Aunt Polly Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) It's been a while since I posted here about my husband - Here's something else that I have a question about. Do all husbands lie to their wives? My husband (I believe) is a pathological liar. He lies to me ALL THE TIME. He lies about where he's been. He lies about what he's doing, etc, etc, etc. Here's the straw that broke the camels back last evening (& it's happened before) He came home round 5. Had obviously been drinking. Stood right in front of me when I asked him specifically WHERE DID YOU GO TO HAVE DRINKS TODAY? He said 'nowhere. I'm fine. I've not been drinking.' As the evening wore on it was very apparent to me that he'd been drinking (sleeping on the sofa before dinner, this was in the past common behavior so it's not like I've never seen it before) This morning when I confronted him (it's always better to confront someone about these things when they aren't still drunk....Right?) He said I stopped at X & had drinks. - So, I'm guessing his line of reasoning is not to have a 'fight' in the evening (while he's intoxicated) but to have it in the morning before he leaves to go out of town for a week. WTF. This is just one example. I could make a list here about other things he's lied about before. I thought we 'd fixed this. Now he's lying again. (In the last month I've caught him in more than 10 different lies - some small, some big) Is this pathological behavior. Is he so selfish that he thinks that people will never know he's lying??? Is it just that he can't help himself or Do ALL HUSBANDS LIE TO THEIR WIVES?.........(he tells me that this is the case BTW, which is why I'm asking) Edited January 25, 2011 by Aunt Polly Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I`ve been with my wife 13 years. The only reason I ever lie to her is to avoid situations which she might find uncomfortable. I don`t lie to her about where I`ve been, who I`ve been with, or what I`ve been doing. Men don`t lie to their wives if they respect them. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Only in the sense that everybody lies to some degree, white lies about how those pants fit or why they were fifteen minutes late to work or that what your mother said didn't annoy them. Not in the sense your husband seems to be suggesting. It's not at all normal or healthy for a husband to routinely lie to his wife about where he has been and what he was doing or who he was with. Link to post Share on other sites
Honorable_Venerable Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 It's been a while since I posted here about my husband - Here's something else that I have a question about. Do all husbands lie to their wives? No. I don't. I tell her the truth. It causes me no end of grief because it would be far simpler just to tell her what she wants to hear. Does she think I lie to her? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 White lies, well of course. If it were'nt for white lies then I'd hazard to say almost no marriages would survive (or perhaps we'd never get married in the first place ). You seem to focus on drinking, is it possible that your H has a drinking problem? If then all bets are off as to him telling the truth. Apart from that do I lie to my wife? No. I don't. I try and tell the truth about everything possible. She deserves that. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 OP, I only lied to my now exW once in my M, and furthered that deception (an EA) for a little over a week. I believe, and you'll likely see it by reading my postings here, in direct confrontation. Of course, there is much risk in that perspective, and your H probably doesn't want to risk the M by being brutally honest, or he just might not have the psychological capacity to do so. The bottle probably rules here. My sympathies... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aunt Polly Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 The bottle probably rules here. My sympathies You're most likely right in this statement & thank you. We've battled this issue for years now. Just when I think we'ver gotten it kicked - the lies start all over again & the excessive drinking. I've left him once for a while due to this (the drinking that is) but at this point in the marriage a separation just isn't financially possible. I honestly wish it were. The part that just amazes me is that he justifies the lies & then tells me that all men lie to their wives. Which I find so hard to swallow. At 49 years of age I would bet there are plenty of folks out there that have great marriages (not without ups & downs of course) & they don't lie to each other to have a great marriage. He has apologized for last night. (again) said that I deserve better (true) Guess I'll just wait & see what happens. He's gone for a week & I'm really relieved. I just get to the point where it's exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Have you considered AlAnon for learning coping mechanisms? I inquire since you apparently are going to remain in the dynamic. Even if he's not an alcoholic, the tools learned can help deal with the behaviors and preserve your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
fltc Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Do all husbands lie to their wives? Do all wives ask their husbands, "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Do you like my new hairdo?" Etc. etc. etc. DAMN RIGHT I LIED! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 Someone who tells me an outright lie in a relationship... ...is history. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aunt Polly Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Do all wives ask their husbands, "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Do you like my new hairdo?" Etc. etc. etc. DAMN RIGHT I LIED! Hahahahaha - these aren't the kinds of 'lies' I am referring to. Personally I know when an outfit makes me look fat & I take it off & put it back in the closet. Alanon - Yep I've considered it for the coping but never have done it. Nor am I sure that I'm going to stay a factor (yes for the time being) His D Day will come in August & he knows it. Between now & then he's on borrowed time with me. The weird thing is, he's probably been lying to me for 12+ years of our marriage. About 3 years ago I finally pulled my head out of my @ss & realized what the heck was going on around me. I was one of those wives that just didn't pay close attention. Now that I don't have the "Buffer" AKA: Kids at home I pay attention. I plan to re-evaluate the marriage between now & August. If the lies continue there will be no more discussions about it & this time when I leave it'll be for good. I'm too old to live with someone that acts like a 6 year old that while their hand is in the cookie jar they look me in the eye & say "I'm not taking a cookie, what are you talking about" Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I second the al-anon. If you are monitoring him and watching more of his every move, you are going to miss out on your own life between now and August. Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I don't do anything worth lying about. Occasional white lies? Yeah, I suppose so once in awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
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