Immature Question - When do you expect sex....

[Toodamnpragmatic]

i.e. On your brithday, her birthday (after an extravagant gift, not to sound crass), anniversary, valentine's day, a weekend getaway???

 

Sounds childish I know, but are there days or things you do, that you expect will result in sex????

 

More asking about those milestone days, but can expand....

[Clep]

I don't expect it at any time, regardless of the occasion or day. To me, an expectation is a future resentment.

[Gettingtired]

I dont think you should ever expect sex from someone. I see it as a privilage.

 

Usually though if it's going to happen [both of you in the mood] it'll just happen. But to expect it as some form of payment, gratitude for doing something, no, never.

 

The last girl I was with thought I expected to have sex with her everytime I visited. I didn't at all and honestly struggled to make her believe that.

[giotto]

I suppose I only kind of "expect" it on our wedding anniversary (especially if we go away for the occasion), but even then it's likely not to happen... mind you, we didn't have sex on our wedding day...

[redtail]

As I understand this question, "expect" may not be the right word, I'd rather say I anticipate that we'll have sex on certain occasions.

 

As someone mentioned before, an expectation can foster resentment. But I think that there are definitely circumstances where sex is understood by both my wife and I as a higher priority than other times. But I'd have to say for us, it's more times that are not mutual celebrations, usually. Meaning, an anniversary belongs to both of us, so it may or may not involve sex. But for my birthday, the clothes come off!

[Kamille]

Not in a marriage of a life partnership - although I'm in a LTR. I don't think we ever "expect sex", but I'm learning to "create the occasions" when I will be relaxed, feeling sexy and thus more likely to want sex. And yes, my boyfriend has a higher sex-drive than I do. Making sure I "create" those seduction moments is me recognizing that sex is important to our relationship.

 

I wonder if the occasions the OP mentions aren't actually "ritualized" moments that started out being romantic-time-for-eahc-other moments and are now purely functional. Wouldn't it just be better for both partners to make sure they set time aside for each other and some romance?

[UnsureinSeattle]

Don't really think that I expect it. Do I know how to drive the mood in that direction...? Sure, I suppose...

 

Honestly, neither one of us cares about Valentine's Day or our anniversary (neither of us is certain exactly when it is...! It's a relief to have a partner who doesn't enforce that kind of negative sitcom/movie stereotype- i.e. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FORGOT OUR SPECIAL DAY!!!)... I suppose birthday sex does come into play... but it seems like if I expected sex at certain times or in exchange for certain things, that it would breed resentment down the line.

[tommyr]

every tuesday and saturday

[Toodamnpragmatic]

at how mature everyone is..... Yes expect is the wrong word, but sheesh, no one wants or hopes for sex on New Year's eve, a return from a trip (especially if she/he was away for R'nR), taken him/her away and created the setting/mood, birthdays, anniversaries, when you have really outdone yourself with a large gift/present????? Your b-day, when you tell her/him that is what you want for a present?

 

Tired of hearing it builds resentment, false hopes yada, yada, yada.... Are you all so mature and alturistic that there aren't times you get pissed if you don't have sex?????

 

Yep I am one big child.......

Edited January 27, 2011 by Toodamnpragmatic

[xxoo]

Tired of hearing it builds resentment, false hopes yada, yada, yada.... Are you all so mature and alturistic that there aren't times you get pissed if you don't have sex?????

 

I have gotten upset on occasion, but it always been a kid issue (kid too stubborn to go to sleep, kid throwing up, etc.). For a while there, it seemed like our kids were on a mission to keep us from having sex!

 

It is disappointing to look forward to a fun evening and have it not happen. Still, if you are having to wait for special occasion, or give big gifts, in order to have sex--then there are bigger issues, right? And if you are getting sex regularly, it isn't such a big deal for these days to pass without sex, even if you were hoping. Just like with my kids--they go to bed independently now, so it isn't such a huge deal if a few times a year a kid prevents us from having sex--even on a birthday

[carhill]

I never 'expected' sex. I gave affection and love.

 

As an example relevant to the OP, say on my BD, on the rare occasion my exW might do something nice for me, I would respond with appreciation and affection. Those acts might turn into sexual expression depending on how we both felt. Personally, I think it's unhealthy to expect a spouse to 'give' me sex on my BD. That's not what intimacy is about, IMO. YMMV.

[Stung]

No, I know what you mean. I don't expect it as in demand it and then pout if something else comes up, but I kind of expect sex on most special days/occasions to get the full impact of the special day with my love. But then, I also 'expect' sex at least 2-3x per week anyway, unless one of us is sick or going through a stressful time.

 

We have a pattern over the past few years of getting away for a weekend trip over New Years Eve and being a LOT more intimate at midnight than the traditional midnight kiss. It might be a little bittersweet if we get a babysitter and actually go out and party on NYE next year.

 

This year it was me who backed out of Christmas naked shenanigans because I had a really bad headcold and a fever. I don't think my husband cared, I wasn't exactly at my sexiest what with the hacking cough and inability to breathe through my nose. He made me tea with honey and we snuggled on the couch watching It's a Wonderful Life after the kids were in bed, it was very cozy and made me glad to be married to him.

 

It was my birthday recently and we spent the whole day running around doing stuff I wanted to do, and then had a big family dinner at a place with music and dancing and there was a lot of chasing the kids around. My husband was beat by the time we got home and got the overexcited kids to bed, and he went to bed at the same time they did, so I got nothing. I wasn't upset, I was tired too and he had been working overtime on the toddler so I could sit back and enjoy myself, I appreciated that. Also he made it up to me the very next night and even gave me a birthday spanking, one for each year and one to grow on .

 

Valentine's Day is not a very big deal for us, usually, my husband is kind of against it on principle because of it's commercial roots. We're pretty sure though that our son was conceived on Valentine's Day so now it's a little more sentimental.

Edited January 27, 2011 by Stung

[UnsureinSeattle]

at how mature everyone is..... Yes expect is the wrong word, but sheesh, no one wants or hopes for sex on New Year's eve, a return from a trip (especially if she/he was away for R'nR), taken him/her away and created the setting/mood, birthdays, anniversaries, when you have really outdone yourself with a large gift/present????? Your b-day, when you tell her/him that is what you want for a present?

 

Tired of hearing it builds resentment, false hopes yada, yada, yada.... Are you all so mature and alturistic that there aren't times you get pissed if you don't have sex?????

 

Yep I am one big child.......

 

Sure, I get antsy if we haven't had sex for a while... we go thru dry spells like anyone does- 11 years together 'll do that... but I've never been pissed because I've done something for her and expected sex in return-

[What_Next]

Any day ending in Y??

 

I agree "expecting" is the wrong term to use. It's a mutual decision. Then againg sometimes just tearing at her clothes gets her in the mood

[Iconoclast]

Almost every night. Keeps you fit.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Not in a marriage of a life partnership - although I'm in a LTR. I don't think we ever "expect sex", but I'm learning to "create the occasions" when I will be relaxed, feeling sexy and thus more likely to want sex. And yes, my boyfriend has a higher sex-drive than I do. Making sure I "create" those seduction moments is me recognizing that sex is important to our relationship.

 

I wonder if the occasions the OP mentions aren't actually "ritualized" moments that started out being romantic-time-for-eahc-other moments and are now purely functional. Wouldn't it just be better for both partners to make sure they set time aside for each other and some romance?

 

24 years and maybe 1-2X's bday sex, and does wedding night count as an anniversary;)???? Big presents...... Never..... Vacations seldom with young kids, better now (but was it my complaining about it?), we both laugh at valentine's day, so never unless by accident..... New Years, maybe more now that kids want to go out......

 

Basically definitely not ritualized and certainly never was..... But really shed no tears for me.....

[Distant78]

Well she knows I want it as soon as she gets a little too close to me.

[giotto]

24 years and maybe 1-2X's bday sex, and does wedding night count as an anniversary;)???? Big presents...... Never..... Vacations seldom with young kids, better now (but was it my complaining about it?), we both laugh at valentine's day, so never unless by accident..... New Years, maybe more now that kids want to go out......

 

Basically definitely not ritualized and certainly never was..... But really shed no tears for me.....

 

I'm chuckling at this...

[Toodamnpragmatic]

I'm chuckling at this...

 

Glad you can have a chuckle at this..... If anyone deserves a good chuckle, you do.......

 

Every year I ask for the same thing for my b-day, x-mas and anniversary (forget father's day)......

[Crimson and Clover]

Glad you can have a chuckle at this..... If anyone deserves a good chuckle, you do.......

 

Every year I ask for the same thing for my b-day, x-mas and anniversary (forget father's day)......

 

 

It's a lot cheaper than having to buy you new watches all the time!

[LittleTiger]

'Expect' is the wrong word of course but I'm going with the immature crowd on this one.

 

I 'expect' sex every time we're alone together and both awake! Ridiculous but true.

 

Birthdays etc definitely! I had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and we started having sex as we were getting ready to go out - we decided to 'hold fire' because we were running late and we thought it would be more fun to wait. Towards the end of the evening we had a 'disagreement' (my hormones, so not really his fault) and my 'birthday sex' never happened. I was a little upset!!!

 

'Planned' sex rarely works out for us so we tend to just go with the moment.

[mem11363]

Birthday sex is an absolute given unless some major unpredictable event occurs. Other than that - there are no "events" where I expect sex. I definitely would not expect it on "her" birthday. Her birthday is about her. And I would never give her anything major - gift - trip - etc. with the "hope" of sex.

 

That said - if my "needs" were generally being deprioritized "holiday" privileges would be suspended. I am not going to "celebrate" a bad year in our marriage by going to a nice restaurant for dinner on our anniversary. It sends a very bad message that I am "ok" rewarding behavior I dislike. More to the point I would not "accept" gifts/dinners/etc. from a spouse who was deprioritizing my physical needs. Not for any event, anniversary, birthday, Christmas. My response to such gifts/invites would be "why are you giving me stuff I don't care about - and ignoring what I DO care about"? Followed by "I hope you kept the receipt".

 

Then again - I am painfully blunt when I don't like what is happening.

 

'Expect' is the wrong word of course but I'm going with the immature crowd on this one.

 

I 'expect' sex every time we're alone together and both awake! Ridiculous but true.

 

Birthdays etc definitely! I had a birthday a couple of weeks ago and we started having sex as we were getting ready to go out - we decided to 'hold fire' because we were running late and we thought it would be more fun to wait. Towards the end of the evening we had a 'disagreement' (my hormones, so not really his fault) and my 'birthday sex' never happened. I was a little upset!!!

 

'Planned' sex rarely works out for us so we tend to just go with the moment.

[giotto]

Glad you can have a chuckle at this..... If anyone deserves a good chuckle, you do.......

 

Every year I ask for the same thing for my b-day, x-mas and anniversary (forget father's day)......

 

Christmas? I'm usually too tired/full/drunk to even think about sex... not that it would make any difference... lol... but, I'll have some port and stilton and a nice cigar...

[LittleTiger]

I asked my man to weigh in on this one.

 

He said: "Birthdays? ............... HELL YES!

 

I guess that makes us both immature but at least we're in agreement.

 

.....and I think that means he 'owes' me one!

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Christmas? I'm usually too tired/full/drunk to even think about sex... not that it would make any difference... lol... but, I'll have some port and stilton and a nice cigar...

 

Very few things stop me from thinking about sex..... After the presents are open, food eaten, drinks finished, kitchen cleaned and the kids are in bed, I can always dream.....