Happy Beginnings....

[hoping4happyevrafter]

But going into an affair, knowing he was married, you must have known he was still having sex with his wife..? If one is going to be an OW, there are things that have to be accepted and him being with his wife, continuing a life with her is something that just is.

 

Anyway, if you two work together, take things slow, I mean stop the affair dynamic, date and get to know eachother in a new and healthier light, talk and even do some counselling, it can help in the long run.

 

My concern for you is, him leaving his marriage, his wife and life as he knows it and starting a new one with you so quickly without time and space to grieve the loss of his old life will affect your future relationship with him.. slow down and live life together, but apart too. don't make him your whole world until you're both ready and most of all, until he truly is ready. there's no way he's over his wife and everything so fast, ready to start over with you this fast without grieving the loss, losing his extended family, inlaws etc.,

 

Do they have kids?

 

I wonder if everyone thinks their A is different. That theirs is special, unique. Because I sure do, and I'm afraid I sound silly but I can't seem to stop myself!

 

He does have children, two boys, one in college and one in highschool. and I have a lovely four year old little girl of my own. Your concern is a legitimate one of course, and we do see eachother quite a lot, but we definitely are apart as well. He would never spend the night while my daughter is here, which is five days a week so that in itself dictates that we have a separate life.

 

I'm sooo not being argumentative with what I'm about to say, but i truly do not think there is any grieving going on for him, EXCEPT not living with his younger son, the one in highschool. And really he see's him so often that that really isn't even affecting them so much. He's got so much more energy, and he's always smiling now. This whole thing just weighed him and his family down so much, i think him and his XW are both just relieved that they got this out of the way.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Thanks for the welcome NoIDidn't!

 

someone else mentioned the three OW that are with their MM now earlier, maybe it will work maybe it won't.

 

Until we find out I'll be cautiously optimistic!

[NoIDidn't]

I'm sooo not being argumentative with what I'm about to say, but i truly do not think there is any grieving going on for him, EXCEPT not living with his younger son, the one in highschool. And really he see's him so often that that really isn't even affecting them so much. He's got so much more energy, and he's always smiling now. This whole thing just weighed him and his family down so much, i think him and his XW are both just relieved that they got this out of the way.

 

I'm glad he's seeing his younger son often. I hope you continue to encourage that relationship for him, and also help him plan to see his son in college as well. This will soothe any fears he may have in leaving their mom (leaving for whatever reasons).

 

Also, you mentioned that his W cheated on him and caught something Boys take divorce and their mom cheating on their dad really hard. I hope they don't know about that. But if they do, I hope he helps them deal with it in a manner that will bring healing even though their family is changing.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

I'm glad he's seeing his younger son often. I hope you continue to encourage that relationship for him, and also help him plan to see his son in college as well. This will soothe any fears he may have in leaving their mom (leaving for whatever reasons).

 

Also, you mentioned that his W cheated on him and caught something Boys take divorce and their mom cheating on their dad really hard. I hope they don't know about that. But if they do, I hope he helps them deal with it in a manner that will bring healing even though their family is changing.

 

Her cheating happened years ago, almost ten I believe, and the boys definitely do NOT know about that. He has great kids- i adore them. It's the only real sore subject. They love their dad and mom, and theres no hard feelings toward them, maybe a little from the college aged boy toward dad, however I really think that will go away quickly. the two of them are actually on vacation right now.

The boys and I used to be really quite close. They both loved me, before they knew who i was to dad. I was just an employee for over a year, and saw them daily during the summer. The older one was going to the same college I went to and asked me to take him around and show him things, The younger one and I would play cards and such.... and now its very strained, and of course I expected that. And that is their right- I can't imagine how I would feel, as my parents were never married. I certainly did not expect to be quite so hurt by it, or to miss them quite so much. If only life was simple.

 

My daughter on the other hand LOVES him. But then again hopefully she never has to know he was the MM and I the OW.

[NoIDidn't]

Her cheating happened years ago, almost ten I believe, and the boys definitely do NOT know about that. He has great kids- i adore them. It's the only real sore subject. They love their dad and mom, and theres no hard feelings toward them, maybe a little from the college aged boy toward dad, however I really think that will go away quickly. the two of them are actually on vacation right now.

The boys and I used to be really quite close. They both loved me, before they knew who i was to dad. I was just an employee for over a year, and saw them daily during the summer. The older one was going to the same college I went to and asked me to take him around and show him things, The younger one and I would play cards and such.... and now its very strained, and of course I expected that. And that is their right- I can't imagine how I would feel, as my parents were never married. I certainly did not expect to be quite so hurt by it, or to miss them quite so much. If only life was simple.

 

My daughter on the other hand LOVES him. But then again hopefully she never has to know he was the MM and I the OW.

 

 

Oooh, that sounds tough. These kids feel deceived by the two of you, so its going to take some time for them to warm up to you again, if they ever do. Though my parents never married each other as well, I would not have been accepting of my dad leaving my stepmom for one of his many OW either. Especially if I met her and he lied to be about who she was to him for a season.

 

Not saying its unforgivable, but the feeling the kids must have will have to be treated with respect. And it sounds like you are doing that. I would have come around eventually, and feeling that my hurt at being deceived was validated and I wasn't rushed to accept things as they were becoming would certainly have helped. And while you weren't exactly expecting some of their reaction, it seems as though you are taking it in stride and giving them the time and space to adapt. A lot of divorcing people don't do that for their kids. Especially when they already have a new relationship lined up immediately after.

 

An old friend of mine found out that his parents were divorcing when he was in college. They waited until his senior year, and their was an OW involved (for more than five years that he didn't know about). He as so hurt by both of his parents for springing it on him at such an important and inopportune time in his life. He felt that their divorce would keep him from getting both of their support. I honestly know nothing else of the details of his parents' divorce after his announcement, but I do know that he is not close to his dad now. We caught up again on FB and he shared that with me. His dad told him that he should have been happy for him since he knew his parents didn't get along. His feelings about their divorce weren't respected or considered. It wasn't that he wanted to control their divorcing, he just needed support through it as well. And his dad didn't offer him any.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Oooh, that sounds tough. These kids feel deceived by the two of you, so its going to take some time for them to warm up to you again, if they ever do. Though my parents never married each other as well, I would not have been accepting of my dad leaving my stepmom for one of his many OW either. Especially if I met her and he lied to be about who she was to him for a season.

 

Not saying its unforgivable, but the feeling the kids must have will have to be treated with respect. And it sounds like you are doing that. I would have come around eventually, and feeling that my hurt at being deceived was validated and I wasn't rushed to accept things as they were becoming would certainly have helped. And while you weren't exactly expecting some of their reaction, it seems as though you are taking it in stride and giving them the time and space to adapt. A lot of divorcing people don't do that for their kids. Especially when they already have a new relationship lined up immediately after.

 

An old friend of mine found out that his parents were divorcing when he was in college. They waited until his senior year, and their was an OW involved (for more than five years that he didn't know about). He as so hurt by both of his parents for springing it on him at such an important and inopportune time in his life. He felt that their divorce would keep him from getting both of their support. I honestly know nothing else of the details of his parents' divorce after his announcement, but I do know that he is not close to his dad now. We caught up again on FB and he shared that with me. His dad told him that he should have been happy for him since he knew his parents didn't get along. His feelings about their divorce weren't respected or considered. It wasn't that he wanted to control their divorcing, he just needed support through it as well. And his dad didn't offer him any.

 

They are definitely not being rushed thats for sure. I'm just worried about when summer hits- I still work for BF, and I make very good money and he has a manager that opens up and keeps everything going that he trusts. The business that we're in makes the kids very fond of being there- almost every day. I hope my presence does not stop them from being there- that would just be so not fair to them. At the same time, I can't quit! I have my own child to think of and bills piling up with my terrible "baby's daddy" not paying any child support and not paying any of her expenses that it just would not be fiscally possible for me, even if i did think it was the best route.

 

Sh*t noididn't i was really hoping for a response more like..."oh i know tons of kids that just love the OW!"

 

What you said about your friend no longer being close to his dad scares me- I'm not worried about the younger one, he's taking all this right in stride and the other day we actually had a good conversation and had lunch while my BF was off doing something else...

 

The older son is a different story. He's been on vacation with dad for a few days, I have not even called BF....I really think this could be their time to reconcile and get some things out. Hopefully his son vents...maybe cries or yells or something. I'm sure he's got a good cussing for me inside somewhere. He has yet to tell his dad WHY he's angry. Once when they discussed it he told his dad, I'm not mad your divorcing, I would have wanted to get out of that hell hole too if i was still there. And then another time he was asked If he thought the whole thing was my fault? or actually it was worded more like...you know this isn't all "her" fault right? by a close family friend, that I'm also close to and he said, oh yeah i know that... this same family friend mentioned to myself and BF that maybe olderson enjoyed my company more thanjust platonically, and maybe feels betrayed by dad and that's why he's been so distant.

 

I don't know I could talk in circles about it for hours. the fact is I really think i would have noticed if that were true- and it would kill me if I thought it could be....and I don't. Idk just more food for thought.

 

Myself and BF both are very stubborn, i just hope to god his stubborness doesn't kick in with his son and cause even more consternation.

[pureinheart]

bentnotbroken, I'm curious what your situation is? Your response seemed awful callous- I'm merely sharing my story, and asking for similiar ones. seems to me that is what this forum is about.

 

and to address your concerns in order, it seems to me that cowardly could be more aptly used to describe someone who's been in a miserable marriage for twenty years (Miserable on BOTH sides to be sure) and not getting out of it not only to improve your own quality of life but that of your EX and children as well.

 

2) I certainly do not feel the need to have anyone other than the people I love accept my decisions. I was merely attempting to sound philosophical I suppose with my "we're only human" so maybe the line was a little silly but it definitely was not intended to put a bug in anyones a**.

 

3) we certainly can control our choices and actions! and thats exactly what him and I both did. we CHOSE love. We ACTED on love. and bent not broken- i certainly don't want to offend anyone but you sound awful bitter.

 

now, just to clarify, this was meant to be a happy thread to and for all the other OW or "used to be" OW's. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't freaking say it.

 

Unfortunately SOME can't help themselves, they are on a mission:eek:...anyway welcome to the forum and glad things are working out...

[AngeletteX]

I guess i expected SOMEONE to be happy for me?

 

Hoping - haven't finished reading your thread but I'M HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! :bunny::bunny:

 

Okay, let me go finish reading.

[AngeletteX]

And I must say I'm still so surprised that no one has had their own, at least semi success story.

 

I'm on my way ~~~ my situation is not quite the same as yours but he's WONDERFUL too!

[NoIDidn't]

Sh*t noididn't i was really hoping for a response more like..."oh i know tons of kids that just love the OW!"

 

LOL. Unfortunately, I don't know "tons" of kids that love the OW.

 

What you said about your friend no longer being close to his dad scares me- I'm not worried about the younger one, he's taking all this right in stride and the other day we actually had a good conversation and had lunch while my BF was off doing something else...

 

The older son is a different story. He's been on vacation with dad for a few days, I have not even called BF....I really think this could be their time to reconcile and get some things out. Hopefully his son vents...maybe cries or yells or something. I'm sure he's got a good cussing for me inside somewhere. He has yet to tell his dad WHY he's angry. Once when they discussed it he told his dad, I'm not mad your divorcing, I would have wanted to get out of that hell hole too if i was still there. And then another time he was asked If he thought the whole thing was my fault? or actually it was worded more like...you know this isn't all "her" fault right? by a close family friend, that I'm also close to and he said, oh yeah i know that... this same family friend mentioned to myself and BF that maybe olderson enjoyed my company more thanjust platonically, and maybe feels betrayed by dad and that's why he's been so distant.

 

I don't know I could talk in circles about it for hours. the fact is I really think i would have noticed if that were true- and it would kill me if I thought it could be....and I don't. Idk just more food for thought.

 

Myself and BF both are very stubborn, i just hope to god his stubborness doesn't kick in with his son and cause even more consternation.

 

A friend thinks the older son was romantically interested in you? That's possible if you are considerably younger than his dad. But that's life. My nephew held up my wedding because he wanted to marry me (his words to his dad while refusing to do his part, lol). I don't think you should worry about it though.

 

Its natural that the oldest takes more time to come around. I'm an oldest myself. After spending so many years adapting to our parents and helping younger siblings do the same, we don't like change very much.

 

Do you think you guys could benefit from couples' counseling one day? Are you planning on marrying one day sometime after his divorce becomes final?

[hoping4happyevrafter]

LOL. Unfortunately, I don't know "tons" of kids that love the OW.

 

 

 

A friend thinks the older son was romantically interested in you? That's possible if you are considerably younger than his dad. But that's life. My nephew held up my wedding because he wanted to marry me (his words to his dad while refusing to do his part, lol). I don't think you should worry about it though.

 

Its natural that the oldest takes more time to come around. I'm an oldest myself. After spending so many years adapting to our parents and helping younger siblings do the same, we don't like change very much.

 

Do you think you guys could benefit from couples' counseling one day? Are you planning on marrying one day sometime after his divorce becomes final?

 

I'm am substantially younger, twentyish years.

 

I don't believe any counseling for the two of us is necesary. We've had one argument in the couple years its been and we're deliriously happy.

 

I think maybe family counseling, between him and his older son would be appropriate though. Maybe someday. I hate to push him to much on that subject, his parenting is not my business but when I have a strong opinion, as far as trying to reach his son, or like the time he was going to let his younger son pull a sled filled by him and his friends around by a fourwheeler on the snow that has an inch thick layer of ice on it.....

 

And yes we do plan on marrying, we joke that we're on the three/five year plan. Marriage/child. He knows that both are important to me, and while he could probably live without having more children, he definitely wants to marry me, and I him. As I said earlier, I'm very optimistic. I'm completely in love with him, but any relationship whether it began as an A or not has risk. I believe in our relationship and our love, but i won't be deluded either.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

I'm on my way ~~~ my situation is not quite the same as yours but he's WONDERFUL too!

 

Well congratulation AX. I'm glad to "meet" someone on their way to a peaceful life (knock on wood). I feel so horrible for all the pain all these women are in, whichever "side" they come from because I remember it all too clearly. The image of going to end it when i found out he left his BS is burned into my brain- the pain of thinking i was going to willingly lose him forever to save myself...

 

I can't imagine how I would have made it, you and I are thanking our lucky stars that we're no longer broken hearted, and praying for all those that are!

[half_ofa_heart]

Hi Hoping! Welcome to the OTHER facebook. Actually, more addicting if you ask me.

 

Anyway, I'm still in Affair HELL - screw FOG - I'm in hell. I love my MM more than anything (except my kids) but I'm in misery because I hate sharing him with his W. You had mentioned not being able to wipe the visual of him on top of her... I constantly have that same problem - EVERY SINGLE DAY.

 

I have so many questions for you... First, I'm not delusional (I'm pretty certain my MM will never leave his W) nor do I think that your story gives me hope for a happy ending (or beginning as you put it). Every situation is completely different and even though many A's have similar episodes, none are 100% the same.

 

Here are my questions... When you decided to end it, was that your first attempt to end it? If so, what was your final straw to make you come to that conclusion?

 

I really am happy for you. I've always known that not all affairs result in complete misery for the OW/OM... Just about 99% of them

 

HEART

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Hi Hoping! Welcome to the OTHER facebook. Actually, more addicting if you ask me.

 

Anyway, I'm still in Affair HELL - screw FOG - I'm in hell. I love my MM more than anything (except my kids) but I'm in misery because I hate sharing him with his W. You had mentioned not being able to wipe the visual of him on top of her... I constantly have that same problem - EVERY SINGLE DAY.

 

I have so many questions for you... First, I'm not delusional (I'm pretty certain my MM will never leave his W) nor do I think that your story gives me hope for a happy ending (or beginning as you put it). Every situation is completely different and even though many A's have similar episodes, none are 100% the same.

 

Here are my questions... When you decided to end it, was that your first attempt to end it? If so, what was your final straw to make you come to that conclusion?

 

I really am happy for you. I've always known that not all affairs result in complete misery for the OW/OM... Just about 99% of them

 

HEART

 

I'm so sorry for your pain... it's just about the worst kind.

 

Well to be honest when I decided to end it...it was because i felt like i'd passed the point of no return. I was afraid I was going to become the old cat lady because my love for him wouldn't allow me to have the happy, well round, MONOGAMOUS, relationship that would be good for me. Him and I had NEVER had the, so are you going to leave your wife talk. He never made promises, and I didn't ask them of him. We just had fun, enjoyed being in love. And that was exactly why i was going to break it off. I knew if I let it continue I would live my life in all the in between moments. Like my "real life" would be the stolen moments with him and my whole life would be dismal in comparison.

He had no clue it was coming, because like I said we just lived for the moment, lucky for him he already had the ball rolling.

Unfortunately (for my self esteem, and the strength I wish I thought I had) I'm almost positive i would not have followed through. One other time I broke it off, when I first realized I was in love with him, when i went to bed and woke up thinking about him- and realized he was doing the same. We decided to be friends....it lasted three days- we met my aunt and her husband out for a drink as we're all friends, and by the end we couldnt stand it. I'm sure it wouldve been much the same. Not to mention the working for him thing, seeing him everyday in a place that is now our sanctuary....aghhh sorry that got long winded.

 

Goes to show that even when women (or me at least) are happy they still obsess and agonize over things!

[half_ofa_heart]

I'm so sorry for your pain... it's just about the worst kind.

 

Well to be honest when I decided to end it...it was because i felt like i'd passed the point of no return. I was afraid I was going to become the old cat lady because my love for him wouldn't allow me to have the happy, well round, MONOGAMOUS, relationship that would be good for me. Him and I had NEVER had the, so are you going to leave your wife talk. He never made promises, and I didn't ask them of him. We just had fun, enjoyed being in love. And that was exactly why i was going to break it off. I knew if I let it continue I would live my life in all the in between moments. Like my "real life" would be the stolen moments with him and my whole life would be dismal in comparison.

He had no clue it was coming, because like I said we just lived for the moment, lucky for him he already had the ball rolling.

Unfortunately (for my self esteem, and the strength I wish I thought I had) I'm almost positive i would not have followed through. One other time I broke it off, when I first realized I was in love with him, when i went to bed and woke up thinking about him- and realized he was doing the same. We decided to be friends....it lasted three days- we met my aunt and her husband out for a drink as we're all friends, and by the end we couldnt stand it. I'm sure it wouldve been much the same. Not to mention the working for him thing, seeing him everyday in a place that is now our sanctuary....aghhh sorry that got long winded.

 

Goes to show that even when women (or me at least) are happy they still obsess and agonize over things!

 

I am very happy for you. I don't want you, or anyone for that matter, to believe that my relationship is ALL miserable. That would make me an even bigger idiot. I love the time that we spend together. It doesn't happen all to often but we talk every day and a million times a day. He is my best friend! I wish (and so does he) that we could spend more time together, but marriage has a funny way of getting in the way of that.

 

I want out of this affair because the time that he spends with his W is what kills me. I went into this thinking we were just really good friends, when he told me he loved me, I should have known that my life would never be the same. I am confused at best.

 

But... I am happy for you.

[OWoman]

i was really hoping for a response more like..."oh i know tons of kids that just love the OW!"

 

Welcome, hoping!!

 

I am one of the missing "tons of kids that just love the OW" - only in this case the "OW" has been my dad's W for more than 20 years now. She's great, and we get on really well, always have done.

 

I also have a really good R with my H's kids - they're older teens, so perhaps comparable to your BF's kids. My H told them about me, and about the A, at the point during the A when we decided we wanted to be together. He explained to them he'd fallen in love with "someone else", and that we were planning to be together, and that although he was going to leave their mother, he loved them very much and hoped that they would feel that our home was their home, and they could choose where they wanted to stay (or how to split the time between homes). They went for family counselling before and during the split, which made the transition much easier for them. When I moved in with them there were no problems at all - I've step-parented before, and was expecting at least some issues, but aside from rule adjustments (their mother has an army of servants to clean her house, whereas my kids were raised to do chores around the house) which needed to be made, the only problems were those directly caused by the xW who took her anger out on the kids for "abandoning her" (after her BF dumped her and she found herself alone). The kids are happily settled, doing really well and there is absolutely no resentment about the A.

 

I hope your issues with his sons resolve themselves smoothly - by finding out that you were involved way back when they just knew you as "an employee" and got on with them, they probably feel betrayed. I know my H's kids always say how grateful they are that he took them into his confidence and treated them as people in control of their own destiny, keeping them informed and giving them choices; rather than being presented with a fait accompli and told to deal with it. At their age, your BF's kids may resent that he didn't "love" or "trust" them enough to share something as important as this with them. This may be something they need to address in counselling.

 

Good luck - it's nice to hear of another success story on LS!

[OWoman]

duplicate post

[bentnotbroken]

Unfortunately SOME can't help themselves, they are on a mission:eek:...anyway welcome to the forum and glad things are working out...

 

 

I agree. Some can't do anything but resemble Oprah cast offs. My mission in life has nothing to do with an internet forum. She apologized and I accepted. Why are you here stirring the pot....again? Don't you have something to do...like...well you know what.

[scatterd]

it seems to me that cowardly could be more aptly used to describe someone who's been in a miserable marriage for twenty years (Miserable on BOTH sides to be sure) I'm sorry to post so late in the conversation

but when a person marries alot of times it is because they love each other to say they have been miserable for twenty years is extremely exaggerating I'm sure they had plenty good years people don't stay that long if they are that miserable and when he did feel that way later he should have told her instead of cheating,this is not meant to be mean I just wanted to state my opinion on that statement.

[OWoman]

but when a person marries alot of times it is because they love each other to say they have been miserable for twenty years is extremely exaggerating I'm sure they had plenty good years people don't stay that long if they are that miserable and when he did feel that way later he should have told her instead of cheating,this is not meant to be mean I just wanted to state my opinion on that statement.

 

sometimes they do.

[Minnie09]

I almost want to give the protagonist MM of this thread the benefit of the doubt. Allegedly, he was the one cheated on by his W a while ago, he even caught something, etc. So I believe that the M probably wasn't the happiest anymore. Why he didn't leave his W and still worked on the M after he caught her cheating, we don't know (love, fear, finances). However, it's funny he waited around for an exit affair. A safety net. That's where the OP comes into play.

Summary: An M which contains cheating is never entirely happy. His W started it. She stained the M. But he chose to keep going. Only now that he has found new love in OP, he is ready to leave. Still a little cowardly IMO. But I'm almost inclined to say that his xW deserved it.

Ideally, though, he should have left the W for himself. Back then. Or after finding out he could not forgive her cheating. Or for all the other reasons he mentions about her making him miserable.

FWIW, I take that love story with a grain of salt.

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Welcome, hoping!!

 

I am one of the missing "tons of kids that just love the OW" - only in this case the "OW" has been my dad's W for more than 20 years now. She's great, and we get on really well, always have done.

 

I also have a really good R with my H's kids - they're older teens, so perhaps comparable to your BF's kids. My H told them about me, and about the A, at the point during the A when we decided we wanted to be together. He explained to them he'd fallen in love with "someone else", and that we were planning to be together, and that although he was going to leave their mother, he loved them very much and hoped that they would feel that our home was their home, and they could choose where they wanted to stay (or how to split the time between homes). They went for family counselling before and during the split, which made the transition much easier for them. When I moved in with them there were no problems at all - I've step-parented before, and was expecting at least some issues, but aside from rule adjustments (their mother has an army of servants to clean her house, whereas my kids were raised to do chores around the house) which needed to be made, the only problems were those directly caused by the xW who took her anger out on the kids for "abandoning her" (after her BF dumped her and she found herself alone). The kids are happily settled, doing really well and there is absolutely no resentment about the A.

 

I hope your issues with his sons resolve themselves smoothly - by finding out that you were involved way back when they just knew you as "an employee" and got on with them, they probably feel betrayed. I know my H's kids always say how grateful they are that he took them into his confidence and treated them as people in control of their own destiny, keeping them informed and giving them choices; rather than being presented with a fait accompli and told to deal with it. At their age, your BF's kids may resent that he didn't "love" or "trust" them enough to share something as important as this with them. This may be something they need to address in counselling.

 

Good luck - it's nice to hear of another success story on LS!

 

Thank you OWoman- I'd gathered from reading here that you were another success story- I'd hoped that you would post.

 

I appreciate the support, and family counseling is probably a fabulous idea- selling it to them might be harder but who said this would be easy.

 

Great to hear you have such a good relationship with your H's kids- maybe there is hope after all!

[hoping4happyevrafter]

Forgive me if this has already been asked because I haven't read past your response to me, but why is the D taking so long if they're both on board with it? I know different states have different requirements so if you could clarify that,it could be helpful. Otherwise there will be doubts about their D. They have filed right?

 

Nope, SID, it has not already been asked! It's only been six months or so since he moved from the home, so really it has not been that long. The issue is he owns a business and he's trying not to lose it. He also is interested in getting a no fault divorce (not sure why that even matters but it really doesn't bother me), which is possible after six months of separation in NY.

 

So instead of lawyers they're doing mediators, and just attempting to not piss off BS more than we already have, so she does not come after the business. Not to say he's not being fair, he's giving her EVERYTHING except the business, he does not even care about his share of the equity in the house.

 

I appreciate the concern many posters have shown, thinking maybe an R between MM and BS is possible, but i assure you its not in the realm of possibility. It's more likely that hell will freeze over. It's also more likely that he'll cheat on me with an other OW. I honestly don't believe that would happen either, i only say it to try to avoid sounding like a love sick puppy that thinks nothing bad can happen.

 

BS and him have very minimal contact, text/email once in a while about their highschool son (pick up drop off times) and no in person contact. I know what i'm about to say will probably make some people resent me, but in this anonymous forum why not be completely honest? I know the marriage has been OVER for at least fifteen years, i've been told by BOTH parties. Yes I knew the BS, and she used to confide in me (And everyone that would listen) the reasons that he's such a jerk, and why she couldnt possibly love him. I know that makes my situation worse, having known her.... it was not an enjoyable experience, that part of the A, the guilt was pretty bad.

 

Anyways. that got a little long winded. But from my experience divorces do tend to take a while. I do not personally know anyone that has been concluded theirs completely inside of two years. then again i dont know any that have had this particular situation but I'm not worried!

[always_waitings]

My MM left his M a couple months ago.....Not sure if you would consider it a success story since I find this time to be just as difficult as the A part of our relationship.

He has some issues that he needs to work on which he is in IC for and I am in it as well but not for the relationship (more to do with my own family issues)

He moved out into his own apartment, which I didn't move into with him ( I chose not too) but its always still hard, I worry alot that he gonna go back and he does things that send me red flags sometimes....

 

its a work in progress, moving towards a happy ending but no i wouldn't call it one just yet....

[hoping4happyevrafter]

My MM left his M a couple months ago.....Not sure if you would consider it a success story since I find this time to be just as difficult as the A part of our relationship.

He has some issues that he needs to work on which he is in IC for and I am in it as well but not for the relationship (more to do with my own family issues)

He moved out into his own apartment, which I didn't move into with him ( I chose not too) but its always still hard, I worry alot that he gonna go back and he does things that send me red flags sometimes....

 

its a work in progress, moving towards a happy ending but no i wouldn't call it one just yet....

 

See that would scare the hell out of me, alwayswaiting. As the OW we've already been in such a hard position, i feel like if these men want to keep us they need to work twice as hard as a non-married man would. They need to do all the sweet little things they did when it was just an A and THEN some. If I don't get like three phone calls, twenty texts, and at least a goodnight kiss every day i give him hell. I might be exaggerating a bit lol but, if the MM loved us enough to leave (not that those who don't leave aren't in love, i do NOT want to belittle anyone's situation) then he should WANT to do all those little things that a MM can't.

 

What kind of red flags are you getting? I'm curious to see what they are because i can't think of a single thing in my relationship that sends me red flags- and that makes me wonder if i'm being naive. I really do not believe so but... who knows. People in love do stupid things ((obviously considering which forum we're in!!))

 

Another question for those of us with "success" stories- did anyone find that when MM left, they lost any interest? My friends, and my mother all told me as soon as he was not a challenge, as soon he left that I would lose interest and he would just be another notch on my bedpost. Personally the relationship is far more thrilling for me now, knowing we belong to eachother, not just I to him, but i'm very curious to know if anyone experienced that?