The Meltdown...

[Tayla]

At my place of business (which is a close knit group) we have a phrase when someone is about to lose it..."The Meltdown". We see it coming for that person and prepare ourselves for upheaval to an otherwise "business as usual kinda day".

 

Well guess today was my lucky straw....I finally got to experience what others would only utter in whispered tones about an associate. I can say this....I saw it coming...i felt the surge and then...I was in a full blown...meltdown. (emotional, irrational and in no way coherent). Its like finally going under the water and seeing others just look at you oddly like you are not from earth. Mine came with pleading for help...I was overwhelmed ( work overload and demands) and when I finally looked into the eyes of my boss..It reflected such utter horror...horror that I had melted and there was no way to bring me back to reality. I was rushed into my office and begging ( I was literally shaking and ready to burst into tears ..high anxiety that I just couldn't keep up anymore...the exhaustion of mental fatigue and physical performance)...had taken its toll. I was done...cooked...fried ....I didn't want to be THAT PERSON WHO FINALLY MELTED....but I was...and it was embarrassing..and the tears flowed.

To anyone who has experienced this and not just witnessed it....I can really use some inspiration and maybe validation that its absolutely normal to hit that wall and finally break down....to finally admit....I cannot do it all but I can give my all to that which I can do.....I am now faced with the awkward looks I will get tomorrow...the Gee ya think she is okay to come back to work...and to be honest I sit on that fence that maybe I need to walk away from a job if I hit that point. Maybe I need to accept that I am not of much use to a company if that is what I turn into...mush. Maybe I need counseling....so many maybes and choices..

 

Thanks for reading this ....appreciate supportive words or suggestions as I already got the shame and embarrassment to endure....That supply is a plenty....

[january2011]

In another lifetime, I had a job for which they had to hire three people to replace me when I left.

 

At least once a day, I'd get up to take a walk and stretch my legs and head to the loos to cry for 5-10mins. At night, I'd head home to my then partner and vent. Those were dark days.

 

Eventually I left that job because my line manager and I weren't getting on anymore, I'd given up on my social life and I was sick of the 2.5 hour commute each way. I stayed because times were tough and jobs were not easy to come by plus we'd taken on a huge expense that could not be covered by my partner's salary alone.

 

I look back at that job and I'm grateful for all the skills that I learned and what it taught me about myself and what I could do as well as my tolerance levels.

 

If you know that it's not a permanent state of affairs, then it's potentially doable. If the job gets you to where you want to be, that is.

 

Regarding looking people in the eye, just do it. You can't change what happened but you can still hold your head up going forward. Assuming it was just a blip, get on with your work and take breaks for some fresh air when you feel like it's getting on top of you. If there's nothing that your company is willing to do to lighten your load, then set an end-point for that job and work towards that.

Edited January 27, 2011 by january2011

[whichwayisup]

Make fun of yourself and laugh about it.

 

It happens and those who know and respect you, will understand and give you some slack.

 

People get stressed and it comes out in weird ways! Also, depending on what your job is, some meltdowns go with the job!

[freestyle]

I think it's normal, too.

 

Especially for people who are typically calm, cool, and collected-all the time.

Frankly, I believe it's abnormal to be calm,cool, and collected-all the time.

 

Stress happens. You (general you) can only do so much rug sweeping with the stress before the rug gets really lumpy, and there you are--trying to keep your balance on a lumpy rug. That alone can be very energy draining.

 

Add on more and more spinning plates, while you're still trying keep your balance......it will drive a person to exhaustion.........

 

Once a person has reached that stage of exhaustion,(and saturation)I believe it's easy to trigger the "emergency release valve".

 

I think that's what a meltdown is---an emergency release valve. It's the mind protecting itself from harmful overload.

 

Anyone who judges someone negatively for melting down is lacking insight and empathy, as far as I'm concerned.

 

Like WWIU said, hold your head high. Some of your coworkers will get it, some won't. Those who don't are probably in line for their own meltdown in the future.

 

I also believe that we are waaaaay too repressed emotionally as a society.Stiff upper lip and all that nonsense.There seems to be an unspoken expectation in the workplace for everyone to perform like robots--all the time, without fail.....It's just not realistic.It doesn't factor in the human element.

 

hope things get better for you, Tayla....

[Tayla]

Thank you for your kind words. It was not an easy feeling day today yet I perservered and made it thru. Mostly by getting back in the saddle and moving onwards.

 

January- Thanks for your experience and viewpoint. I appreciate your attitude and empathy. Yes I did hear that taking walks can help releive stress...maybe I will make it a point to do such , good suggestion!

 

Whichway- Ohh trust me I am the first to laugh at my follies, its one of the assets folks enjoy in my presents, the ability to see the light side of the matter. When in that hole though its not a laughable matter though, nor is it something to be anything but serious to get thru....I do get the need to lighten up..

 

Freestyle- What can I say...you lifted my spirit and made sense of things when I am still trying to get in focus after losing sight of things...I appreciate the understanding sentiments.