LC Journal by mm4

[marqueemoon4]

Dude, I am way down the social-class scale.

 

It probably had more to do with either of you not understanding what it took to create a proper, healthy relationship dynamic.

 

Once that knowledge is accrued, it increases your odds substantially.

 

It just came way to late and with a partner that was very dysfunctional.

 

Class wouldn't have been the major operational decider.

 

And now... a bunny....

 

I feel pretty confident I know how to create a healthy dynamic.. I expected very little from her and she still found ways to not deliver. She is wholly dysfunctional, and I definitely have an issue with controlling my emotions in this type of situation. Yes, the class thing definitely comes into play.. she is from a background where dysfunction is the norm. My family has their own issues but on the whole my immediate family is pretty solid, parents married for 45 some odd years, etc, all of us educated. While I loved her I could never deal with her family, collectively I can't really come up with one positive thing to say about any of them. They're a case study in mediocrity. Yes, it bothers me that my son spends 72% of his time with these people, though that number will change. I fell in love with her, and married her because she pitched me hard for years on how she loved me FOR ME and would always love me and be there for me. I trusted her 100% and chose to ignore the red flags, and after 4 yrs together she got pregnant. It was all downhill from there.

 

ps- thanks for the bunny!

Edited April 20, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[marqueemoon4]

So... for the record.. this is what I'm finding out.

 

1. I'll get used to missing my son all the time (no, I won't)

2. No matter how much you do for a person over an 8yr span once they decide to leave they owe you nothing

3. Its my fault that my son will be deprived having a real family and both of his parents in his life daily

4. When a woman decides she wants a divorce, that means she is gone for good, even if they put 0 effort into fixing anything.

5. Even if you never asked for help on ANYTHING in almost a decade, and did nothing but HELP your spouse/gf, if you let them know that because of them leaving you are in major emotional trouble and reach out for help, you are WEAK.

6. You have to really hate someone and be incredibly self centered to force a divorce on them and feel no guilt that your child is in misery and his father misses him terribly.

7. My ex looks at our child as a possession, and thinks she is more important to him than me. My son says otherwise.

8. Promises are made to be broken

9. Once you're done with someone its ok to lie to them about everything

[dreamingoftigers]

This sounds pretty victim-y

 

Where is your personal power?

 

You also weren't a perfect spouse and toed the line and even walked out of MC. Come on man, own it.

 

You can still turn the tide on some of the dynamic here too.

 

I get that you are hurt, but you don't walk on water either.

 

She and these issues aren't going to disappear because you are hurt or pissed the most.

 

What is one thing (completely unrelated to her or your son) that you can do to make yourself feel better?

[marqueemoon4]

10. No matter how much time you spend with someone, you'll never really know them. Trust no one.

11. My ex thinks relationships are all about what she can get out of it. She does nothing unless it benefits her in some way. Her feelings/actions only exist for her to "accomplish" things that will benefit her. This is the true definition of "self centered"

12. Family law in VA is a joke

13. Its perfectly reasonable to have sex with another man (who is also legally married) when your child is present in the same house and you're not even close to being legally divorced yet.

14. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. Exes entire family is a case study in what is wrong with human beings.

 

 

Ok thats it for now. I'm so glad I procreated with this person!

[marqueemoon4]

This sounds pretty victim-y

 

Where is your personal power?

 

You also weren't a perfect spouse and toed the line and even walked out of MC. Come on man, own it.

 

You can still turn the tide on some of the dynamic here too.

 

I get that you are hurt, but you don't walk on water either.

 

She and these issues aren't going to disappear because you are hurt or pissed the most.

 

What is one thing (completely unrelated to her or your son) that you can do to make yourself feel better?

 

I am the one who has been f-ed over bigtime in this whole thing. I'm the one who has been emotionally and financially destroyed by it. Yep, I made mistakes, some big ones. No, I did not walk out on MC, the hour was over. I was committed to counseling for as long as it took. I don't think a perfect spouse exists, but I tried, and would've continued to try BECAUSE MARRIAGE ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING TO ME. Personal power? All the personal power in the world isn't going to allow me to be in my sons life daily like I should be. Nothing I've tried in 11 months has made me feel better.. it takes more than a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes to make me happy (sorry I lifted that from Ghost World.. good movie)

 

I love ya to death DoT but really.. when I'm on day 5 of not seeing my boy, what exactly is supposed to make me feel better? Hook up with another woman? Throwing some weights around? Watching tv? Um, going shopping? 50 pushups? These are empty, pedestrian activities and for anyone to even suggest these "distractions" could replace interacting with my child is preposterous (not saying you did)

 

Speaking of personal power... if I had custody of my son and he was with me 7/10ths of the time.. and my ex was in a constant state of missing him, and I had the nerve to say gee you haven't lost your son, you still get a whopping 10 days a month with him, what do you think HER response would be? Oh yea, I forgot, in this society mothers are SO much more important than fathers.

 

This is my reality. I believe no matter what I did this would've been the end result. Does that mean I don't take responsibility for the things I did wrong? Absolutely not. I feel this way because this is how I was raised to feel. As you've said on many occasions, divorce when a child is involved shouldn't even be an option unless every possible attempt is made to improve things. My spouse has done nothing to improve relations on any level between us since sometime in 2009. And wow, she has everything justified and a slew of friends and family that think she is doing the right thing even though all they know are the lies and half truths she tells them, and they all have their own ulterior motives. Ok, back to my daily game of pretending to the world that everything is going great.

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[marqueemoon4]

So lets say, theoretically.. when all this went down last year, I just suffered in solitude, didn't let her or anyone know it was eating me alive, etc etc.. let her continue to take advantage of me.. why exactly do people "respect" you if you hide or fake you feelings? This is something to be rewarded? Whats wrong with being real?

 

Also, what in the hell does "i'll always love you because you're XXXX's father mean? What exactly does this "love" entitle me to?

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[worldgonewrong]

I feel for you, brother.

Just try to control what you can control. Don't try to analyze this stuff too much, because it's cancerous.

[dreamingoftigers]

MM4, it is the tone. Hear me out.....

 

So... for the record.. this is what I'm finding out.

 

1. I'll get used to missing my son all the time (no, I won't) (No, you won't).

 

2. No matter how much you do for a person over an 8yr span once they decide to leave they owe you nothing

(Unfortunately, no, they don't. They should, but they don't. It is the risk we take when we get involved with someone.

 

3. Its my fault that my son will be deprived having a real family and both of his parents in his life daily

(Is this what you are "finding out" or what you "believe"? Or simply a guilt trip that you have been exposed to that you resent? I think that it is the latter. By framing it this way, it just sounded victim-y.

 

4. When a woman decides she wants a divorce, that means she is gone for good, even if they put 0 effort into fixing anything.

This is often true, women hold out and then are done. Most often. This is actually often why I hold out on a 1% chance that my own marriage will recover, because once that little silver thread snaps, even he becomes able to move mountains and be the ideal spouse, I will never ever ever go back. Getting out was hard enough with all of the scrapes and burns. Feelings die hard for us and they don't get suppressed easily.

 

5. Even if you never asked for help on ANYTHING in almost a decade, and did nothing but HELP your spouse/gf, if you let them know that because of them leaving you are in major emotional trouble and reach out for help, you are WEAK.

Everybody asks for something in a relationship. You may not have asked for something unreasonable in a decade. She isn't going to reach back across the divide for you. She can't, those feelings died. It would be, well, sorry to say but disrespectful for her to do that. I am not taking her side. I just see why she would clearly leave well enough alone. TBH it was probably hard to leave after so long. She may not have tried in a way that you understand or in a way that was helpful but 95% of women try to get that understanding in some way. Your relationship was conflicted. You both knew that. Her coping skills sucked, no question.

 

You see, if you think you are weak and you have come to realize this, then yes this point belongs on the list, otherwise you would be saying: I am perceived as weak or something similar. It just sounds like you are internalizing others messages.

 

6. You have to really hate someone and be incredibly self centered to force a divorce on them and feel no guilt that your child is in misery and his father misses him terribly.

 

Enh, she might just be stupid.

 

7. My ex looks at our child as a possession, and thinks she is more important to him than me. My son says otherwise.

 

You both have equal importance, you both just do. Whether she will do a good job as a mother doesn't mean she will be any more or less influential. The opposite-gender parent actually has a lot of sway.

 

8. Promises are made to be broken

 

Is this something that you have actually come to realize, or something that you feel and resent?

 

9. Once you're done with someone its ok to lie to them about everything

 

Is this a new philosophy of yours, or do you resent the way that you perceive you are being treated?

 

10. No matter how much time you spend with someone, you'll never really know them. Trust no one.

 

Will you never trust again or will you more carefully weigh your options? What gives you better odds on a fulfilling life that you can role model to your son.

 

11. My ex thinks relationships are all about what she can get out of it. She does nothing unless it benefits her in some way. Her feelings/actions only exist for her to "accomplish" things that will benefit her. This is the true definition of "self centered"

 

As much as you resent this woman's actions and apparent character, you don't read minds. Nothing good will come of believing you know what she is thinking and how she feels.

 

12. Family law in VA is a joke

 

That sucks.

 

13. Its perfectly reasonable to have sex with another man (who is also legally married) when your child is present in the same house and you're not even close to being legally divorced yet.

 

Do you believe this or resent it? Because from the way that you framed this list it seems like you are about to adopt a whole framework of detestable philosophies that you resent.

 

Perhaps venting about the situation and re-examining it may help a little better?

 

14. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. Exes entire family is a case study in what is wrong with human beings.

 

Probably true.

 

Ok thats it for now. I'm so glad I procreated with this person!

 

You forgot the ":rolleyes:"

 

I am the one who has been f-ed over bigtime in this whole thing. I'm the one who has been emotionally and financially destroyed by it. Yep, I made mistakes, some big ones. No, I did not walk out on MC, the hour was over.

 

Sorry I must have confused you with someone else.

 

I was committed to counseling for as long as it took. I don't think a perfect spouse exists, but I tried, and would've continued to try BECAUSE MARRIAGE ACTUALLY MEANS SOMETHING TO ME. Personal power? All the personal power in the world isn't going to allow me to be in my sons life daily like I should be. Nothing I've tried in 11 months has made me feel better.. it takes more than a Big Mac and a pair of Nikes to make me happy (sorry I lifted that from Ghost World.. good movie)

 

Well a Big Mac would simply give me the runs, so aside from some academic fascination with wondering what McDonald's did to my insides I wouldn't be too thrilled either. (Haven't eaten there in years )

 

So, not having your son with you is the end of your very life?

My daughter is not with me now. There is an absence, it saddens me. I don't feel 100%, I don't even feel 80%. BUT I don't feel 0%.

 

Let's say that you are sitting at 20%, you may not be able to get to 100% without your son, but you may be able to get to 40%, which is twice as good.

 

What is better? Pining? Raging? Resenting? Dwelling? Or doing something different?

 

I read, I learn new things, I start to conquer my crappy sugar addiction. I make my home a good place for my little one. I plan my future. I meditate (okay no I don't but I am going to start) and I will start back praying too.

 

These are things that can get me to 40-50%.

 

My daughter will not always be here. My whole family could get in an accident tomorrow. I need to feel that ability to get to at least 40%, or forget it, what's the point? Always living for Saturday? **** that, I am 28. My life isn't in the grave yet. I refuse. Hopefully when my kid is 28 and her life might hit the skids for a bit, she can look on here or whatever and not just sit back and take the hits. She can get to 40-50-60%.

 

Cause it is going to happen to them at some point too. Maybe they get married and they have a douchebag husband/wife. Maybe they have a great spouse and then one of them gets sick. Maybe there is an accident, or a miscarriage. Maybe Charlie Sheen produces a musical about winning in their living room. My point is that any tragedy can happen.

 

We have to as people and as parents drag our asses up for ourselves and our kids so that we know we can do it and they know that they can do it.

 

I drag my ass and self-pity a lot. I lose myself in other people's problems. I'm fat. I spend too damn much time online. Guess what?

 

You mope. You hate what the ex has done and you think that she's a crappy person but you are nowhere near over her. You hate your life and you miss your kid.

 

Time to be grateful for both of us, eh? Time to go outside and be like, "hey wow, snow, that's awesome." In a big way it ****ing sucks. But thems the breaks.

 

I love ya to death DoT but really.. when I'm on day 5 of not seeing my boy, what exactly is supposed to make me feel better? Hook up with another woman? Throwing some weights around? Watching tv? Um, going shopping? 50 pushups? These are empty, pedestrian activities and for anyone to even suggest these "distractions" could replace interacting with my child is preposterous (not saying you did)

 

Nothing replaces your kid. Nothing can. But something has to fill in the blanks.

 

Speaking of personal power... if I had custody of my son and he was with me 7/10ths of the time.. and my ex was in a constant state of missing him, and I had the nerve to say gee you haven't lost your son, you still get a whopping 10 days a month with him, what do you think HER response would be? Oh yea, I forgot, in this society mothers are SO much more important than fathers.

 

My question to you is this: who gives a **** what her response would be? I don't know her, and I don't care what society thinks either. There is one person on this thread I am addressing.

 

Get your ass reading the Flip Side before I come down to VA and kick it for you!

 

I hate to bring out the bitch gun, but do you know what you have? A son. This relationship could have been childless and gone to the dogs and you wouldn't have had him.

 

So maybe (and I am not good at this either yet, but hear me out) instead of seeing what you lost, see what you have. Maybe you would have been happier now without him not having known. But you don't know that.

 

This is my reality. I believe no matter what I did this would've been the end result. Does that mean I don't take responsibility for the things I did wrong? Absolutely not. I feel this way because this is how I was raised to feel. As you've said on many occasions, divorce when a child is involved shouldn't even be an option unless every possible attempt is made to improve things. My spouse has done nothing to improve relations on any level between us since sometime in 2009. And wow, she has everything justified and a slew of friends and family that think she is doing the right thing even though all they know are the lies and half truths she tells them, and they all have their own ulterior motives. Ok, back to my daily game of pretending to the world that everything is going great.

 

Her friends and family don't know squat and they will back her because that's what friends and family do sometimes.

 

So lets say, theoretically.. when all this went down last year, I just suffered in solitude, didn't let her or anyone know it was eating me alive, etc etc.. let her continue to take advantage of me.. why exactly do people "respect" you if you hide or fake you feelings? This is something to be rewarded? Whats wrong with being real?

 

Feelings properly channeled with dignity are respected in general I find. Grief and sadness are something generally approached with gentleness by women and a "man up" by men. JMO.

[dreamingoftigers]

I feel for you, brother.

Just try to control what you can control. Don't try to analyze this stuff too much, because it's cancerous.

 

Essentially you are looping and obsessing and both WGW and I are trying to tell you to find another tree in the forest to focus on before you go completely mad.

[marqueemoon4]

Essentially you are looping and obsessing and both WGW and I are trying to tell you to find another tree in the forest to focus on before you go completely mad.

 

i think i'd have to be lobotomized to do anything else. i have no control over so many things that are ****ING UP MY LIFE. I'm one of those weird people who doesn't like that.

 

 

 

 

latest txt exchange, i had asked if she was going to let me have him more as per her word weeks ago when she got busted.

 

(im supposed to pick him up at 5:30pm today at convenient place for her)

 

her: if i take him to karate at 4 today, will you pick him up from there?

 

me: what time? I mean is a 30 or 60 min class?

 

her: be there at 4:30 just in case

 

me: is this when he usually goes on thursday?

 

her: no, its spring break so there isn't class during the day, only afternoon

 

me: I'll pick him up at 4:30

 

her: ok

 

me: so thats an extra hour. I assume it benefits you in some way? (yes, the temptation was there to add more snark, fought it)

 

her: no not at all. i just figured its easier for everyone. you don't have to if you don't want to.

 

me: no, I want as much time with my son as possible.

 

 

I have a REAL hard time with her doling him out like he's some bargaining chip or possession. Everytime since this all started I have jumped on every opportunity to spend more time with him. And will continue to.

[dreamingoftigers]

Um, what? I didn't see a lot of play of her behalf during that text my friend.

 

MM4, CBT for Dummies pronto.

 

I am reading it myself.

 

CBT for Dummies

 

The Flip Side.

 

Read and enjoy.

:):)

[marqueemoon4]

Um, what? I didn't see a lot of play of her behalf during that text my friend.

 

MM4, CBT for Dummies pronto.

 

I am reading it myself.

 

CBT for Dummies

 

The Flip Side.

 

Read and enjoy.

:):)

 

I wasn't trying to say there was any malice involved in that convo at all. I will say again and again she does NOTHING unless it benefits her. And gee honey, thanks for that big extra hour of time. Means the world.

 

ok Cognitive Behavioral Theory for Dummies. I will look into it. So I will learn more how to refine my behavior in a way that no one else plays by. BTDT. Oh well.

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[dreamingoftigers]

Successful people play by it. Good for coping.

[marqueemoon4]

Successful people play by it. Good for coping.

 

point taken

[marqueemoon4]

i threw this out there via text, I don't expect a response but I was being 100% sincere:

 

sometime I would really value your opinion (as the person I spent so much of my life with) on what you had major problems with me on. you were never very detailed. it would seriously mean a lot to me. I want to continue to become a better person and role model to our son.

 

 

I really do think her feedback would be invaluable. doubt I'll get it.

[marqueemoon4]

this comes to mind:

 

Rick, I want to cut through the BS.

 

- I'd like that.

 

Good.

I think you're an assh*le.

No, let me correct that. An immature assh*le.

Which is fine, except that

you're marrying my daughter

and I'm afraid that my grandchildren

are gonna be little assh*les.

 

- Mr Thompson, I...

 

No, let me finish.

 

Debbie is an adult.

She can do what she wants.

But if you want your marriage to last, you

have to change some things about yourself.

 

Now, if I may make some suggestions?

 

- Oh, feel free.

 

Good. First, you're a slob. You dress like a bum.

Second, you're unmotivated.

You have no self-esteem,

no thought about the future.

You're inconsiderate. You're insensitive.

You're insincere.

And you're irresponsible. A show-off.

You're vulgar. You're inappropriate.

You're unrefined. You're obnoxious.

 

-Well, Mr Thompson, that's really quite a list.

-And you're right. You're absolutely right.

-And I think, if I really apply myself,

-I could be a totally changed person by the time we finish lunch.

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[NXS]

MM4, there's nothing I can say here that's going to make it easier for you, sorry. All I can tell you is that what you're now facing is what 100,000s of men have faced over the last couple of decades right across the western world. Completely biased courts backed up by the uniformed thugs with an agenda to give priveleges to women. Feminism has crept into every facet of western life and there are generations of women now who feel entitled to everything the government and men give them. There's no point in comparing it to your parents' marriage as there's no comparison, this is a whole different era. This is why a lot of men now wonder why they should get married, and what's in it for men. It's really nothing more than a game of Russian Roulette the way the system is set up now.

 

Just like your stbx, you tried to give her everything and assumed it counted for something, it doesn't, she was just getting what she was 'entitled' to. You're not going to get any kind of acknowledgement or appreciation for this, don't waste your time trying, you'll just keep banging your head against a brick wall.

 

Also you don't want to go through endless court cases trying to get more contact, it will just bleed you dry financially and even if you do manage to get more custody she can just screw you around by saying he's sick or he has to do something else instead. It's an endless cycle you don't want to get into. Again, if there are any father's rights groups in your area they'll be able to tell you all the pitfalls and save yourself 1,000s in lawyers fees etc.

 

For now just try and move on with your life as best you can, no it's not easy with all this hanging over you, but for no other reason than to try and keep yourself sane and functioning. Also try not to keep asking her for more contact, she already knows you want this and is using it against you, don't give her this it just makes her feel 'empowered'. She'll then start looking for more money or for you to pay for bills etc and use him as a bargaining chip.

[marqueemoon4]

Its an abuse of power. She holds all the cards and loves having me under her foot while she does whatever she wants. I could never imagine treating anyone this way, its pretty disgusting. At the end of the day, she is putting herself over our son and obviously me. Thats what she is focused on 100%, her own selfish needs.

 

Sorry this mornings posts were pretty negative.. i was feeling pretty crappy this morning, but now I have my son and I'm feeling a lot better.

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[marqueemoon4]

Just like your stbx, you tried to give her everything and assumed it counted for something, it doesn't, she was just getting what she was 'entitled' to. You're not going to get any kind of acknowledgement or appreciation for this, don't waste your time trying, you'll just keep banging your head against a brick wall.

 

 

this is paragraph is key.. I foolishly thought that 8yrs of giving her everything, supporting her, letting her live a lifestyle she had no business living and didn't earn, and making enough to allow her to be a stay at home mom for 3yrs would mean something to her. Like you said, it totally doesn't.. she's only focused on who she can take from next and what she thinks she is owed. I wasn't raised this way, and I can't relate to that mentality in any way. If someone had done everything I did for her for me, I'd be indebted to them in life and would go out of my way to make sure they felt appreciated.

 

Thats all I wanted, was to be loved and appreciated, and I never got it. Not only was the marriage a complete disappointment, I end up getting betrayed and abandoned. wtf?

Edited April 21, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[marqueemoon4]

So my latest thoughts are surrounded by how I can become custodial parent of my son. I know its an uphill battle, but I do have these things going for me:

 

Older, established

college degree (she has HS only)

steady job in IT field

make 3 times more than her

have my own place, son has own room (she is living with her parents and OM)

I'm not in an adulterous relationship with a scumbag who isn't divorced yet

My home is a healthier environment for him

He'd rather be with me, as he tells all the time

I'm every bit as loving and responsible a parent as she is, if not moreso

 

Of course, bias towards mothers will be next to impossible to get over, and family law in the county I live in is majorly mother centric.

 

Thoughts?

[dreamingoftigers]

I think that it is a good goal.

 

I also think that you absolutely need to make sure that it does not consume your life and become your sole point of happiness.

 

I know that that sounds odd. But we have to show and role-model happiness for our children, not expect their presence to bring us happiness (although it does for many people most of the time).

 

I am not trying to lecture you in any way. I just know it is so hard to keep focus on your own nurturing when the things that used to make you feel good disappear. Human nature tends to chase after the things that made us feel good instead of replacing that with healthier and more viable/sustainable options.

 

I hope that this post was actually relevant.

[NXS]

So my latest thoughts are surrounded by how I can become custodial parent of my son. I know its an uphill battle, but I do have these things going for me:

 

Older, established

college degree (she has HS only)

steady job in IT field

make 3 times more than her

have my own place, son has own room (she is living with her parents and OM)

I'm not in an adulterous relationship with a scumbag who isn't divorced yet

My home is a healthier environment for him

He'd rather be with me, as he tells all the time

I'm every bit as loving and responsible a parent as she is, if not moreso

 

Of course, bias towards mothers will be next to impossible to get over, and family law in the county I live in is majorly mother centric.

 

Thoughts?

 

MM4, nobody here can answer your question unless they have first hand knowledge of how the courts work where you live. I live in Europe and altough there is the same bias towards women there are differences in each country.

 

My opinion is that having a good education/job may just mean paying a bigger cheque each month. As your stbx was the primary care-giver that's going to be hard to overturn unless you have a good case against her. The courts generally go along with the current arrangement i.e. continuing custody with the mother and the father paying child support with some limited access.

 

You also have to think about how you would rear the child and hold down a full-time job and how you would present that case.

 

Your ex could argue that the time spent at home has limited her earning ability and that therefore she can't be expected to rear the child without your financial help. She could deny that she's having an affair with a MM as you don't seem to have an proof of this and she could argue that the child is surrounded by his extended family and being taken care of.

 

I'm not sure if your sons wishes will be heard or taken into account, that very much depends on where you live.

 

I'm just throwing out scenarios here for you to think about.

[marqueemoon4]

MM4, nobody here can answer your question unless they have first hand knowledge of how the courts work where you live. I live in Europe and altough there is the same bias towards women there are differences in each country.

 

My opinion is that having a good education/job may just mean paying a bigger cheque each month. As your stbx was the primary care-giver that's going to be hard to overturn unless you have a good case against her. The courts generally go along with the current arrangement i.e. continuing custody with the mother and the father paying child support with some limited access.

 

You also have to think about how you would rear the child and hold down a full-time job and how you would present that case.

 

Your ex could argue that the time spent at home has limited her earning ability and that therefore she can't be expected to rear the child without your financial help. She could deny that she's having an affair with a MM as you don't seem to have an proof of this and she could argue that the child is surrounded by his extended family and being taken care of.

 

I'm not sure if your sons wishes will be heard or taken into account, that very much depends on where you live.

 

I'm just throwing out scenarios here for you to think about.

 

As it stands now alot of the time he's in her care she's either A. at work B. with scumbag OM and our son is being watched by her mother.

 

I do have plenty of evidence of her affair with the OM.. I hired a PI and have video of her (and my son) staying at his house at least 3 nights and coming out in the morning. I also have video of her showing public affection to him (something she never gave me i might add). Its fairly airtight.

 

I work a m-th work schedule, and as my son will be starting preschool in the fall it will be fairly easy to be his primary caregiver. Again, I can provide a healthier, more stable environment for him and will. I highly doubt my sons wishes will be taken into account at this point, he's only 4. I feel pretty confident as he gets older he'll want to live with me. Worst case scenario would be 50/50 custody.

Edited April 22, 2011 by marqueemoon4

[NXS]

As it stands now alot of the time he's in her care she's either A. at work B. with scumbag OM and our son is being watched by her mother.

 

I do have plenty of evidence of her affair with the OM.. I hired a PI and have video of her (and my son) staying at his house at least 3 nights and coming out in the morning. I also have video of her showing public affection to him (something she never gave me i might add). Its fairly airtight.

 

I work a m-th work schedule, and as my son will be starting preschool in the fall it will be fairly easy to be his primary caregiver. Again, I can provide a healthier, more stable environment for him and will. I highly doubt my sons wishes will be taken into account at this point, he's only 4. I feel pretty confident as he gets older he'll want to live with me. Worst case scenario would be 50/50 custody.

 

MM4, you seem to be determined to go ahead with this and I wish you the best of luck with it. I've no doubt you'd be a better parent than your ex and her cheating MM. He really needs the discipline, safety, physical and intellectual learning that you'll provide for him doing men's things, especially as he gets older.

 

Do you know anything about the MM? Anything that you can use against him?

 

What about her mother if he's spending a lot of time with her? Can you find out how much time he's being left with her?

 

Do you know how old the child has to be before their wishes are taken into account?

[marqueemoon4]

MM4, you seem to be determined to go ahead with this and I wish you the best of luck with it. I've no doubt you'd be a better parent than your ex and her cheating MM. He really needs the discipline, safety, physical and intellectual learning that you'll provide for him doing men's things, especially as he gets older.

 

Do you know anything about the MM? Anything that you can use against him?

 

What about her mother if he's spending a lot of time with her? Can you find out how much time he's being left with her?

 

Do you know how old the child has to be before their wishes are taken into account?

 

Oh yea, OM is a real winner... filed for divorce from his second wife (filed on the first one too) on March 14th, 2011. He has a vanity licence plate that says "SIN CITY". Totally screams "douche". He also has a concealed firearms permit, and I'm pretty sure he carries a weapon on him. He's a real tough guy. I'm sure he has a closetful of skeletons. I look forward to the day he cheats on her and dumps her. I've seen pics of him too, and wow, just wow. I'll leave it at that.

 

There isn't any real way to confirm how much time he spends with her mom, I know its alot though. She is Ms. Party Girl now apparently. I love how her parents condone her behavior.. didn't say a word about her having my son stay overnight with this "man". Especially when her parents TH is less than a MILE away from his. Makes perfect sense.

 

I had asked this morning if I could have him for a few hours on Easter this sunday.. she had blackmailed me into getting him on Xmas and his birthday, two days that I had him. She said sorry we have plans all day and offered some time on saturday. I expressed that I thought this was unfair and yet another doublestandard of hers. I also made some other comments she didn't like, nothing bad, so now for the 4th time has gone back on her word and won't let me have him tomorrow because she doesn't feel "comfortable". After the text exchange this morning, I spent the rest of the day with my son. She text me and said I'll be at XXXX at 6pm to pick him up. I responded with wouldn't you rather meet at XXXX? Thats more convenient for you (it is). She replied: XXXX. Looks like another setup and she'll have the cops there. I proactively called the officer from last time and asked that he be there. He said that won't be a problem. Who knows what she has up her sleeve.

 

So after she said she'd pick him up at XXXX at 6pm, I asked if she was going to keep her word about tomorrow. She didn't reply, and I said I'd like to know one way or the the other to make plans. She replied with:

 

Hehehehehehehe

No

 

I said "you're a fine parent" and asked her if she thought using our child against me would be appreciated by the court. No response of course.

Edited April 22, 2011 by marqueemoon4