Shatter3d Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I just dont understand why it would take months or years for someone to come back. for me its like ok i miss him, i cant move on or i can live without him .... Thats what I often wonder...why does it take so long for them to come back if at all? When I cant even bear to spend a DAY without him, its killing me. It never ceases to amaze me just how strong me can be, they have this amazing inner strength and I'm envious of it. Even if they miss us and they're dying inside, they still refrain from contacting us.... I'm referring to the male dumpers here btw, not the male dumpees. Being a dumpee sux, I hate it. We should all get together and have a Dumpees night out - xcept I live on the other side of the globe !! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I knew my stbxH wasn't coming back when I changed the locks on the apartment doors. And got my divorce lawyer set up. And still having to deal with his **** because he won't file divorce, he would rather spend all his money on porn and cigarettes. While he freeloads off his co-worker by living in the basement and not paying rent, and bumming rides to work. I get farther and farther down that road the more I have to wait for this divorce and find out more and more **** about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 (edited) Well its been said that men think with more of the right side of the brain.. The "logical" side. While the women think with our left more "emotional" side.. I think women can be just as heartless as a dumper though.. This is my opinion on why they wait so long to come back though.. At the time they leave the relationship for many reasons.. Alot of them feel some form of regret either how they left or leaving all together.. Then there hearts catch up to there heads. I think somtimes ppl make rash decisions, for whatever there reasons are. Then have regret.. They just push there feelings under the rug in the beginning and do there best to forget all of it. Thats why so many of them at first say.. I don't love you anymore. Or my feelings have changed.. Then some of them will admit later they still do have feelings.. They realize they miss you.. Love is to complicated!! Thats all I really know. He is confused she is confused were all confused!! Edited January 31, 2011 by Jdw_Icequeen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Well.. I know she'll always be sniffing around because I have too much potential. However, she's taken too long and she's been trying to sustain me on crumbs which are becoming more and more rare. Long story short... I don't want to do that anymore. She wants the best of me while dating someone else, and that's not how the world works. I can't remember the last time the girl made me smile. Even the card she sent me this month was hollow. Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I just dont understand why it would take months or years for someone to come back. for me its like ok i miss him, i cant move on or i can live without him .... Well the simplest reason is.. if you guys get back together too soon the issues that wedged between you two will still exist. For my ex it took her 9 months after we broke up to 'fix' the issues that wedged between us. She wanted to get back together after 2 months and I said I couldn't because things hadn't changed. Link to post Share on other sites
collegeguy_24 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 do you know what i am beginning to believe? we all feel this way because they convinced us all that they would NEVER leave us. That is so true,literally the day before she broke up with me she said she saw a long term future with me, I am the kind of guy she wants to marry someday, and she told to my face, "I love you" all day long. Whats sad, is that I would seriously consider taking her back now if she asks. Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 That is so true,literally the day before she broke up with me she said she saw a long term future with me, I am the kind of guy she wants to marry someday, and she told to my face, "I love you" all day long. Whats sad, is that I would seriously consider taking her back now if she asks. It's hilarious. 2 weeks before I broke up with my ex she said she was telling her mom she still planned on marrying me. When she moved home, she asked me if I would propose to her... but it still wasn't enough for her to come out and say she wanted to be together. Women.. so bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 i should've known when she told me.. numerous times. Still didn't want to believe it aka denial. After 6mos of NC/indifference on her part, pretty obvious she is not coming back. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I always knew my ex would come back one day, and he did. It's just that when he did and I finally got what I'd been waiting for, I realized it wasn't worth it and I'd be much happier and better off with my boyfriend now. Best decision I made. Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonskies Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 I dont think it has sunk in that he wont come back, I want to have hope that he will. Its been 3 weeks and we've not spoken in those 3 weeks. I'm completely miserable, I hear he's happy but when i see him around he doesn't see it,maybe he's just feeling guilty or awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 You never know for sure but eventually you do stop caring whether he does or not. Maybe they will realise down the line they gave up something amazing for a mirage - I'd be very surprised if my ex doesn't realise this eventually. He's not stupid. That doesn't change the fact we weren't working and he has FAR too many issues he needs to work on. It's water under the bridge now. I can't go backwards from the lessons I've learned this past 6 months. Nor would I want to. I can do better than him. Hell, being ALONE is better than him! Can you tell I'm feeling REALLY good today? I've come farther, quicker in this past two weeks than I did in the two months prior to that. Is that usual? If this breakup was a deep physical wound - I'd say I'm at the scabbing stage. I really feel like I'm nearly there today. It's a great feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 So when the time come when YOU knew for sure that he/she was not coming back? June 2009 when we had the calm divorce talk. I knew I wasn't 'coming back' and that's all I needed to know. Everything else was paperwork catching up with the decision. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 thats an interesting way of looking at it fern... the deep wound to scab stage. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 (edited) My ex has broken up with me 3 or 4 times now... So in a way I feel like he's always going to come back, because he always used to. However when he ended it this time, I asked him how can I walk away if I know you always come back, and he told me that he wasnt going to this time. He said that last time also! So I really don't know what to believe! Plus the day before he ended it he said he didn't want to lose me ( but that was probably b***s*** as he has!) You never know what the future holds, and as much as I want him back.... I don't think I could go back to him if he ever came back, cos he would probably leave again.... Edited February 1, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 i notice when i really, really realize she is not coming back it hurts so much. i then proceed to fool myself that maybe there is a chance in time she will. makes me feel good for awhile then I realize I'm fooling myself. Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonskies Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 i notice when i really, really realize she is not coming back it hurts so much. i then proceed to fool myself that maybe there is a chance in time she will. makes me feel good for awhile then I realize I'm fooling myself. yeah i'm exactly the same right now with my ex, sucks to be us Link to post Share on other sites
Xewkija Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 yeah i'm exactly the same right now with my ex, sucks to be us Right behind you guys as well. Link to post Share on other sites
gator12 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Right behind you guys as well. I actually had a really good chance up until this morning. NC, she was texting and emailing like crazy, called and left voice mails. I didnt answer naturally and I could tell she was really going crazy. Then this morning I'm woken up by a phone ringing, I look, unknown number, *sigh* I answered. Why the f*** did I answer, it was of course my ex and I had no possible excuse at 7 in the morning to get off of the phone. And we basically ended up fighting about the relationship. *Sigh* I feel like i ruined any chance I may ever have had . Link to post Share on other sites
Questionis Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 After a really long time single I finally thought I found someone. But sadly he wasn't...I broke it off and I have started dating again, but somehow I keep hoping he will call me and tell me he wants to have a proper go of it and tell me all the ways he is better. I start talking to him properly and feeling the same way I used to about him and I see he actually means to make the effort... Its been months and I still can't shake that feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
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