dreamingoftigers Posted February 22, 2011 Posted February 22, 2011 Um, this is where my expertise ends. I still haven't figured that one out.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 well I'm going at lunch to see my son do his karate.. I think I am going to ask her where my son is living right now. I suspect she'll lie about it and say her parents, thats fine, it'll be documented.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 23, 2011 Author Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) I continue to F up. I continue to hope this person cares about me or misses me and they don't. I put myself in bad situations to be around her to hope she reaches out and she never does and never will. I ask for compassion and empathy and get nothing but callousness and contempt back. Then I lose my sh*t and act nuts. What the hell is wrong with me? Shes a horrible person but why do I let it affect me so much? I'm better than this. No one has ever had this amount of power over me, ever. Usually I can completely control myself, but not when she treats me like nothing. Something is wrong. Edited February 23, 2011 by marqueemoon4
dreamingoftigers Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 I continue to F up. I continue to hope this person cares about me or misses me and they don't. I put myself in bad situations to be around her to hope she reaches out and she never does and never will. I ask for compassion and empathy and get nothing but callousness and contempt back. Then I lose my sh*t and act nuts. What the hell is wrong with me? Shes a horrible person but why do I let it affect me so much? I'm better than this. No one has ever had this amount of power over me, ever. Usually I can completely control myself, but not when she treats me like nothing. Something is wrong.[/QUOTE] If you change the "she" to "he", then I can join the club too, right? **** sakes! I don't get it either, when did we start settling for so little? I mean c'mon I haven't been happy for so long and trying to fix things for so long, and I still haven't got the guts to let go? With the Hell is wrong with me? Since when did someone have to completely sacrifice every single fibre of their being to have a family? When did it get so damn hard?
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 (edited) well unfortunately... I really do have some issues I need to address. It is 100% unhealthy to put myself in bad situations like I did yesterday hoping for something positive when the outcome was predictably going to be negative, and for me lose control of my emotions because she ignores me. This is a personality flaw of mine, I should be strong enough and confident enough to not give a damn what she thinks, but right now I'm not. I have to be honest with myself and admit I showed up at my sons karate 50% to see him and 50% to see her. Obvious terrible judgement on my part. basically I'm in a situation I just can't handle.. I have to admit that. I can't handle seeing her twice a week to dropoff/pickup my son, I can't deal with knowing she is with another guy, I can't handle being alone, I can't handle seeing my son 10 days a month, I can't handle that she'd rather do ANYTHING rather than communicate with me, and I can't deal with the fact she is gone forever. My coping skills suck. I simply can't play the "i don't care my life is so great without you" game. I over romanticize things and can't understand why others don't see it the same way. I felt like getting my family back was life or death and no one else sees it like that. I do 10 things and hope to get some positive reinforcement back but I never will. its not enough for me to feel good about it and leave it at that. right now every thought and feeling I have is basically wrong and not valid. I sincerely hope a new therapist can assist with this, I'm perilously close to losing a whole lot more. i'm f-ing up really bad, as bad as I ever have. Edited February 24, 2011 by marqueemoon4
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 So, because of my inability to handle this situation, its been decided by myself and support system that LC has to goto NC. No more texts from me to her or vice versa about anything, our child included. No more asking me to do favors for her about our son (I haven't asked for any). Asking that she find someone else to dropoff and pickup our son as well. Seems like this is the only solution going forward.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 24, 2011 Posted February 24, 2011 Probably good if you can hold to it. Just give her emergency contact. If there are parental decisions to be made that need to be jointly made, they probably can wait 30 days.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 24, 2011 Author Posted February 24, 2011 Probably good if you can hold to it. Just give her emergency contact. If there are parental decisions to be made that need to be jointly made, they probably can wait 30 days. yea well, this won't bode well in divorce hearings when it comes to custody, unfortunately its the only logical thing to do right now. Its pretty much my fault, if I didn't care and had no interest in talking to her like I should it wouldn't be an issue. I mean, all I want is for her to acknowledge my existence and she incapable of that. She really does not like me and really has moved on 100%. This stands to get pretty ugly when ppwk is filed unfortunately. I don't want it that way but I have no say and haven't for a long time. I really don't see us every being friends or anything for that matter. Thats too bad, but unfortunately this whole thing has brought out the worst in us both. Our son will end up losing because of it. ps- hope things are getting better for you
dreamingoftigers Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 I know what you are saying about your kid. That has been the super-biggest struggle for me is what best for our kids.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Posted February 25, 2011 Well, I confirmed what I already pretty much knew about the OM. She is definitely staying with him as is my son. Real classy. She also straight up lied about it on wednesday. She's a compulsive liar and an awful excuse for a human being. I hope this guy knows that shacking up with someone who is still legally married is a bad idea. He'll figure it out when he's subpoenaed during the divorce hearings. What an idiot.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 25, 2011 Posted February 25, 2011 He doesn't sound like the only idiot in the situation. I am so so sorry that you have to go through this. I know the feelings of rejection are super-intense when a spouse is going for other people. Please take some relief in knowing that this is a reflection of her character, not a reflection of you or your efforts.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 (edited) He doesn't sound like the only idiot in the situation. I am so so sorry that you have to go through this. I know the feelings of rejection are super-intense when a spouse is going for other people. Please take some relief in knowing that this is a reflection of her character, not a reflection of you or your efforts. Well she said she "wasn't trying to hurt me" a few days ago before it was decided to go NC completely. She basically doesn't care AT ALL. In fact, she called my mother and threatened to call the police for harrassment on wednesday after the drama at the karate class. She'd rather call the police on me than speak to me. I have to move on, I deserve way better than this, I'm sorry I spent 8yrs of my life with this person and had a child with her, but none of that matters to her at all. I feel emotionally gutted, but I have to get over all this pain. Edited February 27, 2011 by marqueemoon4
dreamingoftigers Posted February 27, 2011 Posted February 27, 2011 Who are your other supports? Trust me, I totally get the "pain and being left" thing. So brutal, like a chunk of your soul, right in the middle went missing. It won't get any easier until you pick the road out of that hope and wish and expectation. Once you get rid of the hope and expectation, you are left with a completely clean slate to build from. Not a bad thing at all if you aim at excellence. That's the Yale around the water cooler anyways. Have you thought perhaps of EMDR?
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 27, 2011 Author Posted February 27, 2011 Who are your other supports? Trust me, I totally get the "pain and being left" thing. So brutal, like a chunk of your soul, right in the middle went missing. It won't get any easier until you pick the road out of that hope and wish and expectation. Once you get rid of the hope and expectation, you are left with a completely clean slate to build from. Not a bad thing at all if you aim at excellence. That's the Yale around the water cooler anyways. Have you thought perhaps of EMDR? A few friends locally, a few out of the area, family an hour away, and some coworkers. Thats pretty much it. I will say this... I finally came to the conclusion that that person will never, ever be a part of life again in any capacity.. not a friend, nothing. I don't care if its a year from now, 5 years or 10. I finally hate her, and have absolutely no respect for her.
dreamingoftigers Posted February 28, 2011 Posted February 28, 2011 A few friends locally, a few out of the area, family an hour away, and some coworkers. Thats pretty much it. I will say this... I finally came to the conclusion that that person will never, ever be a part of life again in any capacity.. not a friend, nothing. I don't care if its a year from now, 5 years or 10. I finally hate her, and have absolutely no respect for her. Hate takes a lot Of energy. Have you tried meditating yet?
Author marqueemoon4 Posted February 28, 2011 Author Posted February 28, 2011 I find I'm really struggling with this because for some unknown reason HER opinion of me matters. I have no idea why.. and her ignorant opinion of me absolutely does NOT define who I am. Maybe because she was supposed to know me better than anyone after being with her for 8yrs, but she has shown herself to be incredibly manipulative, dishonest, deceptive, and completely cold. Who would want to be around someone like this??
dreamingoftigers Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Someone who believes that her actions define him.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 day 6 NC still feels like its going to hurt for a long time.
Shatter3d Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 Mate, Im on day 8, and it's killing me. Nearly gave in and texted him 2nite. But what would be the point? Why would we want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with us? There is no point.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 Mate, Im on day 8, and it's killing me. Nearly gave in and texted him 2nite. But what would be the point? Why would we want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with us? There is no point. In my case there are alot of things that make me feel like being back with my wife would fix everything. If we were just boyfriend/girlfriend and no kid and she left, even for someone else I'm positive it would've been MUCH easier for me.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 No kidding, kids are a whole other ballgame. Once you gave kids with them you are tied for life. Sucks when that tie is toxic.
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 1, 2011 Author Posted March 1, 2011 No kidding, kids are a whole other ballgame. Once you gave kids with them you are tied for life. Sucks when that tie is toxic. and of course, thats the LAST thing on your mind when they broke the news they were pregnant or you were telling them. who knew in a short 4yrs thing would COMPLETELY fall apart.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 2, 2011 Posted March 2, 2011 At least you guys got through the pregnancy before it fell apart
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 this is the reality of my situation: I come first my son comes second she is long gone, and I should be happy about that, she is NOT for me I shouldn't care that she is shacked up with an OM though we're not divorced I need to get HEALTHY and stop obsessing about the past Once I get healthy I need to find someone who I'm compatible with and is on my level, I will never settle again Financially I will recover in time I won't always be alone, though I am right now I have a lot of GREAT qualities that if she can't see, thats her problem Need to focus on the positive in my life, not the negative Realize that I WASN'T HAPPY WITH THIS PERSON FOR A LONG TIME Forgive myself, there was no way of knowing she was so cold, uncaring and selfish
Author marqueemoon4 Posted March 2, 2011 Author Posted March 2, 2011 for the record, day 7 of NC. slight compulsion to txt and ask how my son is, DON'T DO IT.
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