OceanGirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Say your biological clock is ticking and you don't have kids already. The dream of getting married and havng a family is getting more out of reach with each passing year. Yet, you don't to miss out on being a mum. Would you do it?
tinktronik Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I'm not single. But I am in my 30's. I decided I wanted a child and let my spouse know that if he was not comfortable with having a child that I would be fine with using a sperm donor. We decided to have a child together. I am expecting now. But I will say some of the donor profiles are pretty appetizing.
threebyfate Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 When I was single, my response would have been no. It might be a trust issue since who knows who's or what DNA is within the sperm, regardless of what the fertility bank claims especially since they don't know if their donors are being honest. Instead of doing that, I might have selected a close friend to be a knowledgeable donor. This way, the history's all there from a trusted source.
anne1707 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I think if I was in that situation, I would do the same as TBF. It would also mean choosing someone who wanted to be a father but was also single. The child would therefore have an unusual history but would have both a mother and a father who loved them.
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 But I will say some of the donor profiles are pretty appetizing. Interesting choice of words Tink.. you aren't supposed to drink it ? .. or are you ?.. hahaha As far as the OP.. I really like TBF's post....
denise_xo Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Personally, I probably wouldn't. It's hard to say unless you're in that position (I don't want children). But the crux for me is that I'd want the child to have a father IRL who's around (even if that means a gay friend who also wants children). While you can never guarantee that even if you go the traditional route, that's what I'd want to aim for. I'd also find it difficult to explain to the child, when s/he eventually asks where daddy is, that mommy collected sperm from a sperm bank. That's not necessarily a position I take as a general principle (I haven't really thought through all the implications of artificial insemination), but that's how I feel on a personal level.
tinktronik Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Interesting choice of words Tink.. you aren't supposed to drink it ? .. or are you ?.. hahaha As far as the OP.. I really like TBF's post.... :lmao: Funny AC. As to having a friend be a sperm donor, I would never even consider it, mostly because I would not want any legal entanglements with a friend regarding a child. But I have my own and unusual reasons for this.
january2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Right now. No. I want the family unit: dad + mum + children. I don't just want a kid for the sake of having a kid. But if you asked me again in a few years' time. Don't know. Perhaps.
pandagirl Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Unless I knew I had the support system and enough money to take care of a child on my own, I wouldn't. I'm 32, so my clock is definitely ticking, but honestly, I would probably seek adoption first.
allina Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 What about adoption? It provides you with a child and a child with a much needed mother.
Stung Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 One of my BFFs is a gay man; he is partnered with a good guy, also a friend of mine, they've been together practically since the dawn of time. When I was single, we discussed the possibility of procreating together, several times. I wasn't ready to commit to it in my 20s but we agreed that we would go for it if I was in my late 30s and unmarried, with no kids. The idea was to use my BFFs sperm and all live together when the offspring was a baby, then make a pact to live near each other (ideally same neighborhood, definitely same city) until the child was at least 18. Our baby would have been planned and had a mommy and two daddies who were all good friends. Still seems like it could have worked out fine to me, and seems preferable to an anonymous donor. Just one opinion.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I would have either adopted, or had a child (AI) with one of my closest friends; gay men in a committed partnership who dearly wanted a child. Instead, I accidentally got pregnant; had and raised my daughter. Just to complete the info, her dad and I got married when she was 5 and he got "clean and sober;" divorced 13 years later when he went back on drugs. So, I did not raise her on my own the whole time.
Author OceanGirl Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 I heard that they rarely let single women adopt kids... If this is not true, I would definitely go that route. I would be doing something to help the kid + I wouldn't have to put my body through stress of pregnancy. I think that I will seriously consider this when I hit 35.
pookster72 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 i'm not at that point in my life yet so maybe i would feel differently being in that situation, but if i couldn't conceive a child (but wanted one) due to either being single or infertile i would try to adopt one. my brother is permanently disabled and my family has been thinking about getting a surrogate mother for him so he could reproduce...if we ever decided to do that i would want to adopt that child.
Eeyore79 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I would only consider artificial insemination if it was an absolute last resort, i.e. if I was about 39 and not committed to someone. Having a child alone wouldn't be an ideal situation, but it would be better than not having a child at all. If it was my only chance to have a baby before time ran out, I'd do it. I wouldn't consider adoption since you're on the waiting list for years and they reserve the healthy babies for young couples to adopt. Single people and gay couples are usually encouraged to adopt the less desirable children, e.g. older children, problem children, or those with health problems, disabilities, or psychological problems. If my own child turned out to have a disability or some sort of unforeseen problem, of course I'd deal with it, but I'm not prepared to take on that sort of burden knowingly and willingly. my brother is permanently disabled and my family has been thinking about getting a surrogate mother for him so he could reproduce...if we ever decided to do that i would want to adopt that child. Is it even legal to adopt your brother's child? That seems a bit... erm... incestuous, for want of a better word. I feel sorry for your brother because you're basically saying he's unlovable and has no chance of getting a girlfriend to have children with... it seems a bit condescending tbh. If he's so severely disabled that he couldn't get a girlfriend, it seems kind of irresponsible to encourage him to have a child that he wouldn't be able to care for, especially if the child has a chance of inheriting his disabilities.
chloe56 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hey, I would go with AI, might be impersonal, but less of a potential for emotional mess up for me at least. Explaining origins etc to the child, I don't know how I would handle that yet. Adoption would have been ideal, but here in the UK, IMO , its just one giant hamster wheel of frustrations, with never ending cross examinations that take forever, well anything from 2-5years, plus the latest you can apply for adoption is 42years old last time I checked. Then, to cap it all off, assuming you get a child, you might be required to keep in regular contact with the child's biological family even though they might have issues.
aerogurl87 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Hell to the no! I would never get artificial insemination just because I was single and craving having children. If I was in my 30s and the right man didn't come along, I'd just have to die childless.
pookster72 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Is it even legal to adopt your brother's child? That seems a bit... erm... incestuous, for want of a better word. I feel sorry for your brother because you're basically saying he's unlovable and has no chance of getting a girlfriend to have children with... it seems a bit condescending tbh. If he's so severely disabled that he couldn't get a girlfriend, it seems kind of irresponsible to encourage him to have a child that he wouldn't be able to care for, especially if the child has a chance of inheriting his disabilities. yes it is legal in most places. i've read up on it and usually people do it when their siblings turn out to be unfit parents and/or lose custody of their children(from drug addictions or whatever). the biggest issue with it is the drama of having the parent still involved in the child's life. i wouldn't have that problem, unfortunately. my brother is in a vegetative state and most likely will be for the rest of his life. none of his disabilities are inherited...he got in a car accident at 16 and was severely brain damaged. i have been struggling with the issue of how i might bring up the child's background and how they would deal with that....my family is still on the fence but this is something my mom really wants to do and if she did i would want to make sure the child was taken care of.
anne1707 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Pookster Surely that raises serious ethical issues which would mean it could never be allowed. Your brother is not able to give consent to this and I assume at 16 never expressed such a desire if something were to happen to him. I am sorry but in my opinion this would constitute abuse.
pookster72 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Pookster Surely that raises serious ethical issues which would mean it could never be allowed. Your brother is not able to give consent to this and I assume at 16 never expressed such a desire if something were to happen to him. I am sorry but in my opinion this would constitute abuse. my parents control every other decision in his life (legally), so i dont see why that would be any different
tinktronik Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Pookster Surely that raises serious ethical issues which would mean it could never be allowed. Your brother is not able to give consent to this and I assume at 16 never expressed such a desire if something were to happen to him. I am sorry but in my opinion this would constitute abuse. I actually have a set of friends who's daughter was left in a vegetative state after an accident when she was young. The mother could not have any more children. They harvested her eggs and had a surrogate carry their grandchild. I have heard of others doing similar things. This is in the US, I don't know about the UK or other countries.
tinktronik Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Am I the only one who would consider AI? How interesting. I suppose this could be b/c I have close friends and family involved in the AI profession, so it's a very open option to me.
Knittress Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I'm glad I'm not there yet (and I'm still worried about it), but I'd go the sperm bank route if I had no other options.
Eeyore79 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 yeunfortunately. my brother is in a vegetative state and most likely will be for the rest of his life. none of his disabilities are inherited...he got in a car accident at 16 and was severely brain damaged. I'm afraid I agree with anne1707 - a person in a vegetative state cannot give consent, and therefore using them for reproductive purposes seems abusive and ethically wrong. It also seems wrong to inflict such a situation on an innocent child, who would undoubtedly find it difficult to cope with having a surrogate mother and a vegetative father. I'm also confused as to why your parents would consider using your brother to produce grandchildren when they have you - cant you just have a grandchild for them without all of the ethical and legal issues? It seems like the best option since you would adopt your brother's child anyway...
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I'm 32, so my clock is definitely ticking, but honestly, I would probably seek adoption first. I'm 32 as well, and feel the same way.
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