slowbutSURE Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I have posted responses to some other posters but this is my first thread to initiate. A little background: Married almost 26 years, two beautiful daughters,age 20 and 14. The oldest away at college and my youngest still lives at home. After numerous afffairs, both emotional and somewhat physical I have had enough and am divorcing my wife. Due to financial restrictions we are separated under the same roof until the papers are signed. My dilemma? It is killing me to contemplate being apart from my 14 year old daughter! We will be doing a joint 50/50 co parenting situation but the thought of not seeing her everyday to help with homework, play a game, watch a favorite show whatever, I am falling apart at the thought of losing that. I have gained a lot of good perspective from other people on LS who post their experiences on here. Man do I need some help now, please! Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I have seen two men in my life who have been separated from their children because of divorce and, to be honest, you will find it very tough - of course you already know that. However, if you're going to have a 50/50 arrangement then that's the best option there is. Although you'll be apart from your daughter some of the time you'll still be her father 100% of the time. You will still be able to maintain the emotional bond which is the most important thing. Your daughter won't view you any differently provided you maintain that bond and keep things as 'normal' as possible when you are together. It may not feel that way now, with the thought of this lurking in your head, but you will get used to it with time and you will learn to deal with it just as we all deal with major changes in our lives. My own partner doesn't have anywhere near 50/50 access and is currently going through a custody battle with his ex wanting to take his daughter thousands of miles away. It's a very stressful situation but he copes, just as you will. He keeps himself busy when he doesn't have his daughter and stays in touch by text (and phone when it's possible). I think throwing himself into work has helped him a lot. It is heartbreaking to see any parent in this situation and, although it may not help much, I would encourage you to think as positively as you can. When you do have your daughter you will have each other's full attention and that's a big plus for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author slowbutSURE Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Little Tiger, Thank you for your response and words of wisdom. Heartbreaking, literally, is an accurate description. I do try to stay positive but its just impossible sometimes. I have a great and really close relationship with my daughter and to think 50% of my time with her will be taken away just sucks. I know I will get through it and so will she, the unknown can be a very scary place. I am 50, she is 14 so if I am struggling with the thought of separation no doubt she is too. I am putting on a good face for her sake and I am very cautious not to say something which will make it harder on her. Focusing on the things which will never change between us helps a great deal, simply need to keep the head up and move ahead. Thank you again for the input. I had a smile of reassurance on my face as I read your response. It helps!! Link to post Share on other sites
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