on NO. ABout my " devastated" thread.... News....

[Leigh 87]

Zen - I am going to spend time with a guy and feel that it is the right thing to do, before having any type of physical relationship. I need to know how I feel around him as a person - he cannot be nasty or make mee feel bad about myself; all I am really looking to do, is spend time with guys, and find ones who I enjoy being around enough to have sex with. A guy i do not hate talking to, who I can be myself around and have fluid and easy conversations with, and who I think is hot, and who also wants me badly too.

[depplover_1980]

I want a man to give me good, regular sex. I need sexual pleasure. I thrive on it, and hate going without a sex life. But a guy has to think I am gorgeous if he is to bother with me - and I am 24 and want to just have with and feel attractive while I still have a young body. I think is is fun to flirt and have guys tell u you are pretty - just fun. What is wrong with wanting a guy to think you are attractive?

 

Just think you should be thinking 'is he hot enough for you'. When I have sex I am not thinking whether he finds me attractive but how much I find him so and the whole moment. You seem to think that because a guy will sleep with you it will be because he thinks your gorgeous and it may well be the case. But men can have sex without much thought and some players will tell you anything they think you want to hear!

[dispatch3d]

I wonder how most girls who call a guy too many times conduct themselves AFTER wards; for instance, would a girl who is able to harrass a guy on the phone, able to realize her error, and immediately back off? Or do the types of girls who call guys too many times, tend to keep putting off the guy, so they guy ignored them? I ask this, because, while I did call a few too many times, I have acted normally after wards - only responding to his messages, not initiated anything; I have LEARNT my lesson lol, and am now acting NORMALLY . If the guy is not aware of love shack, it looks like I just put him off a little bit, but not enough for him to totally lose interest in the prospect of sex with me; on the other hand, if he HAS gotten wind of love shack, then after my excessive calls, the love shack thing would have totally put him off, as it would have further cemented my crazy status. In which case, I dunno why is is msging me normally,without mentioning love shack.

 

I mean you read zen's words but didn't really follow them. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

 

Consider this thread. The entire thing is a situation built ENTIRELY IN YOUR HEAD. You were, before posting this thread, the only person in the entire world who would have thought of this. How am I so sure? Because, well, you aren't that important to anyone else but yourself (and maybe your parents). So I guess it's POSSIBLE though UNLIKELY your parents could come up with such a huge scheme where the world is out to get you.

 

Do yourself a favour and abstain from preparing for the hypothetical, the worst case scenario, yadayada. This entire thing you've created and fueled on your own is really unhealthy. Just don't do the hypothetical scenarios anymore. If you run into a bad situation, you'll deal with it then. Then you'lll move on. Deal with them then. There upteen million possible hypotheticals. You're better off just not worrying about them.

 

As to what kind of relationship you want with a guy. Well, why don't you start legitely dating guys and see where that takes you. This guy you're talking to now probably really liked you, then you "blew up his phone" and he didn't know how to react. Now he's still interested in starting something, he's just not sure what head space your in. His facebook messages (if they are about you, remember my earlier princpals of you not being the center of everyone elses universe) could just be expressing his annoyance with how your acting. Occam's razor, the most likely solution is usually the solution. Go with that.

 

No more hypotheticals.

 

Also if you've been seeing your therapist for any amount of time, it sounds like she ****ing sucks lol. Get a new one.

[Leigh 87]

I do a pilates dvd every day without fail, and I am starting running 4 days a week at the gym. And I had previously run.

 

I look after my body, and do not want to bother with a guy who does not also appreciate my body, and think I am darn gorgeous.

 

I would rather he find a girl he does find to be gorgeous; I do not want a guy who just thinks I am " meh, okay". They can look harder for a " hot" girl they actually think is attractive.

[dispatch3d]

I do a pilates dvd every day without fail, and I am starting running 4 days a week at the gym. And I had previously run.

 

I look after my body, and do not want to bother with a guy who does not also appreciate my body, and think I am darn gorgeous.

 

I would rather he find a girl he does find to be gorgeous; I do not want a guy who just thinks I am " meh, okay". They can look harder for a " hot" girl they actually think is attractive.

 

You have more to offer than just your looks.

[Leigh 87]

You have more to offer than just your looks.

 

 

 

I do, I also want a guy to think I am a decent person; to want my body badly and be very eager to touch me in a physical scence, but to also think I am a nice girl.

 

I would not have sex or date a guy who thinks I am gorgeous, but does not think I have a gorgeous personality.

[Leigh 87]

I mean you read zen's words but didn't really follow them. I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

 

Consider this thread. The entire thing is a situation built ENTIRELY IN YOUR HEAD. You were, before posting this thread, the only person in the entire world who would have thought of this. How am I so sure? Because, well, you aren't that important to anyone else but yourself (and maybe your parents). So I guess it's POSSIBLE though UNLIKELY your parents could come up with such a huge scheme where the world is out to get you.

 

Do yourself a favour and abstain from preparing for the hypothetical, the worst case scenario, yadayada. This entire thing you've created and fueled on your own is really unhealthy. Just don't do the hypothetical scenarios anymore. If you run into a bad situation, you'll deal with it then. Then you'lll move on. Deal with them then. There upteen million possible hypotheticals. You're better off just not worrying about them.

 

As to what kind of relationship you want with a guy. Well, why don't you start legitely dating guys and see where that takes you. This guy you're talking to now probably really liked you, then you "blew up his phone" and he didn't know how to react. Now he's still interested in starting something, he's just not sure what head space your in. His facebook messages (if they are about you, remember my earlier princpals of you not being the center of everyone elses universe) could just be expressing his annoyance with how your acting. Occam's razor, the most likely solution is usually the solution. Go with that.

 

No more hypotheticals.

 

Also if you've been seeing your therapist for any amount of time, it sounds like she ****ing sucks lol. Get a new one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do not think I totally blew up his phone lol - I mean, I DID call too many times, but 4 - 5 times over the span of a day, when he did say he would hang with me, could cause a guy to be like " sheesh", but not enough, in my opinion, to think I am a full on psycho!

 

 

It is only if a person was mean enough to show him the thread, that he would THEN add up the phone calls AND the love shack thread, to the over all picture, and THEN think I am crazy; in which case I dunno why he bothered messaging me still.

 

His messages were low interest and normal.

 

Just " what ya doing" and " in bed babe what u do today" and those are about it - last night.

 

This morning he sent a couple more too. Low interest, but I dunno why he would bother at all if he was put off that bad.

[mo mo]

Oh really, thanks so much for that story! I feel like I did less damage now.

 

The guy did say he was keen to hang with me, and I called about 5 times tops during the whole day.

 

After the calls, I did not instigate anything else of course; I waited for him to send me a msg on face book, which he did. So I went into damage control,and stopped any further contact with him, and let him start any contact.

 

So far, he has contacted me, and I have just sent basic responses.

 

 

MOMO - I am not saying I can predict the future, you may be right. I do not NEED other people though, I am simply bored of NOT having any people in my life; I am happy on my own, but I am at a point where I need to be around guys, flirting and having fun.

 

I crave the social interaction, and I crave the flirting and fun side of it - feeling attractive, feeling pretty, feeling gorgeous to a guy. it is flattering and fun, having the thought of sex on your mind, while talking to men, who are interested in you in a physical sense.

 

Just be careful. Take it slow from now on.

[dispatch3d]

I do not think I totally blew up his phone lol - I mean, I DID call too many times, but 4 - 5 times over the span of a day, when he did say he would hang with me, could cause a guy to be like " sheesh", but not enough, in my opinion, to think I am a full on psycho!

 

 

It is only if a person was mean enough to show him the thread, that he would THEN add up the phone calls AND the love shack thread, to the over all picture, and THEN think I am crazy; in which case I dunno why he bothered messaging me still.

 

His messages were low interest and normal.

 

Just " what ya doing" and " in bed babe what u do today" and those are about it - last night.

 

This morning he sent a couple more too. Low interest, but I dunno why he would bother at all if he was put off that bad.

 

facts given in this single post:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

incredibly negative hypotheticals that are hindering your chances:

 

(1) he's "low interest"

(2) There are internet people out to get you

(3) he's conspiring with these internet people

(4) the sky is falling, the world is colluding with this guy, and the devil is going to get you. This is not even that big of a stretch from what you're saying

(5) he think's you are full on psycho

 

Going to restate the facts because those 5 points have left a bad impression that shouldn't be there:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

Logical+healthy way of looking at this:

(1) He responded to your calls, despite the fact you called him possibly too many times. Therefore he's still interested.

(2) You've been a negative nancy yet he still messages you wondering what's going on. He's probably at the minimum wanting friends, possibly more.

(3) He sent two messages this morning, indicating more interest. He probably wants to go on a date with you.

(4) He doesn't understand why you are acting the way you are, which is why he said "girls are crazy". He's showing all this interest yet somehow you are reading things differently, so he is confused. He continues to show interest hoping you eventually "get it" and agree to do something with him.

 

So, start doing what I just did, and stop doing all that crap that makes me want to punch myself in the face .

[Kamille]

facts given in this single post:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

incredibly negative hypotheticals that are hindering your chances:

 

(1) he's "low interest"

(2) There are internet people out to get you

(3) he's conspiring with these internet people

(4) the sky is falling, the world is colluding with this guy, and the devil is going to get you. This is not even that big of a stretch from what you're saying

(5) he think's you are full on psycho

 

Going to restate the facts because those 5 points have left a bad impression that shouldn't be there:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

Logical+healthy way of looking at this:

(1) He responded to your calls, despite the fact you called him possibly too many times. Therefore he's still interested.

(2) You've been a negative nancy yet he still messages you wondering what's going on. He's probably at the minimum wanting friends, possibly more.

(3) He sent two messages this morning, indicating more interest. He probably wants to go on a date with you.

(4) He doesn't understand why you are acting the way you are, which is why he said "girls are crazy". He's showing all this interest yet somehow you are reading things differently, so he is confused. He continues to show interest hoping you eventually "get it" and agree to do something with him.

 

So, start doing what I just did, and stop doing all that crap that makes me want to punch myself in the face .

 

This post deserves a standing ovation!

 

Leigh, please take the time to read it through carefully. The facts as Dispatch3 puts them out here do not match the scenario you've made up in your mind.

 

Things are going well with this guy. Try to sit back and enjoy. And stop stressing.

[Kamille]

Oh! And I've just done an experiment that could dismiss the "evil LSer" theory.

 

I temporarily switched my facebook security settings to "everyone" and google searched my own status. My facebook page did not come up. It would be virtually impossible for a LSer to find this guy based on whatever you posted here.

 

edit: I also searched girls are crazy in the facebook search engine and nothing but official pages came up. (In other words, no profiles came up).

Edited January 28, 2011 by Kamille

[Kamille]

Kamille, I think Leigh is talking about when she had the live link to his FB page up for a while. I clicked on it and went to his FB page. But I didn't send him a Friend request.

 

Oh! All right! That's different then.

 

I only read the first post of that thread and didn't follow it.

[Trimmer]

Oh! And I've just done an experiment that could dismiss the "evil LSer" theory.

 

I temporarily switched my facebook security settings to "everyone" and google searched my own status. My facebook page did not come up. It would be virtually impossible for a LSer to find this guy based on whatever you posted here.

 

edit: I also searched girls are crazy in the facebook search engine and nothing but official pages came up. (In other words, no profiles came up).

Kamille - need to inject some reality here: Google, while a wonderful tool, is not magic. Once you make something publicly available on the web, that doesn't mean that Google somehow "sees" it instantly. Google builds it's "picture" of the web by "crawling", and this takes time - hours, days, weeks, depending on the source (e.g. it crawls news sites almost constantly. It doesn't hit www.mylittlecompany.com nearly as often...) So don't assume just because you switched a security setting and then 90 sec. later you googled your own page and Google didn't "see" it, that this means anything conclusive.

[Leigh 87]

Thanks for the GREAT post!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to put things into a logical perspective for me.

 

The thing is, he started out being very keen; as in, he responded instantly to my, even face book msgs.

 

Where as, the day after, he ignored my calls all day ( possibly for a normal reason), and did not get back to me until the next morning, when he told me that he was at the hospital all day cos of his friend.

 

 

He sent me two more messages later that night, and two more the following morning.

 

He has been on face book since, but has not sent me any more messages.

 

If he was interested, he would want to hang out with me, but he doesn't. He has been on face book and posted on his wall, so if he wanted to hang out with me in his spare time, he would have asked.

 

 

I am not sure why he is bothering sending me any msgs at all, perhaps he is just trying to be nice, because on Monday we have the course we both have to go to, and he may not want to ignore me totally yet, so as to keep the peace when we have to see each other.

[Kamille]

Kamille - need to inject some reality here: Google, while a wonderful tool, is not magic. Once you make something publicly available on the web, that doesn't mean that Google somehow "sees" it instantly. Google builds it's "picture" of the web by "crawling", and this takes time - hours, days, weeks, depending on the source (e.g. it crawls news sites almost constantly. It doesn't hit www.mylittlecompany.com nearly as often...) So don't assume just because you switched a security setting and then 90 sec. later you googled your own page and Google didn't "see" it, that this means anything conclusive.

 

Noted. Not that it's relevant anymore, but it would also mean that it would take time for Google to crawl and find anyone's recent status updates.

 

BTW, my page has been switched back to private. (It was public for less than a minute).

[tinktronik]

Oh! And I've just done an experiment that could dismiss the "evil LSer" theory.

 

I temporarily switched my facebook security settings to "everyone" and google searched my own status. My facebook page did not come up. It would be virtually impossible for a LSer to find this guy based on whatever you posted here.

 

edit: I also searched girls are crazy in the facebook search engine and nothing but official pages came up. (In other words, no profiles came up).

 

Nah, I actually noticed Leigh's identifying post. Out of sheer curiosity to whether it was an issue or not, I googled and found both the guy and her on FB. I alerted both her and the mods that there was an issue and asked that the post be removed before anyone else caught on. The thread was then removed.

 

However Leigh I do NOT think it has become and issue and that you are just being paranoid. I certainly would not waste my time emailing anonymous stranger on the web and I would hope no one else here would either.

[Leigh 87]

Nah, I actually noticed Leigh's identifying post. Out of sheer curiosity to whether it was an issue or not, I googled and found both the guy and her on FB. I alerted both her and the mods that there was an issue and asked that the post be removed before anyone else caught on. The thread was then removed.

 

However Leigh I do NOT think it has become and issue and that you are just being paranoid. I certainly would not waste my time emailing anonymous stranger on the web and I would hope no one else here would either.

 

 

 

THANKS for notiifyingt he mods! I also sent the mods an urgent msg! I am so glad they checked it in time to take the thread down.

 

 

I HOPE the others were also like you, and did not waste time with a stranger!

 

 

And, if it WAS an issue and the guy HAD been contacted by an idiot from love shack, then do you think he would have confronted me if it bothered him?

 

 

One theory, is that because he knows we have to see each other again for the course on Monday, that he is scared off by the love shack thing, but decided to still send me the msgs to appease me ( cos he thinks I am psycho, and does not want me yelling at him when I see him)..

 

IF he does think I am crazy and he has been notified about love shack, he may be freaked out by how I wil react if he ignrores me, and is waiting until we do not have to see each other againbefore he ignores me.

[Kamille]

Nah, I actually noticed Leigh's identifying post. Out of sheer curiosity to whether it was an issue or not, I googled and found both the guy and her on FB. I alerted both her and the mods that there was an issue and asked that the post be removed before anyone else caught on. The thread was then removed.

 

However Leigh I do NOT think it has become and issue and that you are just being paranoid. I certainly would not waste my time emailing anonymous stranger on the web and I would hope no one else here would either.

 

Thanks! Now I get what happened.

 

 

 

And, if it WAS an issue and the guy HAD been contacted by an idiot from love shack, then do you think he would have confronted me if it bothered him?

 

I think if someone wrote and if it bothered him, one of two things would have happened. Either 1) he would have stopped messaging you or 2) he would have confronted you about it. Since neither of those happened, I think you're safe.

 

 

One theory, is that because he knows we have to see each other again for the course on Monday, that he is scared off by the love shack thing, but decided to still send me the msgs to appease me ( cos he thinks I am psycho, and does not want me yelling at him when I see him)..

 

IF he does think I am crazy and he has been notified about love shack, he may be freaked out by how I wil react if he ignrores me, and is waiting until we do not have to see each other againbefore he ignores me.

 

That's farfetched Leigh, as farfetched as your theory about him and a LSer "plotting" against you.

 

You say yourself you weigh something like 110 pounds. I doubt any guy would be very freaked out and afraid of you, to the point of "pretending" to be cool by sending you two sweet good morning messages.

 

I think you panicked when you realized that you had posted a link to his facebook page on LS and your imagination has been in over-drive ever since.

 

Relax. He's getting in touch with you because he wants to get in touch with you.

[Lucky_One]

However, I need casual sex, and my thread was not relfective that I get ammotionally attatched to guys; I was EMBARRASSED at making a food of myself.I HATE doing it.

 

LET me re hash - I was socially isolated for 5 years, and in October, the first guy in 5 years told me I was pretty. I AM a person who NEEDS regular sex - I was SO excited that this VERY hot guy, wanted to have casual sex.

 

I like sex, and I do get VERY upset if after 5 darn years, I finally find some hot guy who may have sex with me casually, only to blow my chances! It is not only EMBARRASSING to make a fool of myself, it is ANNOYING to think I am getting sex, and then have that hope taken away.

 

So, short of having a committed, serious relationship, casual sex is my only option, cos I do not do one night stands.

 

Do you really think that this bout of casual sex may not be just a ONS? What would you do if this guy just asked for a BJ and then never called you again? To judge from your posts on this subject, I think you would freak out, and wonder what you did wrong, and obsess over what you look like or smell like or how often you call or exactly what words you used.

 

Have you considered a vibrator?

[Lucky_One]

I have now read this entire thread.

 

And yes. Girls r damn crazy.

 

[Leigh 87]

Do you really think that this bout of casual sex may not be just a ONS? What would you do if this guy just asked for a BJ and then never called you again? To judge from your posts on this subject, I think you would freak out, and wonder what you did wrong, and obsess over what you look like or smell like or how often you call or exactly what words you used.

 

Have you considered a vibrator?

 

 

I would tell him to get stuffed if he just wanted a blow job! Gee - I want a guy who wants ME, not just wants to get himself of, using my mouth as a tool.

 

 

And I do not want to use a vibrator, because I want to be attractive enough for fit men to want to date and have sex with occsionally.

 

I NEED SEX. That is it. I do not want a long term relationship, so my options are to find guys who are RESPECTFUL of me, think I am g

[Jazzari]

You want someone who respects you and really likes you. So then you dump them in a month? Kinda harsh don't you think?

 

I really don't see much different in that and a ONS. You're doing it for sex and nothing else. Your attention span is just a bit longer.

 

Maybe you need to find a FWB. Someone who feels the same way you do and doesn't want any strings.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Leigh

 

I'm pretty sure nobody at all contacted that guy.

 

I'm still hoping that you will rethink your intention to get into a "casual sex" relationship.

 

You are now torturing yourself obsessing about a person who is not really in your life. If you have sex with him and he then ignores you, I can only imagine how terrible you will feel.

 

Your ideal of how your casual sex partner is going to want you so badly and think you are so gorgeous is probably unrealistic. Not to say you aren't gorgeous ... I have not seen what you look like. I will tell you, though, that most young guys who are looking for casual sex are happy to take most anything that is offered to them. They are likely to say just about anything to get what they are after, too. I DO NOT think you are going to get what you are looking for, and you are likely to be thrown into a tailspin.

 

What does your therapist say when you tell her that you are a hedonist and you just want to have sex?

[Leigh 87]

WHy is is not likely that I will find a guy who will want me so badly and think I am gorgeous?

 

 

Actually, you are right. I went out tonight with a friend, and we live in a small town where there are no night clubs.

 

But the few guys that were out at the pubs - I did not see them even looking twice at me.

 

 

I walked home, and had 1000 calories of pasta.

 

 

I want to kill myself. I am serious. NO emergency warn wil help me - thw fact is, I hate not being beautiful. I would rather die, than be normal looking, and have NO GUYS think I am pretty opr gorgeous.

 

I mean, I do pilates EVERY DAY and often run 4 days a week, and NO GUYS NOTICE ME>

 

 

I Just want a nice guy to think I am gorgeous. That is all.

 

Obviouslly, I am not attractive enough to get a fit guy to find me very hot, and will have to either settle for an unfit, ugly guy, or go without sex foranother five years.

 

 

 

I am starting Uni soon, And unless I emerse myself in my studies, I will seriouskly kill myself. I am the ultimate hedonist, and I thoughgt that because I am 5 ' 5, 116 lbs, D cups, straight teeth, with long blonde thick hair, that guys would find me to be attractive.

 

But now. NO one notices me.

 

 

Unless I find meaning in my life through studying my nutrition degree, which starts shortly, I will end my own life.

 

 

Because I want a guy, who is fit and hot, to think I am gorgeous.

 

I am not eating until Monday.

 

 

 

I have never starved myself before - I just ate often but not enough.

 

I have reached a point now where I hate beinbg a hedonist,. who primarily wants great sex with hot men and to eat good food and derive pleasure; btu is not attractive enough to attain a hedonistic life style.

 

I have ben drinking a lot sorry. But I do want to end my own life. I wiould rather die , then have to settle for unnattractive guys for sex who are un fit.

 

I want to be gorgeous to some men:( I am not eating for days now. I am so depressed.

[zengirl]

facts given in this single post:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

incredibly negative hypotheticals that are hindering your chances:

 

(1) he's "low interest"

(2) There are internet people out to get you

(3) he's conspiring with these internet people

(4) the sky is falling, the world is colluding with this guy, and the devil is going to get you. This is not even that big of a stretch from what you're saying

(5) he think's you are full on psycho

 

Going to restate the facts because those 5 points have left a bad impression that shouldn't be there:

 

(1) You called him 5 times, he responded to the last one.

(2) he messaged you "what you doing" and "in bed bebe what u do today"

(3) sent two messages in the morning

 

Logical+healthy way of looking at this:

(1) He responded to your calls, despite the fact you called him possibly too many times. Therefore he's still interested.

(2) You've been a negative nancy yet he still messages you wondering what's going on. He's probably at the minimum wanting friends, possibly more.

(3) He sent two messages this morning, indicating more interest. He probably wants to go on a date with you.

(4) He doesn't understand why you are acting the way you are, which is why he said "girls are crazy". He's showing all this interest yet somehow you are reading things differently, so he is confused. He continues to show interest hoping you eventually "get it" and agree to do something with him.

 

So, start doing what I just did, and stop doing all that crap that makes me want to punch myself in the face .

 

Good breakdown here. This guy is probably so confused.