Happy Beginnings....

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Hi everyone! Brand new to LS, I've been browsing for quite some time so I almost feel like I know some of you. I finally decided to join and post because I feel like none of the happy stories get posted. Being with a MM is NOT all heartbreak, or why would we do it! I would love to hear some success stories if anyone would like to post them here... and I'd like to briefly tell mine.

 

Mine starts off as I'm sure most do, older charming boss seduces employee.... Sounds, I don't know, not right...but really falling in love with him was quite lovely. I worked for him for three months or so before he kissed me...I'd already gotten to really respect him, he's the kind of guy that everyone loves. men, women, children. He would give you the shirt off his back- and it would be a really nice shirt too. For being a cheater he's remarkably honest and compassionate. None of slick stuff you see in movies about cheaters. When he finally kissed me when we were closing up shop, I think I was still pretty shocked, but I managed to say, "oh you've gotta do better than that". Hearing that come out of my mouth just managed to further shock me, for the love of god he was married! and twenty+ years my senior! and so loveable....

 

The A continued swiftly. We fell in love. I'd never found anyone I could be happy doing nothing with. laying down in some obscure position in my bed, just talking. We connect on every level, (okay his politics piss me off sometimes, but what fun would it be if we couldn't debate occasionally?) sexually, we have the same morals and values (which sounds odd considering i was the OW, but as you know that does NOT make us or our MM bad people), we have fun doing the same things, and we never run out of things to talk about. And somehow someway almost without fail we managed to see eachother every day. whether it was a quick happy hour drink, lunch, dinner, or a late movie....Within six months I knew that he was my soul mate. But oh how it hurt.

 

Long story short I decided I had to leave him. I was distraught. It probably wouldn't work anyways, i was addicted. We met, and I arrived looking a complete mess. Racoon eyes, tear streaked face....and shirt...and pants... lol you know the drill. He pulled me into the car and he knew what was coming. He said we had to talk. I thought he might actually say HE was leaving ME. I was almost relieved. Instead he said how long can you give me? I didn't even respond, was not really sure what he meant.

 

He repeated it, how much time can you give me to get my sh*t together and get out of the house? this was in late may early june.

 

Keep in mind we've never discussed him leaving before. EVER. he never made and promises and I never made any requests. There was no doubt about our love, and i guess i just wanted to avoid hearing that he would not leave.

 

So I said wait, you'll leave? you'll be with me?

 

And he told me that he had already told her he was leaving. The week before. He wanted to tell me in a special way, but obviously when I arrived to break it off he had to spill. He was out of his house within a month and a half-even though i said take all the time you need. I just needed to know there WAS a future.

 

We are as happy as can be. We have a couple vacations coming up, had dinner with the family last week, I've never EVER been happier.

 

Moral of story. NOT all MM are jerks. Sure, A's hurt the people involved. All of them. But we're only human. People fall in and out of love every day- and unfortunately we can't always control the circumstances.

 

Let me hear your happy stories!!!

[bentnotbroken]

Hi everyone! Brand new to LS, I've been browsing for quite some time so I almost feel like I know some of you. I finally decided to join and post because I feel like none of the happy stories get posted. Being with a MM is NOT all heartbreak, or why would we do it! I would love to hear some success stories if anyone would like to post them here... and I'd like to briefly tell mine.

 

Mine starts off as I'm sure most do, older charming boss seduces employee.... Sounds, I don't know, not right...but really falling in love with him was quite lovely. I worked for him for three months or so before he kissed me...I'd already gotten to really respect him, he's the kind of guy that everyone loves. men, women, children. He would give you the shirt off his back- and it would be a really nice shirt too. For being a cheater he's remarkably honest and compassionate. None of slick stuff you see in movies about cheaters. When he finally kissed me when we were closing up shop, I think I was still pretty shocked, but I managed to say, "oh you've gotta do better than that". Hearing that come out of my mouth just managed to further shock me, for the love of god he was married! and twenty+ years my senior! and so loveable....

 

The A continued swiftly. We fell in love. I'd never found anyone I could be happy doing nothing with. laying down in some obscure position in my bed, just talking. We connect on every level, (okay his politics piss me off sometimes, but what fun would it be if we couldn't debate occasionally?) sexually, we have the same morals and values (which sounds odd considering i was the OW, but as you know that does NOT make us or our MM bad people), we have fun doing the same things, and we never run out of things to talk about. And somehow someway almost without fail we managed to see eachother every day. whether it was a quick happy hour drink, lunch, dinner, or a late movie....Within six months I knew that he was my soul mate. But oh how it hurt.

 

Long story short I decided I had to leave him. I was distraught. It probably wouldn't work anyways, i was addicted. We met, and I arrived looking a complete mess. Racoon eyes, tear streaked face....and shirt...and pants... lol you know the drill. He pulled me into the car and he knew what was coming. He said we had to talk. I thought he might actually say HE was leaving ME. I was almost relieved. Instead he said how long can you give me? I didn't even respond, was not really sure what he meant.

 

He repeated it, how much time can you give me to get my sh*t together and get out of the house? this was in late may early june.

 

Keep in mind we've never discussed him leaving before. EVER. he never made and promises and I never made any requests. There was no doubt about our love, and i guess i just wanted to avoid hearing that he would not leave.

 

So I said wait, you'll leave? you'll be with me?

 

And he told me that he had already told her he was leaving. The week before. He wanted to tell me in a special way, but obviously when I arrived to break it off he had to spill. He was out of his house within a month and a half-even though i said take all the time you need. I just needed to know there WAS a future.

 

We are as happy as can be. We have a couple vacations coming up, had dinner with the family last week, I've never EVER been happier.

 

Moral of story. NOT all MM are jerks. Sure, A's hurt the people involved. All of them. But we're only human. People fall in and out of love every day- and unfortunately we can't always control the circumstances.

 

Let me hear your happy stories!!!

 

 

1) certainly depends on what end of his actions you are on. Whether they are jerks by definition...cowardly certainly is the adjective to describe the act cheating.

 

2) But we are only human is a standard line used by those who need for others to see their actions as humane.

 

3)You're right we can't always control our circumstances, but we can always control our choices and actions.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

1) certainly depends on what end of his actions you are on. Whether they are jerks by definition...cowardly certainly is the adjective to describe the act cheating.

 

2) But we are only human is a standard line used by those who need for others to see their actions as humane.

 

3)You're right we can't always control our circumstances, but we can always control our choices and actions.

 

 

bentnotbroken, I'm curious what your situation is? Your response seemed awful callous- I'm merely sharing my story, and asking for similiar ones. seems to me that is what this forum is about.

 

and to address your concerns in order, it seems to me that cowardly could be more aptly used to describe someone who's been in a miserable marriage for twenty years (Miserable on BOTH sides to be sure) and not getting out of it not only to improve your own quality of life but that of your EX and children as well.

 

2) I certainly do not feel the need to have anyone other than the people I love accept my decisions. I was merely attempting to sound philosophical I suppose with my "we're only human" so maybe the line was a little silly but it definitely was not intended to put a bug in anyones a**.

 

3) we certainly can control our choices and actions! and thats exactly what him and I both did. we CHOSE love. We ACTED on love. and bent not broken- i certainly don't want to offend anyone but you sound awful bitter.

 

now, just to clarify, this was meant to be a happy thread to and for all the other OW or "used to be" OW's. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't freaking say it.

[BB07]

Oh.........here we go.........:confused:

bitter..........and don't post in my thread. Ummmm!

[whichwayisup]

Of course not all MM are jerks and stay in an affair for many years, stringing the OW along, giving her hope, saying empty words and broken promises. Some DO leave and yours obviously was ready to, wanted to and didn't drag it out to hurt both you and his wife for a long time. Sadly though, TOO many of the OW who post here are with MM who can't find the strength, courage, balls, whatever to do what they need to do. They sit and wait for a D-day, or hope the OW will take charge, or the wife will find out and kick him out, anything so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.

 

And he told me that he had already told her he was leaving. The week before. He wanted to tell me in a special way, but obviously when I arrived to break it off he had to spill. He was out of his house within a month and a half-even though i said take all the time you need. I just needed to know there WAS a future.

 

His actions showed you and met his words. That's good for you, but to give OW who post here hope that their MM will finally leave isn't helping them. Many of these OW have MM who can't leave for whatever reason and their actions do not meet their words.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Is their divorce final?

 

No texas the divorce is not final, however we've gone very public (not in a rude way, just, no hiding or anything) the past six months or so, and his X is also seeing someone else.

 

Odd that I should completely trust this self proclaimed cheater isn't it? I wish I could explain it, and I'm sure many women have said the same things, but this is a once in a lifetime thing. Its all the little things rolled up into one, it's the flowers for no reason, the cards in my mailbox, its the way he doesn't take his eyes off me, its the openness. We know eachother inside and out.

 

Bottom line is, the D might as well be final. There is no looking back for this MM.

[whichwayisup]

now, just to clarify, this was meant to be a happy thread to and for all the other OW or "used to be" OW's. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't freaking say it.

 

For a new person, who seems very familiar with LS, and various posters and the dynamic at times around here, I do hope you're here for the right reasons, to reach out to people who need help and not start mud flingin', starting threads that cause heavy heated dicussions that always get shutdown and then takes away from those on here who truly DO need support and encourgement, whether it be surviving the A, or getting out of the A.

 

Seems you've joined with reason and quite forceful.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Oh.........here we go.........:confused:

bitter..........and don't post in my thread. Ummmm!

 

no not at all, not don't post in my thread... I just really had hoped to get something out of this site. LIke someone to commiserate with, talk to, someone that has actually gone through the same things as I have. I figured that there must be some people with happy stories, and I wanted to hear them. I'm not trying to give false hope or be mean. I just figured if I was in this situation, someone else would be too, and that they might be looking to express themselves as well.

 

My response to bentnotbroken was responding to something I felt like was a bit of an attack. And perhaps I overreacted but my boyfriend is an extraordinary person, and I was a little overzealous in my effort to protect him. Which is silly anyways because he definitely does not need my protection. so I apologize.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

For a new person, who seems very familiar with LS, and various posters and the dynamic at times around here, I do hope you're here for the right reasons, to reach out to people who need help and not start mud flingin', starting threads that cause heavy heated dicussions that always get shutdown and then takes away from those on here who truly DO need support and encourgement, whether it be surviving the A, or getting out of the A.

 

Seems you've joined with reason and quite forceful.

 

I guess I'm a little confused? I've seen plenty of people tell their stories on this site, and seen quite a bit of reciprocation to those posts. I guess I'm not sure why my post is generating such a negative response? For A year and a half I was an OW. A very heartbroken one, and I feel like a kid on christmas morning right now. I guess i expected SOMEONE to be happy for me? or say hey me too!! lets talk about it!! I have no CLUE how my thread about being happy managed to cause such controversy or "mud flinging" but it certainly was not my intent.

[whichwayisup]

I guess I'm a little confused? I've seen plenty of people tell their stories on this site, and seen quite a bit of reciprocation to those posts. I guess I'm not sure why my post is generating such a negative response? For A year and a half I was an OW. A very heartbroken one, and I feel like a kid on christmas morning right now. I guess i expected SOMEONE to be happy for me? or say hey me too!! lets talk about it!! I have no CLUE how my thread about being happy managed to cause such controversy or "mud flinging" but it certainly was not my intent.

 

I did reply and atleast your MM had the balls to do what was needed and not stay in the A, drag it out, lead you on, lie to his wife and do nothing except stay in the affair and be indecisive. Sorry if I came off strongly, it's just some people who leave LS, come back to stir up trouble and a reply I read by you earlier just seemed similar to someone who has left LS. Sorry again.

[bentnotbroken]

bentnotbroken, I'm curious what your situation is? Your response seemed awful callous- I'm merely sharing my story, and asking for similiar ones. seems to me that is what this forum is about.

 

and to address your concerns in order, it seems to me that cowardly could be more aptly used to describe someone who's been in a miserable marriage for twenty years (Miserable on BOTH sides to be sure) and not getting out of it not only to improve your own quality of life but that of your EX and children as well.

 

2) I certainly do not feel the need to have anyone other than the people I love accept my decisions. I was merely attempting to sound philosophical I suppose with my "we're only human" so maybe the line was a little silly but it definitely was not intended to put a bug in anyones a**.

 

3) we certainly can control our choices and actions! and thats exactly what him and I both did. we CHOSE love. We ACTED on love. and bent not broken- i certainly don't want to offend anyone but you sound awful bitter.

 

now, just to clarify, this was meant to be a happy thread to and for all the other OW or "used to be" OW's. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't freaking say it.

 

 

:lmao::lmao:And there you have...repeat anyone?

[health]

Let me know if it works out long term like more than five years with neither of you cheating - unless that doesn't bother you.

 

Started a relationship intertwined with lies does not form a basis for a successful, healthy and long term relationship.

If yours works, and there's forgiveness and love - more power to you.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

I did reply and atleast your MM had the balls to do what was needed and not stay in the A, drag it out, lead you on, lie to his wife and do nothing except stay in the affair and be indecisive. Sorry if I came off strongly, it's just some people who leave LS, come back to stir up trouble and a reply I read by you earlier just seemed similar to someone who has left LS. Sorry again.

 

I appreciate that- thank you. I definitely have never been a member here before, and I have no interest in fighting with anyone- why on earth would one be here for anything derogitory. The more I look the more I'm seeing a lot of interforum bickering. It's odd that you would get such lines forming on a forum that so clearly has good intentions.

 

To everyone that has posted on this thread- I sincerely hope I haven't offended anyone and if I have I do apologize. And I must say I'm still so surprised that no one has had their own, at least semi success story. I know hardly anything has been accomplished yet in my story, but that's why I labeled it "happy beginnings". I hope you all get yours. My relationship still may not work out but if it doesn't, it won't be because I was once the OW. Every relationship has risks...right?

[BB07]

There aren't too many happy endings for OW/MM spoken of here at LS, but there is an occasional one. If you've been reading on the forum, you probably saw Ruby's story from just a few days ago and that had a happy ending, although she did pull away from the affair and got divorced and so did her mm.

The norm around here seems to be that OW are in a lot of pain and wanting more from the relationship and the MM are conflicted and cake eating or sometimes just selfish liars.

[SidLyon]

 

Hi everyone! Brand new to LS, I've been browsing for quite some time so I almost feel like I know some of you. I finally decided to join and post because I feel like none of the happy stories get posted. ...

 

Arrgh!! You can't possibly be all that familiar with LS otherwise you would know why people are calling you out on this thread.

 

Either admit that this isn't really true (ie you are not particularly familiar with the stories); in which case it' understandable that you might start this thread. Or, that you are being disingenous...

 

Moral of story. NOT all MM are jerks....

 

Umm so are you saying he didn't behave like a jerk to his wife/family? Perhaps you can tell us how he managed this?

[whichwayisup]

Obviously some MM do leave, it depends on the MM, how serious he is about leaving his marriage. Those who leave, and want to divorce are usually ready to, with or without an affair.

 

There are about 3 OW on here that I know of who have ended up with their MM. 2 are married, and one is pending..

 

The OW I feel bad for are the ones who MM give them broken promises, words never match actions and it's painful to read how much trust and faith they have in their MM, so much love and hope. Yet when a Dday happens, the OW gets thrown under the bus, soemthing they never thought would happen to them.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

There aren't too many happy endings for OW/MM spoken of here at LS, but there is an occasional one. If you've been reading on the forum, you probably saw Ruby's story from just a few days ago and that had a happy ending, although she did pull away from the affair and got divorced and so did her mm.

The norm around here seems to be that OW are in a lot of pain and wanting more from the relationship and the MM are conflicted and cake eating or sometimes just selfish liars.

 

when i said i've been reading on LS for a while, that was a gross exageration. I've been reading for a few hours tonight, and back when I was still OW A few posters here helped me survive without even knowing it.

 

I didn't see Ruby's story, although now I'll probably look for it. I suppose it may have been a little tactless for me to post about this. But then I was probably trying to make myself believe that everything is hunky dory. And between me and him it is, it's just in my head, maybe my heart that i'm still a little sick. You know....remember things. Remembering the times that they had sex while we were together. Just today I was driving around I couldnt get the image of him on top of her out of my head- and the times were few and far between to be sure but... I don't know when you concentrate on the positive the negative becomes more bearable. I just pray that images like those don't poison our relationship.

 

I should have known I was being tactless. but like I said it certainly was not with malicious intent.

[bentnotbroken]

I appreciate that- thank you. I definitely have never been a member here before, and I have no interest in fighting with anyone- why on earth would one be here for anything derogitory. The more I look the more I'm seeing a lot of interforum bickering. It's odd that you would get such lines forming on a forum that so clearly has good intentions.

 

To everyone that has posted on this thread- I sincerely hope I haven't offended anyone and if I have I do apologize. And I must say I'm still so surprised that no one has had their own, at least semi success story. I know hardly anything has been accomplished yet in my story, but that's why I labeled it "happy beginnings". I hope you all get yours. My relationship still may not work out but if it doesn't, it won't be because I was once the OW. Every relationship has risks...right?

 

 

 

Yes, you did and apology accepted.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

 

Hi everyone! Brand new to LS, I've been browsing for quite some time so I almost feel like I know some of you. I finally decided to join and post because I feel like none of the happy stories get posted. ...

 

Arrgh!! You can't possibly be all that familiar with LS otherwise you would know why people are calling you out on this thread.

 

Either admit that this isn't really true (ie you are not particularly familiar with the stories); in which case it' understandable that you might start this thread. Or, that you are being disingenous...

 

Moral of story. NOT all MM are jerks....

 

Umm so are you saying he didn't behave like a jerk to his wife/family? Perhaps you can tell us how he managed this?

 

Sid, their particular situation probably isn't one thats talked about here much. The jerk part is the cheating part, absolutely. When he figured out he wasn't satisfied he should have left, and then started something with me... But don't you agree that it would be a "jerk move" to stay? No one wants to be tolerated. We want to be loved. Both parties in his situation were "tolerating" the other, and usually just didn't see eachother. He was out, or she was out. The kids are old enough that this move did not affect them much, Sure they were a little shocked but after twenty years who wouldn't be. Now they both have a chance at happiness. Doesn't she deserve to love and be loved? Doesn't he?

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Yes, you did and apology accepted.

 

 

Thank you. I hope we can move on, and no grudges will be held. I think that this forum does great things for some people, and as I said it helped me at one point, not too long ago, and I'd like to be a part of it.

[bentnotbroken]

 

Sid, their particular situation probably isn't one thats talked about here much. The jerk part is the cheating part, absolutely. When he figured out he wasn't satisfied he should have left, and then started something with me... But don't you agree that it would be a "jerk move" to stay? No one wants to be tolerated. We want to be loved. Both parties in his situation were "tolerating" the other, and usually just didn't see eachother. He was out, or she was out. The kids are old enough that this move did not affect them much, Sure they were a little shocked but after twenty years who wouldn't be. Now they both have a chance at happiness. Doesn't she deserve to love and be loved? Doesn't he?

 

 

He deserves to get the same respect he showed her while cheating. But we don't always get what we deserve...thank God.

[whichwayisup]

ut... I don't know when you concentrate on the positive the negative becomes more bearable. I just pray that images like those don't poison our relationship.

 

But going into an affair, knowing he was married, you must have known he was still having sex with his wife..? If one is going to be an OW, there are things that have to be accepted and him being with his wife, continuing a life with her is something that just is.

 

Anyway, if you two work together, take things slow, I mean stop the affair dynamic, date and get to know eachother in a new and healthier light, talk and even do some counselling, it can help in the long run.

 

My concern for you is, him leaving his marriage, his wife and life as he knows it and starting a new one with you so quickly without time and space to grieve the loss of his old life will affect your future relationship with him.. slow down and live life together, but apart too. don't make him your whole world until you're both ready and most of all, until he truly is ready. there's no way he's over his wife and everything so fast, ready to start over with you this fast without grieving the loss, losing his extended family, inlaws etc.,

 

Do they have kids?

[hoping4happyevrafter]

He deserves to get the same respect he showed her while cheating. But we don't always get what we deserve...thank God.

 

Even though my original post was quite lengthy I did not post all details. impossible to do right?

 

cheating is never right, never good, two wrongs do not make a right.

 

She did, cheat first however. He only found out because she contracted something and had to tell him so he could be tested.

 

As I said two wrongs don't make a right, but this was one obviously ill-fated couple.

 

The ends don't justify the means, but they are all seriously better off.

[bentnotbroken]

Even though my original post was quite lengthy I did not post all details. impossible to do right?

 

cheating is never right, never good, two wrongs do not make a right.

 

She did, cheat first however. He only found out because she contracted something and had to tell him so he could be tested.

 

As I said two wrongs don't make a right, but this was one obviously ill-fated couple.

 

The ends don't justify the means, but they are all seriously better off.

 

 

Hmmmmmm:confused:

[NoIDidn't]

Good luck getting to your happy "ending" (which really should be looked at as a beginning).

 

I think dating a separated man is worse than dating a MM, whether you were the OW in his marriage or not.

 

They are often in limbo. Mourning what was, or just eager to live again. They go all out one moment, and withdraw an emotional mess in another. They're happy to be divorcing (if they've even started the process beyond leaving the marital home) or their wondering "what if" when it comes to their marriages.

 

And all this, right under the new woman's nose. They often try to hide these feelings from their new GF. They don't want to create insecurity in her that they might go back to their marriages. Or that they want to be in another relationship so soon having just left a marriage.

 

So, definitely good luck. There are quite a few OW currently with men that have left, even two that have married their former MM. Happy endings are few and far in between when it comes to infidelity.

 

And welcome to LS!