Author BOKI5 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 What country are you currently in and what country does he intend to move to with you? U.S. Well the country is in Africa, it's Islamic. He isn't particularly found of the U.S. so is planning to go back.. But he said he would love for me to be his wife. BTW, He is a few years shy from 40. I was considering it... but I don't think I could survive in that type of environment. And I didn't even finish school yet... I was thinking of maybe just visiting but dating in Islamic countries or shacking up is forbidden. And I already said I didn't want to do the long distance thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 (edited) I say this with all due respect and this is completely aside from his personality/character, I can't judge that because I don't truly know him. But you do understand that if you move from the US to an African Islamic country that you are going to lose certain women's rights due to the legal system(s) there, right? Whatever your decision is, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. Edited January 29, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
DuskCrush Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 WOW...I think your boyfriend is better off without you. I am completely shocked by your insensitivity. You don't need resolution you need your humanity back. This isn't about you right now. Just be there for him. Tell him you'll give him space but if he needs you in any way to let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Jannah Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 ***I double quote so I used bold text so there isn't any confusion. No, he doesn't drink. She basically thinks he is gonna convert me to Muslim and that he may seem open-minded now but later he'll change, especially if I get married and move with him to his country.*** ***It is. I guess if we have been dating for a long time, I would feel more secure. But I always look at things with cynicism.** Maybe now is not the best time to think in terms of the future (i.e. converting to a different religion, moving to his country, etc.). Try to focus on being there for him during this very difficult time and be supportive. I know it's hard, because you want to be there for him and with him, and you feel like he is pushing you away. If it were me, I would want my boyfriend there WITH me, especially at night so I could curl myself up in his arms and drift off to sleep with him next to me. But men are sometimes different, and like someone else said, they go into their man cave and deal with their emotions differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOKI5 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 WOW...I think your boyfriend is better off without you. I am completely shocked by your insensitivity. You don't need resolution you need your humanity back. This isn't about you right now. Just be there for him. Tell him you'll give him space but if he needs you in any way to let you know. How am I insensitive? You don't know me. I did tell him sorry and told him if he needs anything, I'm always here. Maybe now is not the best time to think in terms of the future (i.e. converting to a different religion, moving to his country, etc.). Try to focus on being there for him during this very difficult time and be supportive. I know it's hard, because you want to be there for him and with him, and you feel like he is pushing you away. If it were me, I would want my boyfriend there WITH me, especially at night so I could curl myself up in his arms and drift off to sleep with him next to me. But men are sometimes different, and like someone else said, they go into their man cave and deal with their emotions differently. Well, I have been doing research on the country. I want to finish school, so yeah. And yes, the way you feel is how I feel right now,lol I say this with all due respect and this is completely aside from his personality/character, I can't judge that because I don't truly know him. But you do understand that if you move from the US to an African Islamic country that you are going to lose certain women's rights due to the legal system(s) there, right? Whatever your decision is, I just wanted to make sure you knew that. Well, it's not Saudia Arabia,lol. I did research asking him and using the Internet. IF I were to move there, I can drive a car, leave the house w/o his permission. And I am not converting. Link to post Share on other sites
Questionis Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I think relationships are based on attraction, communication and reciprocity. Good ones anyway. Here, I can't see how is making an effort to communicate with her, she is showing concern for him, Where is his concern for her? They are not sister and brother, living under the same roof. How does he even know that she is ok? He's not heard from her for two weeks, how does he know that she is still breathing even? Does he care? What people are these that push away their support network when they are down? Maybe he just sees you as a source of sex and not a support network, that's why when he is probably doesn't want to have sex, then he doesn't need to talk to you? Do you really wanna go out with a guy like that? I'm not saying that you should dump him, I'm just saying you should just be careful, that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOKI5 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) I think relationships are based on attraction, communication and reciprocity. Good ones anyway. Here, I can't see how is making an effort to communicate with her, she is showing concern for him, Where is his concern for her? They are not sister and brother, living under the same roof. How does he even know that she is ok? He's not heard from her for two weeks, how does he know that she is still breathing even? Does he care? What people are these that push away their support network when they are down? Maybe he just sees you as a source of sex and not a support network, that's why when he is probably doesn't want to have sex, then he doesn't need to talk to you? Do you really wanna go out with a guy like that? I'm not saying that you should dump him, I'm just saying you should just be careful, that's all. That's what I am saying...my intuition tells me this is not right... which is why my acquaintance said I should just dump him and I could do better. She said if that was me, I would never push my bf away. I mean at least you can send me a simple text to say, Hi or something. It's not like I was every clingy... When I am depressed, I push my best friend away and she's like my sister. But I always get back to her and tell her what is up. I mean your brother is gone, so you claim:confused:, so why not focus on what you do have or at least let me know how things are going. Part me of feels like he is using this as an excuse to depart from me, but when we hung out, he mentioned marriage. He also told me about something he was going though and asked, "Will you still want to be with me?" I feel like why mention that-marriage? Because I'm 23 and he's gonna be 37 so he knows school is my number 1 because I stated it many times. I think I should move on, not because I'm not loyal but I feel stupid. I said over and over again that I'll be there for you and ****... It's like if I were to be your wife, you would share the "grief" with me. It only makes sense. I feel and mad! What do you think I should do? http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Ah5sUZUu17U/SObbPsEe6EI/AAAAAAAAAI8/CtMAMQVcy1I/s400/eye-crying.jpg So, in total, I gave him a month of "space" If it doesn't feel right, then my intuition must be telling me something... Edited January 31, 2011 by BOKI5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOKI5 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Any men here to give feedback? Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Yea I got feedback but don't take it the wrong way. Drop him and let him heal because your reactions to his mourning is selfish at the most. If all you're going to do is let your friend tell you what to do because she has some racist vendetta against your BF then you guys should not be together. Let him find someone who suits him and will not be close to giving up on him in just a short amount of time. Again not saying this to be mean but it seems like you and your BF's maturity levels are different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BOKI5 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 Yea I got feedback but don't take it the wrong way. Drop him and let him heal because your reactions to his mourning is selfish at the most. If all you're going to do is let your friend tell you what to do because she has some racist vendetta against your BF then you guys should not be together. Let him find someone who suits him and will not be close to giving up on him in just a short amount of time. Again not saying this to be mean but it seems like you and your BF's maturity levels are different. Are you a man,lol? It's not that I want to give up on him. I just feel like he's pushing me away. I even asked a friend and she said she wouldn't push her man away, if she lost a loved one. Even when I lost a loved one, I didn't tell anyone, "I need space." I also had friends that lost loved ones and didn't say, "I need space." So, that's two people said they wouldn't push their bf away. Yes, we all deal with things differently but that's just odd to me that he doesn't seem to want me as a support system. That tell me that he doesn't think much of me. Doesn't action speak louder than words?? No contact, no seeing him for 2 week? Do I have no reason to be cynical? I don't have experience with men to a large degree, which is why I like to ask friends,etc for advice. I can think for myself but it's nice to get insight from others. Funny you said that because he said once that he's the mature one and I said, that I am the mature one,lol. Oh, that acquaintance is my neighbor. She's nice and we have small talk at times. I don't think she's racist...She told me how she knew this girl who dated a Muslim. And her family and everything liked him, that he seems open-minded and nice. I guess afterward, she started dressing like a Muslim and acting crazy saying Allah this and that. And that she left and her family didn't know where she was. She said that the dude brainwashed her. She was like, "Just from being around." She said she doesn't think he's the one for me and that I should just dump him now. She was telling me this when I told her he wanted to marry me. She said, "I have a bad feeling." But the whole time, it was he who pushed for a relationship, so I don't think... Link to post Share on other sites
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