Goodwoman Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I suffered a horrible breakup about 4 months ago. My exboyfriend of 6 years cheated on me and left me for the other woman and moved right in with her. OUCH. I am finding it impossible to deal with in such a small town. I am looking over my shoulder every second because I am completely terrified of running into them. I have been trying desperately to get over it, but cant seem to move forward. Has anyone moved towns and quit their job after a breakup? I really want to be back home with my friends and family. I think I would be better off dealing with this with them around. I have no support group where I am now. Is this irrational? Should I quit the job I love and just disappear? Right now, its the only thing keeping me in this town. I kind of want to just start a completely fresh life but am hesitant to do it. Has anyone had the feeling of wanting to start completely fresh? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I was engaged to a woman in 96, then I got cold feet and broke it off. She later totally dumped me and ended up getting pregnant a few months later by some other guy. To this day I have no idea who it was. It was so crushing I moved from VA to Portland, OR for a little over a year. It was pretty much the only thing that got me over the situation. Sometimes a change of scenery can really help. Link to post Share on other sites
D78 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm not the most rational person... but it doesn't strike me as irrational to want to move back home where you have family and friends to support you. It might be irrational to not want to do that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodwoman Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 I was engaged to a woman in 96, then I got cold feet and broke it off. She later totally dumped me and ended up getting pregnant a few months later by some other guy. To this day I have no idea who it was. It was so crushing I moved from VA to Portland, OR for a little over a year. It was pretty much the only thing that got me over the situation. Sometimes a change of scenery can really help. Thanks for that response. A lot of people are saying I am being really irrational but, when my last bf and I brokeup, I moved back to my hometown and was over it pretty fast. This time however, I have a very good job. But Im wondering at this point. I think my happiness and moving forward are more important than my job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Goodwoman Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 I'm not the most rational person... but it doesn't strike me as irrational to want to move back home where you have family and friends to support you. It might be irrational to not want to do that. Good luck. Yeah. The friends and family thing is a big issue for me. I can get a new job. I really dont want to be around this situation either way. It can go one of two ways. They get married and have babies which would crush me, or they dont work out and I have him trying to come back. Both are things I dont want to stick around and see. Link to post Share on other sites
D78 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 If my parents didn't live in the same town as me, I would consider moving back home, too As long as you will be able to find another job (because not working can be a bummer, too), I would move. Link to post Share on other sites
TheThinker Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I live in the UK and the town i live in is where my parents also live (about 55k people) but it seems small. Everyone seems to know your business almost before you do sometimes. I have had to move out of our house as it wouldnt have been fair on my daughter for me to tell them to get out and i would never take her away from her mummy because she is an amazing parent and has been there all through her life (sometimes when i should have been there). I have moved back in with my parents less than 1 mile up the road (in fact about 1/2 a mile) But as someone said i dont think its irrational to think about moving away back to where you want to be. I know you said you have a good job but there is nothing to stop you looking at jobs back where you live. You have the experience in your current job and you will find that you may be able to find an equally good job back in your hometown whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck x Link to post Share on other sites
melenkurion Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I thought about it... In fact, in the first horrible week I went to stay with my sister, and that really made me consider moving back to where my family live. I've decided to give it a year, though. I'd be making a huge decision when I was in a very irrational state. If I still want to do it in a year, then it's not the craziness that follows a breakup talking, it's something I really do want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
suddendumpee Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 There comes a time in life to grow up and handle setbacks like an adult. Running away from your problems is no way to properly cope, especially if you are sacrificing another part of your life which IS going well (your job). Happiness and the ability to move forward will happen no matter where you are. Finding a great job which you love (esp. in the current economic state) man not. Don't let one failed aspect of your life cause a domino effect ao destroy others. If you need family and friends, call them...visit them. But please don't make any rash decisions on the move. Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 My current ex did that. She went on a "break" but took everything she needed from our place, left her very good jobs (seriously awesome) here and moved back to her hometown. Last I heard she was dating a bartender (not a judgement on him, but we were in a different place) and was looking into bar jobs herself because she never found anything, she's draining her parents who are paying her rent, she tried (and to some extent, succeeded: she blamed her situation on me and oh guilt, you work wonders) borrowing money from ... me. She also left me with the lease, the bills, and nicely transfered everything to my name herself. I dont want to be a little bitch but now I'm thinking this wasn't a very responsible way to leave a guy after 7 years. I've read that the breakup mirrors the relationship and I have to agree with that, its still the same two people dealing with one another. I find some solace in what I did. Wait patiently, leave her space, respect her decisions even when it didn't AT ALL go our way. Of course, I'm no angel and I was finally able to accept I had anger to process for all of this and sent that her way. Perhaps you can find solace in these toughts as well. If you want to move back, don't move back running. Figure everything out, make a plan, and press "start" when you have resolved everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is a very interesting discussion. I never considered moving back to my "hometown" at the end of a relationship. Probably because I don't have a hometown. The place my parents live I hate with a passion and I would honestly rather live in a homeless shelter then move back there. I am hoping that my soon-to-be ex-Husband moves back to Kentucky or Indiana... or well anywhere away from here. As for me, I am perfectly fine here right now. If I feel the need to move it won't be because of him or any other man, it will be because of me. I understand where some people who left are coming from though. They are out of their comfort zone, maybe moved there with the ex-SO but not for any other reason. A small town and a broken heart can make a person crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
cj2 Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I have actually been thinking of moving away from my hometown following my breakup. I did a bit of travelling before I meet my ex on a ski season and we ended up living back here. When I was with her it didn't bother me so much, I guess I didn't really notice the world around me, but now I'm back on my own I've had a persistant train of thought over the last month or so of "what on earth am I doing still living in this place". I'm seriously comtemplating emigrating at the end of the year to Australia. They say the best revenge is a life well lived and I've had enough of the cold, rainy UK for one lifetime! I think the best advice would be to let the dust settle and then make a decision. I am not going to make a call on my situation until I am well and truly over everything that has happened to me in the last few months. You need to make a choice with your head and not one that's down to emotions that will pass when you are healed.. Link to post Share on other sites
nsphere Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Happiness is your best revenge. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Try something new like a martial arts or dance class. He doesn't sound like a winner anyways if he doesn't have his own place and moves from one place to another. I don't know your age but there isn't anything wrong with moving if you aren't too attached to your environment. I moved away from my hometown over 20 years ago but there is a downside as I'm too entrenched now with work and my son to move back, so there are frequent airplane trips to visit family. Edited January 27, 2011 by nsphere Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Ditto CJ2. I was and still am considering leaving my home town instead. An ex of mine moved in with me in my home town from the city. But I worked a few hours aways in the city she moved from. Things went pear shaped and she moved out etc... I'd worked really hard to to transfer my career from the city to my home town and all for naught (me being away a lot caused some issues). Now I'm considering transferring my career back to the city again and even moving to the city I transferred from or interstate. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I want to move because he's been here. Not cool! Link to post Share on other sites
z00m25 Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 i am debating this myself now.. she left me and i never really established myself here so i kind of want to go back so im closer to my friends and family. but i also know that shes expecting me to do this and i feel if i do move back and give up my good job that she has won yet again.. Link to post Share on other sites
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