures.

 

I wasn't opposed to trying a few new things but he wasn't interested in me... I even got some fuzzy handcuffs but that was a flop.

Yeah that phrase doesnt really apply to the masturbation porn issue..

 

Thats more like man goes out with his buddies after work to the local strip bar gets all hot and bothered and comes home to **** his wifes brains out and then she gives him some money to go back so he can come home and do it again.. That doesnt equate with guy jerks off at home then when it comes time to screw wifey he cant get it up because hes already spilled his man load to some tattooed, pierced, crackwhore who hed never so much as talk to in the bright light of day. Thats a problem..

 

 

Not knowing the O.P.'s reason for the post U know i mean all the suggestions at the end are great and everything but I personally think if at the end of the day this particular issue has reared its head its a pretty difficult thing to remedy i mean the suggestions are great and all.. But I just think both parties might be too far gone to patch the issue up. I love porn but its basically more for times when Im single if a husband is really addicted to porn theres lots of underlying reasons for it and I think many times its because he was either never totally satisfied with his wife to begin with, or lost satisfaction as time went on, or shes withholding sex from him...

 

Pretty tough issues to get around

 

Unfortunately and Id like to see a thread just devoted to this topic but i really think internet porn is mans revenge sex/power dynamic in the traditional pairbond relationship...

Edited January 23, 2011 by Seamless74

[zengirl]

But isnt this by definition not a fantasy... I mean is this some twisted form of chick logic?? I mean a fantasy is well a fantasy i.e. meaning not based in your current reality. So if while your playing with your dildo or fingers in your family domecile "thinking" of your current spouse or boyfriend doing the same **** you already do every day isnt that by definition not a fantasy,,

 

Okay, I'll play: Let's look at the definition of "fantasy." There are many.

 

1. The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy. See Synonyms at [COLOR=#1d4994]imagination[/COLOR].

 

This could apply. Unrestrained fancy can still be something that actually happens, if that's the thing most desired.

 

2. Something, such as an invention, that is a creation of the fancy.

 

Related to #1. While it can't be something happening at the time (it's being mentally created), it can still be something that happens, if it's something desired.

 

3. A capricious or fantastic idea; a conceit.

 

Again, still fits. If the whim is to have sex with the person you most desire, and that's your partner, then totally fits.

 

4.

a. Fiction characterized by highly fanciful or supernatural elements.

b. An example of such fiction.

 

 

Unless you're watching Harry Potter or Space Porn or something, you likely don't have fanciful or supernatural elements there either. Though the person involved could be anyone, if you were, say, having sex while robots watched. At any rate, this one doesn't apply, but it wouldn't apply to fantasizing about another person either, unless she's a vampire or something.

 

5. An imagined event or sequence of mental images, such as a daydream, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need.

 

Probably the definition most referred to, and definitely fits with fantasizing about your current partner.

 

6. An unrealistic or improbable supposition.

 

Perhaps the one you're referring to. FWIW, the most negative connotation of the word. (i.e. You think you're getting into Harvard with those test scores? That's just a fantasy.)

 

7. Music See [COLOR=#1d4994]fantasia[/COLOR].

 

Basically irrelevant.

 

8. A coin issued especially by a questionable authority and not intended for use as currency.

 

Completely irrelevant.

[Feelin Frisky]

I encountered a first this week in porn. The porn was shot by a young woman. And apparently she got some of her girl friends to be the subject of several bukakke rounds. In each segment a nice-looking female gets a face load from 10 guys. What was interesting was how the girl behind the camera kept commenting on what was going on (voicing her enthusiam) in front of the camera and then having a conversation with the facially drenched "star" after the guys did their thing on her.

 

The one with the camera (who you don't see) kept saying stuff like "that was hot, thank you sooo much Rebecca". And the girl who had gotten it said "no, thank you, that was the hottest thing ever". Both laughed like it was just another la-dee-da thing--like taking a cream rinse. I found this interesting because usually it's just a bunch of faceless pricks decorating a girl whose personality you never get to see at all much less hear a chick behind a camera thinking a bukakke fest is "so cool" (and not acting). Usually one thinks that the girl is some hapless subject of exploitation. But not so. Who knew? I kinda feel like waynebrady about this. But they like bukakke.

[xxoo]

.

just thinking of your current man while your getting off is not fantasizing.. ...

 

What an odd conclusion.

 

If you had hot sex with a new girl one night, would you maybe fantasize about that experience the next night? Why is this different after being together many times? When does it become "not fantasizing"?

 

Also, why do you assume that women who fantasize primarily (or only) about the partner fantasize about the things they normally do together? Maybe they fantasize about doing new things with him.....or wild things they did a few times.....or things they don't actually ever want to do IRL....or any number of things.

 

If you are insisting that fantasy must be about people other than your partner, or else it is not fantasy, it seems that you lack imagination.

[Seamless74]

f you are insisting that fantasy must be about people other than your partner, or else it is not fantasy, it seems that you lack imagination.

 

 

thats cute... I think some might say the converse of that would be true as well.. In other words if for some reason in the realms of sexual fantasy you can or more likely forcibly limit yourself to one person out of the 6 billion well divide that by half actually then i would say it is you or your like that may have a limited imagination..

 

 

If you had hot sex with a new girl one night, would you maybe fantasize about that experience the next night? Why is this different after being together many times? When does it become "not fantasizing

 

sure one I guess can fantasize about someone they are currently with or have been with before sure.. Ive done it as well.. I mean to me its more (excluding lucid dreams over which i have no control) RELIVING past event and the eroticism that surrounded them in the particular moment no fantasizing... for you psychology buffs out there you could classify this as a stroke reserve or something like that..

 

 

Also, why do you assume that women who fantasize primarily (or only) about the partner fantasize about the things they normally do together? Maybe they fantasize about doing new things with him.....or wild things they did a few times.....or things they don't actually ever want to do IRL....or any number of things.

 

 

I assume based of my entire catalog of life experiences.. Not for lack of erotic or sometimes edgy sexual activites. I mean i get it truly i do.. Point is in the realm of fantasy reality seldom seems to factor in.. Therefore the boundaries that you and your significant other share and there always are some may proclude one from actively forcing the mind to fantasize about some crazy sexual activity with SO just because they know their partner doesnt fit the fantasy.. Fantasy for me (and this is just me speaking) has a certian riskiness, fleetingness, surrealness, tabooness, alot of things that a real partner may just not fit into..

 

 

 

Okay, I'll play: Let's look at the definition of "fantasy." There are many.

 

 

Leave it to Zen to break out the dictionary lol...

 

 

 

1. The creative imagination; unrestrained fancy. See Synonyms at [COLOR=#1d4994]imagination[/COLOR]. This could apply. Unrestrained fancy can still be something that actually happens, if that's the thing most desired.

 

 

I would agree could definately apply however i would or could take argument with the "unrestrained part" especially if its always restrained to fatasizing about one person..

 

 

 

2. Something, such as an invention, that is a creation of the fancy. Related to #1. While it can't be something happening at the time (it's being mentally created), it can still be something that happens, if it's something desired.

 

 

 

yup that would fit..

 

 

 

3. A capricious or fantastic idea; a conceit. Again, still fits. If the whim is to have sex with the person you most desire, and that's your partner, then totally fits.

 

 

 

this is where... I dunno I mean true its totally possible and everything. But especially the capricious or fantastic idea i.e. conceit.. I mean how many people who have been in long term relationships are really capable of such witty fanciful ideas that BY DEFINITION force them to make unrealistic and overly favorable comparisons to real life scenarios based on their current life with said person.. It seems like it could be quite a stretch with cars, mortgage, weight and attractiveness issues overtime, kids, I mean just that fact that the idea in and of itself has to be definition have a certain degree of seperation from reality makes me believe fantasizing about a stranger whether real of imaginary would make the process that much easier..

 

 

 

6. An unrealistic or improbable supposition. Perhaps the one you're referring to. FWIW, the most negative connotation of the word. (i.e. You think you're getting into Harvard with those test scores? That's just a fantasy.)

 

 

You say the most negative why?? i think thats what fantasy means for most people if you were to conduct a straw poll.. I think most people would agree this is the best definition.. Like i fantasize scoring a touchdown for whatever team in the super bowl.. u know thats what fantasy is for most of us..

 

 

Maybe its a men/women difference because i can say wholeheartedly men most fantasize about someone outside of the relationship theres just no doubt about it.. I mean why do you see so many celebrities with beautiful drop dead gorgeous wifes out on the streets getting busted with wig wearing trannnies lol... The male mind is much more different than the female mind sometimes we dont even understand why we get excited about the things we do and what secret fantasies we have..

 

Women get more connected so maybe you do always fantasize about your partner..

 

 

SO id say Zengirl may win on points due to the dictionary but as we all know life aint lived in the dictionary.. id be curious to know what Zengirl thinks about when she fantasizes always SO or what??

[xxoo]

thats cute... I think some might say the converse of that would be true as well.. In other words if for some reason in the realms of sexual fantasy you can or more likely forcibly limit yourself to one person out of the 6 billion well divide that by half actually then i would say it is you or your like that may have a limited imagination..

 

I do, in fact, sometimes fantasize about others. I never said otherwise. No forcible limits

 

Nevertheless, most of my sexual fantasies involve my partner. And they most certainly are sexual fantasies

 

Sorry I don't fantasize they way you want me to

[xxoo]

.. Therefore the boundaries that you and your significant other share and there always are some may proclude one from actively forcing the mind to fantasize about some crazy sexual activity with SO just because they know their partner doesnt fit the fantasy..

 

I just caught this....

 

you know, this may be different for men and women. Men sometimes have that madonna/whore thing going on, where they don't like to think about their wife doing the crazy, dirty stuff.

 

Women, otoh, need a deep level of trust to do the crazy, dirty stuff. If I have a crazy fantasy, it includes my H. Fantasies I have about other people are far more likely to be "vanilla". So maybe that gives some insight into why some women like to fantasize about their partners....

[Seamless74]

Maybe so.. who knows interesting topic nonetheless.. Who said we had to figure it all out today anyway lol...

[jenifer1972]

My only issue is if my husband chooses it INSTEAD of me. He can watch it any time with me, and he wants sex less than I do, so as I see it, there's no excuse to wack it in secret in our marriage.

[Seamless74]

Thats a really interesting thought you bring up Jennifer.. Are you sure he wants sex less than you or he want sex with YOU less than YOU want sex with HIM big difference.. my guess is he jerking it everytime you leave the house for more than 3 minutes..

[jenifer1972]

Thats a really interesting thought you bring up Jennifer.. Are you sure he wants sex less than you or he want sex with YOU less than YOU want sex with HIM big difference.. my guess is he jerking it everytime you leave the house for more than 3 minutes..

 

 

Nice. Appreciate that constructive comment. What are you? TWELVE???

[Kimberly89]

I don't know why everyone is so content with the fact that their spouse can look at porn or fantasize about other people. Since when did this become normal and even expected?

 

You can try to look at it from as many angles as you want to try and make it seem right in your mind, but in the end, things like this are what cause heartbreak, divorce, and problems.

 

There is a reason for marriage. It's not right to think of someone other than your spouse, and it's DEFINITELY not okay to look at porn. Studies upon studies have shown the horrible affects that it has on someone's mind, not to mention their sex life. They start treating their partner more like an object. They become more okay with violent crimes. They suffer from more unhappiness and anger issues than people who don't look at porn. There are no benefits. It may "get you off" or "turn you on" but that means that sooner than later, your spouse won't. And that is marital problems waiting to happen.

 

Just because so many people look at porn doesn't mean it is good for anybody at all.

 

Do you really want to feel used? Or would you rather have a fulfilling and intimate sex life with your spouse that helps you grow closer together with each other, not with anyone else?

 

I know what me and my hubby are doing. He had a bit of a problem with porn before we got married, and knew that it was best for our marriage that he stop. And he did, before we even got married. He felt horrible every time he saw it beforehand anyway. And even with the little he did watch, it affected our sex life at first. But we both think of each other, have a commitment to each other, and know that it is wrong to lust after anyone who you don't have a right to.

 

As for masturbation, what is the problem with masturbating while you are away from your spouse? As long as you think about them during the process, it can be a very helpful thing. Because once you are married, you have a right to that person. Fantasize! Have fun! Be married. Be monogamously married in your mind and in your heart.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Yeah I never liked the thought of my husband masturbating thinking of others but realized it was normal human behavior so always tried to ignore it. It was only when it took over as the sexual release of choice that it created a problem.

 

Strangely, my fantasies do not generally involve specific other people,more "situations" and generic people...but my H does seem to fantasize about specific people so I feel weird being around those people or thinking of him being around them in the course of the day. I try NOT to think about it but when I am excluded from such thoughts, it is hurtful.

 

I have gotten resentful and bitter over time because of his behavior and now when I observe him checking out other people, or overhear him masturbating it is a "trigger" and I get moody and distant.

 

It doesn't help anything but is a vicious cycle. Now, despite leaving me completely sexless for YEARS and now seeming to engage only infrequently and grudgingly while continuing to masturbate frequently, he is trotting out the position that I am calling masturbation generally "perverse" behavior, and expecting him to "never" think about other people.

 

I DO think masturbation and fantasy are normal, but I do not think that that means they should be freely indulged. The problem with porn is that it FACILITATES this, when SOME effort should be made to sustain mutual sexual satisfaction WITHIN the context of the relationship. It's like anything: OK in moderation.

 

So pointing out statistical realities is interesting and could even be helpful in some cases but I would hate to see this information used as an argument for expecting someone to accept a sexless marriage.

 

 

 

I'm guessing that you weren't propositioned way back when to enter into a "sexless marriage".

 

With that in mind, it stands to reason that you had quite a hand in effecting your own marital fate.

 

It is always the case that when women fly off the handle and rant about porn use, they drive their husbands more toward the porn and further away from the relationship. This is a means to an end all right, but not usually the end you had in mind.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My only issue is if my husband chooses it INSTEAD of me. He can watch it any time with me, and he wants sex less than I do, so as I see it, there's no excuse to wack it in secret in our marriage.

 

 

 

Here's a case in point:

 

... who seems woefully unaware that "he can watch (porn) any time" (period).

 

 

No more should you make the rules than should he.

 

 

"What are you, TWELVE???"

[portableversion]

yeah my wifey does not like it when i think of other women. I've tried to focus on just thinking about her, thinking maybe it would help our sex life. It did for awhile, but no more. Also with the frequent experience of witnessing my wife's disapproval of my fantasies, i find it easier to think of other women, cause with these others i have enough doubt to beleive that maybe they are into what i am interested in, whereas with the wifey she has made great progress, but that goes without saying that it's still sorely inadequate. Or i'll fantasize about women i know who are definitely share my intersts much more so than she does. She used to ask me what i had fantsized about, and she'd respond" ur thinking of that again, dont you have variety!?"(this was a memory of her hooking me up the way i need it; happened back in 1994, and it keeps me alive) Well statements such as these hurt my feelings and i felt my trust with her to be violated, she insults my most personal private fantasies. She has delivered on various occaisons, but she just does not have it, whereas an old friend from highschool is right on target. At least now the wifey stopped inquiring about what i thought about since i had told her she hurts my feelings, and tramples on something very dear and special to me.

[portableversion]

porn? yeah i've viewed, it and can appreciate its powerful allure. But for me i want to live the life i see on the screen so i find porn to be disturbing . Why should i watch someone else do the things i want to do, i want to experience it for real life, not elctronic signals flashing on a tv screen, with me pleasing myself all alone. Usually about once every 3-4 months i'll view a little on the internet, just cause i've lost patience waiting for the wifey to come around.

I had concluded in highschool that perhaps porn can steal energy away from a man preventing him from being able to strive and acquire what he really needs to have in his life. But yeah i have had this odd tormented enjoyment from viewing porn. i've enjoyed/tormented over vids with older ugly women cause i see them deliver,............ much better than hot women who dont deliver.

[jenifer1972]

I'm not making rules, dah. I am stating I want a husband who makes an effort to focus on us, emotionally, sexually. That's why we took vows together. I'm not talking about men who are in sexless marriages.To contantly and regularly focus your fantasies on others when you have a receptive partner drives a rift in a marriage. Just like eating everying you want just because you can makes you obese. I am talking about my marriage, not yours, so comment on your own sandbox

[Els]

Egads, ISPs record our PORN usage????

[jenifer1972]

Egads, ISPs record our PORN usage????

 

How do you think they catch and prosecute kiddy porn users? There is an electronic record of everything