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omg I'm done


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My boyfriend and I broke up today.

 

He had been verbally abusive in the past, and I broke up with him then. He begged me for another chance and was 'working on his character'. He said it wasn't

 

me, it was him, he had a severe anger problem and just needed me to be there for him.

 

After several months wherein he was "a new man" and not being that way anymore... I felt a grown intimacy and trust built up wherein he was respecting my

 

boundaries and respecting me. He'd absolutely seemed to have made the changes in himself to better himself. We decided to take our relationship to the next

 

level and move in together in September. This was a huge meaningful step in the relationship. In the past he'd wanted me to move in with him, but I always

 

said no. He knew the significance.

 

It was sick...like night and day about 2 weeks after I moved in. Like someone flipped a switch in his head. The last 3 months I've suffered insanely sick

 

verbal/emotional/mental abuse and 2 episodes of physical (minor but still physical). I had been so GOOD TO HIM. In return I've been the object of frequent

 

episodes of unleashed wrath of anger. I've been demeaned, degraded, condescended, exploited, called horrible names, told I'm worthless, a b&*^h, stupid, an

 

a$$hl, and tons of other awful things. He was constantly playing weirdo head games and totally getting off on it. He is mentally ill. I think he might have

 

multiple personality disorder.

 

I reminded him of his promises to never again stoop so low. You know what he said? "You lost that privilege."

 

Privilege?

 

Never again.

 

We just now had a very clear discussion that this relationship is over.

 

I am done now. And he's going to pay for this! I told him he's not going to just snap his fingers and me move out. Obviously I want to go ASAP but I can only

 

go when it is feasible for me to go. Maybe a few weeks, not sure.

 

Bottom line. I'm done. It feels so good. NEVER again will I give the time of day to someone who disrespects me. There should never be a NEED for sorry this

 

caliber. When there is, it is over. There IS no friendship or intimate relationship. AND THERE NEVER WILL BE. Me in all my faithfulness believed in something

 

that wasn't nor ever would be.

 

I really can't believe it but I'm not going to dwell on this as anguish. Just being proactive and trying to move forward...

 

thanks for listening...

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your welcome . Glad you set some healthy boundaries. Heed your words as "nevers" come back to haunt a person just when they think they have their act together. We usually take two steps forward and one back. Life lessons are silly that way. Stay strong . *Peace*

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  • 1 month later...

It is good that you left him. Whenever, someone is playing mind games with you, you need to get out of that relationship. Mind Games are very dangerous because they can lead to your emotional collapse. Whenever, you detect someone is playing mind games with you, you need to understand this is a red flag. As a red flag, it signifies danger. In my case, I did not allow the woman to realized that my red flags and alarms were blaring. I allow a little time for her to think that I am stupid and do not know what is going on. On her 45 birthday which was three days before Valentine Day, I ended our relationship. I do not regret it because in addition to the mind games that she was playing on me, she did the hot and cold treatments. One day she would be friendly and the next she would have a mean face and angry tone in her voice. I decided I had enough and I do not want an emotional collapse on my part. I still think of her and I do cry sometimes in the library or in the subway. I know that with time I would put her in a more realistic perspective. Life moves on. The only recommendation that I can give to you is that to learn from your experience and perfect an even better second relationship. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.

 

Sincerely,

 

 

 

BelieveInUs

 

One of the Man

Edited by BelieveInUs
Wording was off in two cases.
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Good for you! You've got some self respect. :)

 

I had the same situation happen to me in my mid 20's. I'm in a relationship with a guy for a few months and he was so sweeeeeeeeeet. Then, I make the mistake of moving in with him and it was exactly as you described. Like a switch was flipped! He went totally nuts! Going into rages, getting violent, throwing things against the wall and the personality change was just incredible.

 

Get out because the guy that I broke it off with? I know he's still the same way with other people. But not me! I was smart enough to get away from that nut.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Me in all my faithfulness believed in something that wasn't nor ever would be.

 

Yes, me too! I believed the same. I broke up with my abusive ex a few weeks ago. I am moving forward, never again! I gave him two chances in a year, but I should have ditched him ages ago and never come back. Should have. We all learn from our own experiences to let go when we are ready and when we reach the breaking point. I reached mine only two weeks ago when he finally laid his hands on me. It took me a year to finally realize that he is SO far away from changing. First sign, 95% of the time, he blames me. There have been a few instances when he has admitted that he has hurt me, but then, he backtracks on them quickly.

 

I REALLY REALLY wanted to believe him in his promises and that he loved me, because I loved him so much. I fell for him, because initially, he was amazing, a charmer, but it was all an act.

 

An abuser who is willing to change should be able to admit to his abuse, take responsibility, and get professional help immediately for his behavior, and stay in it, not just to say he's doing therapy. Even then, it takes years, depending on his degree of severity. Mine would always make empty promises that he would see someone, but never did, always stalled on those promises. I got sick of it, and realized he's just playing me.

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