He says I don't communicate but I DOO

[wierdmunky]

So why do I keep on trying I've had communication issues with my family for the longest time, and after 29 years it still is here. Maybe someone can help explain the issue to me, because it seems like as much problem solving as I do, or "communicate", I can NEVER win. So ever since I was a teenager me and my parents have had a rift between us. We can get a long for the most part, and talk, but once an argument hits, my parents spew out what I guess is what they REALLY think. I have no idea, because to ME it always seems like it's coming out of now where. SO -- for example last Saturday night, I come home from work, and my dad has laid out in front of him all the requirements the school I'm attending needs to get a degree. I started school late, and I have 3 quarters to graduate, and he wanted to go down the list with me. Ok, fine, but his whole persona is STERN, and I respond to that with attitude, and frustration. I sigh, tell him.yesssssssss yessssssss I took that, and I'm actually angry because he doesn't trust me enough with my own future. He says that this is for HIM (the checking) so he can know. I say fine ok. When we finally go through the whole list he blows up saying see this is why when you and MOM talk, you both get into arguments, and your sister always says "wow you talk about WM alot" which is basically him complaining about me. They don't say positive things about me. After going back and forth, I tell him that I don't know what else he wants from me because I'm actually trying to talk to him more, and EXPLAIN all things. Like pour out to him what I feel/think/is going on, and he still says I'm not communication and that all he wants is for me to communicate and tell him what is going on. Well he already knows. I TELL them every day what's going on if it's not the same already, it's basically work, and school. Not much to tell you unless you want to hear about what I'm learning, which I've done in the past, but that ends up frustrating me as well since they don't really even pay attention to what I'm saying, they just go oh ok, make some joke, and end of subject. A few of my friends say I can talk a lot, some people say I'm more quiet. I like to put my feelers out there. I don't talk about nothing I guess. I don't know how to communicate about "nothing". My parents are just so confusing when it comes down to what they want. I asked my dad that night so what is the actual POINT of why you wanted to ask/tell me all of this. He was frustrated. He still couldn't tell me of what, he just let out a whole bunch of complaints, and I tried to comfort him of them by telling him and trying to prove to him that I'm really doing all that I can do, and I have not been sitting idle. I told him to ask the people we all know, see if everything I say lines up, and he doesn't respond to that he takes it as an attack and says I just want you to communicate MORE. I HAVE NO IDEAS anymore of what to communicate. Maybe if our house was a little lighter spirited, or happy??? Maybe I'd be able to relax, joke, and not be uptight. I give them information all the time. Apparently they don't take that as communicating. No about of questing I do can ever ultimately peel all of the layers to my dad's true self. I honestly feel like I will never know. I told him I don't know what else he wants from me. This is ME. I click with certain people and can talk miles a minute to them maybe that's what he wants, but I can't do that with people who just sit there. I might as well be talking to a stuffed animal. I can engage when people bounce back, laugh, and can joke. I can also engage with just information, but if he's not sharing anything with ME, then what am I supposed to do with that? I tried to explain to my dad that my friends know me and I know them but us talking to eachother, telling eachother everything about everything to likes/dislikes and humor. I feel like he is not that type of person, and not sure how to break whatever barrier that is anymore. It's exhausting and depressing to talk to my parents about it because it always comes down to ME being this horrible person, and ok I wasn't the best child to them, but in all honestly we don't have much in common. I don't like to sit around the table and gossip about people I don't even know, I can't comisserate with them bc we don't have the same wants and dislikes. Is there any other way to make them FEEL at least that Im trying. I feel like I'm trying to hard and it's not getting anywhere.

[bubbles5]

You are very much talkative that I can tell frm so long thread that you have written. See the thing is that ur father is worried too much abt you for your education.You should not give information but make him believe that whatever education you are pursuing or anything u are wanting to do in ur career you are serious abt it. I would also like to know do u have ur complete family, I mean do u have ur mom and sibiling in ur family? Sometimes it happens when u dont have mum or some1 in family passes away there becomes a communication gap. Talk to your father that u dont like the way u r being treated. Tell him how u feel rather than just giving information abt daily routine. And tell ur father to open up All u need is to break the ice between u n ur father.

[Jonno_S]

This may sound silly, but why not print what you wrote and show it to him? You and he obviously don't communicate well verbally (your yesssssss type answers don't help) so that will allow him to see what your thoughts are.

 

It's hard for parents to watch their kids grow up. It tells them that they are no longer needed, that they're getting older, etc. You getting ready to finish college is adding that to his reality.

[leesandra14]

all parents aim to do good for their children. Your father is just knowing you, how you feel and what are the things that was going about you. Just answer his questions about you it won't harm you if you don't do anything bad.