Depressed, lonely and lost after breakup 5 weeks ago.

[Anthony74]

Hi,

 

My g/f broke up with me around 5 weeks ago and got with another guy within' a week or so of the breakup, am still an emotional wreck randomly crying and getting upset at the thought of them together, and what I lost with her.

 

I'm also dreading each weekend as I feel so alone, I barely step out of the house until I have work on Monday morning.

 

I know this isn't healthy, but I can't seem to shift these feelings, my parents are of little help, my mother just says 'think happy thoughts' - easier said than done.

 

Am wondering if I should be looking into seeing a therapist or is what I'm feeling at this stage normal ?

 

Any help is appreciated, Anthony.

[collegeguy_24]

I was in your shoes, the woman I love left me for another man. Its more complicated then that, but similer. So below is my advice.

 

Yes, see a therapist. I did and it helped me tremendously. Do you go to college? If so, they may have free counseling sessions you can take, my university does and I took full advantage of it, you should to.

 

Also, as much as it pains you, try to date again, sign up for free dating sites like okcupid and Plenty of fish. You don't have to message the ladies just yet, but just having your name out there can help move on.

 

Also, you need to regain your confidence, I know from experience and all my time on this board, that when dumped, men tend to lose confidence. So do something to get your confidence back.

 

Go to the gym and work out, play video games and shoot for that high score, or if your in school, shoot for that A on the exams. Over time, your confidence will return.

 

Also, eat healthy, don't eat junk food, I did, and the physical pain it caused me did not make me feel better I can tell you.

 

If you have money to spend, go out shopping, get new clothes, nice button up shirts, sweaters, jeans, and sunglasses. Whenever you step out of the house, make yourself look good. Walk with your back straight and smile at people, this will help as well because over time, you will feel the confidence return and flow into you.

[Xewkija]

I'm going thru the same extact thing! She told me she has slight feelings for someone else but that wasnt why she wanted the break which may be the case, I still want her back. How long were you two together for? And I just saw a therapist on Friday for the same reason. I think it would be good to see one and see how it goes. She said maybe I should go on Prozac which I may end up doing because it has helped me in the past. But I totally understand where your coming from at some points I'll be happy and then I'll be extremely depressed. I don't have too many friends to hang out with because of school. I go to school myself but it's completely miserable. and my job is a summer job so I don't even have a Job to get my mind off things but I'm trying to find a new one but it's hard. Other then that I just watch tv, I'm afraid to go out and drink with anyone cause I feel it will make everything worse. I know I wasn't too much of a help but just letting you know theirs someone else going thru exactly the same thing you are.

 

We were together for 5 years. I hope I get her back some day.

[Anthony74]

I work at a University, so I might enquire with the on-site occupational therapist person to see if she can refer me to someone.

 

We were together for 6 and a half years.

 

I have registered on a few websites, plenty of fish, match.com and another one, I haven't put my picture on there or messaged anyone yet as I really don't feel anywhere near able to 'give myself' to another woman, and I know it wouldn't be fair on any potential new partners to be emotionally unavailable like I currently am.

 

I plan on starting gym sessions this week with a colleage/friend from work, I am also having a consultation next Saturday with regards to getting laser surgery on my eyes, in the past few weeks I've also had my teeth whitened, have also lost half a stone in the last month just by eating barely anything, and when I am eating its now healthy - am looking to lose at least another half a stone, changed my hairstyle also... will probably update my wardrobe over the coming months, but I am total fashion nightmare, I have no idea/care of whats 'in' fashion at any one time but I know I will still have to update my wardrobe.

 

To make matters worse, I suffer a little bit with social anxiety/phobia, as such I've lost most/all my friends from a) spending most/all free time with my ex, b) being afraid to attend social events like parties, to the extent I don't even get invited anymore.

 

In the week I'm normally ok as I have things to do, but this last month I am totally dreading the weekends as I have way to much time to think about all thats gone on, and in the end I get really down, to the point where I wonder why I'm even still alive, although I don't have suicidal thoughts !!

 

My heart currently feels like it's been smashed into a 1000 pieces, I hate this feeling I can't carry on living like this, emotionally and physically I feel like it's consuming me.

Edited January 29, 2011 by Anthony74

[lululucy]

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I have been in that place all week. There is a topic in this board called something like 'Dharma Talks to you' that features two youtube videos of a Buddhist monk. I'm not kidding when I say he pulled me out of my heart yesterday and I've been utilising the techniques he mentions. Last night was the first night I didn't cry myself to sleep in a long time -- I would highly recommend watching at least the first half of the Four Ways of Letting Go.

 

As for the friends.. friends have a tendency to be remarkably forgiving when needed. Go to the ones you were once closest to and explain the situation, apologise for the things you have acknowledged here that you did and ask for their help.

 

Good job, going to the gym and getting your eating right! These little steps will make all the difference (or so I've heard, and here's hoping!). As for the fashion sense.. try not to copy the runways directly, some of the looks are a little hilarious. A lot of stores will have helpful salespeople that will be more than happy to point out what to wear. Even if you just take their ideas and head to a High Street shop instead, you'll know more than you do now Good luck!