What to do with a HOT co-worker

[CrazyinMN]

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Well to start out I feel that I need to tell all of you a little about myself. So please just stay with me for a bit. I’m 23 years old; I have a daughter with a girl that lives 500 miles from me. We have it set up so I get my daughter about half of the time; she’s 2 ½. I have lived on my own since I was 18, and did a fine job of it. I own my own company that I run on the side, and I work a good job and I make good money.

 

Here’s the problem. My ex girlfriend and I broke up about two months ago. It was very hard for me to handle. I was very much in love with this girl but I made some mistakes that were just too much for our relationship to handle. Not to say that trying to have a 500-mile relationship isn’t hard enough without other problems to boot. I have been working this job I have for about a year and there is this lady her that I just can’t get over. She’s 32 and yes she’s also married and has one kid. Now that should be enough to make most people not fall in love with her but oh no I had to be the one. We do little things like message back and forth on msn during the day, we also talk on the phone very little. Now she doesn’t know how I feel about her I think she just thinks we are good friends. But she did call one night when she was drunk just to see what I was doing. We flirt a lot at work, people here just tell me to sleep with her and get it over with. Do I do that? Do I wreck everything that she has in her life just for one night of fun? I don’t think so. She has a very hard job and she is very emotional, she cried on my shoulder three times this week and it was crying. I have jokingly told her that I was in love with her and if she ever got a divorce that I wanted to be first in line, but I don’t think she knew I wasn’t joking. But in the last week I have went from just liking her to being in love with her and I know its wrong. But can someone tell me what to do to get over this crazyness??????????

[beetlebug]

Well, I am a 33 yrs. old woman, married with one child. I am trying to put myself in your situation at work, and picturing having this exchange with a 23 yr. old male co-worker... (not knocking the age difference, but IMHO there is a big difference between 23 and 33 or whatever).

 

That said, I have to ask if you really do think you "love" her -- I mean, how long have you even know her? It sounds like it could be the physical attraction, and her lack of something in her marriage, drawing her to you. She is the fool for getting involved with you on an intimate level and if I were you I would back up.

 

Remain friends, but I'm sad to tell you that you if you take it any further, you risk destroying her marriage and family, and her ultimately resenting you. Just my opinion. Sorry!

[CrazyinMN]

No don't be sorry thats what I want to know. I have only known this woman for a year but yes it is love!! I wish it was not!

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by CrazyinMN

but yes it is love!! I wish it was not!

For you, does love imply you can't walk away from it?

 

That's not love, it's an addiction, an unhealthy dependency. By pursuing anything but a professional relationship with that, you're hurting yourself, you're hurting her, and you're hurting her family.

[carla]

I have/had a female married friend who b/c she didn't want to admit she was getting older, dresses, and acts like a woman in her 20's (she's in her mid 30's). She has also had a couple affairs with men in their 20's. Each time she felt that the affair was getting out of hand / getting emotionally involved she would end it with this other man.

 

My point being play with fire and you will get burnt. Don't think that if you are emotionally involved that she will leave her husband for you. You may think that you are in love with her now, but how will you feel 6 months from now when you have been having sex on a regular basis and she tells you that it is over b/c she is getting to emotionally involved and that she doesn't want to distroy her family?

 

Back away while you still can.

[capitald]

I would not tell you, "hey, your not allowed to do that" because it is a free world. However, if this women needs to be so flirtatious with you that means that she is not serious about her marriage and she has some problems or lacks that cause her to have an unfufilling marriage or perhaps doesn't have the skills to get what she wants in a serious relationship. She looks perfect to you but you only know her on a superficial level, you don't after all live with her like her husband does and see all of her behaviors. Behavior at work is severly limited. It also sounds very unprofessional that she got drunk and called you. I would take it easy. Keep being friends with her but don't make any moves. Let her make the moves. This way you won't get in trouble for proposing greater intimacy to a married person. If she comes on to you a greater level of responsibility will come down on her shoulders if everything goes bad. Give her time and go slow, this way you will find out what her true intentions are.

[megara]

Maybe she is a really flirtacious person by nature, I happen to be one and I never would think about persuing anything else besides having a great conversation with someone. You can call it being overly friendly or whatever, but when it all comes down to it, I never have any intentions of leaving my hubby for someone who I flirt with, and definately cheat. Scope her out first, she may be like me!

[meanon]

It's a big risk because you just don't know where it could end up. I'd say the only thing that's unlikely is that it would only be for a night

 

If she is as unhappy as she seems, rather than leaving her marriage you could become the thing that's keeping her in it. Read the threads under the section on other men/ other women to see what heartache you could have in store for you - in love with someone who can only share a small bit of their life with you, the loneliness and lack of control you may feel when she is with her family. Your life revolving entirely around another who can never put you first.

 

This may be worse case scenario but THINK about it before you get in too deep. The dynamics here are not just you and her, but you her and her marriage. You are single now, why not wait until you fall in love with someone who can share your whole life with you?

[jolu]

She may just be flirtacious, if she is then she's just being plain cruel. No offense megara but to be sending people of the opposite sex signals as though your interested is not right. Married or not.