what should a woman do if she founds out that he's BF has someone else

[Deutoplasmic]

.....like a "hooker"??? But his BF told her that this woman is just for fun. Does this guy deserves a second chance?

[zarathustra]

Infidelity comes in many flavours. Going from bad to worse there's (1) the hour with the hooker; (2) drunken one night stand with a friend, colleague , acquaintance or stranger; (3) the hot, sexual affair that lasts a few weeks at most; and (4) the long term sexual and emotional relationship with a lover.

 

Most people, I assume, would eventually forgive, if not forget, infidelity-lite at Nos. 1 and 2. Some won't. Individual differences govern. The betrayal is carnal as opposed to emotional. I'm assuming that the hooker deal was a one time event and he practiced safe sex. If so, I'd probably forgive that spousal transgression.

 

The long term affair, however, is a different animal. Even a short term affair can be devastating if the lover is a friend or family member. Better a hooker than a sister-in-law.

[Arabess]

I agree with Zarathustra.

[bittersweet]

I think you and I are living the same life!!!!!

 

I'm going through the same thing with my B/F- or should I say X B/F. He had a girl behind my back for 3 months. I found about- gave him a second chance and he DID IT AGAIN 2 WEEKS LATER!!!!!!!!!!

 

This has been going on since March 5th and it sucks. It's hard to say if yours deserves a second chance because I don't know how much time and love was there between the two of you.

 

Everyone tells me to walk away and it's only hard because he tells me it's just for fun too. He is so confused- such a fool. All I know is the more he sees me pulling away, the more he wakes-up. It really depends on what kind of relationship you have and he needs to really really think about what he wants. I'm going through that horrible stage right now. It's sick to wait and possibly loose the one you love to some "fun", pety fling. But you know what. it's really not about you verses her-- it's more like you, the caring, responsible commitment verse her, the fun, carefree, no strings attached bimbo. In other words, it's one type of life vers another and you can't convince him to stay. He needs to think about life with just one type of girl. He can't have both and he knows that- but he widhes he could probably.

 

My b/f rebounded the second time this past Friday. It was a total shock and I felt like the bigger fool because I took him back

 

Here's my advice, since I'm going through the same thing 2 weeks ahead of you.

1. DO NOT give him a second chance until you vent how you feel. YOU CAN NOT be with him while you are hurting so bad, trust me. EVERY little thing he does with have you worked up and you'll never get enough of watching what he does. When my b/f would go to the bathroom, I would call his cellphone because he brought it with him. I would want to see if he was on the other line. You WON"T feel like the only thing on his mind- especially when you are intimate. EVERYTHING will be taken personally. He will also feel like he's on probation and your mood will change like the weather. I should have left him alone to think about what he did. Instead, I jumped back in and pushed him away again. SHE was the one who he probably saw as the victum because I was right there with him still.

 

2. You NEED to figure out what caused him to do what he did. Both of you must take equal blame or it won't work. I was stupid and unconciously blamed myself for everything. Then when he did it again, it crushed me completely.

 

3. Show him that you won't wait around forever for him to change. Remind him that you deserve to be treated better and there are many men out there that would love to fall in love with you.

 

4. DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM UNTIL HE REALLY MAKES UP HIS MIND. Don't don't don't get back with him only to convince him to change- he won't, I promise you that. While you are aprt, he will have a clearer head to really think about what he did. I mad a huge mistake by staying because it made it all look forgiven and not too hard on me. When we had sex, I cried. When we ate, I would throw-up my food. When he helsd me, I felt like he was thinking about the other girl ( which he denies). He has a choice here. He needs to decide now because he can't have the best of both worlds.

 

With my situation, everything he was telling me the two weeks turned out to be mostly lies. He would tell me he regrets what he did, he wants to marry me, he can't stand the other girl.... I actuallt tried to leave him this past Thursday night. I stood in front of his house in the rain crying saying, "I can't take this anymore" and he told me to stay. I did and Friday came. He broke-up with me on his lunch break, ran home after work, and took a train 2 hours away to spend the weekend with the other girl. We've been talking and for you to really compare your situation to mine, you'd have to read my posts. I haven't seen him. I can't look at him after he did it again. He is confussed and NOW I'm giving him the space I should ahve given him the first time he messed up. He wants to see me but I was honest why I won't. It makes them really understand that it's wrong to paly games. Let your man know that you're uncomfortable being around him because he doesn't feel like your anymore.

 

Keep us posted and please don't make the same mistakes I did. I'll keep you posted too sweety!

[Girlie]

I'd be leary of the man who is otherwise involved and says that it's just a "fun" thing. Unfortunately, I've heard that one before.