Going insane - can't get out of this cycle !

[kingpin]

Hi All,

 

Ok, i hope you can help me here...

 

Some of you might have read my other post on the other board but here is a link to it anyway...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t34261/

 

Ok, so here's where i am at the moment. The doubts I had over whether my girlfriend is the right one for me are starting to go away, with the help of this board, i am conquoring this particular problem. There are however others..

 

It's quite hard to explain, but something is not quite right with me. I have spent the last two months worrying about my relationship and doubting whether it's the one and it's had a serious affect on my mental state. It's getting to a point where i am starting to believe my doubts even though i know they are WRONG. I have been diagnosed by the GP possibly to have mild depression and I will be seeing a therapist in the next few weeks.

 

At the moment, i can be doing anything and all of a sudden, the thought that i am sad will enter my mind and make me sad, it gets me down at any time and it's very hard to overcome. It's really hard to explain, something just isn't right and i can't put my finger on it. I don't know whether it's guilt, or just a total lack of self confidence !!

 

Sometimes, it gets to a point where i can't even hug or kiss my girlfriend without feeling bad about myself and that something is wrong. I find it very hard to see a time when i won't feel unhappy and a time where i can kiss and hug my girlfriend and be happy as i was before.

 

I'm just not letting myself be happy, it seems that i am punishing myself for no reason.

 

I know (don't ask me how) that my girlfriend is the one for me and i know i could have a fantastic future with her, but this thing is putting a serious strain on my relationship and it's just not a good situation to be in.

 

She's great cos she says she will stand by me through all this but it must be very hard for her to understand just what i am going through. I just want to pay her back and get back to the happy old me, without a care in the world like i was before.

 

Please help !!

[meanon]

Kingpin, I've been following your posts on the other thread. These seem to me like obsessive and intrusive thoughts, rather than ones based on actual problems. It is typical of such thoughts that as one issue is resolved, they pop up again in another form. You have posted on doubts about sexuality, your relationship with yuor gf and now feeling sad whith no obvious cause. How long have these thoughts bothered you? Did you worry to distraction about anything before?

 

If it's any help - I think you are doing the right thing. Make sure you tell the doctor/therapist all you have told us (you could print the threads and take them). Medication can provide relief with a few weeks and the problem can be resolved within months with therapy too. You are not insane, really. There are people here at LS who have this problem and hold down jobs most of us could not do. Try not to let these worries get you down, they have a way of escalating, don't they?

 

Good luck.

[kingpin]

Yeah - they do - i'm struggling in work at the moment, bacause i am having trouble with concentration - anyway, work know about my problem and have offered me time off when i need as they realise my health is more important so that is good.

 

i'm clinging on to the fact that you can't go to bed one day loving the hell out of somebody and wake up not loving them - that is why i know that these thoughts are what are the problem, not the fact that i just don't love her anymore, we spend a lot of time together and i wouldnt have it any other way, i can't wait to see her once i get going in a morning !

 

Can i just ask how therapy in this situation would work ?

 

it's just i've tried to work out any possible way for therapy to work, but i always come to the same conclusion, that i can't imagine being able to look back on this time of sadness and doubt, and not feel sad again. I can't now imagine seeing my girlfriend and feeling like i did before, not worrying about anything !

[meanon]

It helps you stop going over and over the thoughts again - this just keeps them going longer and never resolves the worry although it feels as though it will. They suggest a variety of techniques to either limit the worry (contain it so it doesn't take over all the time) and then not respond to the thought in the first place. Read thinkalots's threads - she has shared her therapy every step of the way over four months and is so much better.

[Thinkalot]

Yes, meanon is right! I have posted numerous threads in the self improvement section which may be of benefit to you, even though the focus of my worries is slightly different to yours, the core problem seems basically the same. Feel free to PM me if you like. Good luck. It gets better.