How do you avoid taking your longterm partner for granted?

[Thinkalot]

This is another one of those relationship questions I like to ask

 

How do you stop yourself taking your longterm love for granted? Or have you taken it for granted? Sometimes I am so conscious of what I have and I celebrate it, and other times, I get used to it being there, and do take it for granted a bit. When my guy nearly left me last year, I felt DEVASTATED and quickly realised afresh what I had. But I just wondered what little ways you have of keeping things really special, and of not losing sight of what you've got?

[UCFKevin]

Wow. What a question.

 

I, unfortunately, DID take my ex for granted, big time, had her do all the work, she always came to my place, we never did what she wanted to do, and we'd barely do anything at all. And I didn't really FULLY realize what I was doing. And had we not broken up, I doubt I wouldve changed my tunes at all.

 

However, now that I know what I've done, I'll be damned if I ever let myself become like that again.

 

I think it only takes one incident to REALLY f you up emotionally to make you realize what you should do and what you shouldn't do in the future. Otherwise, how the hell would we know, and why would we change, if we didn't know what we were doing was rotten?

[carla]

Sometimes he plays a little game with me. When I comment about him burning supper or tracking mud across the kitchen floor he'll say something like "Well I could be a typical man and demand that my supper be on the table when I get home from work." or " Well I could be a typical man and complain that house isn't clean." (Just to note that he doesn't actually think that most men do this, he is just saying this to remind me that if I was still with my ex that this would be the way it is.)

 

Due to our jobs we don't see each other as much as the average couple. So when one of us comes home and the other is already there, we will yell "Honey I'm home!" The other will come running from where ever we maybe and shower the other with kisses and say I Love and Missed you and act like we haven't seen each other in weeks. This is just a little ritual that we do.

 

I love my feet rubbed and when laying on the couch I will nonchalantly put my feet on his lap and wiggle them until he rubs them. Sometimes he won't b/c he says that I appreciate it more if I don't getwhat I want all of the time. Gee I just thought I should tell him that next time he wants sex!

 

Occassionally he will have a hot bath made for me and give me a massage, but only as a treat, b/c like he says you appreciate it more when it don't happen all of the time.

[UCFKevin]

Due to our jobs we don't see each other as much as the average couple. So when one of us comes home and the other is already there, we will yell "Honey I'm home!" The other will come running from where ever we maybe and shower the other with kisses and say I Love and Missed you and act like we haven't seen each other in weeks. This is just a little ritual that we do.

 

Hmm. I would do that every time she'd come over actually. Run to her when she'd come over and hug her and kiss her and all that jazz.

 

I didn't take advantage of her FULLY, I don't think.

[Thinkalot]

Kevin- Referring to your first post- That's true. I'm glad you feel like you took something from your painful experience.

To be frank, this is the longest I've ever lasted in a relationship. My last relationship stayed intense, and only lasted 18 months. So, the idea of sticking with my love for life is wonderful..but I don't want to fall into a rut of taking him for granted, or becoming too focussed on myself. One thing which does work for me is: the more love you give, the more you get back. So the harder I try, the harder he tries, and things get better and better. Focussing on the love is important too.

 

It's been a bit tricky for me lately, because I have devoted a lot of time and energy to getting through my problems with obsessive thinking. So much of the attention has been focussed inward! But it's not usually like that.

 

 

Carla- yep we run and hug and greet too. And lttle massages, or running each other a bath, or cooking a special meal for each other, or buying a little gift. We do a lot of that kind of stuff. Sometimes I forget that not ALL guys do all those special, romantic things! I honestly do forget what some guys can be like (i've dated some shockers). Then I remind myself of all the wonderful things my man does for me- and of the patience he has shown in sticking by me, despite my obsessing/worrying etc.

[carla]

I think the sercret is to do things for the other person that they don't expect you to do all of the time. Like occasionally if my fiancee is busy and he is going to work I will fill his coffee thermoses, something he usually does for himself. If we are watching tv he'll bring me a drink when I didn't ask but was thinking of. It's the little things that mean so much. I would much rather be showered with kisses and have a back rub then showered with expesive flowers that will die in a day or two.

 

Kevin Hind site is 20/20. Every thing we do in life we learn from, whether it's a good experience or not, their is lesson to be learned. You will find your true love, just when you least expect it.

[UCFKevin]

At the urinal?

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

At the urinal?

 

I hope not!

 

It's true..painful things often teach us the most, even though at the time, it just hurts.

[reasontosigh]

Originally posted by UCFKevin

At the urinal?

 

Well, maybe not there. But you might find one of us who can't take the long ladies' room lines at a concert/football game/whatever popping out of a men's room stall one day!

[carla]

At the urinal?

 

LMAO God I hope not, I'm sure you don't want to meet one of thoughs girls/guys. You will meet a princess one day, not a QUEEN.

[carla]

But you might find one of us who can't take the long ladies' room lines at a concert/football game/whatever popping out of a men's room stall one day!

 

You'll never know I did that once at a Rod Stewart concert. My friend and I took turns keeping guard that no guys came in. Once we were done some of the women in the ladies lines took notice and did the same. So much for the mens room.