willowthewisp Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I know this feeling too, my IC told me before I finished therapy, that my wanting a relationship now (ex of nearly 20 years left 2 years ago) is healthy and not born out of some rebound or unhealthy desire to feel loved due to not loving myself, but rather because I would like to have a relationship, to have someone to share my life with. Like you I have no idea where or how to find this man? I'm mid 30's and in grad school surronded by men in their early 20's, the only timeI meet men is when I go out to bars or clubs. So far I've had a one very sad experience with an ex BF from highschool (not his fault and couldn't have been helped, just sad, long story). Other than that I've tried online dating but again, a lot of game players, time wasters, men after sex only. Seriously where and how are we supposed to meet someone? I guess for people who aren't having this problem that sounds like an odd question? But if you do know, please share! Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 Corrected: Now weather its A, B or C will really depend on how the girls handles my advance; If she blows me off then its clearly A, if she goes with it, we'll act like skets together and it will be B, and if she shows substance and attempts to engage me in conversation it'll be C. uuhhhh... sure Link to post Share on other sites
mustofbeen Posted February 12, 2011 Share Posted February 12, 2011 You have to stop looking for someone like your ex, he wasn't for you, so just go with it, let go of your past and start living happy life. You can be alone or lonely, it's up to you, but you have to be happy, no guy wants to hang out with a miserable person, doesn't matter how good looking she is. Link to post Share on other sites
wademach1977 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Just be patient, love comes your way when you least expect it and it can leave in ways you do not expect either. I have been in love once and before I knew it had drifted from me. I do know love exists and I know it is worth believing in. Link to post Share on other sites
paperbag111 Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Just be patient, love comes your way when you least expect it and it can leave in ways you do not expect either. I agree with the above. Can't remember how I came across this song, only recently though but it puts a smile on my face and I guess in a way gives you hope that there's someone out there waiting for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA I like this part of the song: "I might have to wait, I'll never give up I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck Wherever you are, whenever it's right You'll come out of nowhere and into my life" Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I got to the chapter about life stages and sexuality in my nursing book today. People pursue romantic relationships and have sexual needs until they die. There was a cute picture of two old people holding hands in a nursing home. It gave me the warm fuzzies. So... well, I hope you would find that before 30 because that's when the stock prices plummett for a woman Is wrong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JimEPage Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Hey Cailin I am having the EXACT problem you are but I am a guy. I am too shy to strike up conversation and girls think I am stuck up and they are turned away completely! But if they only knew a lot of times its because I like them and get tounge tied it would go completely the opposite way! Link to post Share on other sites
JimEPage Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 As far as getting over your ex time will heal all I promise! The longer you dont see him or talk to him the easier it gets. You will be fine! Link to post Share on other sites
CoralRain Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Also, you'll find the one when you least expect it. Everyone repeats that, but why is that? Maybe it is because when you aren't trying, that is when you are just being yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
IcyBabe Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I can't really add much more to what everyone else has already said but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. The "one that got away" is always such a stinging bittersweet memory and I can understand how when you've had nothing that small piece of something just feels like it was the whole world, I'm in that exact same boat. Only you can decide when you're ready to fully let go of your ex but it is the most important step you'll take toward getting that next, more perfect, relationship. I myself am 28, single, and have had just that one brief relationship too and it's just gut-wrenchingly lonely most of the time. It helps to look back on the one that got away as evidence that we were wanted, but at the same time it hurts like hell. The most important thing girls in our situation can do is to take time for ourselves and get our minds off the loneliness. Do things we enjoy no matter how down we are, take up new hobbies, and learn to love ourselves the way we want that "dream guy we have yet to meet" to love us. I'm not sure if it's something you would be interested in but I've taken up a "Ways to Improve Yourself" challenge that has given me a lot more self confidence than I had before and to boot it's a fun way to keep myself occupied until (or perhaps even lead me to) a new relationship. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/42-practical-ways-to-improve-yourself.html Hang in there and just remember you're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CailinPig Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 thanks for all the input. as someone here wrote, it isn't now really about my ex, but rather, i genuinely would love to be in a relationship. Someone else said maybe i act like a princess and i think i deserve something better... something to that effect. I don't act like a princess, I'm shy, and yeah of course i want someone who I have a spark with, is that so bad??!! With regards to yongyong, what a cruel thing to say!! It's not true either. You're simply perpetuating that fear in women of that age, when in reality, we see here on loveshack, people in their 40's and 50's starting new relationships all the time... I'll give you all an example of something that happened recently... There's a guy who's a friend of a friend and i fancied him and we kissed and he was complementing me soooo much that night and saying i was better than him and all this crap that isn't true. then i asked my friend how this guy feels about me, and she said 'he fancies you but he doesn;t want anything serious'. hmm, honestly i never said i wanted anything serious, but jeez, give a girl a chance to see if something goes somewhere... but cutting you off like that? is it just irish guys?? Link to post Share on other sites
whatsupwiththis Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 most dudes out at the bars are only looking for one thing, i myself would never date a girl i seen at the bar Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 StoneCold;3226546] Next time, reciprocate by engaging them in a conversation (and please don't be sarcastic...nobody likes a sarcastic girl) Well, I'm screwed then... Okay, anyway...to the OP. I'm in the exact same boat you are in and you know what... it's okay! I do like someone right now, but we are just friends and you know what...that's okay, too! I get jealous of other girls he flirts with, no doubt, and that part...well, that part is not okay, but it is the way it is!! Nothing I can do about it!! I'm finally at a point where I realize, I'm not ready for a serious relationship, as bad as I've always wanted one. I want to be financially secure (more so than I already am), I want to be done with school, I want to have a job I at least enjoy and I want him to have those same things before I get involved in a serious relationship with anyone. I think men are more logical this way. That's why you can never give a man an ultimatum to marry you. They usually wait until they are financially secure enough to do stuff like that...but, men are horny and they ALWAYS want sex, so until they are secure enough in themselves and feel like they can support a girl, they'll try and backdoor it into anything that moves and will let them!! lawl this is where women are more mature than men. It's one thing to know you aren't ready for a relationship, but it's another thing to also know that if you aren't in a relationship, you're not getting any, either!! lawl Being brutally honest here (with the men). It's just common sense. Unless you want to sleep with a hooker or have a one night stand or friends with benefits...all of which are unfulfilling ways to have a relationship with someone, you just cannot have sex period, without a committed relationship. It sucks all enjoyment and meaning out of it. And that's no fun. I wouldn't know, but there's gotta be nothing like making love to the person you love, as opposed to just, "oh gee, you're hot, satisfy me this instant, you woman, I man ::snort snort, fart fart, burp burp::" and then be done with it. ::rolls eyes:: That sounds like a caveman's way of looking at life. LAWL So anyway. Hang in there!! I'm also 26 and NEVER been in a serious relationship with anyone I care about. It's always the same thing. I like them, they don't like me, they like me, I don't like them, I like them and want something serious, they just want to screw around and be babies about life... It's a never ending cycle, but there IS someone out there for you and you WILL find him someday! I can't say when that day will be, but almost no one goes through this entire life alone! You just have to be patient and I absolutely agree with not wanting it so bad! Desperate people come off as very needy and very clingy and men HATE that! They like to take care of us and feel needed, but they hate us being NEEDY!! There's a big difference. Men are complex creatures when it comes to the opposite sex. Very complicated and not simple in the least. Anyway... I hope this helped at least a little bit. I feel the same thing you do, but I had to accept that fact that we can't always get what we want...but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need!! haha!! (quoting the Stones here, lmao) Just keep that in mind and your life will fall into place, including your future guy!! Link to post Share on other sites
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