What does "I really care about you alot" really mean

[Capricciosa]

My guy and I are supposedly on a month long break because he has some important things to figure out and get in order in his life, and he's confused about his feelings.

 

If you're interested, the full story is here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t262145/

 

He initiated this break, but other than the first day kept phoning me until I sent an email initiating NC for the month. He replied saying he understood, and I would be in his thoughts for the month and that he cared for me a lot, and hoped we were both at in a better place at the end of it.

 

But is "I really care about you a lot" the kiss of death for the relationship?

 

I know I need to focus on myself now and what I want, but I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out whether this is really over or not.

[willpower]

To be blunt no one knows what it means, only he knows what was in his head when he wrote that. IMHO you need to let go of everything that he said post break, stop focussing on little messages that give you hope. The only thing you need to realise is that for whatever reason you are on a break and that until you both agree that its permanent or your getting back together then thats where your relationship remains.

 

Its hard as hell, it hurts a load and just telling yourself to get on with things will not be likely to make you feel any better. Its all we can do, start living your life again. The only chance you have to get through this is to get yourself back on your feet and feeling better.

 

I broke up almost 4 months ago now. At 1.30am on Sunday morning I went for an hour long drive past her house. I cried my eyes out. I'm dating someone else casually, but it still kills me inside. You have to live with it and at least make an effort to carry on. What happens in the future? Who knows but you have a better chance of a happy one if you point towards happiness and dont dwell in your sadness.

[LifeIsGreat]

When in doubt...... assume it's over and act accordingly.

 

Here's my thing about "breaks"-- do I really want to be with someone who thinks they need a break from me? What kind of foundation is that for a long term relationship?

 

If YOU are willing to be with someone who needs a break from you, ask yourself "why"? Personally, I don't think it's healthy to put up with that crap from a S/O.

[Capricciosa]

I was doing well with getting on with my life, but he just kept trying to get in contact with me. And now I feel obsessed by what it all means. I was truly trying to stop listening, but I had to send the NC email. I didn't think he would reply, but he did.

 

It doesn't help that he left all his stuff here, which I have put out of sight.

 

Why do we need breaks from each other? Sometimes distance is required because the chemistry has gone off somehow. He is very unhappy with himself right now and that made it hard to be in a relationship with him.

 

I don't know, I'm rambling. The break was sudden and unilateral, and I have a lot to think about myself. I'm doing my best...it's only been a few days...

 

Thanks for your blunt replies. It helps me to have reality checks.

[suddendumpee]

My ex was expressing doubts on our relationship, so I suggested we step away from things to reevaluate the importance of our r/l to each other. She didn't like the idea and told me the next day (I care about you very deeply and don't want to lose you).

 

What this translated to was: "I don't love you but this r/l is going to end on MY clock, not yours. I need to keep you around for 60 more days until I find out if my "guy friend" is interested in being more than friends, so that I can dump you 7 days before we go to Hawaii to meet my family for the first time".

[0hpenelope]

I wouldn't sweat it too much either. It's just best to take what he said at face value. Take the time to heal yourself, ok?

[edgeofdarkness]

whats that quote about being a priority instead of an option, I think u need to think bout that.

[JrRos]

Sounds to me there's another person in the picture. I've done it and it has been done to me. Always the same outcome.

 

By the way, I was on your shoes a couple of weeks ago. I was put in the "We'll talk when I'm ready"... not knowing is the worse feeling. I was okay after I found out the truth. Although it what I was expecting and fearing all along.

Edited January 26, 2011 by JrRos

[carhill]

The statement is a great way, especially couched within the dynamic of a break, to generate uncertainty and drama and analysis paralysis within the woman's psyche. Essentially, it can keep her engaged while she 'figures it out'. He'll stir the pot as responses (or non-responses) dictate.

 

He's probably plowing the other 40 while this one lies fallow, though irrigated. It's a farming thing

[radiodarcy]

whats that quote about being a priority instead of an option, I think u need to think bout that.

 

i believe it's "never make someone a priority if they're only willing to make you an option" - - or something along those lines

[edgeofdarkness]

yeah, there u go. what radiodarcy said.

[Capricciosa]

I do know that there is no one else--I asked this straight out, and for all his faults, he's not a liar. I once asked for a break from someone, and I really needed it--there was no one else. I didn't go back, mind you. But it wasn't because I had someone else on the hook. It happens.

 

I'm sorry about the 7 days before the Hawaii trip--that really sucks.

 

And carhill, he is certainly a drama queen, but I'm trying my best to stay out of it. I have my own issues and weaknesses, but I also have things I need to get done--two jobs, school, a house to take care of. I don't want the rollercoaster of my teens and twenties. We're both adults, but he is unable to step away from emotional reactions. He can play out his little drama without me. Doesn't mean I'm not seriously affected by all this.

 

We have a long history, even though our relationship has only been a year. It's a big disappointment to let go, and I guess I was hoping for the best.