hitbyatruck Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) "I love you but I'm not in love with you" Translation*: "I'm having an affair because I am insecure and need another person to validate me, make me feel worthy, sexy and important. The only reason I am telling you this is for two reasons: I feel guilty; and I am actually afraid to lose you emotionally, socially, financially. Now go away while I get what I think I deserve - but don't go too far away because this hormone-driven adventure might not work out long term and I might need your support in a few months, maybe a year, or even two. Who knows? Love you! (but not myself.)" *IME Edited January 24, 2011 by hitbyatruck
iheartboobs Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I don't love you, but I might still need you for something." I've never heard it, personally, but I imagine my answer would be something along the lines of: "I mean... we can still have sex, right?"
PegNosePete Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I mean... we can still have sex, right?" Nope, I'd go the other way. "I don't want sex with you... but I can still have your money, right?"
YellowShark Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) "I love you but I'm not in love with you" Translation*: "I can't stand you and I am leaving... and I can't really say this to your face." ETA: It's a justification for doing whatever they are planning on doing. It's a way to let you down easy. Edited January 24, 2011 by YellowShark
iheartboobs Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Nope, I'd go the other way. "I don't want sex with you... but I can still have your money, right?" "I can still have sex with you, right?" is a good way of calling a woman a whore without actually saying "you're a whore" which makes it more sincere which makes it hurt more. Cause **** her self-esteem.
Eeyore79 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I love you but I'm not in love with you" usually means "I like you as a friend but I don't fancy you and don't want to have sex with you".
seibert253 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I love you but I'm not in love with you" Translation*: "I'm having an affair because I am insecure and need another person to validate me, make me feel worthy, sexy and important. The only reason I am telling you this is for two reasons: I feel guilty; and I am actually afraid to lose you emotionally, socially, financially. Now go away while I get what I think I deserve - but don't go too far away because this hormone-driven adventure might not work out long term and I might need your support in a few months, maybe a year, or even two. Who knows? Love you! (but not myself.)" *IME You hit the nail right on the head my friend.
Karma20 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Its just a nice way of saying I no longer want to be with you. They are trying to let you down easy.
hopesndreams Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I love you but I'm not in love with you" Translation*: "I'm having an affair because I am insecure and need another person to validate me, make me feel worthy, sexy and important. The only reason I am telling you this is for two reasons: I feel guilty; and I am actually afraid to lose you emotionally, socially, financially. Now go away while I get what I think I deserve - but don't go too far away because this hormone-driven adventure might not work out long term and I might need your support in a few months, maybe a year, or even two. Who knows? Love you! (but not myself.)" *IME All that certainly proved to be the case after I heard, ILYBNILWY. It's imperative when someone hears this to just let them go but the heart screams NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And when one thinks with their heart the suffering never ends until the brain takes over.
sumdude Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 "I love you but I'm not in love with you" usually means "I like you as a friend but I don't fancy you and don't want to have sex with you". That's about the size of it. Though you might have to add "But I'm too much of a coward to tell you the truth because I'm already scrogging someone else and getting ready to leave you once that relationship feels solid. Until then I'll hang around here where it's comfortable and feed you just enough BS and niceness that you won't quite catch on."
Author hitbyatruck Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Just as I thought - It's a fairly universal translation with some individual interpretations. It's a female thing though, right?
strength-abounds Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I love you but I'm not in love with you. **translation** I'm having sex with someone that's not you but you need to hang around so you can be a dad to my kids. Yes, I want my cake AND eat it too.
hopesndreams Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Just as I thought - It's a fairly universal translation with some individual interpretations. It's a female thing though, right? No, it's not a female thing.
trippi1432 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Sheesh....are you kidding?? NO, it's NOT a female thing...I thought it was a male thing...LOL!! Ok...admittedly, heard that verbatim from my recent exH and I would have to agree with the interpretations. My first relationship was "I still love you" followed up by "Can I come back?". Interpretation, I knocked up that girl I was cheating on you with and I need a place to hide....umm, NO! So, no HitbyaTruck...men aren't the only doormats....and it's not just women spouting those lines of BS.
JaneDoe35 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My ex-husband said that to me one time. I responded with 'I am not in love with you either'. I actually meant it. He had been treating me so badly - I barely liked him! He just last week said to me 'Do you think there will ever be a chance for us to be together again'?. I replied 'Yes - if there is an incredible man shortage on planet earth'. We both laughed.
Karmartia Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 As others have so clearly pointed out, such a statement is merely an attempt to assuage feelings of guilt: a laughable cliche.
Author hitbyatruck Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 No, it's not a female thing. So, no HitbyaTruck...men aren't the only doormats....and it's not just women spouting those lines of BS. Oh. Literally, I had a really good doormat just outside my front door - one of those ones that really cleaned everything off your boots when you got home. I didn't think I needed one at the back door..........and that's how all the **** got dragged into my house!
trippi1432 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Okay...had to laugh at that one...so much truth to that. :o:o
trippi1432 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My ex-husband said that to me one time. I responded with 'I am not in love with you either'. I actually meant it. He had been treating me so badly - I barely liked him! He just last week said to me 'Do you think there will ever be a chance for us to be together again'?. I replied 'Yes - if there is an incredible man shortage on planet earth'. We both laughed. I know what you mean Jane...indifference is great isn't it? It's good when you can see the ex for the gaslighting that it is and come away through all of that hurt and pain knowing you deserve better.
Steadfast Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'd wager to say if either a male or a female states they are not in love with you, it's best to believe them. I've often equated "ILYBINILWY" with being in love with someone else, and translated into: "I need you, but I don't want to have sex with you." Isn't it funny that people have 'casual' sex all the time, but the concept of that revolts a cheater? At least, when it involves their spouse. In my case, the ex's feelings of desire were completely directed towards someone else. She could not and would not allow me to touch her. We were never together again after she said 'ILYBINILWY'. That was the curtain-closer. Game over.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 seriously, who stays "in love" with their spouse through the course of a long marriage? I'm sure it ebbs and flows. my stbx stated "I love him but I'm not in love with him" at our second session of MC. Its been all downhill from there. Weird cause I kinda felt the same way about her at the time.
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