yes Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 all the regulars have heard(read) me rant numerous times about an ex of mine. lately i thought i was over him - dating others and actually excited about them, barely thinking abt him, etc. well - i just saw pictures of him somewhere, and BOOM, HELLO, no, i'm not over him. i can hear his voice, his laugh, can feel his touch, his look, - everything. and yes, i'm dying to email or call him again. i mean - this is rlly bad. am i ever gonna get over him?! he clearly doesn't want me - clear as water - for whatever reason (committment issues, not liking me enough, or prolly a combination). why can't i close this goddamn chapter?!? :( -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 This is a tough one...it's extremely difficult to accept and adjust when someone that showered you with love suddenly decides to turn it off. I also think it has to do with the whole we want what we can't have thing. The older I get (geez, did I just say that!) the more I realize I wouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want me. That comes from learning to love yourself. Since I've truly learned to like who I am, I could give a rat's a$$ about someone that doesn't care about me. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 am i ever gonna get over him?! he clearly doesn't want me - clear as water - for whatever reason (committment issues, not liking me enough, or prolly a combination). why can't i close this goddamn chapter?!? I went through this a time or two, and the shock to the system does wear off. Something just knee~jerked you (seeing the pictures)... give it a day or two and you will be right back to normal again. And then you will be thankful that you didn't give in to the urge to call or write him! Best of luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 I went through this a time or two, and the shock to the system does wear off. Something just knee~jerked you (seeing the pictures)... give it a day or two and you will be right back to normal again. And then you will be thankful that you didn't give in to the urge to call or write him! Best of luck ! ------------------ Thanks. I will be back to "normal", but i don't think it's normal to be so sensitive to any form of contact with a certain person you haven't been with for over a year. I won't contact him though, my pride overrides the desire. ... but i mean - i wasn't married to him, we didn't live together, it wasn't a long r/s, it wasn't even a good r/s, - he just has this crazy effect on me, like a drug. i see a million flaws in him, yet i love/obsess over every inch of the bastard... i'm just so TIRED of it. a small part of me says - yey, strong feelings better than none; but the bigger part feels like he's poisoned my life. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 I know exactly what you mean Yes. It makes you question whether you have actually moved along or simply deluded yourself. HAHA! Seriously though, I think it's only a temporary relapse. It's like having a small cough ...but not the dreaded flu. I suspect eventually..... we will all cough less and less....and in time the heart will be back to normal with only a faint memory. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 I was working in a tourist town during the summer the year after I graduated high school. Met a really sweet guy Jason, we spent time together, I thought he was terrific and I was falling in love (?). Come September he is going off to college and I am believing that letters, visits and such are going to make the four years not so terrible. About a month after he left, four of us decide that we are going to spend a weekend up at this college. We make arrangements, we drive the six hours, we get there and that night there is a party. (All four of us were dating someone there). Anyways, Jason has a best friend who isn't happy that we are there. He tells Jason that he and I made out and blah blah. It didn't matter that it wasn't true, Jason believes him, we have a rough weekend and I go home thinking, Geeez WTF? Jason breaks up, and being oh so smart and obsessive, think that if this dude will admit that it wasn't true, that Jason will realize how wonderful we were and life will go back. Ha. The dude just laughed at me on the phone, told me to go away, and did in fact say some things to Jason... again more lies but added even more distance. So years pass, I think it was four or five, and I end up back in same town, visiting friends... and I run into Jason once again. Holy smuckersville, even better looking, and he remembers me! Woo hooo. We talk, we laugh, and I think is there another chance? I called him that night, silly sillly thing to do, but I ask anyways, would you like to get together for a bite to eat? He said no thanks, it was nice seeing you but the past is best in the past. I was knee jerked right back, and thought that the feelings would never pass, UGH. A couple years later, same town, same place, met up with him again... and he still looked great. I didn't talk to him this time, was to busy laughing and hanging out with friends... and realized that I finally could see him for just being a part of my life, and yeah he could still show up in dreams (proclaiming love, wanting me back) but any feelings I might have had, well they seemed to be gone. (About stinking time too!) So I do know it does get easier... but in my case, it took a while. I can't tell if it was because I really cared for him or if it was because we broke up over something so stupid and i wanted the record set straight. But now I think back, and am glad he was in my life when he was... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 i can definitely relate. we also broke up over stupid things both times. i also did the idiotic thing of calling him when it's was blatantly clear he'd just say No. etc. so i'm glad you're past it! i hope to do the same ... soon, hopefully. i can't wait to see him as a thing of past... and to separate my dreams/memories from the real guy... thanks for everyone's replies!! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Not to demean your feelings or anything and I know this is off the topic, but I have kind of a dumb question that i really need answered. why is it that anyone who feels something for someone else automatically says "i'm falling in love". Yet they've they only met this person recently. I mean, people say they love someone today then tommorow they love someone else tommorow. To me, when you fall in love with someone you never fall out of love: everyday they are the only person you can think of. For me i've never really been able to fully give my heart to another woman, and can't really fathom doing so. Am I the exception, or is it that everyone else hasn't really experienced true love? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 To me, when you fall in love with someone you never fall out of love: everyday they are the only person you can think of. Sweetbilly, I honestly agree with this. Ther is so much more to love than there is to lust, crush, or whatever else it is. If you truly love someone, I don't believe you ever "fall out of love" with them. I didn't know that til much later in life... and when you are 19-20 (as I was) and here is this terrific guy, funny, smart, cute, and just a blast to be around... well you really don't know if it is the true love or just a thing. I had no idea, heck, everyone seems to be looking for love. And when one can't describe their feelings, sorry to say, but Love is the first emotion people assume it is (most of the time). But when you find that love, and then you ponder the past things you called love... well then you know, "HEY, this is the real thing". Link to post Share on other sites
Emily Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Originally posted by sportsloving But when you find that love, and then you ponder the past things you called love... well then you know, "HEY, this is the real thing". Yeah, I've suffered from unrequited love so far, I suppose someday I will know what to be reciprocated is like, In my mind, im my imagination that is the only thing you can truly call love. Its just been eluding me all this time. I suppose I need to put myself out there and evaluate all the interested candidates without attaching myself too soon, then narrow down the list and finally try to love the chosen individual. Wouldn't that be the perfect way to go about it? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I suppose I need to put myself out there and evaluate all the interested candidates without attaching myself too soon, then narrow down the list and finally try to love the chosen individual. Wouldn't that be the perfect way to go about it? Sounds like the makings of a reality show.... Oh yeah it is! I wish we could take a poll and find out how many actually found love when they weren't looking for it. I never understood, well of course til it happened to me. LMAO Best wishes Emily. Yeah, I've suffered from unrequited love so far, I suppose someday I will know what to be reciprocated is like, In my mind, im my imagination that is the only thing you can truly call love I believe this too, so don't settle for less ok? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbilly Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I don't know about sportsloving, emily. But I know when I fell in love, which has only happened once to date, it was instant, and I had no choice. when I seen her for the first time I couldn't take my eyes off of her. To this day, there isn't a moment that goes by that I don't think about her. And just like s-luv said it was at the most inopertune time. I don't think it's about evaluating who you want to be with, it usually happens when you least expect it. it's impossible to understand or dictate what the heart feels. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Or at least that is what I believe happens. In all honesty? I fell in love in a flash, he said Dear, and I was sunk. Just like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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