Need moral support, I know what I have to do....

[Lorelai]

Okay, so a friend of mine that I'd known for over five years and I crossed the "friendship line" over the summer. After some intense "WTF" I think on both of our parts, we pretty much agreed that it was not a relationship, etc, though he said he didn't see it as "just sex". Yeah, that awkward limbo thing no one should ever let themselves get into. I let him call me more than I called him, we hung out about 5 more times over the next two months, always spent MUCH more time talking than in the sack together. (We're both in our 30s.)

 

I knew I loved him as a friend (hell, well before any of this happened I'd have given him a kidney, but for a lot of it I was in a relationship and then later he was a coworker) and my biggest fear was causing a problem with the friendship, and so I started backing off a bit. Plus, I had a bunch of other crap going on in my life that I had to deal with and got a bit introverted. We talked online occasionally and he called a few times, but I didn't suggest hanging out and the one time he did I had the flu. (Great timing, eh?) I used the time to try to analyze just how I did feel. And yeah, I missed him, but it wasn't the "Oh my goodness I must see him now or I will die of a broken heart!" that would have made me run screaming even more.

 

The distance I think did me some good, because the next time when he reached out, a week and a half ago, I went to see him and knew that I'd not be staying the night (had to work that night) and didn't plan on having sex.... but we did. And I realized I got more out of seeing him smile up at me when he put his head in my lap before we had sex than I did out of the sex. So yes, I have feelings beyond friendship and sex.

 

Crap.

 

So I have to tell him, because we can't keep on having sex if he doesn't feel the same way for my own sanity AND any hope of preserving the friendship. And if he does, well... cool. But I'm not planning on it.

 

Attempted over my weekend (I work weekends, so a few days ago) to go over to have this conversation but he had a friend over I'd never met before. He wanted me to come over anyway and we spent about six hours playing Magic: the Gathering (first time I've touched the cards in well over a decade and I still kicked some tail, so at least I earned good geek chick cred!), and he did kind of make a reference to the fact we'd had sex the week before (the alarm we set so I got off to work on time went off) but not obviously. No time for confessions, but had a good time and he said he did too.

 

I'm not going to beat around the bush -- going to try to put it in 20 words or less (though I'm like Johnette Napolitano from Concrete Blonde, never have been able to say anything in that short of words.. as this post indicates), expect him to say that he doesn't feel the same, and explain that I'm going to need a minute to get my head straight but that I'll be back in touch because I really do value our friendship.

 

Please wish me courage at least... and if the Universe wants things to be different than what I'm preparing for, I'm cool with that.

[mizzcham]

That's awesome that your stepping up to let him know how you feel! Please let us know what happened. Good luck to you!

[Lorelai]

Thanks. Going to try to see him either today or tomorrow.

 

BTW: just for clarification in case what I wrote didn't make sense.... when we met five years ago I was in a relationship, then while I was still in a relationship we started working at the same company. Nearly two years ago my ex and I split, and we stopped working together about two months before anything happened between us. So I was only breaking one rule -- getting involved with a friend -- not also cheating and being involved with a coworker.

[Lorelai]

That's awesome that your stepping up to let him know how you feel! Please let us know what happened. Good luck to you!

 

It went about like I expected, except that he doesn't seem to quite understand it's going to take me a minute to relegate him from having romantic feelings to more familial feelings (because the care I feel for him isn't going to go away, and the only other level that they can go into is attempting to see him like a brother). I may be Arkansan, but I can't make that jump as fast as he seemed to expect (by inviting me to go to some place with him in less than a week).

 

Hint: If you are ever in a similar situation, try to manage to tell without alcohol having to serve as truth serum. I had to sleep on his couch, which wasn't bad necessarily in this case but could lead to some awkwardness for others, and when I couldn't sleep I was actually considering driving home despite my level of intoxication (so I finished the bottle of wine to make sure I wouldn't drive). But the luck you guys wished me did help -- no hangover despite consuming *well* over my usual 2 glasses at the most.