flow15 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Its good that you blocked him, so now you wont get the urge to msg him.. Cant believe he ignored your msg about the birthday card etc...how rude ! Men just have this amazing willpower...they can ignore us alot easier than we can them. I'm feeling ok today...It's starting to get a bit more bearable and starting to slowly sink in that we wont ever be together again. Hard to grasp when a few months ago I was imagining my future with him as my husband and father of my children. But then I think to myself, I'm lucky to get out now before the marriage and kids part happened, imagine him abandoning me then? And things get ALOT tougher when you have kids etc. Day 5 NC tomorrow - I'm going to go allllllllllll the way Yea I can't believe he didn't reply either. Not that there is much to say, but maybe a thank you?! I mean, I know he dumped me... but before he ended it he said he wanted us to be friends and on good terms (not that I could do that) but hes not exactly showing that by ignoring me. Maybe he just doesnt know what to say. I just want him to contact me so that I can ignore him and get all the power! haha It will be interesting to see when he does actually receive the card if he will read it or not, and if he does read it if he will contact me. Also, do u think i should message him saying 'happy birthday' on his actual brithday? Its still 2 weeks away.. but I don't want him to think I'm a bitch for not wishing him a happy birthday, especially after everything we've been through. I know he hurt me, and is ignoring me... but its his birthday, i feel like i cant ignore it! Yes we are lucky we don't have bgiger commitments with them, like kids.. Then it really would be tough!!!! We will be ok Anyway, I'm gonna go full NC too.... I hope I last.... I just wish the next few weeks will just fly by... Once you hit 3 weeks it gets a lot easier. I would be 1 1/2 weeks now, but I broke it Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Lol I secretly want mine to contact me just so I can ignore him too, aren't we wicked lol... I would say he will most definitely read the card, he won't be able to help himself. And if it were me, I wouldn't wish him a Happy Birthday...he will expect you to do this so don't be so predictable. If anything he should be texting you for your thoughtfulness in what u sent him (even if it was ordered b4 u broke up. I'm serious, just disappear from his life, no happy birthday, no nothing. Remember this is what they want, for us to be out of their lives, so let's do just that! And remember this : It's amazing what can happen when you stop being predictable, suddenly you become much more desirable. Edited February 4, 2011 by Shatter3d Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 shatter3d i know you are hurting...but the more i read your posts , the more i know you are going to do GREAT in the end. youre doing great already!! you have the right mindset i think...for healing and healing fine. of course all things take time. i am still a big work in progress. but yes these PA's are very hard to deal with. you start asking yourself, how much of them did i "really" know. because they keep things in. they are loving yes. maybe seem most loving of all people....BUT that darker side inside of them that harbors hurt or insulted or whatever feelings inside and their fears to talk to you and then their PA actions....is and can be a real life of the unknown. eventually these people just leave you mentally...keep things from you..then leave you period. now or later. they have to work on themselves and you would have had to known this from day one and you didnt know. i didnt know. so ..like i said.."IF" this is the case we all live and learn. and all there is to do is move forward and be happy. anyway that you can. did you read mcgrupps post yet" just curious. i love how he talks about how to regain happiness in your life. anyway...i have a long ways to go but i use those tools to fall back on. and pray a lot through the process. different circumstances here but same principal for us all...more or less. to flow15 : Yea I can't believe he didn't reply either. Not that there is much to say, but maybe a thank you?! I mean, I know he dumped me... but before he ended it he said he wanted us to be friends and on good terms (not that I could do that) but hes not exactly showing that by ignoring me. boy can i relate. but again mine is different. i didnt know he was getting married and sent a Christmas present. he didnt open it for weeks and weeks. i am surprised he didnt throw it out all together. i also wished him a happy bday. no response. my bday was 5 (five) days after his. no happy birthday. its painful. but i have more insight now. he still could have been kind. he choose not to be. he never told me anything ...period. he kept his whole self to himself during and after. the only time he was really open and honest to em was the beginning of knowing and meeting him. maybe the first year. i usually advise to be yourself in all scenario. just not an obnoxious self or course or pining to them if you can help it. BUT when i say be yourself...i mean...do what makes YOU feel good and is YOU. if you want to say happy b-day ...say it BUT go into it NOT expecting ANYTHING BACK or in return... in fact be prepared NOT to. do things out of the goodness of your heart and love for another human being. if they are not the same....so be it. it is likely a waste of time. its only NOT a waste of time if you do it as a giver and person that you are NOT...NOT to expect anything. and someday you wont even want to wish them a happy bday. not because youre no longer nice...(lol) but because it no longer has the same meaning and value to you as it did before. he didn't wish me happy b-day because not only did his circumstances change and he doesn't know how to be any kind of a friend, but because i think his brain still lives in fear. he still hasn't made the realization or connection that i am not "holding him down". and even when you have changed and grown as a person..they dont "get it". omg i think he became a legend in his own mind at this point. hehe. he doesn't realize i have moved on. but i can still say happy birthday...just as another human being. but now that i know hes this cold....i am not inclined anymore. ps i am looking for that other artical...still shatter3d. pps. i hope i dont have a lot of typos this time. too lazy to read over this post. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) I'm so angry right now... I hate him for doing this to me, for treating me this way... he has no consideration for my feelings.. and I hate myself for going back to him every time and letting him hurt me. The fact that he ignored me when I sent the message just proves that he doesnt give a s*** about me. I don't know why he played me that song, I don't know why he told me I'm special to him... It's like he enjoys torturing me. I feel like I need to have a go at him soo bad.... Whats stopping me?? Edited February 4, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 i dont know Flow15..what usually stopped me from telling him or anyone who treated me like that off....was a combination of things. fear. fear to make matters worse and then there's no more hope in sight. we all still secretly or outwardly hope. love doesnt go away poof over night. (thats why they prepared themselves ) anyway...we dont want to show them how much they hurt us and got to us....or we feel guilty somehow...like maybe they had their reasons for getting to this point...and want to balance things in our minds... or maybe we dont want the last image in their heads to be us letting things out on them. but i feel if you can speak calmly but firmly and not all accusing put in the point of view in the "i feel " this....it stops us from letting THEM control things. but sometimes we feel its not worth saying anything. that it will likely fall on deaf ears. is this person on a site like g mail or c chat? and ignored the IM? I think i ended up getting blocked to. its so weird to go from being so loved to being treated like dirt or disrespected like that. in your case i dont blame you for blocking him. after all hes likely ignoring you. who knows. but dont regret trying to do anything nice for him. at least he will have to memory of your being nice and i think its a lot easier to miss that in life than when youre all demonstrative of being all upset. but even then we have to right to be upset naturally. anyway..still cant find that article i was looking for online shatter3d. will post when i find it : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Flow - you have every right to be angry, but there is nothing more to say to him...he is not worth any more of your precious time and energy, seriously just leave it. IfiKnewThen - Yes, I think I'm at a good point right now...Even though it hurts, I've come to the realisation that our breakup was for the best and even though we are both good people, doesnt mean it will work between us. My personality doesnt bring out the best in him and vice versa. I'm at the stage now where I truly do wish him the best and I honestly hope he finds happiness, because I know I will. I have set myself some goals and I'm going to do everything I can to achieve them. I want to enjoy being in my own skin and enjoy my own company. I dont need someone else to make me feel whole or complete. He did send me a text this morning - saying that he has paid half the electricity bill...there is no need to respond to that, I have no desire to. I'm on Day 5 no contact today and feeling better and better each day I only want people in my life who love me and genuinely want to be in my life too. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Flow - you have every right to be angry, but there is nothing more to say to him...he is not worth any more of your precious time and energy, seriously just leave it. IfiKnewThen - Yes, I think I'm at a good point right now...Even though it hurts, I've come to the realisation that our breakup was for the best and even though we are both good people, doesnt mean it will work between us. My personality doesnt bring out the best in him and vice versa. I'm at the stage now where I truly do wish him the best and I honestly hope he finds happiness, because I know I will. I have set myself some goals and I'm going to do everything I can to achieve them. I want to enjoy being in my own skin and enjoy my own company. I dont need someone else to make me feel whole or complete. He did send me a text this morning - saying that he has paid half the electricity bill...there is no need to respond to that, I have no desire to. I'm on Day 5 no contact today and feeling better and better each day I only want people in my life who love me and genuinely want to be in my life too. Good shatterd, I am glad you are making some progress in all of this. You need to stay strong because you will have some downs during this first month of no contact. It is the absolute hardest. Once you get past it you will literally breath a breath of relief. The days of counting how long you've been in no contact will subside, and you will ultimately be a better person at the end of it. And you well be ready to make some guy's life wonderful. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 thumbs up youre doing all you can : ) Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 He finally replied. He said 'what is that?' .... Its obvious what it is!! If he had to say anything all he had to say was 'thanks'. I'm not gonna reply... finally I can ignore him!!! shatter3d.. I'm glad your doing well.. This is so true: " I only want people in my life who love me and genuinely want to be in my life too." Any time u want to contact him, or if he contacts u... u need to keep telling urself this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Wondering what he has been up to this weekend...did he go out? did he meet any other girls? Does he miss me ? Why do I care about all this?....because I do and I cant help it. Why is it that every day of NC makes me feel like its bringing him one step closer back to me? I shouldn't be thinking like this..I should be using NC as a means to heal and I'm trying I really am... Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 your brain and emotions havent reconciled with this yet, shattered , that's why you're still wondering. you cant just turn it all off like a leaky faucet. that would be awesome if we could. i was got done writing to another poster on LS about his book called "when your lover leaves you"..six stages to recovery and growth. not all of healing is about sweeping the dirt under the rug and "moving on". its not even particularly healthy to try to block it all out all the time like it didnt exist..because it can (the pain) resurface at a later time when it may be an inopportune time (like in another relationship down the road) so its healthy to go through all the stages of grief, but to not get stuck in 1 particular stage. so you dont want to be angry for long...or grieving too long or denial too long. etc. abut all stages are normal and healthy. you bounce around in stages too. they can go back and forth. its ok to feel the love too. but not to get stuck in it. anyway i dont want to ramble on. n/c doesnt mean not wishing once in a while or not remembering or get a lobotomy (lol). it just means N/C for the time being and to try to settle down the mind and go through the grieving process. at least in my book thats what i try. but i am a work in progress. and sometimes i feel i havent made any progress...but i know i have a wee bit. but yes, ideally it is too heal...not get back with them. but its natural...to think like you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Just feeling very, very sad today and cant stop the tears. I'm back at work tomorrow after having 2 weeks off and feeling a bit anxious. The good thing is, he will be working night shift for the next 4 weeks so I wont have to see him. But a small part of me wants to see him.. Wait, if I'm going to be truthful, a BIG part of me wants to see him and a small part doesnt... I just wish I knew how he was feeling... is he missing me as much as I miss him? I guess not, otherwise we would still be together. Its so hard to accept its over, but I know I must. I'm so sorry for all this rambling, I go from one emotion to the other. I just dont really have anyone else to talk to...the moment I try and talk to my family about it, they just say, dont worry you will be over it soon, you can do better bla bla bla..... I dont really want to hear any of that. Truth be told, I just want to hear from him. I want him to send me this : Hey Sweetie, I'm so sorry for everything. I realise now that I made the biggest mistake of my life and I want you back and will be prepared to do anything to have you back in my life again' But I know he is not capable of sending me such a message, so I need to somehow snap back into reality and accept the loss. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 hey its going to take time. you cant rush healing. you are still in the shock stage. and yes, that is a stage of healing. heck i am still in shock. i think shock goes on for a long time...plus sheer grief. i think (and i could be wrong of course) its inevitable you will hear from him again. its just how prepared will you be when you do. you love him.. but emotions are conflicting because this whole thing doesnt make sense to your entire being's system. how could they be one way one day and another way another day. of course you love him. of course you want it to work out. and who knows really. none of us do. but right now you have to go by his actions not his words. and if there are no words....then wait it out. try to build yourself up aka heal and prepare yourself for a life without him. that doesnt mean you cant wish or hope or pray or that he wont come back ever. my heart goes out to you and i will keep you in my prayers too. youre doing the best you can with what hes given you to work with. just keep hanging in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Thankyou Just out of interest why do you think I will hear from him again? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 it could be out of interest.. or it could be out of curiosity but it sounds like you are doing something way out of character (for you) and he wont recognize this. and it can likely get the best of him and shock him and then i believe its a real possibility he WILL call. or contact you in another form. text. visit...something. could be wrong. just a hunch Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Yes it is out of character for me and he may just text out of curiosity... I was going to text him earlier to say thankyou for paying the bill but deleted the msg before I sent it. It would have purely been just to try and spark some conversation between us. But I kept strong and didn't send it. Link to post Share on other sites
stella87 Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Shattered--how long have u guys been in NC? I have started all over again and im on day 2 now. ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 We've been broken up for a month and I'm on Day 6 of NC , it's so hard Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 hey chin up NC is so hard when you still want to be around that person but trust me you are better off in NC then waiting around for crumbs my ex recently started e-mailing me randomly and it really messes you up, i told her 3 days ago i couldn't take anymore this has dragged out for 4 months now and it's not helping me heal at all. Try to stay NC if you can shatter3d you will be much better off for it in the long run, I finally had the guts to return all of her stuff which was in my flat (false hope ) NC is the only way to move on otherwise you will just continue to suffer and boost someone else's ego Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Well I've well and truly put my foot in it now.. Got to work today and heard a few things he has been saying about me, one in which his next girlfriend wont be as bossy as me....wtf? I was NEVER bossy to him, ever !! Why would he say things like that. He is making himself look like the vicitm. I was that angry and irrational, that I msged him and said ' I've heard all the crap you;ve been saying to ppl at work, I wish I never met you. I dont ever want to see your face again " OMG something just came over me....Rage i guess. Oh well, that seals the deal. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Well I've well and truly put my foot in it now.. Got to work today and heard a few things he has been saying about me, one in which his next girlfriend wont be as bossy as me....wtf? I was NEVER bossy to him, ever !! Why would he say things like that. He is making himself look like the vicitm. I was that angry and irrational, that I msged him and said ' I've heard all the crap you;ve been saying to ppl at work, I wish I never met you. I dont ever want to see your face again " OMG something just came over me....Rage i guess. Oh well, that seals the deal. I wouldn't worry about it Shatter3d, the amount of times I told my ex I never wanted to see him again and that I wished I had never met him... It never stopped him from talking to me, let alone coming back to me. He will know you said it because you are angry. Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Hehe, it should almost be in the guide to second chances. My ex ex that I said that to came back with a vengence 3 times in the space of 4 years. So I wouldn't stress over it. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 i either wouldn't say anything OR say... (speak in the "I" not the "you") "i" was totally hurt when i heard others at work say you told them i was bossy. if this is true, it's hurtful and i wish you spoke to me about your feelings not them. what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shatter3d Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 I think I'll just leave it, I've already done enough damage Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Thankyou Just out of interest why do you think I will hear from him again? Youknow why I think that shattered. Because you are staying strong in your NC. And from a guy's point of view it is going to drive him crazy. Dumpers almost expect you to be begging at their feet, so since you are not his ego is going to be severly crushed. You need to be careful when he reaches out to you though, chances are he will send the dreaded crumbs first. And you CANNOT reply to them, no matter what they say. You cannot reply until you get a voicemail that says he wants to get back together, or even better, he's at your door. But you need to stay in NC like you are now, with the expectation of him being gone forever, from here there is nowhere else to go up. So chin up, the future is bright for you whether you know it or not. -Gator Link to post Share on other sites
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