I want to Quit my Band but i feel bad about it...

[georgejungle]

I joined a band last august. I really wanted to get out and

play shows again as a musician after having my child and becoming

a Dad and taking a break from Music. It's very therapeutic for me.

 

Long story short, it's turned out to be more of a hinderance than fun.

I found a band that's decent, not totally my cup of tea but decent

enough and the guys were somewhat cool, so i went for it on the basis

that, they were gonna play a lot of shows.

 

5 months later, still no shows. Just rehearsals. Turns out there is some

tension in the band with certain members. I happened to join a band

that's been having trouble getting off the ground for quite a while now

and some issues with members getting along.

 

Anyway, its a lot more than i signed up for. The band is now looking

to replace a rotten member and then move forward towards shows

but I don't feel like i'm into it anymore....into the music, into playing

shows with them, just into being in a band. I'd like to be an independent

player...not tied down.

 

BUT, i don't know how to tell them because if I leave, it's REALLY going

to set them back even further. So far i've been mr Positive around them

and have been going along with everything trying to help, but I'm

over it now. I'd hate to pull a 180 on them and quit but I want to.

[freestyle]

I don't think you should feel guilty about leaving...if you're still only rehearsing since you joined in August....

 

At this point it's costing you money, instead of putting some on your pocket.

 

And if they're going to replace someone--there will have to be that much more rehearsing waiting for the new member to get up to speed.

 

(and waiting to see if they will be reliable or not)

 

Plus, if you're not that into the kind of music they're doing-why not save your energy for another band that suits you better?

 

and just a little helpful hint-with the next band, find out how many gigs they've played recently, and verify it by checking online, if you can.

[folieadeux]

Go solo; it's not worth staying and putting in all the money, time, effort, etc.

 

Chances are, your unhappiness is showing through the music anyway.

[Owz600]

I am a musician myself played in many bands and many have failed and now I am starting a new one.

 

Music is one of those areas you must keep trying or you never break it. Two choices in my opinion.

 

1. Stick with the band and get rid of the rotten member and find a good committed member not any average guy, this will give the band it's spark back, I know after a while of rehearsing the same songs and not playing shows it gets bland and boring but stick at it.

 

2. Drop out of the band and find a serious band with committed members.

 

Keep faith.

[biancanics]

I agree with Owz600

 

and may I add

 

If you choose music as a career then it is necessary for you to quit a band like that with no hard feelings cause you need to earn money and the band you're now in ain't helping you with your financial matters.

 

If it's just a past time/part time gigs just so you can go out and enjoy that you're playing in a band then I guess you have to stick to them and help your band get back to it's glory days where you have a lot of shows.

[O'Malley]

Let them know before they line up any shows. Just be honest: you're no longer interested in the music that the band plays, and you don't want to play gigs. Offer to help find another musician to fill your slot.

 

The important thing is to be integral about it and try to make your departure as drama free as possible. You might meet up with or want to collaborate with one of these guys in the future, so don't allow yourself to get embroiled in a argument. If one of the band members gets confrontational, just walk away.

[sumdude]

You don't really owe them anything. You gave it a good shot and aren't getting what you want out of it. I've been in bands for 25+ years. Sounds like this one may never actually gig.

[freestyle]

You don't really owe them anything. You gave it a good shot and aren't getting what you want out of it. I've been in bands for 25+ years. Sounds like this one may never actually gig.

 

 

That's what I was thinking. I've been around the scene for years myself.

 

Wannabee bands are a penny a dozen.

 

That's why I recommend verifying their gig history before joining, and getting enmeshed.

 

I've seen a lot of fabulous players get stuck in "going-nowhere" situations because they have a misguided sense of loyalty.

 

It all depends on what you're in it for--if it's just for fun and giggles, cool.

Nothing wrong with that at all. If you're hoping to make a little dough, well then a different approach is a good idea.Then you gotta watch out for the black-hole time-sucking bands.

[georgejungle]

hardest part is that the guys in the band have been telling me that

i'm the best thing that's happened to the band, best musician they've

ever had, etc. makes it harder to quit on them and there is a potential

show that they now want to take but maybe want to replace

the "rotten" member before it and cram in a bunch of rehearsals to

get him up to speed. Also, them trying to include me in on the band

drama and wanting me to be there when then kick the "rotten" member out doesn't sit well with me.

 

...I'm in this to have fun but make a little money. I'm a busy

guy with a family that comes first. If i'm gonna be away, i better

really enjoy the band or be making some extra spending money. I didn't

sign up to help them audition new members or not play shows because

of the drama.

[freestyle]

George, was this band gigging when you joined them?

 

Also, it sounds like they're trying to lay a guilt trip on you, and manipulate you with flattery.........

[georgejungle]

George, was this band gigging when you joined them?

 

Also, it sounds like they're trying to lay a guilt trip on you, and manipulate you with flattery.........

 

The band was gearing up to play shows when i joined. I was told

they wanted to gig, gig, gig once I was up to speed. then some

band drama reared it's ugly head and the excuses came, then they

want to try out new guitar players to replace one that can't commit

but the guys they've found are second rate to the one they want to

replace

 

I agree with you on the guilt trip. They have had a hard time in the

last year (i learned after the fact) trying to get going as a band. I did

my research on them and believed we would be gigging. At this point i'm

sure the comments are there to keep me around. If i left right now, they

would be screwed and would have to start from scratch since they want

to replace the guitar.

Edited February 1, 2011 by georgejungle

[sumdude]

What's your instrument?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You shouldn't feel guilty for it. Bands break up for similar reasons all the time. They just don't 'feel part of the band anymore.'

[elemental1]

are they actually trying to make money or just have fun? which are you trying to do?

 

the reason i ask is that from what i have learned in my 10+ years of being in bands is that either you want to do it for fun, or you want to do it for money... both can happen, but if you are trying to make money, then it becomes work...not fun. - so that is how you have to treat it regardless of any sort of guilt and/or obligations you might feel. treat it like a job. how close are you with these guys anyway?

 

does your band do covers or originals? if you do originals, have you written any of the songs? if not, then try to - it might treat your boredom a little. when i joined bands in the past, i always became 'the guy that holds it all together' - basically they all told me that without me, the band would fall apart. i wrote all the music and basically provided all the creative material to work with so i understand that sort of pressure. i have also been to a point where i wanted to quit and i had to tell them that i couldnt do it anymore. it isnt easy. i have always noticed that having a band is like having multiple girlfriends. you have to deal with attitudes and egos and schedules and differences from not just one person, but 3 or 4 or 5.

all in all, if you arent crazy about it, and you arent making money, chances are it isnt going anywhere.