Author susanfollows Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Alright, so today I met him at our usual coffee place and we talked. He told me he'd been really busy and was wondering why I hadn't texted him, I explained part of what happened, that the phone company screwed up and I didn't get the messages. We chatted for awhile and he said I was looking really happy, truth was I felt happy to see him but inside my heart I was NOT. He asked me if I'd like to go out on Sat and I told him I had to check my schedule as I'd made plans with friends (a lie). I came home after work and just sat alone wondering what to do. I've read alot of the replies here and I still haven't decided to tell or not. If he really was a virgin when we met it would devastate him to hear what I did but if he's a lier then maybe it would be alright to tell him. So this wasn't something that happens all the time, it was just a one time thing where he had to leave and help out. I confess I was hoping he'd be gone a little longer so I had more time to think of something to say. Maybe I could just try dating him for awhile and seeing if there's a need to spill the beans? (if I see we're getting more serious?) Maybe by then he'd love me and forgive it. Anyways your advice if I should go out Sat and where? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
jenifer1972 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 If he really was a virgin, and I just have a really hard believing that:confused: I think he will have difficulty getting over that. I think he will be very shocked, but you certainly just can't disappear either. That would be terrible for him. Do you believe he was a virgin? Is he religious or what could possibly account for that? Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 What was "accidental" about you sleeping with someone and cheating? Please delight me. Why don't you try to own what you did and take it from there... Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 susanfollows, it sounds like you have no idea what relationship you are in. If you were secure in a committed, loving relationship, would you have cheated? To me, it shouts loud and clear that you have been in a relationship that you are not very secure in. If you flipped out with insecurity after one week of not hearing from him, then either the relationship is too new, it isn't all that or you have to address your insecurities. I say FORGET ABOUT IT. Forgive yourself and let it go. Start fresh and get serious with this guy, if that's what you want. Get on the same page with him in your relationship. For goodness sake. You didn't cheat because you never committed to this guy. Good luck and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author susanfollows Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 If he really was a virgin, and I just have a really hard believing that:confused: I think he will have difficulty getting over that. I think he will be very shocked, but you certainly just can't disappear either. That would be terrible for him. Do you believe he was a virgin? Is he religious or what could possibly account for that? The reason he gave me was most of his life he suffered with depression and once he got himself together he began his small side business. He hadn't been focusing on dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author susanfollows Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 susanfollows, it sounds like you have no idea what relationship you are in. If you were secure in a committed, loving relationship, would you have cheated? To me, it shouts loud and clear that you have been in a relationship that you are not very secure in. If you flipped out with insecurity after one week of not hearing from him, then either the relationship is too new, it isn't all that or you have to address your insecurities. I say FORGET ABOUT IT. Forgive yourself and let it go. Start fresh and get serious with this guy, if that's what you want. Get on the same page with him in your relationship. For goodness sake. You didn't cheat because you never committed to this guy. Good luck and have fun. Thank you, this might be the best advice I've gotten on here so far. Maybe you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Do you want a relationship with sam? If the other thing hadn't happened, would you be keen? Link to post Share on other sites
linwood Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Why tell him? What could it possibly achieve? Keep your secret, you aren`t married, wasn`t even what I`d define as a committed relationship. Telling him will do nothing but make any possible serious relationship less possible. Change cell carriers and move on with this new man. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 own what is yours behavior - it is part of what makes you unique. nothing is an accident... you went there, no one forced alcohol on you, no one forced sex on you... YOU did it... that is what makes you - you. these are choices that define who we are. do not go out - you two are glaringly incompatible. in the future makes better choices that represent who you say you are. better choices that define the woman you intend to be; not the woman you regret having been. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Whenever I have an accident I'm wrecking my bike or stubbing my toe. Sometimes the unfairness in life really gets to me. Link to post Share on other sites
forrest Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 a relationship that starts of on a dishonest foot has no future. Stop wasting his time and yours. Your idea of telling him after you've dated him for a while? Really? that's the dumbest thing I've heard this year, and there have been plenty already. You either tell him and see what happens, or you tell him the ltr is not working and move on. Don't waste your time, and especially, don't waste his. Link to post Share on other sites
Mad Max Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 @ accidently sleeping with someone. And of course, blaming it on alcohol. I've always stood by the statement that cheaters are some of the biggest scum of the earth. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 What an amusing sock puppet. Link to post Share on other sites
deebeechrisyo Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Why would a guy lie about being a virgin when he isn't? I would imagine it's the other way around 100% of the time. I think he was telling the truth, that he was a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
Gettingtired Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 You didn't cheat because you never committed to this guy BS! Of course she did. Why do women try to get out of jail free with this excuse?!?!?! Didn't have the talk, not exclusive, blah blah blah! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Oh man. You have successfully scared off the OP. She hasn't committed a crime! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 BS! Of course she did. Why do women try to get out of jail free with this excuse?!?!?! Didn't have the talk, not exclusive, blah blah blah! Oh you like to assume a woman just belongs to you then? Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 This thread is hilarious. A lot of women dont understand the concept of 'accountability'. It is awfully funny. To who or for what is she accountable? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I totally agree that Sam would not be happy to know that she slept with someone else. That is why I wouldn't tell. I think he would be even less happy if he found out after 5 years of marriage. Keeping secrets like this is bad, mkay? Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Hey susan---let me ask you this---If you had a daughter, and she told you she went to a bar, met a stranger, and went with him, and let him screw her---what would you tell her You don't think very much of yourself do you---letting strangers screw you---the same night you meet them If you do wanna have something going with your 38 yr old buddy---tell him now, get it out of the way---you were not in a committed relationship, that you had become exclusive to each other, or were you You also need to look at your communication skills, if you were in a committed relationship---why didn't you pursue the situation and really try to find out what was going on with your 38 yr old buddy---instead what do you do---go to a bar---what was your reason---I wanted to have some fun---(Is that your idea of fun letting other men screw you the 1st time you see them---did the guy whisper sweet nothings in your ear---and you just let him have you---You don't think much of yourself do you) Tell your friend now---clear the air---this is eating you up, and festering, and if you are to go on with this guy---he needs to know what you have done now----If it were to come out later, and your relationship had deepened---it would be much much worse him hearing it/finding out, later------at that point he would consider it cheating---even tho, right now, who knows---it was just you giving yourself up to any guy on the street who wants sex Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Accidentally had sex ... Oh, yeah, as accidentally as drinking and driving. It is a clumsy thread title. Only in this case, she didn't break any law. Link to post Share on other sites
Gettingtired Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) Oh you like to assume a woman just belongs to you then? Not at all. I like to think she will treat me with some respect and not toss me aside at a moments notice. I treat people how I expect to be treated. So if I'm with someone for any amount of time, and have feelings for them, regardless if we'd had the talk, if we have been physical I wouldn't go and sleep any random chick, just because. I think we could go back and forth about this forever. Lets just agree to disagree. Edited January 28, 2011 by Gettingtired More to say Link to post Share on other sites
moloko Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Accidentally had sex ... yes, I thought the title was quite amusing myself Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Looks like quite a few people "accidentally" took the bait. Link to post Share on other sites
moloko Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thank you, this might be the best advice I've gotten on here so far. Maybe you are right. why does it not surprise me that advice to just "forget about it" is the advice you like? Link to post Share on other sites
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