TheThinker Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hi oldSOULe, sorry i haven't been on in a while mate - Been trying to get on with my life, keep myself busy and see my daughter as much as i can. Everyone including the ex has mentioned they can see a discernible difference in my attitude to life and how i look (lost 4 inches off my waistline and looking much better for it) Finally things become positive in some respect for me ... That doesn't take away all the pain and the heartache that i have to go through each and every time i see her but i am going in positive and showing that i am getting on with my life. The tables have turned slightly and it is her that is now upset about everything a lot of the time however that hasn't changed her feelings in respect of what she wants at the minute ... she hasn't written us off ever getting back together but at the minute this is right for us. I would agree to be honest. I told her that even if she did want to get back together at the minute it wouldn't be right for either of us, we need time and space to get over whats happened at the very least and if we were ever to start again then it would be slow and steady to build the trust and relationship back up. As much as i don't want to take it anywhere, a couple of girls at work have started flirting with me quite regularly in e-mails and on facebook etc ... Been invited out a few times and i have met one of them whilst i was out, but i kept it carefree and easy because its not what i want at the minute and I am not in the business of hurting someone else whilst being on the rebound and one of them is 21. Now don't get me all wrong, i am still hurting, i am dying inside having to drop my daughter off each time but i am being strong for her and for myself. Its amazing how much difference a positive attitude can make and the hard days are getting further and further apart. There is still a lot to sort out in the next week in regards to the house but thats part and parcel of the process ... once i have that out of the way then we can continue our own lives. I would love one day to be back with her, not just for myself but for my daughter but i have to respect her decision for the minute as hard as it is. It will be awful when the day comes around that she gets with someone else should it happen (which is likely) but its not my place to do or say anything about it...she says it will be the same thing the other way around and i would imagine it probably will be for her, its always going to be strange. Link to post Share on other sites
chris1987 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 omg this is the same thing i am going though right now. right down the the dog and ages even the amout of time we went out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oldSOULe Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Hey 'thethinker' sorry i missed your post, id kinda given up on anyone adding to this thread to be honest. i get where your coming from mate, ive also lost quite alot of weight, joined the gym, started running to try and keep busy. Lost a stone so far, hoping to be pretty ripped by summer. Still even with all that i still have some really bad days when i just feel like im about to break down. I really miss my ex, loads of her stuff and clothes are still here, its quite surreal. Id give anything for her to still be in love with me, but theres nothing i can do apart from try and get on with my life. I dread the thought of her being with someone else,i hope its not any time soon as i think that will really f**k me up. My dog is now re-homed permanently which was the right thing to do, but absolutely crushed me, like having my heart broke all over again. Anyway thanks for dropping in mate, hope things keep getting better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
TheThinker Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Hey Mate - i keep popping back occasionally when i have time as work has basically tripled since all this happened yeah i'm the same to be honest - Bad days are always around the corner unfortunately but they are getting further and further apart. Just trying to stay as positive as i can possibly especially on these days. I have taken up road running 4-5 times a week alongside playing football so i am getting fit that way and its definitely working. I have no idea how much weight i have lost as i have only just started measuring but even looking at pictures of me from a few months ago, you can see how much weight i have lost and on the football pitch i am probably one of the fittest players in the team now. Its definitely good to have a goal to aim at and feel good about myself. dont know if i will be ripped, but the weight loss is part and parcel of "the new me" As you know i cant cut contact because of my daughter, so i still have an element of contact. I seem to vary from no contact with her and find it easy (which she hates) to then speaking to her for a few days without realising it. So i am trying to continue no contact as much as i can whilst still being polite. She has invited me around to watch TV, just say hello etc, which is her reaching out because she is lonely (she has admitted that) but as much as i want to be there for her, i am not a relief aid and i wont be treated that way. If she wants to start again then i would of course be willing to have a go albeit cautiously to begin with at least because i would never want to go through this again. Again its all part of no contact for me, my mate summed it up when he said "she cant have her cake and eat it" ... She is staying in "our" house (rented) so we have sorted out 75% of the money between us that needed to be sorted out. I have realised that living back with my parents i am absolutely loaded compared to before, i am managing to save £800 per month and live more comfortably than all of my friends. She has enough to survive comfortably herself because of the added benefits ... We spoke the other day on skype for the 1st time in a while, very briefly (she messaged me 1st) and she brought up the future and "us". ME: well like i said before, you know how i feel about it all anyway. I can only assume your feelings are still the same in any case HER: My feelings change but I want to sort them out myself and figure our what I want. I don't want to say anything until I know for sure myself. Im sorry if that's more confusing or makes things harder. I don't want to give false hope or rush into any decisions without knowing its right. ME: i completely understand - i wouldnt want things any other way anyway ... Its exactly the same for me. So as much as that pretty much puts me in Limbo AGAIN i am trying to ignore it and get on. If she does decide she wants to give it another go then so be it, but i am not holding onto any hope and nothing changes for me, i just get on with my life. Sorry to hear about your dog mate - I really feel for you, its basically another personality that you are used to seeing each and every day but as long as he has gone to a good home then thats the most important thing !! In regards to her clothes and stuff, i would box them all up and get them moved either all into one place or even better out of sight it possible. Its hard, i know that but you will definitely feel better for it and its a HUGE part of the healing process in my opinion. In terms of being with someone else, yes i feel very much the same. Its hard not to think of all the bad things and worst case scenarios but all i can say is try not too. What about you and other people. I have found just a bit of harmless flirting or attention from the other sex seems to help and it makes you realise that everything isnt so black and white. It doesnt need to be anything serious and/or anything rebound wise but its nice to see that there are definitley other people out there. I know both you and I will get there in the end mate !! Hope you are well Steve Link to post Share on other sites
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