women : would you date/marry a guy who paid for sex when he was single

[allsexprofile]

when he was single, he used to pay prostitutes for sex, occasionally. he always had safe sex and the sex workers werent forced or the street types.

 

 

its just something he did in the past because he wanted sex without any commitments.

[Negative Nancy]

No, never (if I found out anyway - I doubt most guys would be upfront about it). For one, to me it would mean that he's capable of seeing women as disposable objects that can be paid, used and then be tossed to the side.

 

Secondly, and I think that's even a bigger factor, it has some "loserish" vibe to it if he has to pay women to give him the time of the day. That's how I see it, and I'm sure there's 10 billion women out there that are fine with it, so no need to feel stepped on your toes by my opinion.

Edited January 30, 2011 by Negative Nancy

[Lauriebell82]

Personally, I would never date or marry a man who had used protestitutes. As NN pointed out, it would show me that he saw women as disposable sex objects that he used for his own pleasure.

 

I would also be worried that he would be more prone to cheating on me or also even turn to prostitutes if he weren't getting enough at home.

[somedude81]

No, never (if I found out anyway - I doubt most guys would be upfront about it). For one, to me it would mean that he's capable of seeing women as disposable objects that can be paid, used and then be tossed to the side.

And a guy who picks up women, sleeps with them and never talks to them again, isn't?

 

Oh right, he's a stud, a ladies man so it's okay...

 

And women never use men for anything either.

Secondly, and I think that's even a bigger factor, it has some "loserish" vibe to it if he has to pay women to give him the time of the day. That's how I see it, and I'm sure there's 10 billion women out there that are fine with it, so no need to feel stepped on your toes by my opinion.

You're right about the loserish vibe. Men who have to pay money to have sex aren't proud of it. It could mean that something either physical, mental or psychological is wrong with him, and it makes it hard or almost impossible to attract women and get laid.

 

Also, he wasn't blessed with being born with a vagina which would let him get laid basically when ever he would want to in-spite of any issues that are present.

[Duckduckgoose]

No, never (if I found out anyway - I doubt most guys would be upfront about it). For one, to me it would mean that he's capable of seeing women as disposable objects that can be paid, used and then be tossed to the side.

 

Secondly, and I think that's even a bigger factor, it has some "loserish" vibe to it if he has to pay women to give him the time of the day. That's how I see it, and I'm sure there's 10 billion women out there that are fine with it, so no need to feel stepped on your toes by my opinion.

 

No, I would not... NN sums up why very well. When people make patterns in their life they tend to revert to them in bad situations. If a person drinks when sad, they will keep drinking when sad. I stomp around when angry, and will keep stomping around when angry. When marriage gets tough, sex gets short for whatever reason, the guy is gonna be looking up the nearest escort service.

[somedude81]

No, I would not... NN sums up why very well. When people make patterns in their life they tend to revert to them in bad situations. If a person drinks when sad, they will keep drinking when sad. I stomp around when angry, and will keep stomping around when angry. When marriage gets tough, sex gets short for whatever reason, the guy is gonna be looking up the nearest escort service.

Without knowing any of the facts, it's quite a stretch to assume that there is any pattern. Frankly there is no relevance at all to a men seeing an escort when single and how he will act in a relationship, good times or bad.

 

For example, if a man saw an escort twice a year, (which may have been the only times he got laid that year) how can you say anything about relationships?

[sweetjasmine]

Nope, definitely not compatible with me.

[somedude81]

Nope, definitely not compatible with me.

And you know this....how?

 

------

 

If I were a woman, I'd be more wary about about a man who has a history of cheating, than one who's hired an escort a couple of times.

[threebyfate]

*shudders*

 

No. Our values would be like night and day.

[sweetjasmine]

And you know this....how?

 

There's no need to get so incredibly defensive. I'm not dating you, am I?

 

But to answer your question, I know that in the same way I know that I'm not compatible with people who have casually used drugs in the past or people who have had dozens of one night stands or people who go to church without fail every Sunday morning or people who hate the smell of food cooking or people who work 70 hours a week on Wall Street or people who have voted Republican in every single election since they were eligible to vote.

 

Are you really going to argue with me about who I'm compatible with and who I'm not when you have no idea who I am?

[somedude81]

Most of the women who are replying to the question posed by the OP are just saying no without giving any reason at all.

 

Saying that you're not compatible or that you have different values simply because he paid for sex is being very unfair.

 

Saying no, without giving an actual reason why not, is just childish.

[threebyfate]

Most of the women who are replying to the question posed by the OP are just saying no without giving any reason at all.

 

Saying that you're not compatible or that you have different values simply because he paid for sex is being very unfair.

 

Saying no, without giving an actual reason why not, is just childish.

Hookers are disgusting.

[sweetjasmine]

Saying that you're not compatible or that you have different values simply because he paid for sex is being very unfair.

 

Not really.

 

I'm looking for (and have found) a partner who shares my views on sex and intimacy, and those views don't leave room for paying people for sex or having meaningless one-time encounters with strangers whose names they don't even know or care to know.

 

Why are you offended by the fact that I wouldn't want to date a man who had paid for sex? Are you offended by the fact that I wouldn't want to date a libertarian?

[somedude81]

Not really.

 

I'm looking for (and have found) a partner who shares my views on sex and intimacy, and those views don't leave room for paying people for sex or having meaningless one-time encounters with strangers whose names they don't even know or care to know.

Then is that the reason? Or is it about having casual sex?

Why are you offended by the fact that I wouldn't want to date a man who had paid for sex? Are you offended by the fact that I wouldn't want to date a libertarian?

A little critical thinking...

[Els]

Sure, s'long as his STD tests pass.

[Els]

It's bull**** that a guy who was single possiblty 20's 30's went ahead and got himself some paid sex... so what and it doesn't make him anything less.

 

If this is the case don't marry a military dude:D Gone away fo rtwo years in the war.....yo ufigure it out.

 

 

?? What? Did you read my reply at all?

[Els]

I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some men do not wish to have women who were prostitutes before, some women do not wish to have men who have been with prostitutes.

 

I do not agree with either, but it's their prerogative.

[Negative Nancy]

It's the equivalent to men not wanting a woman that had a colorful sexual past before them (as you can see in all these threads on here - "my gf's past bothers me"). Most men would also not date a stripper, so that is another equivalent to this.

[Taramere]

It's the equivalent to men not wanting a woman that had a colorful sexual past before them (as you can see in all these threads on here - "my gf's past bothers me"). Most men would also not date a stripper, so that is another equivalent to this.

 

That's how I would see it.

 

Any time a man has sparked up a conversation about this (ie men using prostitutes) with me, it's tended to go badly. They most probably start those conversations because they've used prostitutes themselves. They want a woman who isn't a prostitute, but who won't judge them for using prostitutes....and then they criticise women for being unrealistic in their romantic hopes. My truthful response is that I would judge a man on that. Not as a person in general terms, but I would judge him as somebody I didn't want to get romantically involved with.

 

Every single time (and fortunately there haven't been many) that response has resulted in an unwarranted level of aggression from the man. They seem to be labouring under the belief that there's some obligation on an unattached woman to be sexually and romantically available to any man who wants her...unless she can show good cause for not being available. Being turned off by a man's view of sex as a commodity to be traded on the free market is apparently not good enough.

[denise_xo]

It would depend on the man. I might do. But the following would have to be in place:

 

1) He would have to accept the same past behaviour from a female partner.

2) It would have to be a one- or two off, not a pattern over time.

3) He would have to be able to reflect upon that experience and place it in a framework that goes beyond his own sexual desires.

Edited January 30, 2011 by denise_xo

[denise_xo]

It's the equivalent to men not wanting a woman that had a colorful sexual past before them (as you can see in all these threads on here - "my gf's past bothers me"). Most men would also not date a stripper, so that is another equivalent to this.

 

That's how I would see it.

 

Any time a man has sparked up a conversation about this (ie men using prostitutes) with me, it's tended to go badly. They most probably start those conversations because they've used prostitutes themselves. They want a woman who isn't a prostitute, but who won't judge them for using prostitutes....and then they criticise women for being unrealistic in their romantic hopes. My truthful response is that I would judge a man on that. Not as a person in general terms, but I would judge him as somebody I didn't want to get romantically involved with.

 

Every single time (and fortunately there haven't been many) that response has resulted in an unwarranted level of aggression from the man. They seem to be labouring under the belief that there's some obligation on an unattached woman to be sexually and romantically available to any man who wants her...unless she can show good cause for not being available. Being turned off by a man's view of sex as a commodity to be traded on the free market is apparently not good enough.

 

Some very good points in both of these posts.

 

I get really pissed off by

1) men who see sex as an entitlement that women are generally supposed to provide them with

2) men who expect women to accept whatever colourful sexual background they themselves have, but will readily ditch a woman who has engaged in casual sex.

 

Newsflash: Women chose their sexual partners, and the criteria according to which they select them. JUST LIKE MEN :eek:

[Els]

That's how I would see it.

 

Any time a man has sparked up a conversation about this (ie men using prostitutes) with me, it's tended to go badly. They most probably start those conversations because they've used prostitutes themselves. They want a woman who isn't a prostitute, but who won't judge them for using prostitutes....and then they criticise women for being unrealistic in their romantic hopes. My truthful response is that I would judge a man on that. Not as a person in general terms, but I would judge him as somebody I didn't want to get romantically involved with.

 

True. Men who have themselves slept with prostitutes, should not be judging a woman for having been one in the past.

[Lauriebell82]

Most of the women who are replying to the question posed by the OP are just saying no without giving any reason at all.

 

Saying that you're not compatible or that you have different values simply because he paid for sex is being very unfair.

 

Saying no, without giving an actual reason why not, is just childish.

 

Why exactly ARE you so defensive? We aren't talking about you here (or are we?)

 

At any rate, I think the women here (myself included) HAVE provided "reasons" why we think we wouldn't be comptabile with this man. Most of the women here are put off by prostitution and take sex seriously, and are against women selling themselves. Obviously, OP's guy is NOT put off by prostitution and does not view women selling themselves as wrong or immoral. Therefore, the value systems are different.

 

Personally, if I were too date a man like this, I would be constantly thinking about him with prostitutes and it would just irk me psychologically. I think it would always be in the back of my mind and it would effect the relationship negatively.

[sweetjasmine]

Then is that the reason? Or is it about having casual sex?

 

That's one of the reasons. Another is that my views on sex and intimacy don't include treating other people like objects and treating sex like a commodity. Even if I hadn't had sex for 30 years, I would never be able to pay someone to have sex with me. I would be repulsed by the idea of having sex with someone who didn't actually want to be intimate with me but who was doing it for cash.

 

And this is ignoring concerns over STDs, safety, and human trafficking. A person really has no idea how a prostitute ended up where she did or what kind of situation she's in. Some of them do it of their own free will, but it's not like they carry licenses which prove they haven't been kidnapped and forced into it. If I somehow had managed to pay someone for sex, and it turned out they had been coerced into the job, I would feel like a complete and total piece of sh-t.

 

A little critical thinking...

 

Excuse me? I know you've paid for sex with prostitutes from reading some of your posts, but what I'm trying to point out is that me not wanting to date a man who's paid for sex isn't that much different from me not wanting to date a man whose political or religious views are totally different from mine, and it's absolutely ridiculous for you to get all upset over it.

 

Not as a person in general terms, but I would judge him as somebody I didn't want to get romantically involved with.

 

Exactly.

 

Every single time (and fortunately there haven't been many) that response has resulted in an unwarranted level of aggression from the man.

 

As evidenced by this thread.

[somedude81]

What this thread has told me, is that I should never tell a woman about my past because she will not be understanding and will judge me unfairly.

 

She will not care about the reasons, all that matters is that it happened.

 

I prefer to be very open with people I care about, but I guess it's one thing I'll have to keep to myself.