Does he like me or not? What does this mean?

[highlibidolady]

I moved to a foreign country 3.5 months ago. So there's this guy that I've seen twice in those past 3.5 months. We both live in a building near where we work. So in effect we work together and live together.

 

However, like I said, I've only seen him twice for 2 brief moments. I remember thinking he was attractive but for some reason assumed he was married. I was not overly attracted to him or anything in the beginning.

 

He lives with 2 other guys and frequently they come home from work late (like 11pm) and make a lot of noise - talking, eating, drinking, laughing.

 

I'm someone who really needs their sleep so I put up with it till midnight until I start to get annoyed. I have spoken to them about 3 times already and asked them to quieten down a little but they continued to ignore my requests.

 

So I gave up and twice I even dragged my mattress into the hallway to sleep so I'd be further away as there is literally only one thin wall between us.

 

It had been many many weeks since I confronted them and then the other day I had had enough. So I went over and knocked on their door. They had 2 other guests over so now they had 5 people there and I knew there was no way in hell I'd get any sleep that night.

 

I stood in the doorway and the guy (TG from now on) motions me to come inside. So I do and they offer me a seat and a drink but I decline.

 

One of his friends was being almost hostile to me saying it was their right to eat and drink with friends and that if I didn't like that I should move elsewhere!! The others were neutral or at least trying to help. All the while TG was hugging me and stroking my hair and kind of patting me to say, "There there.. it's alright." I had no idea what the hell this meant.

 

I moved to a country (in Europe) where I realise that there are differences in culture and personal space and whatnot so I didn't think too much of it. He actually started holding me really closely but I did not hug him with my arms cos I was kind of weirded out by it all....

 

He suggested we go back to my room to discuss.

 

So we did.

 

That's when he admitted he liked me from the first time he saw me and he actually remembered coming across me 4 times (not the 2 that *I* remembered). He told me he was attracted to me and could not explain it. Then he started telling me some personal things about himself, his life, his job etc (because I didn't know anything about him. In fact I didn't even remember his name!)

 

Then he gave me his phone number and got mine, and he gave/showed me his Facebook page (I guess assuming I'd add him as a friend but I haven't yet).

 

He seemed really nice and friendly. We kind of got off the topic and just started talking like friends...

 

Then he asked me permission to stay the night in my room. I said just for sleeping and he agreed. He said he was gonna go back and change into his PJs and then come back but we didn't even get to that.

 

He just lay on my bed in his normal clothes and his shoes. I made him take off his shoes as that's kind of gross.

 

Unbeknownest to us, the whole time my door was actually slightly ajar and around this time one of his friends from next door came to look for him and we were both like, "Uh... maybe we should close the door." I think his friend saw us lying on the bed (on top of the covers and fully clothed mind you) in the reflection in the mirror and quietly left us alone.

 

We quickly locked the door. Then we turned out the light and just talked. It was a bit uncomfortable/squashed since I only have a twin bed. He started getting really touchy-feely, he wanted to kiss me.

 

I admit that my body was saying yes-yes-yes the whole time but my head was saying no-no-no. This is NOT the kind of thing I do. I mean, sleep with (or even kiss) someone I barely know.

 

But I admit that after him telling me all those personal things and looking at me with his big, beautiful blue eyes I was kind of smitten.

 

And as per my username, I admit I have been very 'frustrated' of late... so we got naked but we did not go all the way as I had to stop him. I didn't want to do it then and there. For me it had to be the right time and the right place.

 

Anyway so we slept together that night (as in sleep) and it was so nice to feel so close to a man physically again. We did not have intercourse but did pretty much everything else.

 

The next day I was in a very good mood and on cloud nine...

 

The day after, I had some spare time and went to see him at work to see what he did exactly since he works in another department. Given there were lots of other people there he was very professional and all so that was fine with me.

 

But then that night (last night) I went to see him again (his 2 friends were also there) and he basically ignored me. I was so upset. He barely looked at me and did not talk to me. Even one of his friends offered me something to eat/drink.

 

I'm not sure what is going on.

 

I figure it could be one of 2 scenarios.

 

1) Either he wasn't really interested in me at all and just wanted one thing. Is a player, etc etc...

 

or

 

2) He *is* interested but didn't want to talk about it or do anything whilst the others are there since if the other people we work with find out it could cause big problems.

 

Since he has my number I'm hoping he'd call or at least text me but it's been 2.5 days and so far he hasn't. I get the feeling it won't later either.

 

He did invite me to his holiday house and told me to call him when I'd like to go which I took as a good sign but what I can't understand is... why is he putting the ball in my court? I'd prefer a guy to call and pursue me. Is that so unreasonable? He is too chicken? (even after telling me all those personal things and that he likes me etc)?

 

My worst fear is that I've made a fool of myself and feel used after what happened if he was just bull****ting the whole time. I just hope it's the second scenario and I just want to talk to him alone but it's so hard when he's either working or with his roommates.

 

*sigh*

Edited January 21, 2011 by highlibidolady

[xpaperxcutx]

What possessed you to get naked, sleep together, but not have sex? That's like going down on a guy, teasing with his schlong, and then not helping him come?

 

He probably saw you as a tease, but your actions didn't really help you in the long run.

[highlibidolady]

Yes you are right.. but he did it all. I did not start anything of my own accord. I swear I only wanted to sleep/snuddle. and I had to say 'stop' many times...

 

What should I do now?

 

Forgot about it all/him... ? Wait for him to call? Call him?

 

It's not as if I can just ignore/forget about him either as he lives next door to me!

I just keep thinking there's a cultural barrier that's getting in the way of me trying to understand his actions as well.

Edited January 21, 2011 by highlibidolady

[highlibidolady]

OK I'm going to answer my own question ... now that I've read some articles I think I'm beginning to see things more clearly.

I think he DID use me and he was only saying those things and being affectionate to flatter me. He used the late hour and my tired state and took my weaknesses and used them to his advantage.

 

He probably never had any intentions of doing anything with me after that night and never calling me etc etc. Would I be correct?

 

I wish I could just forget about him and that it ever happened but f**k I live next door to him and I'm gonna be here for another 6 months or so!!!!!!!!!

 

I'm so annoyed at myself that I was played like that. I can't believe I did not see him for what he really was. I feel so angry now that I want to do something awful and exact revenge. But deep down I just feel extremely sad and disappointed. To think that he was actually into me (how stupid) and that we could actually have a future together... I don't know what is worse.. the sadness about what could have been, or the anger that I feel towards him now.

[DuskCrush]

Hey ---right now it's too early to tell.

What has happened though is a power shift.

The first night --he was the pursuer.

The second night--you were the pursuer.

What you need to do is just back off from all pursuing activities--calling, visiting his room.

Just disconnect and let him make the moves again.

[gator12]

Coming from a guy's point of view. I consider myself a nice guy, I don't sleep with anyone unless there is love and usually it has to be a pretty serious relationship. My best friend however is a player, so I have a pretty good idea of how players think and operate, and that sounds like exactly like something he would do. I mean he asked to sleep in the same room as you the first night he met you? WTF, lol. Look at least 50% of guys aren't nice guys and all they think about is sex and not the emotional part of it. No matter what he said it could have all just been to sleep with you, which all the signs are pointing too right now. So my advice, make no moves, let him make whatever moves he's gonna make but definitly don't make things easy for him, because if he is a player you're gonna get hurt.

[highlibidolady]

I spoke to someone about it who made me see things more clearly. Actually I realised the painful truth myself and it's quite complicated and serious. There were a few little details omitted in my original message.

 

It makes sense why he did not talk to me (or even look me in the face) later. Because he was ashamed of what he did and felt perhaps guilty/remorseful. and/or his friends/colleagues/'accomplices' told him to leave me the heck alone. I don't know and never will. I don't know if it was premeditated or just a spur of the moment decision.

 

Basically, I could sue his ass for sexual harrassment/rape if I wanted to. I am thankful he was not violent/threatening etc and just wish to forget the whole ordeal.

Edited January 25, 2011 by highlibidolady