Returning Love Letters to an ex

[freeoralone7]

Ok so i have all these love letters from a temporarily LDR that is now an ex. I have nothing else of theirs just love letters. I am having trouble releasing them into the trash can. I am hanging on for some reason. I feel like once they have been dropped into the trash can and are gone forever that the person I loved and who broke my heart will be a distant memory that never really meant anything.

 

I have considered sending them to this person in the mail to make them feel for a moment some of my pain. But I know that this will only validate them and show them that I still care (after weeks of NC). This person is with someone else now and after the things they have said and done I do know they never cared for me the way I do them so I know it is over forever.

 

I just want to know if anyone has ever actually followed through with these kind of thought and what happened once your ex got the letters. Where you in a similar situation where they moved on to someone else right away. Did you later regret it and wish you could stop the mail? did you still never hear anything from them? Or did you just throw them away like i eventually will very soon?

[Kansas]

Years ago my old roommate broke up with her boyfriend. Lots of drama. One day all the cards and letters she had written him during their relationship showed up in the mail. She didn't seem to be emotionally swayed in any direction - she just kinda shrugged it off.

 

I don't think it will get the impact that you're hoping for. Doing this 'one last thing' because you are hurt by the break up is not going to get him back or move him to have some profound revelation about your relationship ... and as some passes, you'll feel silly ... Pack them away and put them in a deep corner in the back of your closet. Down the road you can decide to either keep them or trash them. I don't think sending them is the way to go.

[suddendumpee]

DO NOT do this. I'm not sure what effect you think this will have, but it's not like your ex is going to start leafing through them, break down into tears, and come crawling back in to your arms. More likely is that your ex and his new SO will have a laugh over this move.

 

This can only invoke pity. Do you want pity? It will just look like a broken person who is sulking and too immature to properly deal with reality. The best thing you can do is become an academy award winning actress. ACT like you are unaffected. ACT completely indifferent and happy. Eventually, it will no longer be an act and you can feel good knowing that you didn't resort to these childish games.

[Eeyore79]

An ex once gave me back all of my old Valentines cards and stuff. I obviously didn't want them, so they only reason he did it was to try to make me feel bad, which seemed kind of petty to me. I just trashed them and thought no more of it, apart from thinking that he was nuts and I'd made the right decision in dumping him.

[Lemontang]

Oh dude, bad call. Don't do this. For starters they gave them to you without expecting them in return. If they really cause you that much pain burn them. Seriously, read each one if you must but cast them to the fire once your done (it's quite therapeutic, I did this some time ago with some photo's, it felt great).

 

In saying that I still have some old love letters from my high school days in an old tin tucked away in some mess in the shed. I read these when I find the tin whenever I clean it out and have a giggle (I'm lucky to clean it out every 5 years, so it's a long time between reading). Ah teenage angst, those were the days.

Edited January 25, 2011 by Lemontang

[D-Lish]

Don't send them back- it will only reinforce to the person that you are still affected by them. Your best course of action is to remain silent and not let them know you still care so much.

 

Take the letters, but them in a box, and revisit the issue down the road when you're ready to decide what to do with them.