Isolde Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 With regard to relationships, do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your personal experience, plus your knowledge of your friends' and families' experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yes and no. There's a side of me that believes in things like fate, the universe, "the one." But there's also a side of me that wants to fight that and the feeling that I don't have any control over what happens to me in a relationship - that things are done to me and I have no say in it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
depplover_1980 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well that would depend on whether you believe in fate and our paths are pre-mapped out, which lots of people do. Or that our actions and choices create our own fate, which I veer more towards. Though I do believe if a couple have a special bond or chemistry then they will be pulled back together subconsiously and new starts can be made. Link to post Share on other sites
Jazzari Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 With regard to relationships, do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your personal experience, plus your knowledge of your friends' and families' experiences. Without knowing how an alternate timeline might have mapped out, its impossible to say that things happened as they should. Or at least for the best. I tend to think that life offers opportunities and crossroads. What you do with them decides your fate. You may be destined to meet with someone, but what happens after that is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 With regard to relationships, do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your personal experience, plus your knowledge of your friends' and families' experiences. I agree with it as long as you realize you have the power and ability to make the best out of a situation, no matter the circumstances given to you. If you do this, then life is going more often times reward you than not. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I really don't know the answer to that question. I think quite a bit about "What would have happened if only I had..." All the missed opportunities. On the other hand, if I had it all to do over again I'd probably do the same damn thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 It's all about perspective and how people view their past, in relation to their present. It seems that people who are happy, are inclined to believe this statement. With people who have experienced a bad or difficult relationship, they might also use this line of thinking to gain hope for the future since, after all, one can only have so many bad experiences before things start looking up. With people who have experienced a good relationship that ended, they might seriously begin to doubt their own choices, judgments, and behavior in a relationship, even though they might know they did the best they could. One look at the breakup boards will make this very clear to anyone who reads them. My question isn't so much about whether fate exists or not (at some point, does it really matter...?) but more about whether we should "worry" about our romantic lives and, if not happy with them, attempt to steer them in one direction or another. For me, the thought that we are ultimately in control of our relationship destiny is alternately scary and empowering. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yes, I agree. After reading Candide, I've adopted the mindset that everything happens for the best. Instead of forcing things to happen in your life, you just take each thing that comes at you one at a time, learn from it, and drive on. Have faith that no matter what, everything happens for the best, and you'll live a much less stressful and unhappy life. That said, I don't necessarily believe in fate...where the future is determined in the past...instead, I see it in what I'd call the opposite of that...that is, looking from the present, the past could not have happened any other way... Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 My question isn't so much about whether fate exists or not (at some point, does it really matter...?) but more about whether we should "worry" about our romantic lives and, if not happy with them, attempt to steer them in one direction or another. For me, the thought that we are ultimately in control of our relationship destiny is alternately scary and empowering. We can only place ourselves in situations that provide the opportunity for romance. There are way too many factors that come into play that we have absolutely no control over, and I think those who try to force the romance into their lives will ultimately end up settling with less than what they want. But romance is romance, right...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Yes, I agree. After reading Candide, I've adopted the mindset that everything happens for the best. Instead of forcing things to happen in your life, you just take each thing that comes at you one at a time, learn from it, and drive on. Have faith that no matter what, everything happens for the best, and you'll live a much less stressful and unhappy life. That said, I don't necessarily believe in fate...where the future is determined in the past...instead, I see it in what I'd call the opposite of that...that is, looking from the present, the past could not have happened any other way... Hokie, I wish I could adopt this mindset. Somehow, since I'm a "fixer," I self-flagellate in hopes of "figuring myself out" so I can "fix" the things that aren't working. Constant self-doubt doesn't work though. It just doesn't. OTOH, passivity can be dangerous and render people very unhappy as well. I do agree that fate isn't predetermined but "lives" in the present. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 With regard to relationships, do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use your personal experience, plus your knowledge of your friends' and families' experiences. They tend to unfold... but not necessarily 'as they should'. They just unfold, and then it's up to you how you react to it. Someone once told me to bear in mind the distinction between preparation and planning. You can't plan life. You can only prepare for it. That approach works for me. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 It's all about perspective and how people view their past, in relation to their present. It seems that people who are happy, are inclined to believe this statement. With people who have experienced a bad or difficult relationship, they might also use this line of thinking to gain hope for the future since, after all, one can only have so many bad experiences before things start looking up. With people who have experienced a good relationship that ended, they might seriously begin to doubt their own choices, judgments, and behavior in a relationship, even though they might know they did the best they could. One look at the breakup boards will make this very clear to anyone who reads them. My question isn't so much about whether fate exists or not (at some point, does it really matter...?) but more about whether we should "worry" about our romantic lives and, if not happy with them, attempt to steer them in one direction or another. For me, the thought that we are ultimately in control of our relationship destiny is alternately scary and empowering. Overall, I hope and doubt with equal measure depending on if it's a good day or a bad day. I think that if we see something we want to fix and we have the power to fix it, we shouldn't just sit back and leave it unfixed in the hopes that someone else will come along to fix it for us. That's easier said than done though. Sometimes we can become paralysed by uncertainty and fear of the future and whether or not our actions will make the situation worse or better. Because it's a good day, I'm going to go with making the leap, taking charge of your life and hoping for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Isolde Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Sometimes we can become paralysed by uncertainty and fear of the future and whether or not our actions will make the situation worse or better. Story of my life. I'm working on this, though. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 OTOH, passivity can be dangerous and render people very unhappy as well. I certainly don't advocate passivity or an exclusively reactive mindset. You should definitely be proactive in nature and seize initiative at every opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
OceanGirl Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I am a huge believer in "things happen as they should". Worrying about dating, if someone will come back, if someone likes you et al is pointless. I fully believe in what's meant to be will be. Say you went on a first date and you are worried if the guy is going to call. You stare at the phone, your anxiety growing each day. This is complete waste of emotion and mental energy. You have no control if he is going to call or not - so you may as well say "whatever will be will be" and get on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
paddington bear Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Interesting question, and replies. Strangely, I have just emailed a friend. I said it that with two particular men, due to keeping in touch with them, that I could see subsequently that I'd had a lucky escape. With both I was heartbroken and rejected that they didn't want me. Now I look on impassively as I see their own self-defeating behaviour ruin the relationships they have with women and think that I'm so lucky that they didn't want me, that I wouldn't have been able to cope. So, I've been lucky enough to see why things unfolded as they should, even if I was initially heartbroken when they rejected me. I agree that fate happens in the present. Your gut instinct about a person and how they feel about you is only valid for that day or hour or minute. The next day you can have a very different vibe. If you ignore your instinct, and try and push for the result you want, steer things into another direction, I have found that you get the same ultimate result that your gut was warning you about, just weeks or months later - thus you waste precious time trying to alter something that you knew instinctively could not be altered from the offset. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I believe very strongly: Things happened as they did. And Things are as they are. However, I think I have some control over my future, through my actions and choices. What I can't control are the actions and choices of others, and I seek to avoid trying. If I take the best actions and make the best choices I can, that's all I can do, and at that point, I think: Whatever will be will be. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 (edited) I am a huge believer in "things happen as they should". For me personally, I'd rephrase that to read: "Things happened as they should." Edited January 22, 2011 by USMCHokie Link to post Share on other sites
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