Distant78 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I know how you feel man but don't let your wife's actions control your future. Just keep venting and lean on your family and friends. When this is over you will become even stronger. Don't give into temptation now. Hold on and tackle your problems one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 I feel like I want to rip out all of my hair. She came by my house a few minutes ago. Heard someone knocking on the door. I looked out the window and it was her!!!!!! WTF is her problem!!!!!! My voice is messed up from screaming at her so hard. I don't know what I will do if she comes by my house again. I cannot stand her. You want to cheat on me for a long time and got the nerve to come to my place? I hate her. My head hurts. Should've let my dog bite her ass off. Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan John Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I understand that you are upset about her visiting your home. I would be, too. However, I think that the degree to which you let it get to you is a bit extreme. Instead of turning your friends and family away, you should be trying to take comfort in them. The more you get your feelings and thoughts out, the more cathartic it can be. If not that, find some other outlet for your anger. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I feel like I want to rip out all of my hair. She came by my house a few minutes ago. Heard someone knocking on the door. I looked out the window and it was her!!!!!! WTF is her problem!!!!!! My voice is messed up from screaming at her so hard. I don't know what I will do if she comes by my house again. I cannot stand her. You want to cheat on me for a long time and got the nerve to come to my place? I hate her. My head hurts. Should've let my dog bite her ass off. :( I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Take care of yourself until you can get to the doctor. Reach out to your family. It will help more than you realize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 However, I think that the degree to which you let it get to you is a bit extreme. So just suck it up and be a man right? Whatever. For those who actually know how I feel, I have been talking to my family and my friend again. They're trying their best to comfort me and I'm trying to be calm once in a while. My doctor has put me on Zoloft. It makes me sleepy a lot and I may need to change it. I also got my STD results back and they're negative (so glad). I still have my angry days. Wife hasn't been at my house since I told her off. Link to post Share on other sites
Carm Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 So just suck it up and be a man right? Whatever. For those who actually know how I feel, I have been talking to my family and my friend again. They're trying their best to comfort me and I'm trying to be calm once in a while. My doctor has put me on Zoloft. It makes me sleepy a lot and I may need to change it. I also got my STD results back and they're negative (so glad). I still have my angry days. Wife hasn't been at my house since I told her off. I'm sorry you are going through this, it sucks and I was in your place one year ago....thankfully we were not married but common in law. I still had to go through the lawyer because we bought a home together and so I had to protect my equity. It was the worst time in my life....I did force myself to be surrounded by gf's, I was trying not to sink into a depression. Fast forward to today, I am so lucky he is out of my life....the trust was broken and I could never have trusted him again and someone who lacked integrity is not someone I'd want to marry. It's going to be a rough road, but you will get through this and one day, not now but one day will realize it was for the best. Good news on the STD results. Link to post Share on other sites
Trojan John Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 So just suck it up and be a man right? Whatever. For those who actually know how I feel, I have been talking to my family and my friend again. They're trying their best to comfort me and I'm trying to be calm once in a while. My doctor has put me on Zoloft. It makes me sleepy a lot and I may need to change it. I also got my STD results back and they're negative (so glad). I still have my angry days. Wife hasn't been at my house since I told her off. No... What I meant was that you need to react in a more rational manner and get a grip on your angry outbursts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Thanks Carm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 No... What I meant was that you need to react in a more rational manner and get a grip on your angry outbursts. Yea okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Notagame, have you looked into boxing or krav maga to help channel your anger? You might find working out with a heavy bag or kicking a$$ during krav mag cathartic. Moving some of that anger will help you be cold as ice if your wife comes around again; as long as you're yelling and screaming, she still has you emotionally invested in her and that's what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Carrot has a point. She knows you're pissed and she's trying to get in your head. File for a restraining order if you have to and be as neutral around her if you see each other again. You have every right to be angry but don't let it control you to the point where you can end up in prison. When this is over I promise you life will be better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Notagame, have you looked into boxing or krav maga to help channel your anger? You might find working out with a heavy bag or kicking a$$ during krav mag cathartic. Moving some of that anger will help you be cold as ice if your wife comes around again; as long as you're yelling and screaming, she still has you emotionally invested in her and that's what she wants. I work out a lot. Basketball, jogging, etc. When I'm tired out I still feel angry. Don't know if taking hand-to-hand combat classes will work but I'll try it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Carrot has a point. She knows you're pissed and she's trying to get in your head. File for a restraining order if you have to and be as neutral around her if you see each other again. You have every right to be angry but don't let it control you to the point where you can end up in prison. When this is over I promise you life will be better. Yea yea, okay. I try to be calm but this anger is like tidal waves. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrot2000 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I work out a lot. Basketball, jogging, etc. When I'm tired out I still feel angry. Don't know if taking hand-to-hand combat classes will work but I'll try it out. Oh, it will work it out. Trust me. Working out is great, but you need to hit something (not your wife!) to move the anger you're holding in your body. Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Oh, it will work it out. Trust me. Working out is great, but you need to hit something (not your wife!) to move the anger you're holding in your body. Yea I do need to hit something! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Notagame, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, it really sucks, doesn't it? ( well, maybe that's not a strong enough word, but the word I would like to use would probably not be allowed, so it will have to do) You sound like you are in s huge amount of pain, and no wonder. i hope that you are eating right and trying to get some sleep. I know these things can be hard to do when you are really upset, but they do make a difference in how much energy you will have to deal with things. Hope things strat to get a bit better as things move along for you. Yes I'm eating right. My mom "made" me eat a nice big plate of veggies this afternoon. Sleeping? Pretty often. A little bit more than when I found out. Everyday is hard trying to deal with this. One minute I'm randomly happy then before you know it I'm mad again. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Yes I'm eating right. My mom "made" me eat a nice big plate of veggies this afternoon. Sleeping? Pretty often. A little bit more than when I found out. Everyday is hard trying to deal with this. One minute I'm randomly happy then before you know it I'm mad again. Just don't speak to the Hex-, I mean, the Ex. when she comes around! She says "she's soooo sorry, YEAH RIGHT! Sorry she got caught riding OM for a year! You're doing right, just keep it up, and don't take her back whatever you do! BTW, have you told your family and her family and relatives about her screwing around, expose her for what she really is! Link to post Share on other sites
Author notagame Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Just don't speak to the Hex-, I mean, the Ex. when she comes around! She says "she's soooo sorry, YEAH RIGHT! Sorry she got caught riding OM for a year! You're doing right, just keep it up, and don't take her back whatever you do! Thanks Darth. I'll take her back after the world ends. BTW, have you told your family and her family and relatives about her screwing around, expose her for what she really is! You bet her family knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks Darth. I'll take her back after the world ends. You bet her family knows. Yeah, I figured. Anyway, how's the divorce thingy going, hopefully not much longer till you're out from under. Oh, whenever she comes around(and she will), "lock the door, and hope she don't have blasters!":p:lmao: If you saw the movie, you know where I'm going with that one! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Sorry to hear this notagame. Been there... done that... got the t-shirt. After my EXs 2nd affair I was packed and out the door with my son in 96 hours. There was no negotiation like I did after her first affair. So here's the deal. 1) Picture a gastank. It was full of trust that you and your wife had filled up since you met her. Now that gastank is bone dry. There is no more trust in the tank. 2) The relationship you once had is over. You are now in a new relationship that is not the old relationship. The old relationship is gone forever. 3) You have to realize your wife is "off the reservation." She is now an "enemy of the state" who has conspired behind your back for nearly a year. 4) You have two paths. The first path is divorce. The second path is reconciliation with a ton of marriage counseling. Give yourself a few days to figure out which path you wish to take. Don't make any decisions now because you are in an emotional state. 5) It is time to shut down on your wife. No emotion, no "I love you's," She sleeps in another room. Be a stone wall towards her. She has to do all the heavy lifting if you chose to stay with her. She has to prove to you her remorse and willingness to fix things. If she so much as looks the wrong way, she is toast. Best of luck. I know how much this totally sucks. Yellowshark, I've always respected your posts. With all due respect to the OP who is suffering, and maybe hasn't been at LS very long nor studied all the aspects of the A until now when he's hurting so badly, I just wanted to point out that those of us who HAVE studied all the aspects notice one thing very clearly; your anger seems to be about ownership and not about love. You own her stuff and she gave it out to someone else is what the anger seems to be saying. But somewhere inside her body is a heart and somewhere inside of you there is a heart too. I know it is hurting, and I hope she is as well. Take some time, think it through, and try to reach her heart to see if there is anything you can do before making any rash decisions. Best of luck during what must seem to be the worst time of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 You have no idea.Trust me all of us do have an IDEA!!! Your pain has been felt by a lot of us who were or are in a situation. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 With no children it makes the process a LOT more simpler. I personally think HER reaction and behavior post D-day dictated the decision you had to make. The pain, boy do I understand that. It does subside over time though. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneyAmazed Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 Then you'd understand why I filed for divorce quickly. I will not be able to handle the extra pain of trying to reconcile. I just cannot do it. I think you have every right to do only what you can handle. I've been guilty of thinking people should always try to reconcile or at least try when I don't have clue what goes on in their mind or what they know they can handle. I learned that from my own parents' situation. I just wanted them to be together. I couldn't see things from my mom's (BS) point of view. Now I realized everyone handles betrayal differently. If my H had been different and not given me a 2nd chance, I'd still respect him because it's his choice. He knows what he can handle. No one but you knows exactly how you feel and exactly what you are prepared to go through or not go through. Just believe brighter days are ahead. I'm sorry you're hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 :lmao: Oh really? How you gonna tell me what I really feel? Hilarious a cheater knows how I feel. My wife has no heart and mine is functioning enough just to get by. There's NOTHING for me to discuss with her. She wants other men, she can do it without me. You have no idea. Actually, I do. I was a BS too. I only allowed my A to begin once exH and I were separated. I don't really consider that cheating. Potato potatta. Best. Link to post Share on other sites
Doing it Since '78 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Okay well that's you. This is me and it's necessary. Divorce will literally save my life (hopefully). Look champ- Keep moving forward- Divorce sucks, but being with a cheating, lying, disrespectful broad is much worse TRUST THAT Link to post Share on other sites
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