How am I supposed to take her?

[tommyboyy]

Okay here's the story... I am a 37year old man who met this 32year old woman at my gym. We talked often and eventually started working out together with me and my other work out partner, and was quite fun to hang with. We ended up keeping in touch outside of the gym through email. It was first to send her an IQ test but there was obvious interest on her part as I could see in person and another female friend noticed right away. It was like she really wanted to get to know me. I invited her to my house with my other work out partner for dinner. She ended up being the last to leave that night and we were up for awhile. My female roommate came home with a guy friend and she had told me she could see it just as much as her guy friend, who both just met her, that "something" was going on there.

 

After that night we made plans to hang out and she displayed interests in her emails through innocent flirtations and then we eventually discussed passed relationships. I was informed she was going to marry this guy but that she was emotionally out of the relationship before Christmas time, as he had issues. She had only been broken up from him about a month, but seemed very over him when I talked with her. They both go to the same church and she continues to see him there. Well, I thought nothing of it and am not sure what to think of it now but to move forward, I made her dinner at my house many times and eventually laid together on the couch and kissed after 3 weeks of hanging out and getting to know each other. Well, since the night of the kiss the following day I felt such a gut wrenching bad feeling about everything all of a sudden. I asked her to meet me the following Monday to discuss this feeling I had all of a sudden. She told me how did you know with out seeing me, and I just told her I could feel it. She at first said it was that she needed to get her priorities in order. It eventually came out that she didn't want to drag me into the ex-boy friend thing is what she said.

 

Well, I backed off and I sent her less than interested but congenial emails but just stepped back from her for the first time. By the end of the week, it was obvious that she wanted to talk after the gym. She and I walked outside and talked for an hour about really nothing and then I told her I didn't want to be a distraction in her life and get in the way of things with the ex-boy friend. Well, she said that her ex was the distraction not me, and she came to this conclusion on Wednesday (another church night she would have seen him). She said she doesn't want him in her life other than just to be friends, or if he needed anything or whatever. We went out that night and the next but things still haven't felt the same since we were first starting getting to know each other. It definitely feels like she has pulled back. Something I do need to mention as well is that she has an aunt that is dying of cancer and her mother and father who have been staying with her during the winter, went to see her aunt back east before she dies. This has been nothing new for the family last 6 years, other than her condition is now grave, and the family just went through something like this with her grandmother 5 years ago. I have tried to give you as much information as possible and would entertain any questions further.

 

I am in love with her, and really want to be her boy friend and maybe much more, but I am not sure where she is at and she is not opening up to me and I don’t want to force her to but she says I can ask her any questions and she will answer them.

 

Please let me know of your experiences or advice that might help understand what I should do. I have been praying often.

[Arabess]

Sometimes (and I've done this) a person can be attracted to someone else. They spend some time together, have conversation, check each other out....then, realize the other person is NOT for them. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with the other person.....it's just not your love connection.

 

Often, when one person is very attracted to another person, they have a hard time accepting the fact that relationship feelings are not always 'mutual'. It stings the ego.....but it's better to find it out early on rather than getting in too deep with someone who may NOT be right for you.

 

Maybe this lady DOES find you to be what she is looking for...but she doesn't want to rush it. I would prefer someone who gave a relationship serious thought before aimlessly plunging in. Maybe you need to just give her some time while keeping yourself busy doing other things.

 

GOOD FOR YOU on the prayer portion of your life!!!! As you know, when one door closes....another opens. Follow the open doors and accept those which close.

 

Good Luck my friend!

Arabess

[tommyboyy]

Thanks Arabess for your take on things...

 

To be honest I am not sure of what her motivations might be and wheather she feels compatible with me or not...It had crossed my mind that she had though there was a compatibility issue...but we both have agreed how much we had enjoyed each other's company and that the hours just fly by when we are together. I don't know if that is the case or not. Both of us don't drink, smoke, have never been married, no kids, are into health and fitness, both of us are quite spiritual/religious, and like a lot of the things so far that we have done. There is a great deal of purity in both of us and neither of us would plunge physically into the relationship, however, it seems that I have a bit more maybe than her emotionally. She has a birthday coming up this Saturday and I wrote her a poem and was going to get her some other nice things, but I am backing off the poetry and getting her a humorous card and some other items that will make her smile, and let her know I was thinking of her. Ideas?