tiger20 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 So what is the best thing to do when your ex girlfriend breaks up with you & she says let's be friends. Should you do it or shouldn't you? Often times guys make 1 of 2 common mistakes when the ex offers to stay friends. The first mistake is lingering around as a friend & keeping a steady line of contact open with her. Guys who do this obviously have false hope of being re-promoted to boyfriend status & they think this demotion to the friend-zone is temporary. Nothing could be further from the truth. Once a woman demotes you to the friend-zone you are out. There is no going back. The 2nd mistake some guys make is telling her that they can't be friends & that it would be too painful. Big mistake to tell her that because she doesn't care about your feelings anymore. When her interest level drops below 50% she no longer cares about you. So why would you tell a woman who doesn't care about your feelings that it's too painful to be friends after the breakup? It doesn't make sense. So you don't want to be guy A or B. You don't want to be the guy who agrees to be friends & lingers around being nice to her but you also don't want to be the guy who tells her no & then whine about how painful it is. Guy C is the guy you want to be. Guy C is the one who verbally agrees to be her friend when she throws him that line & then he disappears afterwards & goes into strict no contact mode with her. If she calls him he doesn't return the calls. If she sends him a text or email he doesn't reply. He has no contact whatsoever with her. Guy C is the approach I take when a woman throws me that friendship line. I just smile & say "Of course we'll always be friends. We've had a long history together". Then after-wards I look at my watch & tell her I have to get going. Then I just never talk to her again. No contact. If she sends me an email I'm not even going to open it & read it. Delete! After a few attempts to contact me she will eventually catch on that I'm not going to settle for a demotion status & I won't settle for being her safety net. Taking the silent approach instead of verbally telling her I don't want to be friends will get my point across loud & clear. Silence is a powerful weapon against your ex when they're trying to make you their safety net. There is nothing dishonest about my approach because I can almost guarantee you that even though she will verbally tell me that we'll always be good friends I know that's a bunch of BS. As soon as she finds a new boyfriend & she marries this guy then our friendship will be nonexistent. So why not play her game back in her face & tell her "Sure we'll always be good friends" & secretly have no intentions of keeping in touch with her at all when she's doing the exact same thing? The only reason she considers a friendship important right now is because she hasn't found a replacement boyfriend yet. No contact is for your own protection. It will not only take away opportunities for your ex to use you as a fallback guy but it will also help you heal from the breakup. It's alright to be upset & cry over it because you are a human being who has emotions & needs grieving time to get over what has happened but just don't let her know that she got to you. Don't let her see you hurt. At this point it's really none of her business anyway how you are coping with the breakup. So in a nutshell the next time your ex throws you the let's be friends line verbally agree to it & then disappear. Your ex has no intentions of staying your friend for life & you should have that same secret agenda to disappear. No contact is even more powerful when you don't tell the ex that you are cutting off communication. Pretend that the FBI hid you away in a witness protection program in another state. One last thing. If you run into your ex at the store or mall or whatever & she asks to meet up with you later for coffee or lunch don't do it. Not a good idea to meet up for anything not even coffee. It's a waste of time. I don't care if she is offering it as her treat & she's paying for your lunch. Do not accept. What's the point? It's over. You can't go back. Just kindly tell her "I appreciate the offer but my work schedule is pretty tight these days. We have become so short handed at work. Lots of people calling in sick & the boss has me working overtime. I'm on call all the time these days to come in to work & take up the slack. In fact I have to get going now so I can finish up my errands for the day. Nice talking to you. Take care". That's it. When you run into them in public, smile & be civil & keep it short. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 excellent thread and I am guy C I'm so guy c once i end a relationship with a woman, I accept the friendship with a smile and then the very next day my phone number suddenly changes, my email suddenly changes and shes off my facebook list. I'll never settle for scraps Link to post Share on other sites
paleblue Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I'm liking it! especially looking at the watch part Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Why play games? Just say, "No, I'm not going to do that. Goodbye." All this talk of interest levels, sounds very similar to another poster, Steve something who was quoting advice from a 'guru' Doctor Love or some such. Interesting threads and advice but when some posters dug deeper, full of holes. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 100% true. I'm kind of in-between guy B and C. I never said it was too painful or anything like that, I simply just said no when she said she'd still like to just hangout as friends. I'm not being demoted to a friend, once you go down that path thats all you will ever be. Shes sent me a bunch of messages saying stuff like "I hope one day we can be friends" which I haven't really responded too. Shes in for a rude awakening as that day is never going to come. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrimSweeper Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 Why play games? Just say, "No, I'm not going to do that. Goodbye." I agree with this as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 The pain of being guy B or C is the same, though... but less than being guy A... Right now I am being guy C but not in just a session, meaning I am pulling away slowly, making myself harder and harder to contact... she's been intrigued and has asked me directly what's up with me, despite she doesn't have any right to do it... I just evade her questions... This is no trick or game... it's the only way I've been able to handle the breakup... Link to post Share on other sites
PowerOfOne Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 My ex threw out the 'can we still be friends?' line when she broke up with me. I said I didn't think that would be a good idea. She said 'maybe later...' and I just let that hang. If you've got it in your head to play stupid games with your ex after a breakup that's your choice. Playing head games is the last thing I want to be doing. What I want is to accept it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts