My Stalker was a Police Officer...not worst part

[Vixen Gemma]

*I'm not new, just posting for the first time here.

 

Recently I was yet again the victim of a stalker, but this time it was more dangerous and at many times left me feeling helpless. Background on me: I'm 21 years old & I'm a student. I'm a fun person and no, I don't call for drama, it just happens on it's own.

 

The recent one is a police officer and therefore the most frightening. I didn't even realize he was stalking me until my boyfriend (at the time) discovered it, and that was bad luck because for one, my boyfriend is also a police officer...they're both NYPD. That's not even the worst part. The craziest thing is that they both worked in the same precinct just a few years back. A couple weeks ago I was confronted by the stalker but back then I had no idea of what was going on. We'll call him Mike, the stalker. One night I was with my mother coming back home by car after watching a movie when my mom noticed a police car following us but not stopping us. When we pulled up to our driveway my mother was nervous & told me to get out of the car & see if anything was wrong. It was weird b/c when I got out so did he & he just stared at me. I asked him if anything was wrong, he didn't answer me, he looked to see who was driving then looked back at me & said my mother didn't stop at three stop signs. What a lie, I made sure my mother did b/c she does have a habit of not stopping so I knew that was weird when he said that, so I told him that. He asked me if I lived at this residence I said yes, then he told me he wouldn't ticket my mother, I was thankful. But he kept starring & I figured yea ok he's admiring whatever, leave. But he didn't until my mother got out. I completely forgot about this instance days after.

 

Then a box was sent to me through the mail, I wasn't expecting anything. When I opened it there was white lingerie, automatically I thought it was David. I was seeing him that night so I thought I'd...fashion it for him, that's went things went downhill. When I told him thank you for the gift he looked at me weird & said he never got me that, I thought wtf? Worse for him he thought I was seeing some one else, horrible argue ensues & the night ends shortly after. We made up but it was still a mystery as to who the f*** sent me that package. It got worse, I had flowers sent to me at work, a dozen roses, no card & not from David. My BF was becoming angrier with what was going on & we'd get into more fights until 1 night when he was getting off duty his car windows were smashed into. We felt like it was connected & against my protests he wanted me to be watched by a friend of his to see if they'd notice anyone following me. So one night we did just that but to no avail. To cut it short, b/c this is getting too long, he noticed Mike looking at me from across the room from the bar when we were at a restaurant that will be unnamed for this sole reason coming up. He told me he was confused b/c last time we were out on a similar occasion he saw Mike and made eye contact and seconds later he was gone. He put it together and lost it, I saw my BF going up to the bar and hit him square in the face, the nastiest fight broke out & it left me in tears. All I remember was a lot of screaming and fists being swung, my BF told me to leave the restaurant & wait in the car. I was crying uncontrollably in the car, I could see through the restaurant window that the fight was still going on! I could hear someone saying call the cops but little did they ****ing know that THEY ARE THE COPS. Once that happened David came running out to the car & we were out of there in seconds...

 

For days I had been scared, even ready to leave NY & go live with my uncle in freaking Alabama. No one was ever caught nor were there any charges on David which meant that Mike was staying quiet too. I wasn't getting stalked anymore, David said that wouldn't happen (idk what happened, I don't want to know what words were exchange or what but he told me he confronted Mike some days after & told him go no further). Everyone knew he got into a fight, it was obvious from his face, I could only imagine about Mike. Me and 'David' are not together anymore, I had to break up with him, he was upset about it but I just felt differently about him. I think it was his outburst of violence that scared the crap out of me (and his jealousy tendencies were annoying), he IS a good guy, really is, but it was time to move on. Yes, we're on good terms but I'm never, ever dating him again.

 

Even though this was CRAZY AS HELL, I can still live my life and hold my head up high or at least attempt to. I have good resilience. I wanted advice on how NOT to pick the wrong men but I guess it's all through trial and error. It's not cool having stalkers..

[Vixen Gemma]

This isn't the first time I was stalked, first time was when I was a freshman at my first college and it was ugly, he got kicked out and it ruined his reputation, he was really popular & an athlete, I thought he was a gentlemen till I found out about his 'trophies': found out he was quite the ladies man, after he'd have sex with a girl he'd take her underwear and thumb tack it to his wall in his dorm. However, when I was dating him he became obsessed with me, told his family he was in love with me when we only knew each other for less than a month. I ended it but he persisted; tried to get into bed with me, I said no. He threatened to kill his roommate when he saw me talking to him and that was it, the dean expelled him. It was a horrible time for him and then for me, I felt sorry for him, I'm not the kind of person to intentionally hurt others. Good news with him is that we're on better terms, we actually reconnected.

 

2nd time I was stalked was in my current college, just know that it was much worst & we were not even romantically linked, I had my professors walking me to my next classes and had a police report written on him. He, on the other hand, I have not come to better terms with though again I feel horrible even if I didn't do anything wrong.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Wow, I'm sorry. I can't imagine having to go through that.

 

I would give your boyfriend a chance. He at least tried to mend fences. All guys get jealous at some point, and he stood up and protected you. That at least makes him an upstanding guy.

 

I'd file a restraining order against "Mike." Even if he stopped, the guy is a loose cannon. Better safe than sorry.

[Vixen Gemma]

I would give your boyfriend a chance. He at least tried to mend fences. All guys get jealous at some point, and he stood up and protected you. That at least makes him an upstanding guy.

 

It's complicated with 'David'. I still talk to him but it's like all the romantic attraction has left. I know he took a strong stand for me but it was too much for me. Besides, I knew his great qualities but the bad ones weren't something I could fix, they scared me. I'm not lying when I say his jealous habit were annoying, they were downright rude.

[gator12]

Did you ever talk to him about his habits? And I mean really just ask him directly? You see, being a guy I know one thing about us that is a fundamental truth. We are idiots, we don't know we have problems or something we're doing is bothering our girlfriends unless they tell us. And I'm not talking about hinting at it, guys don't pick up on that. Women are bad at communication while guys are bad at emotions. So basically women who are in touch with their emotions expect guys to be, while guys who aren't expect women to communicate with them. Lol and this is why most relationships fail, communication. If you think that you can work past your issues I say give the guy a shot and talk to him about the reasons you got scared. He may not even know he scared you, or that his jealousy bothers you as much as it does. He definitely cares about you if he did that in the bar, that's a man's way of expressing love. Idk, just my thoughts.

[Vixen Gemma]

Gator12, yes we did talk about his anger/jealousy, practically took the whole day. Although it's a trait I despise it's never broken us up before, this time it was that plus a ****load of drama. First off I did not meet him under 'good' circumstances, something had happened which led to us ever meeting each other, I think that effects our relationship too. I realize I wrote that this took place a couple weeks ago but in reality a couple weeks ago is actually October lol. Sorry, I have a habit of being too general. I write this now b/c my ex is contacting me more often than usual & we talk about what's happened & I know he thinks of me often, I can hear it in his voice but you have to know him to really understand this. He's a cop, he's got this 'cop mentality' & sometimes cops can forget to separate their work act from their normal life and that's exactly what David goes through.

[Woman In Blue]

Ugh. I despise cops and have had my share of these repulsive morons following me home and hitting on me, as well. I simply cannot stand them.

 

My number ONE rule is to never date a cop - I've had a few opportunities but it ain't happening. Ever.

[gator12]

Gator12, yes we did talk about his anger/jealousy, practically took the whole day. Although it's a trait I despise it's never broken us up before, this time it was that plus a ****load of drama. First off I did not meet him under 'good' circumstances, something had happened which led to us ever meeting each other, I think that effects our relationship too. I realize I wrote that this took place a couple weeks ago but in reality a couple weeks ago is actually October lol. Sorry, I have a habit of being too general. I write this now b/c my ex is contacting me more often than usual & we talk about what's happened & I know he thinks of me often, I can hear it in his voice but you have to know him to really understand this. He's a cop, he's got this 'cop mentality' & sometimes cops can forget to separate their work act from their normal life and that's exactly what David goes through.

 

I understand it better than most, my father is a cop. The job definitly takes it's toll on both him and the family. In my opinion it takes a very special kind of woman to marry a cop even just date one. Him contacting you more often is most likely because he miss you and the relationship. Whether you want to give it another go is up to you, but I can def understand you not wanting to date someone in his line of work. It will, for a fact always take a toll on your relationship, there's absolutely no way around that.

[Vixen Gemma]

I know that so much time has passed since I posted this but there's been some serious things happening, I swear that life is a ****ing movie and we're just its props! I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT SUCK IT UP!

 

Last time I left off I said that my ex had been in contact with me in 2011, more frequently than usual, every now and then he'd send me emails or call since I don't have Facebook. We never had the intention to meet up but it happened unexpectedly on New Years Eve of 2012.

 

I recently started dating someone, (the 1st guy I've been with since breaking up with 'David') let's call him John. He's someone I met in 2010 when I visited a very good friend of mine, 'Lea' in the south of France. She introduced me to him as one of her closest friends along with his sister and we all got along great. During that summer I was staying with Lea and her family, she made it her mission to hook up John and me. I didn't really think he was interested and I was very shy so nothing ever happened.

 

Fast forward to December 2012 we bump into each other in Manhattan and it was the oddest thing, literally bumped into each other in the Village, like it was a legitimate bump...I thought that only happens in movies! Turns out John is on a working visa for 'XYZ' Co. and lives in Hoboken with another guy friend who has the same job. To hurry it up, he asks me on a date and the dates multiply, New Years is quickly approaching and he brings me as his date. I was really excited b/c we had to go through police barriers and show our tickets since the restaurant we were going to was literally right next to where the ball drops.

 

Out of all the cops in the New York City area, fate would have it that I'd see David. My heart dropped and I swear I felt like I wasn't even in my body! Now, I had made a decision not to tell David that I was dating someone because of how jealous he used to get when we were in a relationship. I always figured I was okay in not doing so because he wouldn't try to ask me if I were seeing someone when he'd call or email anyways. I wouldn't ask him about any girl she'd be seeing but I sort of knew he still had feelings for me so I was always cautious in not bringing up that topic, he respectfully did the same.

 

John and I were holding hands & it was pretty obvious that we were together so when I looked up to discover that David was walking in our direction my body just shut down. I stopped walking and so did David. I had told John about my 'fiasco' the year before so in his mind, he thought the cop who I was looking at was Mike! John got defensive and stepped out in front of me. I snapped back in and pulled him away telling him that it was David and not Mike. He calmed down but still seemed upset. David just stood there, some other officer was with him and was just standing there.

 

Next thing I know David walks up to me not saying anything, steals a glance at John and before I freaking know it he kissed me. I always felt he still liked me and now he was challenging John. I wanted to ****ing hide in the ground! I broke off the kiss, grabbed John and walked straight forward before anything stupid happened. John was beyond pissed by the time we got to the restaurant and I only made it worst by not saying anything. I felt horrible and confused because I knew that here I was, with an amazing guy and I was pretty ****ing sure he was going to officially ask me to be his girlfriend and then this happens but my heart betrayed me every time I thought of David, my heart just dropped.

 

John kept complaining to his friends about what had happened and was ignoring my attempts to talk about it with him. He could talk to his friends about what happened while I'm there but when I wanted to talk about it he refused. At one point he went off somewhere in the restaurant and I was looking for him when I got a text message from David saying "I love you. Nothing's changed". When I found John he flat out asked me why I would have ever dated someone like that. It was a combination of the way he said it and the way he looked at me that didn't sit right with me.

 

I told him David most likely saved me at a time when I could've been in danger and no one ever stood up for me like he had. It was the simple truth but John rolled his eyes and that's when I snapped. I gave him a hug and said this isn't going to work and left. I confided in John some time ago all that had happened with my stalker, how David was there for me and even before that when I was in other trouble, David was there. John acted rude and immature and so I left him there with his friends.

 

I ended up going home and celebrating New Years alone, I didn't reply back to David, I just let it sink in. A week and a half passed before I built up the nerve to go to David's apartment, I still had a spare key and decided to bring it with me . This might have been crazy and could have taken a turn for the worst but when I figured he wasn't home I decided to go in anyways and wait for him. I don't know what the **** was goingthrough my head, I mean he could've had a girlfriend but something kept nagging me that he didn't, I didn't see any woman-stuff around the house or notes or anything.

 

It was worth it in the end . When he came home and saw me there we didn't need to exchange words. The rest is history...and explicit .

 

We're living together now. Never thought I'd see this coming but we're better people now and I can't see life being any other way.

 

**As for Mike, my cop stalker, he transferred to a different branch, more like a different state. Phew

Edited February 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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