Will separation help, or is divorce inevitable?

[Summerlove]

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I'm 25 years old, and have been with my husband since I was 18. I have been married 4 1/2 years, and with him for a total of 7.

 

Last year, I had a short affair. I admitted to it, mainly due to guilt, and promised that it wouldn't happen again. The problem is that it has. I really do love my husband, but I don't think that I am "in love" with him. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful man. He is kind, generous, loving, and supportive. He tells me that I am his Angel and the love of his life. I do believe him, but I am beginning to drift farther and farther away. At some point, I think I just changed and we grew apart.

 

I have shared my feelings with my husband, so far as I am confused about what I want, I feel like I may have gotten married too early, and that I feel like I have missed out on a lot of experiences. I tell him that I need a lot of attention, to be told how he feels about me and make me feel loved and appreciated. He has always known that I need a lot of attention, but all he does is get defensive and make me feel like this is all my fault that I am feeling this way. He says that he wants to work on things, yet nothing really changes. Problem is, I don't think I want to work things out. I am grateful for the time we've had together, but I am mostly afraid to hurt him. I want to explore what else is out there because I know I have missed out on a lot. I don't think I'm being fair to either of us.

 

The man I am having an affair with has been so wonderful to me. He is only supportive of what I want, and never has asked me to leave or given any of his own opinions of what I should do. I am falling for him more and more every day, and sometimes I can't imagine a life without him.

 

I am hurting my husband by not being faithful, and hurting myself for not allowing myself to be happy again. I'm afraid of losing my husband, but am also afraid of losing out on something more if I give up my affair.

 

I'm as confused as I could ever be, and don't know what to do. Will separation help me clear my thoughts, or is divorce the inevitable?

[sportsloving]

Last year, I had a short affair. I admitted to it, mainly due to guilt, and promised that it wouldn't happen again. The problem is that it has.

 

You are going to have to decide which is most important to you. Is it your husband or is it your affair?

 

If you decide you want to work things out with your husband, you are going to have to build up the trust again... and you are going to have to end the affair. You can't continue to hurt your husband and you can't continue to have both sides of the coin.

 

I wouldn't recommend jumping from one relationship to another. You have to remember that you were willing to cheat on your husband for this other man, if he is thinking it is ok for you to do... what is to stop him from doing it to you also? Or say you go through divorce, continue your relationship to the other man... what happens when you get dissatisified with him? You cheat again to find someone "new'?

 

You may want to consider counseling, perhaps giving yourself time and space (with neither man) and finding out what exactly you want from life... and what you are willing to give.

 

Maybe you did miss things by getting married early in life... but if you are to experience what you felt you missed out on... you are going to have to do it alone. Otherwise you will feel the same way with the next man.

 

Only you can decide what you need or want to do, I hope you clearly think out all your options and take time for yourself. Divorce isn't easy, and it isn't a fix all... but if you aren't willing to work on your marriage, it is time for you to let your husband go.

 

I wish you luck, and happiness.

[Arabess]

You should NEVER lead two people on at the same time while claiming 'indecision'. It's not fair. It's very hurtful and demeaning to both of the people you claim to care about.

 

You should take some time away from both people involved and make a choice as to which one you want to be with. If it's not a clear choice, then perhaps neither one of them totally fulfills what you need or want in a relationship.

 

I DO understand that these things happen....and take on a life of their own. Before you know it, you are all messed up in a big confusion. So again, I think you owe it to all parties, including yourself, to take a break and do some soul searching.