Author Kamille Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) That's really, really hard to give up on. I'm having similar dilemmas about the future. There's a fair chance that I can land at least a post doc where I am now when I finish my PhD, but this isn't a place where there's a future for both of us in the long run. It's tricky It is tough and it gets even trickier now that I have the job because now I have to decide whether or not I actually want this job. You know, when you're doing your Ph.D, everyone just assumes it's the best job in the world. I think it's a great job, I just wonder if I have the personality for it and if I really want to dedicate all my time and energy to my job. Right now, sitting in front of the computer working, I fantasize about a 9-5 job, weekends off, that lets me sleep at night and doesn't rule my life. But I'm waiting for my health benefits to kick in so that I can start therapy again so as to help me manage my own expectations of myself (I'm supposed to be covered already, but the insurance company is giving me the run around). Like I know it's going well right now, but I still torture myself trying to plan out "mind-blowing" lectures, all the while figuring out how to publish chapters of my thesis and continue presenting my work. I like teaching, but I think the ideal job for me would be one where I only did research. Edited January 30, 2011 by Kamille Link to post Share on other sites
befreckled Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I landed a tenure-track position in my field, the holy grail for us academics. indeed, my other is a prof and is in academia haven for his field. I on the other hand, is stuck on the side of the globe in my dream job. I was engaged a decade ago to someone who gave up everything and moved for me. It ended shortly after and he was left to deal with being in a country that wouldn't be his first choice..or second for that matter, in a job he didn't really care for and mending a broken heart. I guess what I'm saying is that, while love is great and awesome. You need to live for you. Of course, the you decides that a hug is what you need when your days are crappy, a job isn't going to compare. I say, give the job search a year, your current accomplishments in this new job will definitely boost credentials for the next. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 It is tough and it gets even trickier now that I have the job because now I have to decide whether or not I actually want this job. You know, when you're doing your Ph.D, everyone just assumes it's the best job in the world. I think it's a great job, I just wonder if I have the personality for it and if I really want to dedicate all my time and energy to my job. Right now, sitting in front of the computer working, I fantasize about a 9-5 job, weekends off, that lets me sleep at night and doesn't rule my life. But I'm waiting for my health benefits to kick in so that I can start therapy again so as to help me manage my own expectations of myself (I'm supposed to be covered already, but the insurance company is giving me the run around). Like I know it's going well right now, but I still torture myself trying to plan out "mind-blowing" lectures, all the while figuring out how to publish chapters of my thesis and continue presenting my work. I like teaching, but I think the ideal job for me would be one where I only did research. Yeah, I fantasise about that, too. I literally started crying when I woke up this morning because I knew I had to go in to the office AGAIN. I can't remember last time I had a whole weekend off. I love doing my PhD and it's my own choice, obviously, but sometimes I just really miss having a life and just being better able to manage a healthier work-life balance. Sorry about ranting in your thread . Now, back to writing that article Good luck with figuring things out, Kamille. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Yeah, I fantasise about that, too. I literally started crying when I woke up this morning because I knew I had to go in to the office AGAIN. I can't remember last time I had a whole weekend off. I love doing my PhD and it's my own choice, obviously, but sometimes I just really miss having a life and just being better able to manage a healthier work-life balance. Sorry about ranting in your thread . Now, back to writing that article Good luck with figuring things out, Kamille. ((Denise_xo)). I was pretty grumpy this morning too. I feel like my body is revolting against the hours I work. So please rant away right on here when you feel like it. It's nice to know someone understands. Good luck with that article! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 The advantage to being away as I start this career is that it's making me realize where I might have taken SO for granted had he been around. As things are now, I'm 100% responsible for handling my mood and my stress. I know from past experience that had he been around, I would have laid some of that on him.... . Not proud of it, but it's the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 ((Denise_xo)). I was pretty grumpy this morning too. I feel like my body is revolting against the hours I work. So please rant away right on here when you feel like it. It's nice to know someone understands. Good luck with that article! Thank you The advantage to being away as I start this career is that it's making me realize where I might have taken SO for granted had he been around. As things are now, I'm 100% responsible for handling my mood and my stress. I know from past experience that had he been around, I would have laid some of that on him.... . Not proud of it, but it's the truth. Yes. I'm finding that to be challenging now. My partner is patient waaay beyond the call of duty with regard to my working hours, at the same time as I feel more or less constantly guilty for placing work ahead of my R. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 (edited) K, my advice was given from the perspective of someone whose promising R ended because of distance caused by a job. However, I'm also at a different stage of life than you and me and my BF were not as far along in the R as you are with yours. Anyway, please take it with a grain of salt. But: I don't know if this job in your BF's city is right for you, but I think that if you want this R to work, you need to consider possibly making some sort of sacrifice for it (ideally, a marginally less good job than your current job, in his city). If you are certain it will lead to marriage, and that this R is truly "it" for you, it's worth considering. However, some couples are OK with long term long distance. It can work. I don't really know if you are OK with it or not, from what you've written. Talk to your BF about this. Take your time and weigh the options. Edited January 30, 2011 by Isolde Link to post Share on other sites
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