Superficiality Of Liking 'the Chase'

[Z_man]

Unfortunately, I hear that a lot of nice guys get turned down because they supposedly don’t leave a lot of mystery about them, so there isn’t the excitement of ‘the chase’, that some women seem to desire. Does anyone find that sentiment to be a little immature and superficial? That's just as bad as guys who only like women for big boobs and a small waist line. Guys aren't off the hook either, we have to see past looks and the unrealistic perception that women should be super thin. If a guy has a big heart, is sincere, and puts his true self forward, what can be wrong with that? If you cherish honesty, warmth, sincerity, and integrity, you are making yourself available for a life partner who will cherish you in return. Does love really have to be some sophomoric cat and mouse game? That seems so high school to me.

 

I hope the good women out there desire truly stand up nice guys, won’t subject them to the silly game called ‘the chase’, and instead honor them for who they are.

[yes]

this issue has been discussed endlessly here - you may wanna read some old threads.

 

what it comes down to is - everybody likes a wo/man who's got a life and mind of his/her own, who's not going to become overly dependent on the partner, not going to bend over backwards to please the partner, etc. yes, it's human nature to view something that's not QUITE in your hands as more desirable than something you've got a good grip on.

 

with a wo/man who has a life, the chase will happen automatically - s/he won't always be free and available, won't always agree, won't spill their guts, will sometimes vanish for a few days simply because s/he's busy with something, etc.

 

most guys who come here to complain that they're so "nice" yet all the women are btches and only go for jerks, are in reality needy, insecure, etc. they have all these nice qualities, but no backbone.

 

i hope you get the drift. plz ask more questions if not!

 

good luck,

-yes

[reasontosigh]

It works both ways. Men subject women to "the chase" too.

 

Unfortunately, I hear that a lot of nice guys get turned down because they supposedly don’t leave a lot of mystery about them...

 

There is truth in this but again, women do the same thing. You certainly don't need to spill your entire life story in one sitting, so to speak.

 

Guys aren't off the hook either...

 

OK, there is some acknowledgement here. Fair enough.

 

You may get an interesting discussion out of this.

[Arabess]

I've thought about this a lot. As 'Yes' posted....we've had several threads regarding this issue.

 

I don't know if it's really 'the chase' or perhaps someone who comes across 'needy and easy' is less attractive. I'm not sure if that would be 'superficial' or just the way people perceive other people.

 

I wouldn't want to chase some guy like a schoolgirl if I thought we had an adult attraction. I also wouldn't be impressed with someone who jumped into a relationship too quickly. There does seem to be a fine line involved.

 

Some people want a relationship so badly, they chase every conceived hint or sign. The reason they are always 'chasing' is because they don't stop to evaluate which relationships will or won't work. They are like a dog chasing a car aimlessly. They become frustrated.....and for good reason.

 

Maybe they need to sit back a little....taking more time to get to know someone before declaring they are sure a relationship would work just because they are attracted to someone.

 

Then, instead of it being a 'game'.....it feels more like quality 'shopping'.

[Z_man]

reasontosigh said, "It works both ways. Men subject women to "the chase" too"

 

Hey that's true and it's not fair when men put women through the chase too.

 

 

I could also further stengthen my point my referring to the first to 'Average Joes' reality shows, where the beauty gal choose the shallow pretty boy over the sincere and wholesome, average Joe, who's only crime was bearing his soul outright to his potential mate. Both pretty boys proved to have not much there character wise. It goes to show you that the chase usually neglects to see inside a person, no matter what gender is doing the chase.

 

Let's see how Adam does on his version of the 'Average Joe' special and if he turns down a woman because she didn't offer 'a challenge' so to speak.

[Arabess]

I've watched those shows a couple of times after reading about it on here.

 

I can't IMAGINE liking someone and wondering if you were going to become a 'runner up'. That seems so ABSURD!

 

Can you just imagine if you were all emotionally involved.....just hoping to get a rose? You would think at some point a person would get pissed off. I know I would.

[Z_man]

Yeah Arabess, that is an awful lot to put your whole self on the line, in front of millions, when you are also competing with 20+ others for the heart of one person. I think the rejection would be devestating. I guess the shows try to get some people with a firm resolve to try to handle the pressures like that!

[Arabess]

I would have problems just BELIEVING a TV producer could find an applicant I was going to fall in love with. Do you think they are just wanting to 'win' for the sake of 'winning' or are they REALLY in love with someone they are competing for??? I just find it hard to believe. It's GOT to be superficial as hell.

 

"J and I sat in the jacuzzi and made a love connection while he/she makes a decision if I will get a rose over 10 other people"......maybe it's just me....but I find that to be totally unnatural. I'd feel humiliated.

 

I GUESS you could play the game (or the show) making a DEAL that they would chose you in the end. But to hang on while the 'picker person' sorts thru men/women like friggin shoes.....is WIERD!