Buzz Boy Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 I am in a spot of bother. I have met a wonderful, sensitive, caring young lady and have known her as a close friend for over a year. In the past three months we have begun to share quite intimate details with one another (as close friends do), and I now find myself hopelessly in love with her. I have not been in a relationship for quite some time, and whilst there have been other girls who caught my eye, this girl has stolen my heart. She knows I care for her an awful lot, and I know she cares for me. I want to express my current feelings for her but there is (as you would expect) a snag... she has a boyfriend. I've met the boyfriend on several occasions and I know she loves him. Whether it's the jealousy or not, I really cannot stand the guy. What should I do? Should I bide my time and hope that one day they split? Should I tell her right now of how I feel? My greatest fear is losing this 'angel' from my life. I would dearly love to spend my life with her at my side, but would never forgive myself if I did anything to hurt her or drive her away. This is not a joke thread, I really would appreciate some genuine advice. Thanks in advance, Buzz Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 i think you should tell her, but only because she deserves to know to make the decision thats right for her. if you do tell her, you must have no expectations of how she'll react - you may lose her as a friend. if you know she loves him - you may well expect to get a knock back - are you prepared for the distinct possibility of rejection? as long as you tell her without applying any pressure at all - this is her decision and any manipulation at all is totally not good, explain to her how you feel and let her know that whatever she does as a result you will be fine with - and mean it. if she is interested, she should have a period of being on her own before you 2 get to know each other in this new capacity. BB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzz Boy Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Thanks Big Belm. I know I've got to tell her, but it's just so hard to find the right time. Should I just take a deep breath and ask her aside, or should I wait until the timing feels right. These butterflies in my stomach are getting worse. Any other advice will be warmly welcomed. Thanks, Buzz Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 If things between her & her bf are going good, there isn't much chance of you getting to be anything more with her. However in my situation I was friends with her for a year, she was with this jerk for about 8 years. Treated her like a trophy, neglected her, etc.. Her and me became close and I told her I loved her in July. I didn't get the 'I love you' back, which I didn't expect. But she had feelings for me yet wasn't sure about her situation. In September she told me she was in love with me, and we've been together ever since. Our wedding is August 21st What makes it so great is not only is she my lover but my best friend. Don't become the serigate boyfriend. Don't let you just be there to fill the voids that she has with him. I was feeling that way and it wasn't until I went out with someone else that it struck her that she could lose me forever. Tell her how you feel, but don't expect anything in return. Tell her that whatever she decides to do that all you want her to be is happy. Link to post Share on other sites
HiDDeN PiGLeT Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 i donno guys. telling her might ruin the friendship. also dont you think if she cared about you she would have done something to be with you or told you that she cares about you more than a friend. you might be coming between her and b/f. i've seen things like this happen and its not pretty. one of my best friend had a female friend that's like in love with him, but he has a girl that he loves and who loves him, the female friend made them break up b/c of her feelings and jealously. and he was miserable but he never got with the female friend. after much pain and hurt he got back with his girl and the female friend is left out in the cold. i sort of think its wrong to tell her when you know she loves her b/f. i'm sure you're a nice person and all but i think its a bit selfish. if she's happy be happy for her. and if she's unhappy be there for her and try to help her. if it was mean to be then it shall. she deserve to have that choice esp if she's single. its puts a strain on a friendship when there's such a change. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Buzz, I know how you feel. I've felt that way, too. I've learned that it never pays to mess around with someone else's relationship. Maybe you don't like the guy, but I don't think that makes it right for you to try to screw up his life. You're not about to go steal his car are you? I'm speaking from experience here. I've been in a few triangles. Don't get into a triangle. Keep in mind that she's with him all the time, so if she likes him or loves him then there's not much you can do about it. If she doesn't, there's not much he can do about it. Either way, you'll be better off just doing your own thing. And if she never ends up loving you, then at least you'll know she respects you. Not sure where to draw the line? Just be a good guy, but leave the boyfriend stuff to him. You go find a single girl. J Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzz Boy Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Thanks for the feeback, it has helped me to make up my mind. I really should let her know how I feel, but as she is the dearest person in the world to me, I wouldn't ever want to hurt her... and telling her now would be too much of a risk. Instead I will patiently bide my time, and should she ever split from her b/f or show me enough cause to believe she is unhappy with that relationship I will then, and only then, reveal the depth of my love for her. I guess these butterflies in my stomach won't be going away soon, but atleast I won't have to worry about losing my best friend's respect. Thanks. Buzz Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzz Boy Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Thanks Johan, you posted whilst I was typing my reply. You were reading my mind. Thanks again to everyone how posted. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 I would think it depends on the kinda person you are. if you are unable to look for another relationship because of you feelings for her, then you need to tell her that you want more than friendship. but if your ok with having a relationship with other women and wait for the timing to work, than wait if you can. however, what if she has feelings for you and is repressing them because she thinks she'll ruin a great friendship if she tells you, and you dont return the feeling. what then? i say risk it. tell her. put it out there and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzz Boy Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 Cheers Spencer, I've been going through all of these scenarios in my head for about a month... and that's why I came here to see if there was a clear path to take... and as usual, there isn't one. As for seeing other girls whilst I wait... this sounds so corny... but my perception of other ladies has changed since I developed this feeling for my friend. The 'hottest' looking woman could walk past me, and I'd not take a second glance. Honest! I've been out with my mates and they elbow me "check her out", I look but get nothing. I'm so very tempted to tell Alena how I feel, and I sense there is something there from her... but perhaps I'm trying to read things into her body language and words that aren't there. The only way I can do this with any confidence is to wait. If she is to be my soul-mate, then surely waiting a little longer has got to be worth it. Why can't things be simple. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 Originally posted by Buzz Boy Why can't things be simple. because they wouldn't be worth it. as you know, humans equate simple or easy with being beneath or below their standards. anything worth the challenge make the reward all the more special. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Buzz Boy Posted June 8, 2004 Author Share Posted June 8, 2004 Just thought I'd pop back in and give you guys an update, as you were so generous and helpful with your advice. About three weeks ago I couldn't wait any longer... I told her that not only did I love her but that I was in love with her, and that I hadn't said anything due to her being with another guy. She gasped when she heard this... but it was a good gasp. She went on to tell me that she was in love with me too, and had been for about 2 months but was afraid to tell me. She had already decided to tell her previous boyfriend that she no longer had feelings for him but wanted to remain friends. Life is great! Love is wonderful! It's the bungy-jump of love... taking that last big step is the hard part!!! I want to thank everyone for their advice. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Unlucky In Love Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Congratulations, that's awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
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