Bitter angry miserable people

[BB07]

I agree with your post Angel - it's too bad that many WIN when it comes to their nastyness here. They harp & harp on a matter until the OP caves.

 

Misery Loves Company ~ it's too bad really

 

I find that comment "until the OP caves" hilarious! :bunny:

You are saying anonymous posters on a forum have enough influence on other posters to convince them of doing something that otherwise they wouldn't do.

[BB07]

Did somebody touch a nerve? I find that when that happens to me, it is a signal to look within myself.

 

Of course you are "fishing" for me, since I am the person who posted that folks who have miserable and unfulfilled lives are unlikely to bring much positive into any relationship - even if they were both single. Which the people in that thread are not.

 

 

 

Sorry, but you can't speak for what other peoples "morality issues" are or aren't. You can speak for your own.

 

 

 

I understand that you are joyous and "unapologetic" in your role of secret companion of somebody's husband, but the people in that thread did not even claim to be happy.

 

They both complained bitterly about the past DECADES of their lives. Neither one had a single happy thing to say about their own lives. The man is vacillating while the woman has already left her husband in order to be with the waffling married man. Where's the happiness. Those people have been unhappy forever and are still.

 

 

 

Honestly, I am not a black and white thinker. I have come to believe after quite a few years of living and lots of experiences (quite a few of which I am not proud - but also not regretful, as they helped to form me) in some cases of the objective existence of "right" and "wrong." For example, I do believe that lying is "wrong." I believe that stealing and cheating (any kind of cheating) are "wrong." I have lied. I have stolen and cheated. I feel that I was wrong. I might do some of those things again in my life (I hope not, but humans are so fallible).

 

Shrieking? I don't think I have ever used a "shrieking" tone, though I do post wherever I feel moved to post - don't you?

 

 

 

Well, with the above I can only surmise that you are describing yourself, and your gleeful way of rubbing the bliss you experience at the expense of someone's clueless spouse in the faces of hundreds of people who have been damaged by extramarital affairs - by their OWN destructive behavior, or that of their spouse or parent.

 

See? We AGREE! That is exactly what I was saying on the other thread: the miserable states of the OP and his mistress were not likely to translate into joy, love and happiness whether they dumped their spousal units and carried on as two, or stayed in wretched marriages.

 

Let me ask you this: Does dishonesty beget dishonesty, does untrustworthiness beget the same?

 

 

 

I don't particularly feel sorry for people who create and stay with their own unhappiness, though I do agree that it is sad.

 

Really good post! It addresses almost everything and it was said in a calm rational way. I didn't see anything bitter, angry or miserable about it, did anyone else?

[thomasb]

There is only one person on this thread that is looking bitter and miserable... and it certainly isn't Donna.:lmao:

[jthorne]

There is only one person on this thread that is looking bitter and miserable... and it certainly isn't Donna.:lmao:

That's what I was thinking.

Well, first, I was thinking, *sigh* another one of these cranky, whiney tired "this is the OW Forum" threads.

 

Look, all of you OW who are unhappy here: The vbulletin software costs about $200-$300. Start your own forum, and do whatever the heck you like.

 

I won't speak for Tony and Paul, but I will say this: The owners of this site have set the parameters they are happy with. It's worked for them long before we came here, and it'll be working for them long after we all leave. If you are not happy, you are not obligated to stay and post, though I am sure they would tell you that you are more than welcome here. So if you choose to stay here, then stay. Bitter, mean, unhappy, happy, gripey people and all. Oh, I forgot miserable.

Edited January 20, 2011 by jthorne

[Ellin]

I find that comment "until the OP caves" hilarious! :bunny:

You are saying anonymous posters on a forum have enough influence on other posters to convince them of doing something that otherwise they wouldn't do.

So you say they don't have any influence, then, BB07?

 

So why was it so bad when I told an OW that IMO her MM actually loved her (even if they wouldn't end up together in the end)? According to you by mentioning that I gave her false hope, which was going to ruin her ENTIRE LIFE.

[Lucius]

Thanks jthorne for explaining this. It would not have been obvious to me that a forum named "The other man / woman" would not in fact be for OM/OW primarily. Perhaps some more adjectives are called for to describe precisely to which OM/OW the forum applies. Can you recommend something?

[AngeletteX]

Or maybe when a person shares their experiences, good or bad, there is hope that it will help someone else. It may not help you to see the pain that an affair can cause, but that is real life and there are people here who appreciate reality.

 

I have no issues with “sharing experiences” especially in hopes that it will help someone while they’re going thru a difficult time. But I will still stand by my theory that the best understanding always comes from those who have gone thru something similar.

 

I’m not saying A’s don’t cause pain. Some do.

 

But reality isn’t ONLY about A’s causing pain. Reality is also this: beautiful, wonderful, amazing things can come out of a relationship forged outside of a society approved prescribed format.

 

But it seems to me there are people who don’t want to hear that....nor can they accept that it happens.

[BB07]

So you say they don't have any influence, then, BB07?

 

So why was it so bad when I told an OW that IMO her MM actually loved her (even if they wouldn't end up together in the end)? According to you by mentioning that I gave her false hope, which was going to ruin her ENTIRE LIFE.

 

No Ellin, I didn't say that posters here on the forum have NO influence but if you take the post I was replying to, they said until the OP caves, which does clearly imply that posters can make someone change their mind.

So to clarify......I don't think anyone here has enough influence or power to totally change someone's mind, influence yes but it's most of us are gonna do what we are gonna do, no matter who says what.

 

As to your above post.......you are carrying over a little disagreement that you and I had from another thread, so here is what I have to say about that. Most MM tell the OW they love them, meanwhile while disrespecting them, hurting them, giving them little pieces of time here and there, screwing up their head and sometimes seriously screwing up their lives. The OW waits on false hope, sinks to levels she wouldn't have thought before the affair that she would find herself in, loses her dignity and self respect. Now.......before you take what I've said and twist it around, I never said ALL OW, but it seems to be the majority because most of them come here because they are in terrible, terrible pain and they want help or just need to vent or they are here to get some answers by reading others posts.

[jthorne]

Reality is also this: beautiful, wonderful, amazing things can come out of a relationship forged outside of a society approved prescribed format.

Whose reality? Just because it may (or may ultimately not) be YOUR reality doesn't mean that anyone is required to blow smoke up people's wazoos just to suit you. What people are required to do is post according to community guidelines.

[Ellin]

No Ellin, I didn't say that posters here on the forum have NO influence but if you take the post I was replying to, they said until the OP caves, which does clearly imply that posters can make someone change their mind.

So to clarify......I don't think anyone here has enough influence or power to totally change someone's mind, influence yes but it's most of us are gonna do what we are gonna do, no matter who says what.

 

As to your above post.......you are carrying over a little disagreement that you and I had from another thread, so here is what I have to say about that. Most MM tell the OW they love them, meanwhile while disrespecting them, hurting them, giving them little pieces of time here and there, screwing up their head and sometimes seriously screwing up their lives. The OW waits on false hope, sinks to levels she wouldn't have thought before the affair that she would find herself in, loses her dignity and self respect. Now.......before you take what I've said and twist it around, I never said ALL OW, but it seems to be the majority because most of them come here because they are in terrible, terrible pain and they want help or just need to vent or they are here to get some answers by reading others posts.

I do not want to twist anything you or anyone else says, as I do not do that sort of things.

 

I also did not carry over her a "little disagreement" but pointed out your inconsistency. Your opinion seem to change even 180 degrees according to the situation. If talking about twisting things.

 

Or are you of opinion that there can never be enough efforts to convince an OW to get away from her MM (and that will still not influence her one bit) but it is unthinkable to suggest once that there can be a shred of positivity in her A (as this is going to greatly influence her into having a false hope etc.).

 

You can't have it both ways.

 

And what I find awful about this place is that I see one OW after another coming here with their story, yes maybe in pain, but finding comfort in the belief that even though their R with a MM wasn't meant to be, there was something special they shared, and then she very quickly gets shot down and runs away in more pain than ever, feeling ashamed for what a fool she had been, because she reads an avalanche of posts saying things like she was only his side piece, manipulated, lied to, used and discarded and never loved or respected in the slightest.

 

Even if it was true, there would be no need to spell it out to her in the worst possible way, but the fact is, no one here knows if it's true, it might not be and quite possibly isn't and quite possibly MM's feelings for her were genuine, even if he couldn't make it work.

 

This behavior is ugly and mean and causes unnecessary hurt, often based on false and overly negative ASSUMPTIONS and it is claimed that it is done for the OW's own good.

 

Disgusting.

[GreenEyedLady]

There is only one person on this thread that is looking bitter and miserable... and it certainly isn't Donna.:lmao:

 

Wow! Talk about rose colored glasses!!! Or maybe the funhouse mirror!

 

This thread is full of miserable people. If you don't like what infidelity does, don't post in this forum. It's FOR people who are with others in committed relationships!!!!

 

GEL

[GreenEyedLady]

You know OP. Maybe on second thought, it's not bitterness.

 

Maybe it's jealousy. Because someone took THE PERSON away that they OWN. And they are mad when that person exercises a little autonomy?

 

GEL

[starlight102]

I saw a thread that had gone Off Topic and I didn’t want to threadjack, so here are my thoughts on this matter:

 

Perpetually bitter, angry, miserable people can only feel better when they are trying to make everybody else feel the same.

 

Or perhaps their joy stems from “thinking” they are making others feel bad. Or “hoping” their snide snotty comments will. Unfortunately sometimes they will succeed – especially on a forum like this, specifically designed for OW/OM but open to the public.

 

It has nothing to do with “morality issues”, like so many would like to claim.

 

It has everything to do with the fact that other people’s happy lives become a personal affront and an insult to their world-view, “How dare these people be happy when I’m not?”

 

So they spew their vitriol standing on their so-called moral soapboxes and shove their black and white thinking down other people’s throats (I may not be happy but I am VIRTUOUS) and shriek about how they can ‘post where they want’.

 

But I don’t think certain types of nastiness can be restricted to an anonymous internet forum. Whether they try to hide it or not, if it shows up here – it most likely permeates into every aspect of their lives.

 

So instead of creating a loving and joyful environment for themselves and others, these people work on creating hurt and misery – thinking if they “pass it on” somehow it’ll ease or end their own pain.

 

Whether this is done subconsciously or purposely the end result is the same. Surrounding yourself with Love begets love and surrounding yourself with Misery begets misery.

 

I know it’s hard but we should feel sorry for them.

 

Excellent post, and I couldn't agree with you more. It's true that this is a forum open to anyone and everyone, but the truth of the matter is that this IS a forum for OW/OM. Some of the things I read on here from some BS honestly make me laugh because they are so angry and act as though what the OW/OM write here is happening to them and as though what we are doing is DIRECTLY affecting their lives. The tone and wording to many of their messages are terribly angry and yes, bitter! As far as their concerned, the OW/OM are who post here are terrible, horrible, low moral people. I think that they should take a long, hard look as to why their spouses chose to cheat. It's been said so many times that affairs are a symptom of what's troubled in a marrage. Perhaps that's something these posters should take a good long look at.

[starlight102]

Wow! Talk about rose colored glasses!!! Or maybe the funhouse mirror!

 

This thread is full of miserable people. If you don't like what infidelity does, don't post in this forum. It's FOR people who are with others in committed relationships!!!!

 

GEL

 

Amen to that!

[starlight102]

I think there is bitterness and anger, but the source is what is in question. I think the source from which these feelings emerge are actually centered on an MM who won't leave his wife.

 

No, the source of the bitterness is the tone, wording, and attitude that many BS use here.....it has nothing to do with an MM who doesn't leave his wife JMO.

[jthorne]

You know OP. Maybe on second thought, it's not bitterness.

 

Maybe it's jealousy. Because someone took THE PERSON away that they OWN. And they are mad when that person exercises a little autonomy?

 

GEL

Do you seriously think peole are jealous of you because you got your husband by engaging in an illicit affair and being an OW for 3 years? Oh, ok.

 

I find the supposition a little small minded, but to each his own.

[starlight102]

I have no issues with “sharing experiences” especially in hopes that it will help someone while they’re going thru a difficult time. But I will still stand by my theory that the best understanding always comes from those who have gone thru something similar.

 

I’m not saying A’s don’t cause pain. Some do.

 

But reality isn’t ONLY about A’s causing pain. Reality is also this: beautiful, wonderful, amazing things can come out of a relationship forged outside of a society approved prescribed format.

 

But it seems to me there are people who don’t want to hear that....nor can they accept that it happens.

 

Well said AngeletteX.

[starlight102]

Whose reality? Just because it may (or may ultimately not) be YOUR reality doesn't mean that anyone is required to blow smoke up people's wazoos just to suit you. What people are required to do is post according to community guidelines.

 

Personally, I think you'd be better served at a forum that caters to those who have serious problems dealing with, talking with, and supporting OW/OM.

[AngeletteX]

SO the best thing to recognize is that people will always have differences of opinion (especially when it comes to the topics of OW/OM), and some have especially harsh views (due to their past experiences), but we all hurt, we all have our crosses to bare and we can either choose to let certain comments we don't agree with piss us off royally, or we can just chose to ignore them, and still treat everyone with compassion and respect.

 

TigerCub – I agree! And “differences” are what makes the world interesting.

 

But.

 

I believe those who DO NOT treat others with compassion and respect detracts from the true purpose of this OW/OM forum. Which is supposed to be “support and discussion for those who find them themselves involved with a committed partner”.

 

P.S. Hey, how much do you want to bet someone will make a comment about how I should either:

 

a) treat myself with some respect and remove myself from the A/R

or

b) have some compassion for the BS and remove myself from the A/R

or

c) remove myself from the A/R before I even TALK about how others should have compassion and respect?

 

LOL!!!! Lets see…in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….

[AngeletteX]

I agree with your post Angel - it's too bad that many WIN when it comes to their nastyness here. They harp & harp on a matter until the OP caves.

 

Misery Loves Company ~ it's too bad really

 

Martini-Mae - I don't think it's a WIN/LOSE thing...but the only way OUR STORIES AND TRUTHS can be silenced is if people like you stop posting!

[desertIslandCactus]

You know OP. Maybe on second thought, it's not bitterness.

 

Maybe it's jealousy. Because someone took THE PERSON away that they OWN. And they are mad when that person exercises a little autonomy?

 

GEL

 

You'd be surprised how clearly one can see things and even foresee the future of others, once they themselves - have escaped the trap.

 

You confuse jealousy with knowledge.

[BB07]

Ellin says...

I do not want to twist anything you or anyone else says, as I do not do that sort of things.

 

I also did not carry over her a "little disagreement" but pointed out your inconsistency. Your opinion seem to change even 180 degrees according to the situation. If talking about twisting things.

 

If that is what you think.......then so be it and I'll just say this, you have a habit of interpreting my posts differently that I write them. And.......when I post I don't have standard replies, so it it seems inconsistent to you, again so be it.

 

Or are you of opinion that there can never be enough efforts to convince an OW to get away from her MM (and that will still not influence her one bit) but it is unthinkable to suggest once that there can be a shred of positivity in her A (as this is going to greatly influence her into having a false hope etc.).

 

You seem to itching to just pick a fight Ellin and it is clearly about that other thread when you didn't like what I said about false hope. I'll make one point.....if the OW is happy and is not in pain, I leave the thread alone and I don't try to win her over to my way of thinking.

 

You can't have it both ways.

:eek:

And what I find awful about this place is that I see one OW after another coming here with their story, yes maybe in pain, but finding comfort in the belief that even though their R with a MM wasn't meant to be, there was something special they shared, and then she very quickly gets shot down and runs away in more pain than ever, feeling ashamed for what a fool she had been, because she reads an avalanche of posts saying things like she was only his side piece, manipulated, lied to, used and discarded and never loved or respected in the slightest.

 

Even if it was true, there would be no need to spell it out to her in the worst possible way, but the fact is, no one here knows if it's true, it might not be and quite possibly isn't and quite possibly MM's feelings for her were genuine, even if he couldn't make it work.

 

This behavior is ugly and mean and causes unnecessary hurt, often based on false and overly negative ASSUMPTIONS and it is claimed that it is done for the OW's own good.

 

Disgusting.

 

If you are addressing all the above to me......then you've got the wrong gal. I try my best to be sympathetic and kind, am I perfect, of course not but I do try. Seems to me you are taking all your frustrations at everyone in the forum that you have a bone to pick with out on me.

 

You and I don't see eye to eye, but we both have a place here..........ya know.

[BB07]

Martini-Mae - I don't think it's a WIN/LOSE thing...but the only way OUR STORIES AND TRUTHS can be silenced is if people like you stop posting!

 

 

Everyone has a story and a truth.......I've got mine, you've got yours. I post from my own truth, does that make me bitter, mean, or whatever, just because I don't see things the way you do??

[bentnotbroken]

Everyone has a story and a truth.......I've got mine, you've got yours. I post from my own truth, does that make me bitter, mean, or whatever, just because I don't see things the way you do??

 

 

 

Of course it does.

[AngeletteX]

You don't necessarily have to have been in a relationship to be bitter. For example, I have a forum that is full of angry, lonely virgins who blame women and seem to get angry and bitter for absolutely no reason at all.

 

Oh yes, I've been there. And I will never go back there again.

 

LeaningIntoTheMuse – I agree! It’s not a “relationship only” thing. That’s the reason I said this:

 

~ But I don’t think certain types of nastiness can be restricted to an anonymous internet forum. Whether they try to hide it or not, if it shows up here – it most likely permeates into every aspect of their lives. ~

 

Some people just love being miserable. Leave those people alone.

 

When happy people run across miserable ones, we try to lift their spirits.

Miserable people on the other hand, purposely like to drag others down.

 

It's the people who feel love, that are worthy of being loved.

 

I LOVE what you said here!!! The truth is so simple sometimes….