Moved in, new job - miss boyfriend

[weeble78]

Hi

I feel like I may be being childish and immature here, so I'd love an LS opinion or two thanks

I moved in with my BF a month and a half ago, and he started a new job two weeks ago.

We haven't been out on a date, and I don't speak to him until 8pm most nights, then go to bed at 10pm. At weekends he likes to chill in the house and smoke.

We used to work for the same company and would spend time during the day emailing each other, and then we'd have lunch together. We'd finish at 5 and spend about 3 nights a week then the weekend together going out with friends, having fun etc.

I feel like I'm whining saying this, but I miss my boyfriend like crazy. I feel like I've turned into housewife/flatmate #1. I make his lunch in the morning, I sort the house stuff out etc. I've tried asking for his email address but he says he's too busy to email and refuses to give it to me. He's also asked I don't text him during the day unless it's an emergency.

I've also been a little bit concerned about his mobile as I could swear he has started becoming more protective over it - which I mentioned a week ago as in my last R (together 7 years, cheated on for 3 months, I walked) my ex was doing the same thing.

I've joined a socialising network which organises nights out with groups of people, I spend all day with another guy at work emalining and going for lunch, I go out with my friends.

Am I being childish feeling like our relationship has changed and I'm losing his attention and him making me feel special?

I don't want to be one of those girlfriends saying give me attention give me attention!!

Thanks for reading!

[Lucky_One]

If you AREN'T one of those GFs who sit down calmly and say, "Hey - I miss your attention. I feel like your roommate and I want to feel like your GF. What can we do to work on this?" then you are going to be one of those GFs who starts confiding in her male coworker over lunch until they are way too emotionally close, and then falls into an affair.

 

He very well may be right to NOT sit around and email and text all day at a new job. (I have a strong work ethic, and own my own small business, and my employees are there to improve the business (and thus their own lives!), and not to improve their social/romantic lives by using the time that *I* am paying them for to email and text all day!)

 

Communication is key for any relationship to thrive. You simply must sit down and talk calmly with him. When you know you will have a good hour to talk (not during a play-off game, not during his fave tv show), cut the volume down on the tv, open a bottle of wine, and say, "Hey there, snuggums, I miss my honeybunny. Can we talk a little bit about how I am feeling?"

[weeble78]

Hey, thanks for your reply.

 

Well, I would tell him I miss him, but he's the kind of guy who backs off if you say anything like that. The only thing that seems to work is if I go out lots and be too busy to see him, then he seems to wonder what I'm up to and start wanting to do things.

 

I guess part of the problem is that I feel concerned he has doubts about us moving in together, and it has upset me, a LOT.

 

He used to be the initiator for dates and we used to go all sorts of places - he hasn't suggested going out of the house in the month and a half we've been there. He likes smoking and playing video games, I like going out with friends or being active outdoors.

 

We used to talk children and marriage, he has since snapped at me twice for both then apologised - saying he'll think about it in a few years' time (I said I wanted to think about another year or two).

 

He commented on my sister and her fiancee the other day, saying he was amazed they still had loads to talk about after being together for so long - I feel we sometimes run out of conversation. We are so different in ideas and philosophies it's difficult to come together with opinions and things.

 

He's criticised me since moving in togehter - for going to bed early, not drinking much - he made fun of me at xmas for being a stresshead (2 months ago I had a miscarriage and had him calling me irrational).

 

Also the physical side has almost disappeared. Granted I have had a water infectioin the first 2 weeks of Jan, but we're usually quite tactile and now he seems to almost flinch if I'm touching him when we're on the sofa or whatever. He also now sleeps on the other side of the bed whereas we used to cuddle to sleep.

 

I'd hate him to demand me to change all of the above and I'd feel pressured, and I'd think "jeez, just man up, get some balls, get busy with your own life" although if he did say that to me, I would make more of an effort.

 

Sorry this is long - I really appreciate opinions as I am starting to wonder if we've done the wrong thing moving in.

[Lucky_One]

How long have you dated? Whose idea was it to move in together? Who pays for what expenses?

[weeble78]

We have dated for a year and two months, having agreed we both eventually want to marry and have children (agreed before we moved in).

He started talking about moving in at 6 months, I brought up the topic asking him to move in however he made noises, went a bit quiet so I dropped it.

At the 9 month mark he brought it up, took me out and asked me properly so we decided to start looking.

Strangely when we did, he wasn't as interested to look at places compared to me.

We pay for expenses 50/50 including food etc.

 

I appreciate your feedback, thanks.

[weeble78]

Hey all, anyone else have any advice or words of wisdom please??

[Lucky_One]

I think you got some good responses on the other thread you started about this.

 

Good luck.