Why Women Don't Listen To Men

[Distant78]

I came across http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/14/men-have-emotions-women-dont-listen/ and thought it was a good one.

[zengirl]

I find his attitude towards feelings needlessly reductive. A glut of feelings -- for the sake of being emotionally heard -- can be productive, without problem-solving, BOTH for men and women. And many men and women realize that's the case. It's about balance: sharing feelings can be good for the sake of it, and so can problem solving; both should be done in balance and at appropriate times.

 

Sometimes, there is no solution to the problem. At least no good one that will produce less dissonance than keeping the problem. Those times, people need to find a way to share their emotions that is productive. And feeling 'heard' at those times can be productive to a relationship.

 

At any rate, I've never had an experience where men and I were so very different. Slightly? Yes. But the strong, silent type isn't mine, and I'm not a helpless, emotional damsel. I suppose it depends on who you are. He is describing what I believe to be antiquated differences between the sexes. Many men in my generation know how to listen to women/share their own stresses and emotions without being a guy who would cry to Beaches (frankly, I couldn't sit down and watch the Lifetime Movie Network either!).

 

Note: I find the word-use studies interesting in particular. The old studies were not bad studies, and the new one is not particularly 'better.' It's just newer and for a new generation. I really think this is a generational issue. I truly believe that in my Dad's/Grandfather's generation the average man likely spoke less than the average woman, and I understand why studies might show that has changed with generations, including college students now (and even mine, and Gen X). I don't think the research he cited shows the previous studies were unfounded but rather that gender dynamics and socialization have changed and become more fluid over time. Namely, the way we are raising children, particularly boys, but also girls, in a more unisex environment. The kids in college now could have participated in co-ed soccer, for instance. My Mom and Dad never could've. Generations do differ a great deal.