Another chance at friendship... maybe more?

[decoy]

I don’t know where to start...

 

At the time I really thought I loved him, and thought he had life mate potential. We were friends and moved into the "more than friends" zone a little too fast. To make a long story short, he was just using me. Although he claimed to care about me, he also said he was not ready to commit to me because of the time in his life where his future was so uncertain. This went on for roughly four months, until I found out that he was fooling around with someone else. At the time, he did not man up to his behavior. And we split ways in a pretty painful manner. We did not speak for over three months.

 

During that time, they started dating. I blocked them both so I would not torture myself by "keepings tabs." A month ago he contacts me again. I was still hurting badly, but had finally gotten to the point where I accepted how things were. I did not respond to him for the longest time. Then maybe two weeks ago, he sends me a lengthy apology. He started off by saying that he knows I should never speak to him again because of what he did. I felt most of the letter was sincere. It brought back a lot of memories that I had tried to forget. But I could not figure out his motive for apologizing... part of me hopes he just really did feel bad. We talked a little, and I got everything off my chest that I should have said before but didn't. I forgave him, but told him that I still need time and maybe someday we could talk. He agreed that we would talk in the future.

 

To be honest, I still have feelings for him, but I’m also conflicted because of how badly he hurt me. A mutual friend told me that the individual he was dating broke up with him, so I began to wonder if he really meant his apology or if he was just trying to get back with me. I don't want to be anyone's back up. So out of morbid curiosity, I unblocked her and checked out her FB to see if she had posted anything about the breakup. Nothing about that, but it seems there is either a new man in her life or he is trying to get back with her.

 

I decided to just ask him if he was trying to fix things with her, and he could not give me a straight answer. He said he didn’t know. I did not push the issue, we had a short but civilized conversation and I wanted to leave it at that. It is still difficult talking to him. I really would like to at least try to salvage this friendship, even though I’m not entirely sure it’s possible, but I know that at this moment in time it would be too hard for me to see them together. So it was important for me to know.

 

Because I chose to forgive him, in my mind what happened is now in the past. However, it is not something that can simply be forgotten. Before telling him that I needed some time, he had tried to hold a normal conversation and talk to me, so I know we are capable of that. Neither of us are the fighting, screaming sort. I want to give him another chance at friendship... if he indeed wants it. Based on things said in his letter I think he would like us to be on good terms again, and I know he always tried to stay friends with his exs. Maybe in time I would even consider another chance at a relationship if that is the direction things head, and if trust could be built again. But then again he might not be interested in another go at a relationship with me, or things might be too awkward and broken for either of us.

 

Question:

 

So, what do you guys think about this situation? Should I talk to him when I'm ready? If I do, should he be told that I still have feelings for him? Or should I wait to talk to him until I don't have feelings for him? Would it be a bad idea to ask to meet him in person? This would help me determine if I have feelings for the person I used to know or the person I am talking to now. Alternatively, should I walk away from this entirely before I get hurt again (or hurt worse)? I've learned from this experience and will not put up with the same treatment again, so I am prepared to walk away.

 

I know that no one can give me answers, tell me what to do, or read his mind to tell me what he is thinking, but I would really appreciate your shared opinions and experiences to help me think about this in a clearer light.

 

For the record, I really don't mind being single.

Edited January 22, 2011 by decoy

[gator12]

Well after what he did to you I can understand you having your guard up but at the same time you forgave him which means he must have really come off as sincere to you. Regardless this situation depends all on how you want it to play out. If you still have feelings for him then friendship may not be an option. If he has feelings for you he'll make them known, especially if he wants another shot. But if you're okay with being just friends with him despite your feelings I'd say to go for it. But don't go for on the whim that you may get back together. Even if that does happen.

[decoy]

Thank you.